


Broken

by PtitPooh5



Series: Evolution [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deckerstar - Freeform, Disability, Dissociation, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 45
Words: 108,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PtitPooh5/pseuds/PtitPooh5
Summary: “P-please... No.” He begged in a faint, hoarse voice.“Oh! You’re still able to talk! You shouldn’t! Shut up!” The demon cut tender skin again, across the other cheek this time. “Such a beautiful face... I can fix that.”The form didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to die now. For many years, he had held on to a thought to be able to get through this; a happy thought.Even if he had no hope to escape this hell, he knew that somewhere happiness existed.Three weeks later...“You c-can’t understand.”“Then explain it to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”“E-everything is. I am.”“Oh, Lucifer! Don’t say that. You’re not wrong. You’re hurt and you need help. Please, let us help you.”“You c-can’t. N-no one c-can.”This story is beta-read by SK_Kasai
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Evolution [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098404
Comments: 1079
Kudos: 555





	1. "Wings Can Burn Easily"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear readers! I need to warn you before you begin this story: This is a hard one. Please read the tags carefully! Some will also be added along the way. About half of the story is already written and I hope to be able to post twice a week.
> 
> I want to thanks my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai for her help as well for the story as for grammar, spelling, etc. This story wouldn’t be the same without her! She also had the idea to use a sentence for the chapter's title as in the show!

The naked curled up form was shaking, unable to avoid the blade of the young demon – almost an infant – while an older one was trying to stretch his limbs. 

The last cut was deep and the white rib could be seen through the blood, but the form didn’t cry or scream. No more tears could flow at this point. The pain was beyond tears, beyond screaming. 

How many cuts had been made in the last hour? 

Too many to count. The youthful demon was searching for an intact patch of skin to make the next cut when an adult one entered. The latter took a look at the body covered with blood and praised the child for his talent. He waved at him and his teammate, signaling them to leave before returning his attention to his prisoner.

“Get up!”

The body started to shake even more, trying to stand, but the young demon had removed all the skin on the soles of his feet. Planting his feet on the floor took a tremendous effort. Moreover, his legs were too weak to support him.

“I said, get up!”

The demon began to turn a handle, tightening the chains that passed through the shoulders of the wrecked body, just under the collarbones. Those chains were bolted to the wall on one side of the room. On the other side, they passed through huge rings fixed to the wall, rolled in a gear that could adjust the tension. The movement brought the body upward, breaking the left collarbone. The prisoner finally managed to stand up with a sharp scream. 

He was still partially hunched, but that was the best he could do. He crossed his wrists over the left chain, trying to pull it down to ease the pressure on his broken bone. His hands had been of no use for a long time now. Curled up and tightly bound in leather pouches with the tips of his fingers pressed into his palms, they were basically just two painful, useless balls. The nails were also growing slowly, digging their way in along a painful path.

“Come to me.”

The almost-skeleton took a first step but stopped. Like every time they asked him to walk, the wounds around the chains began to heal and the flesh got caught between the metal links. They were always waiting just long enough to make sure it would be agonizing for him. He closed his eyes and pulled forward, ripping the flesh to free the chain.

It was impossible for him to resist this command. The bond was still strong. Besides, if he did not do it quickly enough himself, the demon would force him to do it. After so many years, he had memorized it all. When he arrived directly in front of his new torturer, the latter released the chain and he sank to the floor. A bloody trail of footprints was visible under the mass of chains. The demon glanced at the shredded back of the prisoner and nodded with satisfaction.

“Show them to me!”

 _No!_ The form thought. _Not that! Please!_

Even if it was the same thing everyday, his body just refused to follow that particular order. He knew that resisting would just mean more suffering, but he just couldn’t make himself do it. 

The demon bent forward and took the prisoner’s chin in his grip.

“Pull them out!”

A sharp nail sliced the skin of his cheek, going from the corner of his eye to the jaw, revealing the bone. Each week, they shaved his beard and scalp to make sure the skin was exposed for free, easy torture. They had done that yesterday.

“P-please... No.” He begged in a faint, hoarse voice.

“Oh! You’re still able to talk! You shouldn’t! Shut up!” The demon cut tender skin again, across the other cheek this time. “Such a beautiful face... I can fix that.”

The form didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to die now. For many years, he had held on to a thought to be able to get through this; a happy thought.

Even if he had no hope to escape this hell, he knew that somewhere happiness existed. 

However, few weeks ago, even that thought had disappeared. The link had been broken. The thought had vanished. Why couldn't he just die? He simply wished that this constant suffering would come to an end. Ironically, he knew that when his wish would finally be granted, he would still end up in the same position. His own Hell loop would replace this one for eternity.

A dazzling pain shocked him out of his thoughts when the demon delivered a sharp kick to his ribs, breaking at least three of them. Breathing suddenly became a painful task.

“I said that I want them out! Now!” The demon shouted.

He couldn’t resist anymore. What was the point anyway?

Huge white wings filled the room.

“Here they are!” The torturer gloated. He stroked the wings and the prisoner shivered. “Let’s try something new today.”

The demon started to play with a lighter. “I wonder if these wings can burn easily.”

 _No! No! Not that!_ The prisoner knew they were very flammable from past, personal experience. However, they were still attached to his body this time.

His torturer brought the flame to the tip of his right wing. It caught fire instantly.

“Wow! They're _very_ flammable!” He brought the lighter to the left wing, setting it on fire as well.

The pain was too intense. 

Consciousness faded into emptiness.

The demon let the wings burn until the crumpled form passed out. He took an extinguisher to put out the flames. He was very pleased with the result. All the feathers had been burnt and only the bones and charred muscle and flesh remained. He had no interest in continuing the torture at the moment. He would wait until his prisoner regained consciousness.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Amenadiel sighed.

He was in Hell because Chloe had insisted he check up on Lucifer. The problem was that he couldn’t find Lucifer where he thought he would be. Instead, he had resorted to asking around for his brother. But now that he was interacting with them, he felt uneasiness within demons. Maybe Chloe was right. Something was wrong. He couldn't figure it out yet though. Where was Lucifer?

Chloe had arrived at their home in the early morning claiming that she had lost the connection with him and that the older angel needed to go check on him. It had taken Amenadiel a few minutes to understand what she had been talking about. 

In fact, Chloe never knew that the link existed until it was broken. At that moment, she had felt an emptiness she had never felt the like of before. She was certain that something had happened to Lucifer. She didn’t know what, but something was wrong. Broken.

Amenadiel had almost laughed at her – but still didn’t – because a link like that couldn’t exist. Hell was cut from all exterior contact. Prayers or other ways of communication couldn’t get through Hell’s barrier in both ways. God had cut them to stop receiving prayers from the damned souls . Hence, this "connection" was basically impossible. But he was there nevertheless.

“I have information.” 

Amenadiel heard the whisper and thought at first that it might be a trap. He headed towards the demon carefully. It was an old demon. She said she couldn’t stand what they were doing to her king. When Amenadiel heard her story, he hoped that she was wrong or even that it was a trap. Anything but not what he just heard. That couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.

The demon led him toward the cell, but hurried away before they arrived there, not wanting to be considered a traitor.

There wasn’t even a single guard at the entrance of the cell. It was probably a trap. He approached it carefully, ready to fight. Amenadiel opened the door slowly. A stench arose as soon as he got in. The floor was in an incredible state of filth. No demon was inside but there was definitely something in the middle. Something chained that didn’t look at all like his brother. Something curled up on the floor, covered in blood with what looked like charred remnants of wings on his back. He noticed a pool of blood a few feet away and bloody footprints leading from it to the form at the center.

Footprints. 

Well, most of them were incomplete, as if the feet were not able to lay flat on the floor, but they were definitely human-like footprints.

Forgetting all prudence, Amenadiel rushed inside and knelt beside the crumpled figure. This was too skinny to be a living body, wasn’t it? But it was breathing. It was more like gasping than breathing, but it meant that it was alive. Naked, shaved and covered with an incalculable number of cuts, but alive. 

Still unsure of his identity – praying that it was not him – he took the right fist and with tremendous effort and ripped the leather pouch tightly sewed around the hand. _What the hell was that?_

At first, he didn’t understand what he was seeing. What was wrapped around his hands, almost covering all fingers? He turned the hand and understood with horror: it was his nails. Deep into his palms, they had grown towards the back of his hand. Unable to pierce the thick leather, they had wrapped themselves around the hand and fingers, between the skin and the leather pouch. How much time does it take for nails to grow that much? How much pain must it have caused? And then he saw it, half hidden between the nails. The confirmation he was hoping he would not find. The ring. _His_ ring.

 _No! It can’t be!_ His brain tried to scream. 

“Oh, Luci!” He breathed out.

Amenadiel took one chain, aiming to break it. He quickly realized they were made to survive celestial strength. He had been trying to see how they were attached to his brother when he realized with horror that they were passing through him. As he was going to stand up to see how he could free him, he heard a sound behind him. The angel prepared himself for a fight.

The old demon that gave him the information was hurrying to a round gear. She began to pull a handle to free the chains from it. Seeing there was no one else in sight. She had come back.

“It’s the only way.” The demon explained.

It was unfortunately true. On the other side, the chains were bolted to the wall and it was obvious that the wall was even harder to destroy than the chain itself. The only way to liberate his brother was to pull the chains out. That meant that dozens of feet of chains had to pass through Lucifer’s body first though before he could be free. Taking a closer look, he noticed the bits of flesh within the links all along the chain. They did that. Of course they did.

Amenadiel took a deep breath. “Sorry, Luci. I have no other choice.”

His brother almost didn’t flinch when they began to pull the chains out. He did moan a little, but he was obviously unconscious. It was a good thing under those circumstances.

The sound of the chains scrapping on the floor raised the attention of some demons. There were a few feet of chains remaining when three of them rushed into the room. Amenadiel had no problem defeating the first demon. He unfurled his wings to slice the throat of a second one with his sharp primary feathers.

However, as he was going after the third one, many new demons appeared in the room. Some of them ran towards him, but two went to Lucifer and started pulling the chains back with the obvious intention of bringing them back into the gear.

Wanting to protect his unconscious brother, Amenadiel came back towards him but he was stopped by a sudden pain in his right wing. One of the new demons had perforated it with a Hell-forged blade. He kept trying to enlarge the tear it had made. He sent him backward with a powerful kick. Attacks were coming from everywhere around him. He searched for the old demon who had helped him and saw her body lying lifeless on the floor. 

Her life was the price she had paid to help them.

Amenadiel could only count on himself and he had a choice to make. He was either going to protect his brother or he was going to defend himself. It was impossible to do both effectively. He knew that the only way to have a chance at getting out of this place alive was defeating the demons. His brother would have to wait. He was unconscious anyway and Amenadiel figured that the demons wouldn’t want to kill their toy.

One after the other, Amenadiel killed the demons coming at him. They were beginning to pile up everywhere in the room.

When he heard the sound of the chains rolling in the gear, his heart stopped. He whipped his head around to see his brother’s body being pulled up. He watched in horror as Lucifer’s other collarbone broke. His limp body was hanging like a garment on a clothesline. Lucifer’s feet were barely touching the ground, his limbs still bent despite his unconsciousness almost as though he had spent too much time curled up and his body was simply frozen that way.

Taking advantage of Amenadiel’s inattention, a demon slashed him on the arm, making a deep cut to his bicep. Desperate, the angel started praying to the only person that could help him.

_“Azrael, if you hear me, please come down. I need your help. Lucifer needs your help.”_

While he was still fighting the demons, he kept sending this prayer to his sister, hoping she would have to bring a soul to Hell so that she would get close enough to hear him.

He had the impression that he had been fighting demons for an eternity when a gust of wind blasted through the room. Azrael froze upon arrival, trying to make sense of what was going on. There were demon bodies lying everywhere and more were piling up quickly. She began fighting demons. Amenadiel asked her to protect Lucifer instead.

“Lucifer? But where is...” Her gaze fell on the skeleton hanging in the middle of the room. “Don’t tell me that is...”

“It is.”

Azrael felt tears on her cheeks. With a fury she didn’t know she could have, she cut the throats of the two demons that were standing beside the round gear with the sharp tip of her wing. While he was still fighting, Amenadiel explained how to free their brother.

“When he is free, bring him to my house in LA. I will follow you once I am done here.”

It took another ten minutes to unroll the chains and pull them from her brother’s body. A few demons tried to attack her during that time but she was fighting with such ferocity that they couldn’t do anything. As soon as all the chains were out, Azrael took the frail body in her arms, flying to Earth. Amenadiel killed the last of the demons before taking off after her.


	2. I'm Not That Kind Of Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments on the first chapter! So, let’s see how Chloe, Linda and Maze will react now!
> 
> Big thanks again to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai for all her help and comments on this story!

Azrael landed in the middle of the living room in Linda’s house. Linda gasped at the sight of this angel she had never seen before and the bloody bundle she was carrying. Amenadiel landed beside her seconds later. 

Chloe, who had been sitting on the couch when Azrael landed, only saw the huge brown wings fill the room. The angel's back was to her and the Detective wondered what she was doing there until Amenadiel showed up. 

“Did you talk to Lucifer?” She immediately asked, hope evident in her voice.

Amenadiel didn’t answer. He guided the other angel to the guest room. Linda quickly followed. No one was talking and this fact stressed Chloe even more than the unknown angel who had landed in the middle of the living room. She stood up to follow the trio.

Azrael gently laid her brother on the bed. 

“I'm not _that_ kind of doctor and It’s far beyond anything I know...” Linda said. “We must send him to the hospital.”

“I know. I don’t think even Raphael could help. It seems that he had stayed vulnerable even in Hell. Otherwise, his wings wouldn’t have been able to burn.”

“What do we do about them?” Linda asked. “Even in this state it’s pretty obvious he's not human.”

“We will have to cut them off. Anyway, they are far too damaged to hope they could heal. With a little luck, they will grow back." Amenadiel explained, "Can you call Maze?”

Linda nodded and went to get her phone.

“What are you talking about?” Chloe asked from the threshold.

“I’m sorry, Chloe.”

Once Linda left, Chloe suddenly had a view of the bed and she realized there was a body laying on it. She crept closer. Even though her whole being knew it was him, her brain couldn't connect what she saw with the man she loved.

“It... it can’t be. This body is way too lean and Lucifer couldn’t have lost so much weight in less than seven months...”

Amenadiel put a hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “Here, it’s been seven months. However, one day on Earth equates about one year in Hell. Lucifer has been gone for about two centuries.”

“All of this is illogical.” Azrael said suddenly. “He’s an immortal. He shouldn’t have lost weight even with all the torture.”

"He must have felt vulnerable under the circumstances which might have made his body mortal in some aspects.” Amenadiel clarified. "He still heals faster than a human and is more resistant. For over two centuries though... it’s possible.”

“That would mean that he’s been getting tortured since he first arrived back there.” Linda said, returning to the room.

“If what the old demon told me is true, they imprisoned him on the first day of his return.”

They all felt silent, staring at Lucifer curled up on his side, still unconscious. Maze arrived a few minutes later.

“Linda, where are you?” They heard from the entrance.

“Here!” Linda said just loud enough to be heard.

“What do you need me for that’s so urgent?” Maze asked when she arrived in the room. She stalled and looked at Chloe, pale and visibly in shock and Azrael who had no reason to be there.

“You need to cut Lucifer’s wings.” Linda said gently.

“What?! No way! I’ve done this once before and never again!"

Linda took Maze's forearm and steered her to the bed. The demon looked at the body lying there and gasped.

“What happened?”

“He’s been tortured in Hell, Maze, and we must bring him to hospital. Before that you need to remove what’s left of his wings though.”

“Why me?”

“Because there’s no way an angel can cut another one’s wings and...” Amenadiel waved at the two girls. “I don’t think those two ladies would be able to finish the job.”

Maze sighed and climbed on the bed behind Lucifer, one of her knives already out. She slightly pulled on one of the wings and some charred flesh crumbled upon contact. When the knife penetrated in his back, Lucifer suddenly flinched and tried to move away from the contact. He curled up in a tight ball against the back of the bed, shaking. His arms were pressed against his chest and his legs were bent over them, his feet over his buttocks. His face was buried in his lap and he kept moaning feebly.

“Lucifer, I have to do this. I know it hurts, but don’t move please.” There was tenderness in the tone that Linda had never heard before from Maze but Lucifer seemed to panic even more. Amenadiel had to hold him to allow Maze to remove appendages. When the first one was removed, Maze noticed the hole in the shoulder. It was almost big enough for her to pass a hand through.

“What the fuck?"

“I’ll explain later Maze. Please finish this.”

When Maze had finished, tears were flooding her cheeks. Linda wrapped the wounds with a sheet, trying to stop the bleeding. Lucifer was unconscious again. A noise startled them and they realized Chloe had just passed out, falling to the ground. Linda went to her and observed that she was in a state of shock. 

“You need to bring her to hospital too.”

They wrapped Lucifer in a blanket and Amenadiel held him while Azrael took care of Chloe. Both angels flew to the nearest hospital.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

They landed almost in front of the hospital nearby and rushed in through the emergency entrance.

“We need help!” Amenadiel yelled on arrival, rushing straight to the reception desk.

“You need to take a number.” The receptionist said, looking at them haughtily.

“No time for a number!” He yelled. “My brother is dying!” He uncovered part of Lucifer’s body and the girl let out a muffled cry at the sight of the bloodied mass. 

“Go over there! Help is that way, but you need to come back here. After all, we need all his info.”

They rushed in the indicated direction but a vigil stopped them. 

“Sorry, Sir, you can’t...”

Once again, Amenadiel pulled out the blanket and the vigil, wide eyed, guided them toward the emergency room. He pointed to an empty bed and the angel laid his brother with caution.

“Oh my God! What happened to him?” A doctor said, horrified.

“He’s been tortured. We just rescued him and his... partner is in shock.” Azrael was still standing a little behind Amenadiel, supporting almost all of Chloe's weight but not outright carrying her in an attempt to not freak out the human doctors.

“Okay. Put her there.” Another doctor ordered.

“I have worked in emergency rooms for almost thirty years and I have never seen anything of the sort.” The first doctor declared while assessing Lucifer’s condition. “Do you know his blood type? He will need a transfusion.”

“I’m the only one who can give him blood. We both suffer a blood... anomaly and we can only give blood to each other.”

“Never heard of that.”

“It’s extremely rare. We are the only family known to have this... condition.”

“Family? He can’t be...” The doctor trailed off.

“My brother. He is. Blood related, even if it seems impossible.”

The doctor gave him a strange look, but said nothing, continuing his exam instead.

“We will transfer him to the burn unit, but you won’t be allowed there. Hence, we will make a direct blood transfer now, if you don’t mind.”

“Yes, sure. But why the burn unit? He hasn’t been burned that much.”

“No, but with all the cuts he’s very likely to get an infection. It will be safer.”

Amenadiel nodded. He was just hoping Lucifer would be fine.

“I have to return to work.” Azrael told Amenadiel apologetically, “Please keep me informed and updated.”

Amenadiel nodded.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe woke up confused. She remembered being at Linda’s house, but what happened afterwards? Why was she waking up in the hospital? Suddenly everything came back in a flash.

Lucifer.

Lucifer had been tortured. 

She sat up straight and looked around.

“Where’s Lucifer?” She said in a panicked tone.

“We are taking care of him.” A doctor explained. 

“I want to see him.”

“That's not possible right now, but I assure you he’s in good hands. But maybe you can help us understand what happened?”

“I... I really don’t know. He had to leave seven months ago and... and I was very worried because we heard no news from him. His brother went to look for him and found him like this. You will need to speak with him.”

“That’s what we are doing right now.”

She was hoping Amenadiel would be able to make up something credible.

“You need to rest, ma’am.”

“No, I’m fine. I just want to...”

The doctor put a hand on her shoulder.

“I understand your concern but please let us do our job.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Azrael didn’t return to doing her job like she had told Amenadiel she would. She was beyond furious about what happened to her favorite brother and afraid that the demons would find a way to go after him. It wouldn’t be the first time they made their way to Earth.

She landed in the Silver City and went to the castle.

“I request an audience with Father.” She declared at the gates.

A few minutes later, the gates opened and she hurried inside. Azrael had many mixed,conflicting emotions. She was angry at the demons, furious at herself for not visiting her brother earlier and deeply sorry and anguished for him. When she arrived at His apartment, she knocked on the door.

“Father, I need to talk to You.”

She stepped inside and bent her head, waiting for Him to talk.

“What’s bothering you, my child? You seem incredibly sad and furious at the same time.”

“It’s Lucifer, he is...” Unable to say more she started crying. Her Father probably didn’t care about him anyway. Why had she come here in the first place?

God stood up and went closer.

“What about Samael?” He asked. “I didn’t hear from him in a long time. Why are you crying?”

“They hurt him!”

God frowned. “Who hurt him?”

“Demons.”

“How is it possible? He’s their King.”

“I don’t know, Father! But he’s in a terrible state. We had to bring him to the hospital!”

“A human hospital? Why didn’t you bring him here?”

“I thought he was banned from here but I’m not sure Raphael could have done something anyway. Amenadiel said that he was vulnerable and his body was like the one of a mortal. You should see him. He has lost so much weight and got so many injuries that I almost didn’t recognize him.”

“He lost weight? But no angel has ever lost weight!”

“Yes I know! And they have done much worse I’m afraid. They have burned his wings! While they were still attached to his body! I can’t figure how painful it must have been… I shiver just thinking about it.”

Suddenly, anger seemed to boil in God’s veins. How dare they touch his son's wings?

“Michael, Gabriel, Remiel, come here!” He roared.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

It’s only at the end of the afternoon that Chloe was allowed to see Lucifer. See was an overstatement. She couldn’t enter the sterile room. Instead, she had to stay outside and look at him through a large window. They had put him in an induced coma, a normal procedure in this unit to ease the unbearable pain. An induced coma meant that he was intubated. The mere sight of him made her heart clench. He was bandaged from head to toe. Even comatose, his limbs were still bent and his hands were in splints. 

“I will give you his ring.” A middle-aged doctor told her while handing her a small clear plastic bag. “He won’t be able to wear it for the next few months and I believe he wouldn't want it to get lost.”

Chloe took the bag and put it in her purse.

“How is he?”

“He’s stable. The good news is that he might not need skin graft for his burns. We think this is a deep second degree burn so it’s still possible that it heals by itself even if it will take a few weeks.”

“And for the rest of it?”

“He is suffering from severe malnutrition and all his limbs have been so curled up for such a long time that his tendons have shrivelled. The most problematic issues at the moment is the state of his hands. The nails had caused damage to both flexor and extensor tendons and many nerves. We started fixing the flexors and he will need another surgery in three months but I would be surprised if he gets back all the mobility of his fingers. We've immobilized them in splints for now and he will need a lot of physiotherapy even later.”

“But will he still be able to use them?”

“We never saw something that bad, so it’s hard to know what to expect. We're not even sure how something like that could have happened… I will be honest with you… He will certainly suffer the horrible aftermath of this. Physical and psychological. One cannot survive this and remain intact. How much time has he been imprisoned for?”

“Almost seven months.”

“Seven months only? That's impossible.”

“What do you mean?”

“It has to be a lot more than seven months.”

“How can you say that?” She asked carefully.

“We took X-rays and there are a lot of old fractures showing. I mean almost all of his bones had been broken at a moment or another. Most of the fractures are older than seven months. Just his collarbones, they have been broken countless times. His brother confirmed how it happened but the X-rays showed the same kind of fracture but much older than seven months. And miraculously all bones have healed perfectly aligned. In that kind of case, usually torturers don’t bother to realign the bones. On top of that nail length suggests at least five-year growth. So no, it’s certainly not seven months. Care to explain?”

“I don’t… How am I supposed to know that?”

“So you know nothing about his unusual blood type either?”

Chloe looked at him, not sure what she could say. But the uncertain look on her face invited the doctor to continue with his theory.

“Is he an extraterrestrial?”

“What? No!”

“Are you sure? It could explain the blood difference, the time lapse who doesn’t work and the fact that he is still alive after suffering all that. Should I call the FBI or something?”

“No! Of course not!”

“I just want the truth. I’m pretty sure he’s not human. That doesn't leave a lot of possibilities and be sure I will get to the bottom of this.”

Chloe looked behind her at the people who were crossing by from time to time. She sighed. She was just hoping that she wouldn’t make things worse.

“Is there a place where we can talk in private?”

“Sure, follow me.”

The doctor closed the door of the little cabinet and sat. Chloe had already decided to stand, ready to prevent him from leaving if he wanted to hurt Lucifer.

“So are you ready to tell...”

“He’s an angel.”

The statement startled him and after a few seconds of shock the doctor started to laugh.

“And you want me to believe that?”

“Oh! So you were ready a few minutes ago to believe that he’s an extraterrestrial but that he’s an angel seems impossible?”

The man stopped laughing and looked at her.

“He’s been tortured in Hell. Demons are very effective for this as you can see. Time passes differently in Hell. That’s why your X-rays showed old fractures.”

“In Hell? Hell is real?”

“Unfortunately, it is.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

“Believe it or not, but you asked for the truth and you have it.”

The doctor looked at her intensely.

“Lucifer Morningstar.” He said suddenly. “Lucifer as in _the_ Lucifer?”

“Yes, but I assure you that he’s not evil at all. The Devil’s reputation is unfounded.”

“The Devil.” The doctor repeated. “The actual Devil is one of my patients.”

“Yes, but he’s a good man. As he had always said: he’s not evil. He punished evil.”

“But what about the horns, tail and wings we usually see on the Devil representation? It’s all false too?”

“The horns and tail are false, but he does have wings. Or should have said _‘had’_. They had been burned and we had to amputate them before bringing him here.”

“The burns and injuries on his back.” The doctor said, thoughtful.

“Yes.”

The doctor felt silent for a moment, trying to sort his thoughts. Could this all be real? He had been raised as a Catholic, but had lost faith a long time ago. However, this _man_ was obviously not human. And everything made so much sense for all the injuries they had noticed if this was real. A new question occurred to him.

“But the Devil is supposed to be the King of Hell. Why would he be tortured?”

“That’s the part we don’t know yet. What we know is that he retired for almost ten years and had to return there almost seven months ago after some demons were set loose on Earth.”

“Demons can come to Earth?”

“Yes, even if it’s forbidden.”

“So they could come here and get to him?”

“Theoretically yes, but it’s very unlikely. I will ask Amenadiel to watch for that just in case, so you really don’t have to worry.”

“I really hope so. If what you just said is true, of course.”

As soon as the doctor was gone Chloe texted Amenadiel. She tried to sound confident earlier but what he just told her had revived bad memories. And what better place than a hospital to find freshly dead bodies?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of all this? Like it? Hate it? Let me know!


	3. Lucifer, Can You Hear Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angels avenged their brother and Lucifer woke up. And I will never thank enough my dear beta reader SK_Kasai!

The three archangels arrived in Hell with a gust of wind, sending ashes fluttering everywhere. Father had told them. He had told them and they were all furious. Samael or not, demons or not, you don’t hurt an angel’s wings. At least not in the way they did. This couldn’t be ignored and it couldn’t go unpunished.

They had all disowned Samael after his Fall, had abandoned him to his fate, and had wanted to forget that he ever existed. The black sheep of the family. He had dared to challenge Father and lead a rebellion. Even though most of them were happy to know he was banished to Hell for eternity, he didn’t deserve what these demons had put him through. He was supposed to be their Lord, not their prisoner. The three angels would make sure that the foul demons would never try to do something similar to any of them.

Michael was in an indescribable state. Despite how much he had hated his twin, what these demons had done to him touched him deeply. As soon as he landed, he began to slash demons with his sword, not even bothering to ask whether they had taken part in his brother's torture or not. Gabriel let him vent his anger for a while before stopping him.

“We must punish the right ones, brother.” He said calmly.

“Why care? We can just kill them all! They are all rotten to the core.”

“Not all, Mike. It was a demon who let Amenadiel know what was going on and helped him.”

“I’m with Michael.” Remiel said. “Even if a few are fine, I’m up for a purge.”

“Hell needs some demons. There are souls who do not feel guilty enough to punish themselves properly. You know how Hell loops work.”

The two angels sighed but agreed that they couldn’t kill them all unilaterally. Their task would be even longer and harder that way. With Gabriel in lead, they began to ask around, utilizing torture if necessary. However, they soon realized that more than half of the demons had been actively involved in their brother's suffering. Remiel was almost excited to have so many to kill. It had been a long time since she'd had a real fight.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Two weeks after his admission to the hospital, Lucifer’s wounds were healed enough to pull him out of the coma. Chloe, Linda and Amenadiel were huddled in front of the large window of the sterile room, waiting to see him wake up. He was not wrapped in bandages anymore, except for the upper part of his chest and his feet. He still had the splints on his hands though. The bed was ten feet away from them and there were doctors and nurses on each side. Realistically, they were not seeing much, but it was better than nothing.

They saw him slightly move, turn his head around, and suddenly curl up on his side the same way he had done at Linda’s house. When one doctor tried to unfold the arm where the IV tube was to avoid blocking, he became agitated. Frantically, he tried to remove everything that was on him, hospital gown included. 

Luckily, he wasn’t able to grab anything due to the splints, but the nasogastric probe used to feed him was pulled out by a sudden, sharp movement of his right arm. He pushed a nurse hard enough to make her bump violently against a chair and almost lose her balance. Celestial or not, he was very weak from malnutrition which allowed them to finally manage to hold him. 

When a nurse came back with thick restraining straps and tied his arms on the bed's guardrails, Chloe began to cry.

Linda took her in her arms, rubbing her back. With what she had seen at her home, she had been afraid something like that might happen. Waking up surrounded by strangers in a new place was incredibly distressing after what he had suffered. She was just hoping that he would come around eventually. Being tortured for two centuries was something unfathomable. Even if he was a celestial being, there was a limit to suffering that a person could endure without becoming insane.

After a few minutes, he stopped twisting and pulling on the straps. Unable to turn on his side or curl up, he folded his knees tightly with his heels locked together as well, tense but not agitated anymore. Fifteen minutes later, they removed the ventilation tube and he began to panic again. This time, he was sitting in the bed. Hence, when he finally managed to calm down again, he hid his head between his knees. Both arms were spread sideways though and he started rocking himself back and forth slowly and rhythmically. 

A few minutes later, the doctor came to see them. It was the one Chloe had told the truth to, so at least he was able to understand more of the whole situation.

“We’ve been able to remove the ventilation tube. So, when the probe is back in place, he will be transferred to a regular room. His collarbones have healed incredibly fast and in a few days, he will be ready to start rehabilitation. The major current problem is that he seems unaware of his environment right now. As soon as we touch him, he panics. That’s perfectly understandable at the moment, but we won’t be able to transfer him to a rehabilitation center if he stays like this.”

“So what’s the solution?” Chloe asked.

“We can keep him for a week or two here but not more than that.”

“And what will happen if he’s not ready at that time?” Linda worried.

“The best would be to transfer him home if you can have a nurse take care of him twenty four hours a day. It's better to start looking, but there's no need to hire someone right now. I will give you the list of potential candidates.”

“Did he say anything?”

“No… Maybe when he sees some familiar faces, he will come around.”

They all looked at Lucifer who was still gently rocking. He kept doing that for a while before beginning to fall asleep. He leaned to the left, still curled up. His right arm was extended in midair, the splint still tied to the guardrail. The position seemed painful. A nurse put a pillow under his head. Making him sleep in a proper position seemed almost impossible just then. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe looked at the unrecognizably gaunt body still curled up on the bed. He was so different from the Lucifer who left her less than seven months ago. The sunken eyes, hollow cheeks and long scars crossing his face were all proof of the ordeal he had suffered. The nasogastric probe had been taped just under one of the newests scars, which ran across his cheek from the top of his nose to the lobe of his ear. The doctors had said they were happy he had gained almost three pounds in the last two weeks. Three measly pounds. It would probably take a full year to gain back his normal mass if not more. 

Moving her gaze towards the splint attached to the guardrail opposite to her, she noticed that his fingers were placed in a half extended position and his wrist was bent inwards. The splint covered the upper part of his hands from about his mid-forearm to his fingertips. Large straps were holding his fingers and hand in place. She could see some dark marks on his forearm between the straps, but she couldn’t be sure what they were exactly. A tattoo? Branding? 

She shivered. 

It definitely looked like branding.

“This is necessary, Chloe.” Linda said in a low voice, having noticed her gaze.

Linda and Amenadiel were sitting on the other side of the bed in front of her. Chloe didn’t know whether she was talking about the splint or about the fact that he was tied up, but she didn’t ask. She was just guessing that if it was her who was tied like this, she would probably be even more scared when she woke up. 

About ten minutes later, Lucifer began thrash on the bed. He was still obviously sleeping, so he was probably having a nightmare. Chloe wondered for a moment if she should wake him up. But that meant touching him. How could she do that when every form of physical contact was sending him into a panicked state? When he finally opened his eyes, Chloe gasped.

“What?” Linda asked, standing up and circling the bed.

She didn’t have time to answer before Lucifer started to twist and kick, obviously terrorized. After a few seconds Chloe noticed that he was trying to remove the sheet that was pulled up to his chest. She grabbed one corner and pulled it down to the bottom of the bed quickly. 

“It's okay, Lucifer. Calm down. You're safe here.” She soothed. 

Lucifer didn’t even look at her. Instead, he closed his eyes, suddenly less tense. When Chloe spoke again, a strange expression of bliss appeared on his face. He didn’t open his eyes though. 

“I’m here, Lucifer. Linda and Amenadiel too. Please talk to me.”

No answer. No reaction. That weird look on his face persisted. He was back in the same curled up position he was in before, but Chloe was almost certain that he hadn't fallen back to sleep. 

“Lucifer, can you hear me?”

Without thinking, she reached for his shoulder to shake him slightly.

The reaction was immediate. 

He recoiled in panic, moving as far away as his bound arm allowed him. He opened his eyes but didn’t look at her. His gaze remained fixed on his hand only, as if he was trying to figure out how he could liberate it.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you! Please… Say something…”

He was obviously not there. Her voice seemed to have a calming effect on him, but he was not registering what she was saying. Perhaps he was just unable to talk or even see. His eyes looked so strange. At least he was somewhat calm again.

“Did you see his eyes?” Chloe asked Linda, still troubled by what she saw.

“Yes. It looks like Aniridia, but it doesn’t necessarily mean blindness. This is usually a congenital problem, and I honestly don’t know how it could happen later in life.”

Lucifer dark brown irises were gone, replaced by a black pool as if the pupils and irises had melted together. It gave him a really disturbing look. 

“We know that he recognizes your voice.” She continued. “That’s a good thing. Give him time, Chloe. He’s been tortured for two centuries. There's no chance of him waking up as if nothing happened.”

Chloe nodded, but tears streamed down her cheeks. It was so hard to see him like this. She couldn’t help but think about what she would do if he stayed in this state forever. She knew she could never abandon him, but how could she bear to look at him every day? It would be a constant reminder of what she had lost. Linda and Amenadiel went to hug her.

The next two days passed by in the same manner. He had nightmares every time he fell asleep, waking up in panic that could only be lessened by Chloe’s voice. When Chloe was at work, the medical staff often had to sedate him because he was unable to calm down on his own. He couldn't withstand the sensation of the sheets touching his skin. Eventually, they gave up on covering him. Most of his time awake was spent rocking himself back and forth or lying curled up on his side.

Chloe didn’t tell Dan and Ella that Lucifer was back. She didn't mention his ordeal either. Like the doctor, they wouldn’t understand the state he was in without knowing the truth. She knew that without proof, Dan would never believe her. She was less sure about Ella, but why break her heart if it could be avoided? She decided it was time to hire someone to take care of him. Maybe if he was at the penthouse, the familiar place would help him regain contact with reality.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Days became weeks which became months. It took almost fourteen years for the three angels to unearth all the demons and punish all the culprits. Except for Lilith, none of those who participated in the torture were spared. When it was all finished, they made sure no one would try to escape Hell.

“If one of you is found on Earth, we will come back and kill you all.” Michael said in a furious tone.

Just before leaving, Michael told his siblings not to wait for him. He had something to do before he returned to the Silver City. Gabriel nodded, knowing what he was planning to do.

Fourteen years. Fourteen Earth days.

Samael was certainly still at hospital if what Azrael said had been true. Michael went to Los Angeles and tried to locate his twin. He finally found what felt like his brother’s energy, but it was so weak and distant that he wondered if he was mistaken.

He waited until night time to make sure he would be alone. A little earlier, he had sensed Amenadiel’s energy beside Samael's, so he knew that it was him. He landed beside his brother and quickly tucked his black wing back.

In a blink, all the rage and resentment he had held towards his brother for millennia evaporated. Samael didn’t deserve this. If it was not for his energy signature, Michael wasn’t sure he would have recognized him. 

He watched him sleep, curled up on his side in a way only fear could force you to be. And why was he bound to his bed? Was he being held prisoner?

He figured that if it had been an injustice to their brother, Amenadiel wouldn’t have let this happen. The sight still broke his heart. Samael was the fire, the passion of their whole. The angel being known to be the ice of their dynamic suddenly felt his eyes burn with tears. His heart clenched in a painful knot and he was almost certain that it was going to implode under the pressure. He couldn’t stand this any longer. 

He spread his wings and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always highly appreciated!


	4. I’m Samael’s Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God finally do something! I hope you still enjoy the story!
> 
> BTW, I'm writing chapters 15 and 16 right now! (both together because they are closely related and well… chapter 15 just don't want to be written!)
> 
> And once again, big thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Chloe had found the perfect man to take care of Lucifer. In his mid-twenties and almost newly graduated, Robert Collins was a physiotherapist. Even if he was not a nurse, the hospital agreed to show him everything he needed to know. Six foot two and two hundred and fifty pounds, the man was built like a tank but was as sweet as a lamb. 

He was going to stay at the penthouse seven days a week, but he would be able to leave for a few hours when Chloe would be there. He would teach her the basics she would need to know in case of any emergency. He was still single and living with his parents at the moment, so it was not a hard decision to make (especially with the wages Amenadiel promised him). Since he was taking care of Lux in his brother’s absence, he was the one taking care of all the financial matters.

They told him the truth about Lucifer’s identity, preferring to have a bad reaction now instead of having him lose his mind due to an accidental revelation while he was taking care of Lucifer. It was better like that, even if it meant that they might have to find someone else to hire for the job. 

He took it surprisingly well and even said that it would be his honor to take care of an angel.

It was on a Friday morning, almost three weeks after being rescued, that Lucifer arrived at the penthouse. Chloe had taken a day off for the occasion. They had sedated him for the transport to make sure he wouldn’t panic on the way there. 

Robert carried him to bed and laid him on his back in the middle. That way, if he panicked,he was not in danger of falling considering the size of the bed. Both Robert and Chloe agreed they didn’t want to tie him up. The bed had no guardrail too, so it would have been difficult anyway.

They had dressed him only in a t-shirt and boxers. Chloe couldn’t bear the sight of the diaper he had to wear. Since he had lost a lot of weight, his boxers were still large enough to fit over it. Even if Lucifer didn't tolerate blankets, they still covered him up until the room's temperature was high enough. With all the weight he had lost, he must have been cold all the time.

During the week before his transfer, the doctors have swapped the nasogastric probe for a gastrostomy tube considering the fact that he was still unaware of his environment and would certainly not start eating soon. As the feeding tube would be even easier to snag given the new location, they were going from a continuous to a sporadic feeding. Considering the fact that Lucifer was still unconscious, Robert took the opportunity to teach Chloe the procedure in case she had to do it.

Penthouse or not, Lucifer panicked as soon as he woke up and kicked the blankets until they were completely at the foot of the bed. Chloe managed to calm him down. He finally rolled into a ball and lay motionless in the middle of the bed. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

God was worried.

The summary of Samael's condition after his twin's visit was disconcerting. Michael had mentioned that his energy seemed distant, as if his brother was not really present. God focused on his rebellious son and could only see that Michael had seen right. Samael's mind had been lost. He knew that he would probably not be able to find his way back alone. 

What did these demons put him through so that he ended up in such a state?

He watched him struggle in panic as humans, including the miracle he had placed in his path, tried to help him. Even though she seemed to have some calming effect on him, it was not enough to bring him back to reality. God hated this solution, but he would have no choice except intervening if he did not want to lose his son forever. He appeared in the penthouse and advanced to the bed where Samael lay.

“Who are you?” His miracle asked, ready to prevent him from going any further.

“I’m Samael’s father.” He answered in a deep, low voice.

“Sa-Samael?”

“You know him as Lucifer.”

God put his hand on Robert’s shoulder and after a few seconds, Robert nodded and retreated to the main room.

“Don't touch the cocoon while I'm trying to bring him back.” God ordered Chloe. “Don’t worry. It might take some time. You can leave and come back tomorrow.”

“What will you do?”

“I will bring him back.”

“You won’t heal him?”

“I’m a creator, not a healer. That’s Raphael's task. But I can’t let my son’s mind get lost.”

God lay down next to his son and enveloped him in his arms. A moment later, a golden cocoon wrapped itself around them.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

It had been a difficult week at work and Ella needed some distraction to clear her head. She invited Linda, Chloe and Maze over for a drink at Lux, but only Linda had responded favorably. Maze was out of town for two days and Chloe had mentioned that she had Trixie. After a few hours of drinking, both were both at the beginnings of being quite drunk.

“Thank you again for the invitation.” Linda said in a pasty voice. “With Lucifer and everything that has been going on in the past three weeks, this feels good.”

“Lucifer? You saw Lucifer?” Ella said, suddenly less drunk than the moment before.

“Yes! Amenadiel had rescued him and...” Linda suddenly stopped, aware of what she had just said. They had agreed to keep Lucifer's return a secret given his condition.

“And?”

“And… I should shut up.”

“No, Linda! You talked about rescuing! What happened?”

“I have to go.” Linda said. “I'll call an Uber.”

“Linda! C’mon! Lucifer is my friend too!”

“I know and that’s why I shouldn’t say what I said.”

“If you don’t tell me, I'll find it out myself anyway. Please, Linda. Tell me what happened. When did he come back?”

Linda sighed. She already said too much anyway.

“Amenadiel brought him back three weeks ago.”

“He’s back for three weeks and nobody told me?! Does Chloe know?”

“Yes, she knows. We didn’t tell you because the first two weeks at the hospital nobody could see him anyway and we wanted him to get better.”

“What?! He's in the hospital?”

“Was." Linda corrected, "They brought him home this morning.”

“Wait! He’s actually upstairs?! I’m going to see him right now!”

“Stop, Ella. Lucifer is back but… he's not really there. It’s not a good idea.”

“What do you mean by 'not really there'?”

“He’s unaware of his environment. His body is here but his mind is… not. He hasn't said a word since his return and he spends his days struggling through panic attacks, rocking himself and sleeping.”

“But... but why?”

“He was severely tortured.”

“Tortured? But wasn't he gone to take care of some family business?”

“Yes, but it seems something went wrong. Listen, the best thing to do is to wait a little more. We hope that once he is in a familiar environment, like his Penthouse, he will eventually come around.”

Ella nodded and didn’t add anything.

“I really have to go.” Linda repeated. “It’s really late and I don’t want Amanadiel to worry.”

“Yeah, sure. I understand.”

When Linda was gone, Ella waited a little and decided to go up to the penthouse. It was out of the question for her to wait any longer. Even though it was late and even if she was not welcome, she had to see him.

The penthouse was dark and silent, but she could see a dim light coming from the bedroom. She headed towards it quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone. If Lucifer was really in the state that Linda had described, he was certainly not alone.

She was not prepared for the sight before her. In the middle of the bed, a glowing cocoon enveloped two silhouettes. She approached the distinguished man, probably in his sixties with dark skin and another body with an appalling thinness that had to be Lucifer.

What happened to him? Who was this other man and what was that strange glow enveloping them? Curious, she stretched her hand. As soon as she touched the cocoon, a myriad of images overwhelmed her and she gasped. The contact had been only a few seconds but it had been enough to understand everything. She suddenly felt sick and left the place hurriedly. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe was happy that Trixie was invited to a friend's party for the day. That meant that she didn't have to find a babysitter or ask Dan to take care of the little girl. She had to figure out how she would tell Trixie, Dan and Ella about Lucifer. She wasn't feeling ready yet. She wholeheartedly hoped that Lucifer's father – God, she reminded herself – would be able to bring him back no matter what it meant.

In the middle of the morning she received a text from Linda. 

_“The cat is out of the bag.”_

_“What do you mean?”_ Chloe texted back.

_“Yesterday evening I got a little too drunk and I said too much to Ella. Sorry.”_

_“Well I guess it had to come out at some point anyway.”_ She answered.

She decided to wait for Monday to talk to Ella about it. Unless she texted or called of course.

She arrived at the penthouse a little past one p.m. and noticed God was still lying beside his son under the glowing cocoon. She sat by the bed and just waited, hoping that it would not last all day. She noticed that Lucifer seemed more relaxed than the day before, still curled up but in a more natural position than a tight ball. One hour later, the cocoon faded and God left his son’s side.

“I'm going to leave. It's better if Samael doesn't find me here when he wakes up.”

Fifteen minutes later, Lucifer began to move. His eyes fluttered and finally opened. 

“Hey!” Chloe said, smiling and hoping to get an answer.

“De... detective?” He croaked faintly. 

He looked at her with those strange eyes and Chloe shivered despite herself. Lucifer frowned, but said nothing. Chloe had noticed his concern and felt embarrassed at her reaction but could do nothing about it. 

“Yeah. I’m happy to see you’re back.”

“Why...why am I h-here?” He said while turning his head slightly as if to look around.

The question brought comfort to Chloe. If he realized where he was, he was at least not blind despite the change in his eyes.

“You don’t remember anything?”

Lucifer seemed to concentrate for a moment, looked at his hands and shook his head. He didn’t understand why they were in a splint but he remembered the pain. They were still painful though and he was still unable to move them, but it was not the same pain or the same immobility. 

“I... I was... in Hell.” He answered in a whisper.

“Amenadiel and Azrael rescued you.”

“I don’t... remember. I-I’m s-sorry.”

Talking seemed to require a tremendous effort. 

“You don’t have to be sorry. You were not really conscious anyway.”

“ ’m f-freezing.” He confessed after a moment of silence.

“You keep pushing the covers away every time you're covered.” She said while pulling the blanket over him. He was shaking miserably despite the ambient heat. Suddenly, Lucifer recoiled to the headboard and started shaking even more.

“Who... who’s there?”

Chloe turned her head and a few seconds later Robert appeared on the threshold of the room.

“Oh! This is Robert Collins.” Chloe said. “He has been taking care of you.”

Lucifer looked at the man who was now standing by the foot of the bed.

“Taking ca-care?” He asked.

“Well, you’re so weak… we doubt you can get out of the bed and move around and take care of yourself. He will be able to help you gain back your mobility and strength too.”

“Hello, Mr Morningstar.” Robert said with a warm smile. 

Lucifer didn't object to that. He just stared at Robert for a moment before nodding shakily.

“Hello, M-Mister Collins.”

Robert laughed. “Mr Collins is my father. Please call me Robert.”

“O-only if you... you call me... Lucifer.”

“That’s a deal.”

Lucifer didn’t answer and Chloe knew he was not the same anymore. The old Lucifer would have certainly said something about the dangers of making a deal with the Devil.

“Since you’re awake, I will get everything for your feeding.” Robert added.

Lucifer’s face went blank.

“Not hungry.” He mumbled. He seemed terrorized.

“Hungry or not, you need to gain weight. Anyway, you don’t need to be hungry with the feeding tube. I'll be back.”

Lucifer watched the man leave, his eyes wide in fear.

“F-feeding tube?” He asked Chloe in a shaky voice.

“Yes, let me show you.”

She stretched her arm towards his knees, but he startled and avoided her contact. Seconds later, he seemed sheepish and ashamed of his reaction. Lucifer started to apologize. 

“Sorry. I’m... sorry. You... you… it’s okay... I-I guess.”

He looked so pitiful that Chloe barely avoided crying. Robert came back with his hands full. 

“I understand, Lucifer. Look, we will ask for your permission before touching you, is it alright?”

Lucifer looked at both of them. “I-I guess so.”

“I will put some pillows behind your back. You will be more comfortable. It should last about half an hour. Is that okay with you?”

"I-I don’t want to… to eat.”

Robert smiled. “You're not really going to eat, but we're still going to feed you.”

Lucifer looked confused and it took him a few minutes before he agreed to extend his legs and allowed Robert to connect the tube for feeding. He looked terrified until he finally understood how he was going to _‘eat’_.

“Oh, Lucifer! What did they do to make you so afraid of eating?” Chloe couldn't help but ask.

He shook his head and looked away, but Chloe didn’t miss the tears in the corners of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The name Robert Collins comes from my French/English dictionary (Robert & Collins)! I was searching for a name and my eyes just dropped on my dictionary and well… I just found the name!


	5. Sorry, Lucifer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for all the kudos and comments! Please be safe out there!
> 
> A big thanks again to my amazing beta reader SK_Kasai!

_Lucifer arrived in Hell and sat on his throne. Unfortunately, he could not stay up there for long because the demons rebelled with the intent of going back to Earth. He flew down with the purpose of cutting course to their belligerent intentions. However, when he wanted to take his Devil form, he got no result._

_He knew why._

_He had finally admitted his love to Chloe and felt way too good to show his monstrous side anymore._

_“It seems that Earth has softened you.” Dromos said, laughing. “I knew I was right. You are not our King anymore.”_

_“What are you talking about, Dromos?” Lilith said in a silky tone. “We have a surprise for you, my King. I’m so happy to see that you’re finally back.”_

_While she was talking, Lucifer didn’t notice the demons behind him. When he finally did, it was too late. In an instant, simple demons fooled the King of Hell. Before he could even react, his magnificent white wings were severed._

_A horde of demons fell on his back. In an instant, all his clothes were torn off. He stood totally naked, except for his socks and shoes._

_An excruciating pain pierced his right shoulder and then his left. Before he could react, he was tackled to the ground and kicked from all sides. He tried in vain to defend himself, but they had prepared their insurgency well._

_The pain in his shoulders increased and he realized with horror that they had created a drill capable of piercing his skin. Suddenly, he found himself with two huge chains passing through his body, just below his collarbones. They pulled the chains, dragging him into a remote cell before bolting the chains to the wall._

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer woke up with a sharp scream, bolting upright. He had fallen asleep after feeding and had a nightmare. He brought his splinted hands to his chest and bent his knees, starting to rock himself back and forth. Chloe didn't know how to comfort him.

“Can I get closer?”

Lucifer didn’t answer, continuing to rock himself. For a moment, she thought he was back in that unresponsive state. Talking took him a few minutes.

“You c-can touch my s-scalp.”

When she put her hand on his head, he shivered violently. She quickly removed it. 

“S-s-sorry. P-please...continue.”

His hair had started growing back but it was still very short at about a quarter of an inch in length. A long, large scar ran from the middle of his forehead to almost the back of his head. Chloe wondered if it would still be visible when his hair grows back. Many other smaller cuts or burn scars were also visible. Most of them would be hidden once his hair grows long enough though.

Several minutes later, he finally calmed down. He turned his head toward her and attempted to smile. When his gaze met hers, she shivered slightly.

“What?” He said, frowning. "A-are you a-afraid of...me?"

“No! I’m sorry. It’s just that your eyes...” She trailed off.

“S-sorry. D-does... it look that...bad?”

“You didn’t... well I guess they didn’t provide a mirror. Do you want to see them? I can take a picture and...”

“No. J-just d-describe it, D-detective.”

“There’s not much to say. Just that there’s no brown anymore. It’s been replaced by black, like your pupils, so it looks like a deep hole. And you still have some bloody veins in the inner corners, so it’s a little... disturbing.”

“I c-can wear s-sunglasses if...if you p-prefer.”

“No, no. That’s fine. I will get used to it. When I saw them for the first time, I thought you were blind.”

He nodded, but he closed his eyes. Chloe wondered if he was stuttering because he hadn't spoken for a long time or if it had been caused by something deeper. Maybe his mouth was just dry.

“Would you like some water?”

“ ‘m n-not sure...”

She went to fill a glass and put a straw in. He looked at her with disgust.

“It’s just plain water, see? Try a little for me, okay?”

She brought the straw to his lips and he finally agreed to take a sip. 

_It’s fine. It’s just water._ He tried to keep that in mind. He was really thirsty after all. Lucifer took a deep breath and drank a second sip. He just hated having something in his mouth after all the demons had put in it. When she offered him the glass a third time, he shook his head. It was enough for now. Too many memories were rushing back.

Robert came to the room to do some physiotherapy on his hands. Every hour, he had to close them gently to avoid adherences. He was not removing the splint to do it though, only untying the straps. Lucifer wasn’t allowed to do it himself. Without his tendons though, it would have been an impossible task anyway.

"C-can you hold m-my hand?” Lucifer asked Chloe when Robert finished. 

“Sure.”

She gently took his hand in hers. He still had his palm free (except for the straps).

“It feels s-strange.” It had been so long since he had touched anything that he felt that he had forgotten that feeling.

Just then, Chloe asked a question that had been bugging her for ages.

“What’s that mark inside your forearm? It looks like branding.”

She slightly traced it with her fingertips and he abruptly pulled his arm back closer to his chest.

“It’s n-nothing.”

Once again, he looked terrified and started to rock again. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

She shook her head, not knowing what to say. _Frighten you? Bring back memories?_ How many mistakes would she make without knowing what he had been through? It took longer before he calmed down this time.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go now. I have to pick up Trixie from a friend's party and I’m gonna be late.”

“Will you c-come b-back?” He asked hopefully.

“Tomorrow. Robert will stay with you tonight. I’m not sure about bringing Trixie here...”

“P-please come b-back.” He pleaded desperately. “Your s-spawn is f-fine” 

“Are you sure, Lucifer?”

He nodded. “P-please.”

How could she refuse? He looked like someone about to drown and to whom you would want to take away the lifeline he was clinging to.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

An excited Trixie ran out of the elevator, her mother holding Chinese food boxes following her. She almost ran to Lucifer's bedroom, but stopped at the threshold. Lucifer was sleeping. Chloe had been away for more than an hour, taking the time to pick up Trixie at the other end of town and bring something for them to eat.

The little girl observed the shape curled up on the bed, wide-eyed. Too skinny, covered in scars… Was it really Lucifer? She rushed back to her mother, tears in her eyes.

“What happened to him?”

“I told you, monkey. He has been tortured.”

“But, I didn’t think it was that bad! He doesn’t even look like Lucifer!”

“I know. I’m sorry that you have to see him like this, but he begged me to come back with you.”

“That’s not what I meant. I thought the Devil could never be hurt like that.”

Trixie suddenly noticed the tall, strange man in the room and realized what she had just said. She put her hand over her mouth, looking between her mother and the man alternatively.

“That’s fine, monkey. He knows. The question is, how do _you_ know?”

“Lucifer always tells the truth and he always says that he’s the Devil. Why wouldn’t I know?”

Chloe looked at her daughter in bewilderment. She always knew? If only she had talked to her daughter about all of this before, she thought. 

She would have never gone to Rome or listened to Kinley. The demons would have probably never made it to Earth. Lucifer… Lucifer would have never had to go back to Hell and he would have never…

She suddenly felt nauseous. Chloe put the boxes of food on the counter, holding on the edge to steady herself.

“Are you okay, mommy?”

“Yes. Yeah, I’m okay.” she smiled,

_Don’t think about this. What’s done is done._

Chloe took a deep breath to get her focus back. “What about eating? I brought some for you, too, Robert. I hope you like Chinese.”

“Yes, thank you. But perhaps we should wait until Lucifer is awake and eat with him. Smelling the food may eventually restore his appetite.”

“I don’t know. He looked really terrified when we talked about eating earlier.”

“Well, we can at least wait to see if it bothers him that we eat with him. We'll decide what to do based on his reaction.”

Chloe received a message from Dan asking where she was. Trixie had forgotten her school bag in his car the day before and he was at her apartment, bringing it to her. _“I’m at the penthouse. Lucifer is back. You can leave the bag at the entrance.”_ She wrote back. 

Ten minutes later, they heard a faint moaning from the bedroom and they all stood up. 

“I got this.” Chloe said. “He was hoping I'd come back.”

When she arrived in the room, Lucifer’s face seemed to light up.

“You c-came back!”

“Of course I did." She gave him a soft smile, "Do you mind if we eat with you? We haven’t had time to eat yet and I brought some Chinese.”

“I-I don’t...” He hesitated, “Okay.” he finally agreed.

Robert prepared the tube feeding, arguing that it was best for Lucifer to "eat" with them. Chloe brought the Chinese boxes. Trixie seemed fascinated by what Robert was doing, but said nothing about it. She just took the box her mother handed her and sat down to eat.

“Hi, Lucifer!” She said in a voice that was a bit lower than usual.

“Hi, urchin.” He answered with a faint smile.

The spawn didn’t seem to care about his eyes. She didn’t seem to be frightened by them at least. Maybe her mother already told her, he thought. Lucifer noticed the boxes of food they were holding and tried to ignore the good smell that was spreading in the room. He must avoid those memories. Push them back.

_“Little Angel! Look I made some scallops today! You will eat some with me won’t you? You need to eat!”_

“... was sooo cool! It was the best party ever!”

He must focus on the Urchin babbling about this birthday party. What was she talking about exactly?

_“You don’t want the sashimi I made especially for you? You disappoint me, Little Angel, but you know you will eat them anyway, don’t you?”_

“Lucifer? Hey! Why aren't you answering me?" Trixie asked with concern.

“S-sorry, I w-was away.”

“What was the best birthday party you ever had when you were young?”

“I… have never had a b-birthday party.”

“What?! But that's impossible... you must have...”

_“I made a noodle cake! That fried well! It’s incredible all we can make with those! Look! It’s almost fried Chinese noodles! It’s so convenient that you’re self-sufficient. C’mon! Open your mouth! Don’t make me force you!” He tried to forget the taste of his own flesh while the demon was forcing the noodles in his mouth. His bloody wings! They fed him with his own wings’ flesh! He was going to be sick._

“Lucifer! Are you...”

Lucifer suddenly leaned to the side and vomited all the contents of his stomach into the bed beside him. Again and again, until he had nothing left to go out. Nobody had paid attention to the new visitor who had appeared in the room.

“You’re disgusting, man! Chlo, how can you bring our daughter to see a junkie? Trixie, come with me now!”

“No, Dan, hold on!” Chloe said, divided between her desire to help Lucifer and defend his honour. “He’s not...”

“A heroin addict? Look at him! Throwing up in his bed, freakishly thin, looking that haggard... Are you blind?”

“No! You don’t understand! It’s not that at all!” But Dan was already out of the room, dragging Trixie behind him.

“Sorry, Lucifer!” The girl shouted, visibly crying.

Robert had already disconnected the feeding bag. He took Lucifer in his arms.

“I will get him to shower. Can you take care of the sheets?” He asked Chloe.

“Sure.”

Lucifer was shaking and sobbing on the floor of the shower while Robert washed him up.

“I’m s-sorry.” He kept repeating even if Robert was saying it was okay, that it was their fault for bringing food to the room in the first place.

He brought him back to the bed with the freshly changed sheets. Lucifer was still shaking. He even asked for more blankets.

“C-can you s-stay with me t-tonight?”

This was not planned but now that Dan was gone with Trixie, Chloe was free anyway. He looked so pitiful curled up on his side and shaking alone in the huge bed. She lay down behind his back, keeping a certain distance between them, knowing that he did not like to be touched. 

However, she stretched her arm to stroke his hair. Lucifer didn't protest. She considered it a win. 

When she woke up the next morning, she realized that he had turned around during the night. While his arms were still pressed to his chest, his head was nestled into her neck. He had nightmares twice in the first part of the night, but the last half seemed to have been devoid of them.

She watched him breathe peacefully, wondering how she could love him more than she did at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still enjoying the story! It will be longer than the 'around 20' that I originally planned for sure. Probably more 25? In fact, I don't know at all how long it will be! It might even depends on you!
> 
> Please leave your comments! Thank you all for reading this!


	6. D-demon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments on the previous chapter! It's so great to have your feedback like that!
> 
> And once again thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai who is doing a wonderful job!

As Robert planned to start physiotherapy in the morning, Chloe took the opportunity to go home to take a shower and change her clothes. She also went to see Dan to try to explain what had happened the day before. She had tried to call him, but he had not answered her calls or her texts. When she came back three hours later, Lucifer was sleeping.

“How did it go?” Chloe asked upon arrival.

“Not very well. At first it took me everything to convince him to allow me to do the feeding because he was afraid of being sick again. Then, while I was working on his shoulders his wings suddenly came out … They are amazing,but they almost knocked me out. He had an episode of dissociation for a few minutes. He spoke a language I had never heard before and he seemed in total disarray. When he came back to reality, he panicked and it took him a long time to calm down.”

“Wow! You’ve been busy...”

“Yes, and I realized that his limbs were much stiffer than I thought and he’s barely able to put his feet flat on the floor. He will need splints for his feet too to help correct their curved position inwards and stretch their Achilles tendons. It will be a very long recovery and I really think that he should get a wheelchair for now. He won’t walk soon and he won’t be able to use crutches in the next few months because of his hands.”

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“Yeah, and he seemed open to the idea. However, when I tried to show him models on the web, he said he didn’t want to check them now.”

“I will talk to him this afternoon.”

“How about everything on your end? Did you talk to Dan?”

“Yes and he doesn't want to understand anything. I hope Trixie will be able to reason with him this week. You should take your afternoon. Some friends want to visit him and you can come back after dinner time if you want. I'll stay here.”

“Will you be alright for feeding? You remember everything? You should do it when he wakes up and three or four hours later.”

“Yeah, no problem. Just show me one last time to be sure, but I will be fine.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“You sure you don’t want to browse these with me? What if I choose wrong?”

“I’m s-sure it will be p-perfect.”

“C’mon, Lucifer! I know it must be hard to think about this, but...”

“P-please, Detective! J-just do it!”

Linda and Amenadiel just arrived with baby Charlie. They stayed on the threshold of the bedroom, not knowing how to react.

"Why are you two arguing?” Amenadiel asked.

“Wheelchair.” Lucifer answered harshly.

“What? But why?”

“D-do I look like s-someone who will be walking s-soon? I’m u-unable to even s-stand up!”

“Robert said it would be better to buy one so that we can adjust for him. Make it easier to use since he can only use his thumbs at the moment. Lucifer doesn’t want to check the models with me though.”

“B-brother, p-please talk to Robert and s-settle that with him if the D-detective doesn't want to.”

“That’s perfect, Lucifer.” Linda intervened. “I understand. That’s what we will do.”

“Thank y-you, Doctor.” Lucifer sighed, closing his eyes.

Chloe was about to say something, but Linda put a hand on her shoulder and shook her head.

“I’m glad to see you arguing though.” Linda told Lucifer with a smirk, “That seems more like the usual Lucifer...”

Lucifer smiled, but said nothing. He was sitting with his knees bent, his forearms resting on them.

“Would you like to sit on the couch, Luci? It would be more comfortable for everyone.”

“Sure, b-but we need t-to wait until the end of f-feeding.” He said, waving towards the pouch suspended at the head of the bed.

“Oh, right! It seems almost empty anyway.”

“When will you start to eat normally?” Linda asked.

"N-never!” He said sharply. He looked horrified at the prospect of eating. Linda took a mental note of that. They would need to discuss it in a session.

Half an hour later, they were all sitting on the couch. That was around the time Maze arrived. As soon as the elevator doors opened, Lucifer seemed suddenly panicked. He recoiled, sinking further into the couch.

“D-demon!” He exclaimed in a frightened voice.

“It’s Maze.” Chloe calmly told him.

"Sh-she’s a d-demon!”

“Yes, but she’s also your friend.” Chloe tried to assure him, "You've known her for centuries, Lucifer. Remember?"

Maze stopped, unsure if she should go any further. In the millennia she had spent with him, she never saw Lucifer in such a horrified state. He was now almost in Linda's lap, trying to get away from what he perceived as a threat.

“I won’t hurt you.” Maze said gently.

_“I won’t hurt you.” Lilith said in a slurry tone. “But my children told me you’re not obedient. I've already told you that I have a surprise for you, if you don’t obey them.”_

_They were dragging him to the lava lake and they stopped just a few inches away from the lava. One of the demons stretched his right arm and Lucifer held back a cry of pain. They had dislocated both his shoulders to be certain that he could not move his arms and defend himself._

“Lucifer?”

_“I won’t do it myself because I can’t, but one of my children is perfect for this task. This is Kratos, my youngest one. He was born while you were on your longest vacation. That means that you two have never met each other and you have never been his King.”_

_The young demon suddenly lifted a metal rod that had been soaking in the lava. At its end, a series of forged metal letters shone. Lucifer tried to back off, knowing what they were intending to do._

_“Noooo!” He screamed, trying unsuccessfully to pull on his arm. It no longer obeyed him._

_The pain was unbearable when the white-hot metal came into contact with his skin. The young demon pressed the iron cast with all his might to ensure that it penetrated his flesh. He held it until the metal began to change colour. When he removed it, the charred letters were drawn deeply._

_Lilith hurried to cut her arm so that some of her blood would drip into the wound. All the demons present did the same while their mother recited an incantation._

_When the wound was covered with their blood, they laid ashes on the infamous mark to completely cover it. Lilith then placed a steel bracer, covering his entire forearm to make sure Lucifer could not touch it while it healed._

“Lucifer, breathe with me! Calm down. You’re safe. Come back to us, Lucifer.”

Linda’s voice was calm even if she was everything but calm on the inside. Lucifer was drenched in sweat. He was hyperventilating. Amenadiel was holding his right forearm. He had been rubbing it across his chest aggressively during the last minute.

“Inspire. Expire. Inspire. Expire. You’re doing great Lucifer. Stay with us.”

Still curled up in a tight ball, he began to rock himself. It seemed to have become a habit he resorted to as soon as he felt uncomfortable. He continued to moan faintly for another minute before finally calming down.

“Sh-she’s gone?” He asked, searching every corner of the room.

“Yes, but Maze is your friend. You know she would never hurt you.” Linda tried to reassure him.

He started crying, still rocking back and forth. Nobody told him that Maze was crying when she left. There was no point in hurting him more.

“ ‘m s-sorry.” He shook his head. “I d-didn’t want to, b-but she’s a d-demon.” 

“I know that demons hurt you, Lucifer.” Chloe said. “But Maze is not just any demon. She’s your friend and friends don’t hurt each other.” 

“You c-can’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“E-everything is. I am.”

“Oh, Lucifer! Don’t say that. You’re not wrong. You’re hurt and you need help. Please, let us help you.”

“You c-can’t. N-no one c-can.”

He put his arms over his head, still rocking. Chloe couldn't hold her tears. She saw that Linda was crying too and Amenadiel seemed almost in shock.

“Can I hold you?” She asked after a moment.

He nodded and she wrapped her arms around him. He was so thin. She could feel all his ribs beneath his t-shirt. His entire body was shaking and she gently rubbed his back in soothing movements. Eventually, he fell asleep, exhausted by his panic attack. Amenadiel carried him to the bed and covered him with the thick blanket.

“I'll do some more research on P.T.S.D.” Linda said. “I’m not specialized in that domain and I can’t really help him if I don’t know more about it. He’s traumatized in a way I can barely understand and I know it will be hard to bring him to talk.”

“P.T.S.D.?”

“Post traumatic stress disorder." Linda explained, "I just hope he will let me help. He seems... literally broken.”

Linda and Amenadiel decided to stay at the penthouse. Linda said that it was a bad idea to leave while Lucifer was sleeping, especially after what just happened. Of course, Lucifer woke up screaming due to a nightmare.

After calming down, he was in a better state of mind. The discussion that followed focused on the management of Lux that Amenadiel had taken care of during Lucifer’s absence. They also talked about Charlie, who had grown up so much. They left an hour later when Lucifer seemed to have gotten tired again. He was so weak that he was barely able to stay awake for more than one hour each time. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

A little before seven p.m, Robert arrived at the penthouse. He was not alone though. A woman probably around fifty was following him, a dog in her arms. She stayed in the main room, while Robert went to the bedroom. Lucifer was sitting in the bed with a pillow behind his back.

“I’m glad to see that you’re awake.” Robert said. “I brought a friend of my parents, Gina, who breeds and trains service dogs. She had been at my parents’ house for dinner and she'd brought Akuma. I thought it might be a good idea to bring him here for some pet therapy.”

“Akuma?” Lucifer said, visibly curious. 

“Yes. That’s the name of one of the dogs she's training. Would you like to see him?”

“Okay.”

The six months Australian Shepherd was the cutest dog ever. He had fluffy, light grey fur with darker spots all over, light brown on his paws and cheeks with two little spots above the eyes. Black fur surrounded his electrifying blue eyes. He had a white muzzle and chest. Chloe looked at the dog in awe, but Lucifer seemed unsure regarding how to react.

“Can I put him on you?” The lady asked.

“I-I think so.”

Lucifer spread his arms and Akuma lay down on his thighs. At first he let his arms on each side of him, not daring to touch the dog.

“You can pet him.” Robert said. “I know you can move your thumbs only, but your palm is free and you will be able to feel his soft fur.”

He still didn’t move, Chloe gently took one of his hands and placed it on the dog, stroking his fur. Lucifer relaxed a little. When Chloe released his hand, he continued petting him.

“Who g-gave him his name?” He asked.

“My daughter.” Gina answered. “She went to Japan last year and decided to give Japanese names to all dogs of this litter.”

“B-but why name him after the D-devil?”

She laughed. “I just think she thought it sounded good. He’s a good dog.”

Lucifer smiled at the mention but said nothing. His focus was now on the dog completely. Chloe waved at Robert and Gina to follow her into the main room.

“We will be back.” She told Lucifer but he didn’t react. “You had a wonderful idea.” She said to Robert when they were far enough to not be heard, “It’s been a hard day and this might be what he needs.”

“Yes and depending on how he reacts, we might even consider adopting him. He’s still in training, but considering what I saw as of yesterday, a P.T.S.D. service dog could be good for him.”

“That’s the kind of dogs you train?” She asked Gina.

“Mostly that and for autism. These dogs are a little smaller than usual service dogs, but they are great for emotional issues.”

“If you can manage to get the dog to avoid chewing Lucifer's Italian leather couch, it could work.” She told Robert with a grin.

They came back into the bedroom to find Lucifer curled up on his side, the dog curled up against his chest. Both were sleeping, Lucifer’s arms circling the dog in an almost protective way.

Robert laughed. “Well, Gina, either you wait here for him to wake up or you get your dog back tomorrow!”

“I can leave him here. I have some food and a bowl in my car that I can give you. We’ll talk tomorrow, but I’m glad your friend likes him. When Akuma's training is done, he could be his.”

Chloe was starving. Not knowing when Lucifer would wake up, she decided to go home to eat. She already told Lucifer she wasn’t staying for the night. Even if he seemed almost desperate about it, she had to work tomorrow and needed a good sleep after the emotional weekend she had.

“If he wakes up and asks for me, please call me. I will talk to him at least.”

“No problem. Have a good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have read Emotional Rollercoaster you certainly recognized Akuma! I hope you're happy to see him back here!


	7. Please Let Me Breathe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! I hope you are all safe out there! A little note on this chapter that has some mention of sexual content.
> 
> Another big thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Lucifer had gone through the night without having a nightmare or even waking up. Robert didn’t know if it was because of the presence of the dog, but that might have been possible. Chloe called before going to the precinct and she noticed that he seemed in a better mood and even that he was stuttering less.

Robert called the rehabilitation center to get an appointment and was happy to get one in the afternoon. He was just hoping that Chloe could finish work earlier so that she could come along too. They had told him it was easier if he came to the center to do the molds. It would have been too complicated for them to bring everything they needed to the penthouse. At the same time, they would take all measures they need for a custom wheelchair.

Gina came in the middle of the morning to take Akuma back. Lucifer was disappointed to have to let the dog go. Gina explained that she would continue her training, but she promised that she would return at least once a week with him.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Chloe arrived at the precinct, she went immediately to see Ella. The young forensics tech raised her head upon her arrival and greeted her but did not rush for a hug.

“Are you okay, Ella? You look... tired.”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Ella said smiling but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Linda told me she talked too much on Friday evening. I’m sorry if we didn’t tell you before but...”

“No, that’s fine. I understand.”

Chloe looked at her friend. Something was wrong. She was not as joyful as usual or talkative.

“Are you mad because I didn’t tell you?”

“No! Of course not! I’m not mad at you. I understand. It’s fine. Totally fine.”

“Well, you will be able to see him now. He has been fully awake since Saturday but I must warn you he has changed a lot.”

“Yes, I kn... I will try to go this weekend.” 

Ella didn’t want to tell her she went to the penthouse on Friday evening and that she knew perfectly well in what condition he was in. She had hardly slept all weekend just thinking about it.

God. 

She had seen God. There was no doubt in her mind about the identity of the man – not a man, she recalled, but God – who was lying near Lucifer. 

Lucifer was _the_ Lucifer. 

She was not afraid about it though. She knew him too well for that. She had always thought the Devil got a bad rap anyway. To discover all of a sudden that divinity was real had been something big. Really big. But she had got her mind around that fact in less than twenty-four hours. 

Divinity proof wasn’t the problem. She wasn’t afraid of Lucifer, but of what she had seen and what they had done to him. Each time she closed her eyes, she was haunted by those images. Why had she touched that cocoon? 

Ella shivered unintentionally. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Chloe had noticed her friend’s chill and she couldn’t help but wonder what Ella was thinking about in her moment of silence. 

“Yes. Yes, totally fine.” But all her body language was saying the other way around.

Chloe didn’t push any further. She was sure Ella would talk to her if she needed to. She was not Lucifer after all and not the kind to hide her emotions. Chloe went back to her desk. She had a lot of paperwork from her day off on Friday to work on.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was stressed at the idea of going out of the penthouse. Thankfully, Chloe was there to calm him. She had been able to leave the precinct two hours early, pretexting a medical appointment. After all, it wasn't that far from the truth. 

They took Chloe’s car to go. Robert had a driver’s licence but no car of his own. He carried Lucifer in his arms all the way down to the parking lot. Amenadiel had closed the bar to make sure they would not meet anyone on their way through. It was going to be a problem to cross the bar floor each time they had to go out. 

Maybe they should transfer him to one of his houses in the hills, Chloe thought. But, at the same time, it would be too far for her to visit him every day.

Robert felt the tension in Lucifer’s body as soon as they entered the rehabilitation center. There were a lot of people in the lobby and Lucifer seemed to be afraid of everything and everyone.

“You have nothing to be afraid of.” He tried to reassure him. “Everyone is here to either help or be helped.”

Lucifer didn’t answer, trying to focus on his breathing like Linda had taught him to when Maze had entered the penthouse. He knew he was on the verge of having another panic attack and he was trying to stay calm.

Someone brought a wheelchair for him to sit in, but Lucifer was too scared to leave Robert’s arms. The latter decided to keep carrying him for the moment. He weighed nothing anyway. To see a grown man frightened like that was quite disturbing, but Lucifer didn’t care what it might have looked like. He was just trying not to give in to panic. Chloe put her arm on his shoulder to help him stay grounded.

Inspire. Expire. Keep control.

They finally arrived at the appointment room and Lucifer visibly calmed down when the door was closed and the trio were in the presence of two technicians only. It still took him a few more minutes before he agreed to leave Robert's reassuring arms. The technicians did not comment after they both read his medical records. Just looking at his gaunt body was enough to get them to understand.

They waited patiently for him to be ready for his wheelchair measurement. They would take care of the molds for the splints afterwards. Chloe had warned them that they needed to warn him before any touching if they wanted to get through this without any incident.

When they had finished checking several details, they asked him to sit as straight as possible. One of the technicians had noticed a detail that he wanted to check.

“Is that the straightest you can maintain?”

“I-I think so.”

He tried to straighten but couldn’t. One technician put his hand in the small of his back and the other just under the collarbones and pushed slightly, bringing him a few inches upward. 

“Can you hold this position for me?” The technician asked.

He removed his hands from Lucifer but the latter couldn’t stand the position for more than a second.

“That’s what I thought. Okay, let me check something else. I would like you to lie on your stomach.” They helped him settle on the examination table. A few manipulations later, the technician sighed. “I’m sorry but you will need a posture orthosis too. You’ve been obviously curled up for too long and you won’t be able to gain back a correct posture on your own.”

Lucifer shrugged, but didn’t answer. He was so tired after being measured and manipulated for almost half an hour that he just wanted to sleep.

The prints for the molds were taken on a slumbering Lucifer. It wasn't ideal, but they'd rather do it now than have to go back for another appointment. Exhausted, he did not even wake up when Robert took him back to the car. The centre lent them a wheelchair until the custom one was ready. That would take at least three weeks. However, they would have the orthosis on Friday. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“He’s not doing well.” Robert told Chloe on Thursday evening. “He’s afraid of sleeping and he doesn't want to do anything except maybe listen to music. He’s still spending his days rocking himself or sleeping. That’s not good.” 

“Is he still cooperating for physiotherapy at least?”

“Yes, no problem with that. He’s even almost too cooperative. He never complained, even if I know that it must be painful sometimes. It’s hard for me to figure out how far I can go in the exercises, because he never tells me if it’s painful.”

Chloe had spent all her evenings at the penthouse but had not slept there as she worked every day and it would have been too complicated in the morning with the rush hour to arrive on time at the precinct. Moreover, Lucifer was waking up frequently during the night with nightmares and she needed all the sleep she could get.

“Are you sure it’s impossible for you to come tomorrow afternoon? Amenadiel told me he will lend me one of Lucifer’s cars so there’s no problem in that regard, but you know how he reacted on Monday.”

“No, I’m sorry. I already took last Friday off and left earlier on Monday. The Lieutenant had planned a meeting at 1 p.m. tomorrow so it’s impossible to be there half an hour later. But as soon as it’s finished I will come here.”

When Lucifer woke up, Chloe proposed to watch a film.

“Anything you want except Hot Tub High School.” She said, grinning.

“S-sorry Detective. I’m not in the m-mood for a film.”

“C’mon, Lucifer... You’re not in the mood for anything. This situation can’t last...”

“And w-what I am s-supposed to d-do? I won’t b-be able to s-stay awake f-for an entire f-film and I c-can’t do anything w-with my hands!”

Chloe sighed. He was not wrong.

“Maybe we can search for a series on Netflix? There are a lot of good ones with episodes that only last for forty-five minutes.”

“Well, I’ll l-let you ch-choose.”

Twenty minutes later, Lucifer’s head was resting on Chloe’s shoulder, his eyes closed.

“Lucifer!” She complained. “At least make an effort to watch it… You can’t already be tired!”

“I’m listening. Th-that’s okay.”

“You don’t like it? We can watch something else if you want.”

“No, no. That’s f-fine.”

He seemed to make an effort for the rest of the episode. Robert was right though. He didn’t look fine. Even if he said he didn’t want to, he really needed to talk to Linda.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

The arrival at the center went surprisingly smoothly. Robert had the idea to get Lucifer to listen to music and it was really effective. Eyes closed, he arrived at the room less tense than he had done four days ago.

“Do you feel any pain?” The technician asked when they put on the feet splints.

They were smaller than what he had expected. Not the kind of boots he had already seen, but only molded plastic wear over his socks from just below his calf until a little before the start of his toes.

“Not p-pain but there’s a little s-strain there... and there.” He showed the side of his ankle and the Achilles heel.

“Strain is normal but if you have pain you must immediately let us know, even if you only feel it later or while walking. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

Lucifer didn’t have any shoes to wear with them. Even though they were small, they could never fit in his Louboutins. They got him to try some shoes’ models. He didn’t like any, but he chose the least horrible.

“Okay. Next step.”

They helped him remove his t-shirt. When they brought the posture orthosis, his face changed. Four days ago, he had been half asleep when they had talked about it and he didn’t even remember that they put plaster all over him to take the mold. He looked at it, trying to push back a memory that was about to emerge.

The two technicians started to put it on. It was going from his hips to his shoulders. A large Velcro band assured a perfect adjustment – even when he would gain weight – on his shoulders and sides. An opening had been provided for the feeding tube.

This straight posture was not something he was used to anymore and he felt suddenly very uncomfortable. It was not painful, not like the one he was trying to stop recalling.

_Don’t think about this!_ He thought furiously.

“Do you feel any pain?”

_“Oh! Is it painful, Little Angel? I’m so sorry about that!”_

“Mr Morningstar?” The technician repeated.

“What? No. Not r-really.”

_“You’re an immortal. You don’t really need to breathe do you? I think we can tighten it a little bit more.”_

“Not really or no? This is important.”

“N-no.”

He was now breathing faster and he started shaking.

_Focus. You need to focus._

“Mr Morningstar, are you alright?”

_They stopped pulling on the straps when they heard the ribs cracked. He was bound like a mummy from the hips to the neck, but his arms were still free. The wrapping was way too tight. He could barely take a breath. The chains passing through his body were squeezed now and the pain was even worse than usual._

_“I wonder how long you can stand if we make you do some exercises?”_

_The demon took his cock in her hands and started rubbing it back and forth. Why did they always bring this pleasure with the most horrible pain? He couldn’t breathe enough. Just couldn’t._

_“Oh! How funny! Your lips are turning blue!”_

_He was gasping for air. His cell was spinning around. Or maybe he was spinning?_

_Need some air, he thought before passing out._

Seeing him hyperventilating and totally unresponsive, they called a nurse who gave Lucifer a sedative. They lay him down on the examination table.

“Maybe we should keep him under observation until he wakes up.” One of the technicians said.

“No. He should be fine. I think it’s better if he wakes up at home.” Robert answered.

“As you wish. I don’t know what he’s been through and I’m not sure I want to know. Do you think he will be fine with the orthosis?”

“We will make sure that he will be.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

_“You’re finally awake, Little Angel.”_

_He tried to move but they had tied him in a cruel way. He was sitting on the floor, his hands bonded together to his back. A thick leather collar connected his neck to his ankles with a short chain holding his torso in an almost impossible curved position. His heels were near his buttocks, his knees bent into butterflies on either side. He was sitting up, but only because the chains passing through his shoulders had been stretched. Breathing was even more difficult than before. His whole body was aching._

“Breathe, Lucifer.”

_The demon sitting in front of him was impossibly sexy. Like the previous one had done, she took his cock between her expert fingers and began to play with it. It was impossible to forget the excitement she gave him. Waves of pleasure arose from the pain. He was not getting enough air and he was confused. He could not discern the contradictory sensations that were taking over his body._

_Please let me breathe!_

“Lucifer, c’mon! Breathe with me. Slowly.”

_It’s too tight. I can’t breathe!_

“Follow my voice, Lucifer. Inspire. Expire.”

“I... c-can’t.”

“Yes, you can. The orthosis is not tight.”

_Orthosis?_

Lucifer suddenly came back to reality. He took a deep breath. 

She was right. 

He felt trapped but he could breathe. He was lying on his back, in his penthouse. He tried to turn on his side, but he could barely move. 

“Let me help you. I’m sure that in a few days you’ll get used to it and will be able to do it by yourself.”

_“I had told you that you can get used to anything.”_

Once on his side, he put his hands over his head and started crying. Was this his life now?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He remained silent for a few minutes.

"Th-they had wrapped m-my chest up so t-tightly I c-couldn’t breathe.”

“The demons?”

He nodded.

“A-and they t-tied me and d-did th-things...”

He couldn’t stop crying now and he was shaking uncontrollably. 

“I’m a-afraid. Always a-afraid. Th-they’re always th-there. In my head. E-even in my s-sleep.”

“You’re safe here. I know it’s hard to remove them from your head and that’s why you need to talk to Linda.”

“N-nothing will s-stop the d-demons from c-coming here to t-take me b-back there. N-no one i-is r-ruling H-h-hell r-right now.”

His stuttering was at the worst she had heard so far.

“Amenadiel told me that your Father had sent some of your siblings to take care of this problem.”

“F-Father? 

“Yes. I don’t know exactly what He ordered, but demons won’t come here.”

“D-Dad knows? Who t-told him?”

“Azrael I think.”

He nodded, not knowing what to think about it. His Father didn’t care about him. He sent some of his siblings probably only to make sure his precious little humans would remain safe.

“C-can you hold m-me?” He asked after a moment.

Chloe lay down facing him and put one arm around his body. He kept his arms pressed against his chest as usual but she held one with her free hand. She pressed her forehead against his and they stayed like that until he finally fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all your comments!


	8. Property Of The Lililm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very important chapter where you will understand many things about what happened earlier.
> 
> And as always, thanks to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai!

“I hate th-this” He said for the hundredth time, trying to turn on the bed. His general weakness combined with his unusable hands, the lack of amplitude of his shoulders and the posture orthosis made him barely able to move. He had a horrible night, unable to find a comfortable position and waking up from nightmares each time he fell asleep.

“I know, but it’s necessary if you want to be able to stand straight eventually.”

“I know th-that, but I s-still hate it.”

He breathed a sigh of relief when Robert took it off for the physiotherapy.

“I th-think I will l-like your t-torture sessions now!” He said.

“Torture sessions? Lucifer, if they're that painful, you have to tell me!”

“S-sorry. It’s not that b-bad.”

However, he was so tired due to the lack of sleep that he began to fall asleep before the end of the session.

“I will try to see if Gina can come with Akuma today instead of tomorrow.” Robert told Chloe once he put Lucifer in bed. “Maybe she can even let him stay here. He reacted really well last week and I think he needs him.”

“Yeah. It’s a good idea. Maybe she can also train him to help Lucifer roll over in the bed. Do you think it’s something possible?”

“Maybe.”

“I will go see Trixie and check if I can get Dan to change his mind. She was supposed to be with me this week and I missed her. I don’t want to have to choose between her and Lucifer, but Dan makes things difficult. When Lucifer wakes up, please tell him I will be back later.”

“I will.”

When Lucifer woke up, Linda was sitting beside him. He noticed her but only grumbled, trying to turn away from her without success.

“I can't force you to talk, but I’m curious. I noticed last week you were stuttering. Is it something new since your return or was your speech already like that back in… Hell?”

He remained silent for a few minutes before whispering: “They d-didn’t want me to t-talk.”

“But you know you are here now. Nobody will hurt you anymore if you talk.” She told him gently.

“It’s n-not that.”

Two hundred years later, the bond was still strong. He remembered the pain and the humiliation. Unconsciously, he started rubbing his right forearm against his chest.

“What is it then?”

He shook his head and started crying.

What was it with all those tears since he was back?

“You c-can’t help me. N-no one c-can.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“B-because of this!”

He suddenly extended his right arm, showing the branding inside his forearm. It was partially hidden by the straps maintaining the splint, but was still visible enough to discern some kind of writing.

“I don’t understand. What is it?”

“B-bonding. P-property of the Lilim. Th-that’s what it s-says.”

“What? What do you mean by property of the Lilim?”

“I b-belong to th-them. Whatever th-they ask me to d-do I m-must obey.”

“You’re not a prisoner anymore. You don’t have to obey anyone.”

He shook his head, sighed and explained in a shaky voice the meaning of the bonding.

Obeying was not a choice. 

This bonding had been created at first for the souls who were not feeling guilty and were hard to punish. The bonding acted on the soul. It worked a bit like his ‘mojo’ did to withdraw desire. Since he had been alive when they did it, it had a physical effect too. Each time he tried to resist an order, the mark burned. 

“If they asked you not to talk, why are you able to do it then?”

“B-because I’m n-not human. S-so I’m able t-to resist somehow. B-but it’s hard.”

“And the mark burns each time you talk?”

“Yes. B-but it’s n-nothing. I’ve s-suffered worse.”

“So that’s why you were so afraid of Maze.” She said after a moment.

He nodded. 

“Whatever sh-she asks m-me, I will b-be forced t-to obey.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Gina arrived with Akuma in the beginning of the afternoon. Lucifer looked genuinely happy to see him and the dog seemed pleased to be there too. Lucifer was glad to have some company. Chloe would probably be back in the late afternoon. He was stuck in bed since Robert had set him for feeding again. When he had weighed him in early morning, he had said that half a pound was not enough weight gain in eight days and that he needed to ‘eat’ more.

Lucifer slept for three hours straight in the afternoon. He hadn’t slept that long without waking up in nearly a week and he was in a better mood. Robert noticed he had managed to turn on his side and wondered if he had done it alone or if the dog had helped him. 

“Both.” Lucifer answered when he asked him.

Chloe arrived half an hour later. She had talked to Dan and he had finally agreed to come with Trixie tomorrow. She had told him the truth. Of course he hadn’t believed her. He didn't buy the Devil/Hell part, but he was willing to believe that Lucifer had been tortured.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Ella came to visit around seven p.m. Lucifer was sleeping again. She talked with Chloe in the living room. 

Something is wrong with Ella, Chloe thought. She was not the funny babbling girl she used to be. She was too quiet, too calm. She looked tired too.

“Something bothering you, Ella?" She asked after a moment.

“No, no. Everything’s fine.”

“Ella, I know something’s wrong. You've seemed off all week.”

“I’m just a little tired. Nothing to worry about.”

“Is it because of Lucifer’s return?”

“More or less. I don’t sleep well thinking about what happened to him.”

“Well, if you don’t want to talk to me about it, maybe you should call Linda. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I will think about it. Thank you, Chloe.”

Ella tried to hide her discomfort when she saw him, but Lucifer wasn’t fooled. He knew their friend had something to hide. Was it his appearance that bothered her? They talked for half an hour, but something felt wrong. Lucifer didn’t know if this attitude was new or if the change occurred somewhere in the nearly seven months he was gone. One thing he knew for sure, Miss Lopez wasn’t the same anymore.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was in the middle of a physiotherapy session when Dan arrived with Trixie on Sunday morning. Dan gasped at Lucifer’s gaunt bare chest, covered with scars. The two round depressions below his collarbones looked especially awful, almost as if the skin in the front was touching the one in the back.

“What the fuck, man?!”

“G-good morning t-to you too D...detective Douche.” 

Dan didn’t answer, jaw ajar. Lucifer winced at a particularly painful movement before adding, “C-came to assist in my t-torture session 2.0?”

“Lucifer! I already told you you have to tell me if it’s too painful.” Robert complained.

“It’s n-not too p-painful. It’s n-nothing, really, c-compared to...” He trailed off. There was no need to specify what he meant.

“What happened to you, man?”

“It’s e-easier to th-think I'm just a j-junkie than f-face the truth, i-isn’t it?”

“You should show him.” Chloe advised.

“I d-don’t think he’s r-ready for th-that.”

“Show me what?” Dan wondered, baffled.

“His wings.”

“Will you stop with that?! I’m willing to believe he’s been tortured, but there’s no way I can believe this guy is the Devil and he’d been tortured in Hell!”

Lucifer huffed. He really would have liked to prove to him that his wings were real, but he was very concerned that it would disturb him. In fact, based on his previous experiences, Dan was most likely to go crazy. If it wasn’t for the Urchin, he would have done it without even blinking, but he didn’t want her father to be committed to an asylum.

Trixie would have loved to tell her father that she knew that Lucifer was the Devil. She was afraid that he might not let her see him anymore though.

“As l-long as you stop th-thinking that I'm a j-junkie, it's fine by m-me.”

“Well, seeing how freakishly thin you are... That explanation seemed most likely. All those scars though... Man, I mean... it’s something. And what about your hands? Why are they in splints like that?”

“Severed t-tendons.”

“He'll need to have a tendon graft in about two months. For now, he has to wait for tendon sheaths to form and he's only allowed passive physiotherapy.” Chloe explained.

“You mean... you can’t use your hands... at all?” Dan asked, dumbfounded. “It must be hard!”

“It is.”

When Robert finished the physiotherapy, he put the feet splints and posture orthosis back on Lucifer. He also installed the devil in the wheelchair and Akuma jumped on Lucifer’s tights. Dan looked at him, stunned. His situation was worse than just the scars and malnutrition.

“What did you do to deserve this?”

“Dan! How dare you?!” Chloe shouted.

Lucifer opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. Dan was probably right. He deserved to be punished for all the people he had made suffer. Starting with his Detective. 

He should have listened to Amenadiel and he should have never stayed on Earth in the first place. He wouldn’t have had to suffer all of this and all his friends wouldn’t have suffered either. However, at the same time, meeting the Detective was the most beautiful gift he had ever received.

His eyes were burning.

“I’m t-tired.” He finally told Robert, trying to keep his voice steady.

“You should go, Dan.” Chloe said, mad at her ex, “No one deserves that. You should know better.”

While Chloe was shooing Dan out, Trixie followed Robert and Lucifer into the bedroom. She started petting Akuma.

“I made something for you.” She said when Lucifer was safely laid in bed.

Before he could answer, Chloe came back.

“I’m sorry about what Dan said.” 

“Th-that’s okay. M-maybe he’s r-right after all.”

“No, he’s not. Lucifer… you can't think he is.” She answered almost angrily.

He closed his eyes. He’d love to be able to believe her. 

“Do you want to see my drawing before you go to sleep?” Trixie asked. 

Lucifer opened his eyes, a sad look on his face. Trixie was holding a sheet of paper in front of him.

“I know you love stars so I made a lot of them for you...”

_“Make a star for me, Little Angel.”_

_The horrible bonding made him comply almost too easily. The small star was bright in this enclosed place._

_Too bright._

_When they tied him in an uncomfortable chair, his eyes clamped open, he knew what they were trying to do. If his body hadn’t been mortal,this wouldn’t have worked. But now…_

_His eyes were burning._

_It was so painful. His beautiful star was fading more and more hour after hour. His eyes filled with tears._

_The star became dark. Everything became dark. He could still feel the heat of his star, but even with his eyes still open, he couldn’t see anymore._

“Lucifer! Come back!”

Lucifer suddenly acknowledged the presence of Akuma who had just jumped on the bed beside him. He came back to reality and understood what happened. Again. He began to cry, hating himself more and more for it. He could feel Urchin's distress.

“I’m so-sorry, Urchin. I d-don't want to f-frighten you.”

“Is it my fault?”

“No. It’s m-mine. I’m all s-screwed up.”

He put his forearms over his face trying to hide his tears. Chloe sat in the bed and started stroking his hair after asking for his permission to do so.

“Can I show you my drawing now?” Trixie asked in a small voice when he had calmed down. 

Lucifer sighed.

“I wished I c-could see it, S-spawn but I c-can’t. I’m s-sorry.”

“Oh! Did you remember a bad memory because of my drawing?”

“Yes, b-but that’s n-not why I c-can’t see it.”

“But why then?”

“B-because I’m blind.”

Chloe gasped beside him. 

“What?! But... but you don’t seem blind! I don’t understand!”

Lucifer took a deep breath before explaining how they had blinded him. It was almost at the beginning of his captivity and the long months in total darkness that had followed had been awful. It had taken a few years to adapt but he now looked like a bat. 

By echolocation. 

As soon as he woke up, his brain began sort of using ultrasound imaging to give him a precise 3D map of his environment. It did not work on flat things like a drawing.

“That’s why you didn’t want to watch TV and look for the wheelchair!” Chloe exclaimed.

He nodded.

“But why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why hide something so important?”

“You s-seemed so relieved when you th-thought I wasn’t blind that I d-didn’t have the c-courage to tell you.”

“Oh, Lucifer!”

She didn’t know what to say. How could he think that the fact that he was blind was less important than her relief? 

“It’s n-not so bad D-detective. Not only do I s-see everything tridimensional, b-but I’m also able to p-perceive emotions as though th-they are v-vibes. And I’m r-really used to th-this now. I’m just sad that I c-can’t see your beautiful eyes anymore.”

“Give me your hand Lucifer.” Trixie said suddenly.

“Why?”

“I will show you my drawing.”

The girl put the sheet of paper on Lucifer's belly and gently took his right arm with both hands, stretching his thumb slightly. She began to trace the drawing with it, describing everything. Lucifer was amazed by how clearly he could imagine the drawing in his head.

“That seems w-wonderful Urchin.”

“Thank you, Lucifer!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

It was the middle of the afternoon when he finally woke up. 

“I had an idea!” The Urchin exclaimed, rushing into the room. “We can watch a movie in video description!”

“What?” 

“I found a movie that lasts less than one hour and a half and we can all watch it together while you’re eating.”

Robert had already agreed to do the feeding in the living room instead.

“I d-don’t know if...”

“Let’s try at least.” Chloe said. “She is so excited about her idea.” She added in a low voice, whispering in his ear.

Surprisingly, the video description was really effective. Even if it was a long time ago, he was able to picture the images in his head with the aid of his memory. It was also fun for Chloe and Trixie to hear the description of what they were seeing. Sometimes they even noticed a detail that they probably would have missed without the description.

He managed to stay awake throughout the film, really enjoying it. 

“Th-thank you, Urchin, for this w-wonderful idea.”

“You’re welcome Lucifer!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“Is it possible to let him stay here?” Robert asked Gina when she came to pick Akuma up. “Lucifer is calmer and sleeps a lot better when he’s with him. Akuma even helped him to turn in bed.”

“Well, his training is not finished yet.”

“I know, but I think it’s enough for Lucifer’s needs. You can help me teach him the rest.”

Gina looked at both of them sleeping together. Lucifer had surrounded the dog with his arms and Akuma’s head was burrowed into his neck.

“Okay then." She smiled, "That’s what we will do. I don’t see how I could separate those two now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you never watched a movie with video description you should make a try. That's surprisingly fun!
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave a comment! I love them! :D


	9. I Should Have Never Borrowed That Book!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little special because it is from Ella POV! Some sexual mention in that chapter but nothing really descriptive. It's a short chapter but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway!
> 
> I will never thank enough my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Ella closed her eyes, trying to sleep. 

All she could see was Lucifer. 

Lucifer’s scars. She knew exactly how he got them. Lucifer’s gaunt body. She knew exactly why he had lost so much weight. Lucifer, who had been tortured so badly. Chloe was right. She needed to talk to Linda. She couldn’t stand this much longer.

On Sunday morning, she called her, asking if she had an opening for a session in the next week. 

“I have tomorrow at 4 p.m.. Is that alright with you?”

“Yeah, I'll take it. Thank you, Linda.”

When she entered Linda's office, Ella was uncomfortable. Her friend had advised her not to go to Lucifer but she had gone anyway. Look at how that had turned out.

“I must admit I was surprised by your demand.” Linda said. “How can I help you?”

“I don’t know if you can help, but I hope so.”

She apologized first for not listening to Linda and explained she had gone to see Lucifer after they had met last Friday.

“There was a glowing cocoon in the bed. I could see two men were lying there. A dark skinned man about sixty and what vaguely looked like Lucifer. I was too curious – I should never have been – but I touched the cocoon. I don’t know what I was expecting for but certainly not what I got.”

She paused, not knowing how to explain what followed. Even if Linda already had some questions, she remained quiet, hoping Ella would say more.

“I barely touched it and I was struck by...” She paused again, now on the verge of crying. She shook her head. “I really shouldn’t...”

“You were struck by what?” Linda asked gently. Ella seemed not willing to continue.

“Lucifer’s memories! Like… if I was him.”

Ella let the tears flow. 

“How can that be possible?” Linda almost whispered.

“The older man. It was Him. The Big Guy. That’s probably why. I knew it at the very moment I touched the cocoon.”

“You mean... God was there?”

“Yes. There were absolutely no doubts in my mind about His identity.”

Linda tried to gather her thoughts. Does Ella already know who Lucifer really was? She was pretty sure that the forensic scientist didn't. She always said that he was a good method actor. Linda had to be careful about what she was going to say.

“Why would God be there?” She asked.

“Because He is Lucifer’s father! Lucifer is not a method actor, Linda! He’s the real deal!”

Linda smiled. “I know, Ella. And I know it’s a lot to take in, but I will be able to help you with that.”

“That’s not the problem. I mean, it was a little at first, but I've always been a believer so I’m fine with it. It’s not like I haven’t known Lucifer for more than three years.”

_She was fine with it? Just like that?_ Linda thought. How amazing was her friend?

“What’s the problem then?” She asked.

“I... I saw everything he’s been through. Everything. Like an overload of information in a blink. And now, every time I have nothing to do, every time I close my eyes, all I can see is his suffering. As if I was him. As if I was there. In Hell. I can almost feel his pain. When I saw him on Saturday, I could tell how he got every scar I was seeing.”

She was shaking now. She took a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t even understand how he can still be alive. Why didn't he become insane? What they put him through... It was inhuman. I mean, I know neither demons nor Lucifer are human but... but... I shouldn’t have seen that.”

She stared at Linda with a desperate look.

“How can I stop these images from taking over my mind?”

Linda took a deep breath. Instead of having one P.T.S.D. patient, she now had two. Well technically it was not P.T.S.D. yet for Ella because it hadn’t been a month but if she wanted to avoid it, it was preferable to act now.

“Don’t push those memories back. The best would be that you write them down in something like a journal. Not only what you see, but how you feel about it too. Also, try to not forget that those are not your memories even if it feels like it. You are someone very empathic and you must try to treat those memories like a story in a book.”

“Well, I should never have borrowed that book! It’s the worst story ever!”

Linda laughed at the mention and Ella relaxed a little. It would be hard but she would try.

“Did you know he’s blind now?” She suddenly said as the thought occurred.

“What?! But he doesn’t look like...”

“Well, somehow he can see, but not with his eyes. It’s hard to describe. It’s like a black and white 3D structure. All shapes are outlined and it seems very precise, but it’s not the same thing as seeing. The only colors come from living things. I think it represents their emotions.”

“How can you be sure he’s blind? Maybe it’s just the way the memories looked like?”

“No. There are regular seeing memories too. Before they blinded him. I saw it happen too. They forced him to look at his own star until his retinas completely burned. It was so cruel to ask him to create a star just to blind him with it right after. And the year that followed was terrible. Before he found a way to see… he was in total darkness. The demons used it so well. They would approach him in total silence and then poke him, burn him or cut him. He jumped each time, trying to avoid a menace he couldn’t see.”

She stopped talking to drink some water. She was still shaken, but talking about what she had seen seemed to help her.

“One time… they left him for many weeks alone with nothing. No sound and endless darkness. They didn’t even feed him. Nothing but emptiness. You could think it was a relief to not be tortured but it wasn’t. It was maybe worse. They tied his arms to his back so he wasn’t even able to touch anything. In the end he was just staying prostrated all day long. Doing nothing except breathing. And when they finally came back, it was only to startle him again. He was more frightened than ever."

The memories Ella had received were not only like a film. Emotions were included within them too. It was like she was in his head, reliving the scenes.

“They also had done a lot of sexual stuff during that time. In any way possible. Believe me, Linda, demons are very creative. And it was not in the fun way. More like rape. Sexual torture in a way that no masochist would even like. Pleasure and pain all mixed together. I think you will need to talk to Chloe about this if they are going into a serious relationship. I don’t see how he will be able to overcome what they did to him.”

For someone used to sleep with anyone consenting, complying to every desire, it must have been really bad.

When the session ended, Ella realized that she felt better. Talking about it had really helped. She would follow Linda’s advice and write Lucifer’s memories down.

“I’d like to see you next week.” Linda said. “I have the same opening available.”

“Yes, that would work. Thank you, Linda.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

_“Pull them out!”_

_As soon as the white wings were out, many demons started to pluck the feathers. Lucifer was on his knees, bent forward in a submissive position. He winced at each feather that was plucked. His wings seemed extremely sensitive and it looked really painful._

_It took a long time to remove all feathers from the wings. Not a single one remained. Lucifer was shivering, probably both from pain and cold. For many years, every day they had done the same thing. More than a thousand times. Plucking his feathers like a duck. To make pillows and cushions they said. How humiliating it must have been!_

_Most of the time, after only the wings membrane and muscles were left, they broke his bones. They left him suffering for hours afterward, before finally severed the wings so they could grow back the next day and procure new feathers. That was probably the most painful part, even if it was a relief at times._

_And about once a week, the worst occurred. They made slices of his wings’ flesh and fed them to him. Most of the time he was sick afterwards, trying to puke as far as the chains allowed him, not wanting to step in it later. Of course the demons never cleaned up._

As Ella finished writing, tears fell on the page. It was not even the worst he had suffered. 

Two days ago she had done some research to try and understand what she was seeing. She had found that almost everything that had been created to cause suffering in human history had been used on him. 

Each evening ever since her talk with Linda, she sat down and wrote Lucifer’s memories that were creeping through her mind.

It was painful. It was stressful. However, it was also helping. She still had nightmares about the horrific torture her friend had underwent, but at least she was able to go through her days without thinking about them too much. It was now reserved for the hour she spent writing them down mostly. 

Maybe she should give her notebook to Linda when she was done? It could help her understand what Lucifer had been through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter different from the others! I still enjoy all your comments!


	10. Autistic Patterns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you dear readers for all your comments on this story! You are amazing! I just finished writing chapter 24 so don't worry for the update schedule!
> 
> Another big thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai! She worked a lot on this chapter and the two next!

Linda had an idea concerning Lucifer’s stuttering. 

Since it was caused by the demons forbidding him to talk, she was hoping that the problem could be fixed by a demon allowing him to talk. 

The hard part was to convince Lucifer that Maze was safe. They finally managed to do it via a phone call with Lucifer on the verge of panic, but able to control himself. He immediately felt the release though and thanked Maze for it.

Akuma’s presence had a great impact on Lucifer. In the week that followed, he had one episode of dissociation only, slept better and definitely was in a better mood. When a panic attack was forthcoming, Akuma pressed his snout into Lucifer’s neck. That was usually enough to calm him down. He still had nightmares from time to time, except for when he was sleeping between Chloe and Akuma. With the dog curled up against his chest and Chloe lying behind his back, he went through the night without waking up.

However, he continued to rock back and forth on a regular basis. When someone touched him without warning or when he heard a loud noise, he immediately became jumpy and uncomfortable. He didn’t like any change in his daily routine either. 

“He developed autistic patterns.” Linda concluded when she came over on Saturday.

“He became autistic?” Chloe answered, surprised.

“No. You don’t become autistic. You either are or are not. However, the trauma he’s been through led him to develop reactions and comfort mechanisms that are often seen in individuals with autism.”

“How can this be corrected?”

“It is not so much to correct the problem as to ensure that the situations that lead to these behaviours are avoided. We must do everything we can to make him feel as safe as possible, especially at home.”

As safe as possible did not include shaving his beard. Amenadiel had brought him back from Hell five weeks earlier. If the length of his hair was finally returning to a semblance of normal, his beard was beginning to look neglected.

He had agreed to shave it, but when she started the electric razor, he recoiled in bed with a panicked look in his eyes.

_“Shaving time, Little Angel!”_

“Please, d-don’t.” He whispered. Even if he was not stuttering as much now, he still did when he was frightened.

Akuma sensed his distress and climbed to his lap. Even if the demons were shaving him with a manual razor, the sound brought back too many memories.

“Unless you want to look like a hipster, you will need to shave eventually. Do you prefer that Robert do it manually?”

“Even less!”

“Okay. Let me call him to try to find a solution.”

She came back a few minutes later with his phone and AirPods. Lucifer was stroking Akuma’s fur, rocking back and forth.

“Robert suggested trying it with music. Do you want to try?”

He nodded, but he didn’t stop his rocking.

“You will have to stop rocking if you want to try.”

He stopped and looked at her, a bit confused.

“Sorry. I didn’t even notice I was doing that.”

“That’s okay, Lucifer. You don’t have to apologize. What do you want to listen to?”

“Something loud and noisy. Just look through my playlists.”

She smiled and found one playlist entitled: Hard Rock. That should do the job. She put the AirPods in his ears and turned the Active Noise Cancellation on.

She could feel Lucifer was still tense but he didn’t move until she finished. She left his usual scruff on. The scars on his cheeks and chin were more apparent, but she preferred him with them rather than with a five weeks beard. When she removed the ear buds, he shyly asked her to hold him. They stayed silent until he fell asleep.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer had good days and bad days. 

Today was a bad day.

Chloe looked at him and shook her head, helpless. If a stranger had passed by, he would certainly have thought he had Autism. She was glad that Linda had explained this type of behavior a few days earlier.

Since the beginning of the day, many people have been going in and out of the penthouse to adapt the place to enable Lucifer to be as autonomous as possible even if he couldn't use his hands or walk for the moment. He had told Chloe and Robert that what he found the most difficult was to be dependent on everyone to do the slightest tasks for him, so they had asked the rehabilitation center if something could be done about it. 

The men were building a ramp over the stairs leading to the bedroom and adding bars he could use with his elbows in strategic places. They'd even changed the toilet seat to a fully automated Japanese-style seat.

At first, everything had been fine, but after one hour of noise and people milling around, Lucifer was on edge.

Chloe had put his ear buds in. Even if he was listening to music, he couldn’t stop the movement around him. Even worse, with his natural echolocation, even if he was closing his eyes he was still ‘seeing’ them. He had tried to sleep in a guest room, but it was almost worse since he was startled at each noise the AirPods couldn’t hide and he wasn’t able to identify the provenance. He ended up on the balcony, rocking in the wheelchair Akuma on his tight, his arms tightly pressed against his chest.

He finally agreed to lean on Chloe sitting beside him. Exhausted, he managed to fall asleep in her arms.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

God watched as Samael struggled not to give in to panic. He had been watching over His son every day ever since He brought his errant mind back. As usual, Michael was standing beside his Father, waiting for Him to finish and give him news on his twin's state.

When he heard what his Father had to say, Michael immediately wanted to go help him.

“You know it’s a bad idea, Michael. You will only serve to make things worse.”

“But, I can’t let him like this! He’s suffering and needs me!”

“Chloe is helping him. He will be fine. You cannot possibly believe that he would allow you back in his life much less forgive you so easily.”

“I forgave him." Michael argued, "He can do the same.”

“You are the one who broke his wings and sent him to Hell. Not the other way around.”

“Because You asked me to do so! You know I would never have done that otherwise! You know how hard it has been for me! I still have nightmares about that! I’ve never wanted to hurt him! I hated him for eons for his rebellion and what I had to do because of that! Don’t You understand that, Father? Don’t You understand that my hatred towards him was not because of what he had done but because of what You had asked me to do afterwards?”

“Calm down, Michael. What is done is done. I’m sure one day you’ll be reunited again, but now is not a good time.”

“What is done is done? You will never admit You were wrong Father don’t You? You will never admit You shouldn’t ask me to send my twin, _my other half_ , to Hell for eternity!”

“I should have found another way, I know.”

Michael stopped his tirade and looked at his Father with wide eyes, taken aback.

“You _know?_ You admit _You_ were wrong?”

“I thought that it would be better if it was you than any other sibling. I thought he would never hate you regardless of what happens.”

“But You were wrong.”

“I was.”

Michael remained silent. To his knowledge, this was the first time his Father had admitted His wrongs.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

As promised, the wheelchair arrived three weeks after the order. Lucifer was surprised and pleased with it. It looked nothing like the one they had lent him. Using cars for the comparison, the one he currently had would be a Honda while the new one would be a Lamborghini.

The rehabilitation center technician who delivered it to the penthouse helped Robert to settle Lucifer in it. Lucifer had to admit that it was surprisingly comfortable. Maybe even more comfortable than his Italian leather couch. 

The handrims were covered with foam for a better grip. While it was almost impossible for him to move the other wheelchair by himself, he happily discovered that a small effortless push with his thumbs allowed him to roll the new one. It was almost too easy.

The titanium frame and high performance carbon fibre wheels made it lightweight and highly manoeuvrable, even for him. As his grip was not as good as it would have been if he would have been able to use his hands fully, they had added hill holders so the chair wouldn’t roll backward when he climbed the ramp to access his bedroom. 

All by himself.

“So? What do you think?" The technician asked.

“It’s perfect. I love it!” He admitted.

And that was true. Thinking about it made him feel strange. He loved _his_ wheelchair. The wheelchair he was going to _use_. The wheelchair he _needed_. 

More than three weeks after he started his rehabilitation, he was still unable to make more than two steps alone. How much time would it take to be able to really walk? He didn’t even want to think about it.

The Devil in a wheelchair. 

How could this have happened?

_Are you really the Devil anymore?_ A little voice in the back of his head asked.

“The frame is a deep red by the way.” Robert said, knowing now that Lucifer couldn’t see its color.

The technician looked at him strangely.

“You’re color-blinded?” He asked.

“I’m blind. Period.”

“What?! But you seemed...”

“Echolocation.” Lucifer said bluntly.

How many times would he have to explain that? It was probably better that not everyone knew he was blind, he thought. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

In the beginning of the afternoon that same day, Chloe arrived at the penthouse followed by Ella and Dan. Lucifer had just woken up a few minutes earlier. The timing was perfect.

“Hey! How are you?”

She sat on the side of the bed, smiling. Lucifer looked confused.

“It’s already the evening?” He asked.

Without seeing light, it was impossible for him to tell what time it was. And with all the naps he was doing during the day, it was even easier to lose track of time.

“No. Just the beginning of the afternoon. I have something special to ask you.”

“Something to ask...” He trailed off. “Why are Miss Lopez and Detective Douche here?”

Chloe turned around but she couldn’t see them from where she was.

“How do you know they are here?” She asked.

“Echolocation doesn’t have sight boundaries, Detective.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like sound can go through a wall, ultrasound can do it too. It’s less precise but I still know what’s on the other side.”

“You can see through walls?!”

He smiled. “Indeed! I told you that being blind wasn’t that bad.”

Now he could see through walls. Great.

“Well, as I said I have something to ask you. A service.” 

She waved at Ella and Dan to join her. There was no point in keeping them away since Lucifer already had acknowledged their presence.

“A service? You want to make a deal?" He grinned.

She was happy to finally hear some Luciferness from him.

“Not a deal. Just a service, Lucifer. We have been working on a difficult case for many weeks and your ‘mojo’ would be useful, I think.”

It would be good for him, wouldn't it? Going out? Getting a semblance of normal back?

“I’m not even sure my ‘mojo’, as you say, is still working. I needed eye contact to make it work, remember?”

“You can still do eye contact. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.”

“You want me to go to the precinct to pry a confession from a perp? It’s not a good idea. There are way too many people out there and I’m not ready for that.”

“This is a special case.” Ella intervened. “We are talking about a serial killer who killed fourteen teenagers so far. Even if we are 99% sure of who is behind that, we are unable to find enough proof to connect him with the murders. Not that I haven't done my best.”

“I’m sure you did, Miss Lopez.”

“And in two hours we will be forced to release our suspect without more proof or a confession.” Chloe said. 

“And it will be hard after that to be able to get a hold of him again.” Dan added. “I’m not sure about this ‘mojo’ thing, but the two ladies here swear that it worked.”

Lucifer shook his head.

“And what about the stairs? There’s no way I will arrive in the bullpen carried like a baby.”

“There’s an elevator on the other side. No police officer used it because we don’t enter through the main entrance, but we can make an exception.”

“There must be another way...”

“Fine.” Chloe said. “What do you want in return?”

“What?!”

“Let’s make a deal like you said.”

He looked at her uncertainty. How could he even refuse her anything?

“I... I will need you to stay with me tonight if I do this. For the whole night.”

“Deal.”

“And I want to bring Akuma with me to the precinct too.”

“Agreed. Something else?”

“We need to make sure my ‘mojo’ is still working before going.”

“Well, it doesn’t work on me, but I’m sure Ella or Dan will be happy to help.”

“What?! I won’t submit to that!" Dan jerked.

“I will do it.” Ella said.

She came closer to the bed and sat besides Lucifer.

“So, I just have to look at you in the eyes?”

He nodded, swallowing. He didn’t like to try this on a friend. The Douche would have been a little easier for him, he thought.

“Miss Lopez, tell me, what do you really desire?”

Ella seemed to resist one second before answering: “I wish I had never touched that cocoon.”

“What cocoon?” He asked, puzzled.

“The one you were in when...”

“O-kay!” Interrupted Chloe, knowing what the forensic scientist was talking about now. With Dan just beside her, it was preferable that she didn’t go any further.

“Wait! But what cocoon?” Lucifer repeated, now more curious than ever.

“Later, Lucifer. We are kind in a hurry if you want to help us.”

He sighed and pouted like a child, making Dan laugh.

“Man! You’re what? Four? Grow up a little!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had been in fact split in two. Chapter 11 will be technically the rest of this chapter!


	11. I Want To Do This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting earlier than usual because after all, this is the second half of the precedent chapter! My beta reader SK_Kasai had worked a lot on this one too!

Lucifer had insisted on being dressed properly to go to the precinct. Of course he was unable to do it himself. Chloe brought a few suits from the walk-in closet and they checked which one had the largest sleeves so the splints can go through. Robert had said there was no way he would risk tearing something in his healing hands by removing the splints. A three-piece dark grey suit was perfect and Daniel helped Robert to dress him. 

Dan had seen him bare-chest two weeks earlier and had noticed the scars. Now, even if the orthosis was hiding his chest, he realized that Lucifer had scars everywhere on his arms and legs too. Seeing it up close was disturbing. Painful to look at. When he lifted one tight to help put the pants on, he realized how bony Lucifer was. No wonder he couldn’t walk.

The pants were too large for him and were prevented from sliding down with the belt only, but they had to do with it. Even with the posture orthosis, the vest and jacket were also two sizes over.

"Lucifer… you don't have to do this if you don't want to." Chloe told him privately once he was dressed. "We don't want to push you or anything, but it seems… better. I mean, for you to go out and get back to work bit by bit…"

"I know, Detective." Lucifer smiled, "I want to do this."

Chloe smiled back, feeling oddly proud.

“Do you know where my ring is? I-I don’t want to go out without it.”

“Yes. I put it in the nightstand drawer. But why is it so important?”

“It’s a gift. From my Father. I’ve always wear it since my F...”

He seemed almost sheepish saying this, unable to finish the sentence.

“I understand.” Chloe soothe him. “Do you have a chain or a necklace that I could put it in? You could wear it this way since it’s impossible to put it at your finger.”

“I think so. Just look in the drawer where my cufflinks are. You should find one.”

She came back a few minutes later with a chain and took his ring from the drawer.

“Here we go!” She said once the chain been put around his neck.

“Thank you.”

He put a palm against it, closing his eye. That was so strange that he hate his Father so much but at the same time couldn’t go out without wearing his gift. The only thing left from his Father. He shook himself. It was time to go.

Once installed in the wheelchair, Lucifer didn’t want to be pushed.

“You got the new wheelchair!” Chloe exclaimed when she saw him. “It looks great!”

“Yeah, I agree. Much more comfortable than the other one.” He smiled.

“So you’re good to go?”

Akuma went to him, wearing a vest. Lucifer frowned.

“Why did you put a vest on him?”

“Gina provided it. It says 'P.T.S.D. Service Dog' so people won’t try to pet him.”

P.T.S.D. Service Dog. 

Well, he guessed that what Akuma was after all.

“Good to go.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

He was so unsure about this. There were so many people. Too many people. He was barely out of the elevator when the first police officer recognized him.

“Oh my gosh! Lucifer! What happened to you?”

“Later.” Chloe said as Ella was trying to make their way towards the interrogation room.

Maybe they should have warned them, Chloe thought. After eight months of absence, seeing him return in a wheelchair and barely recognisable must be a shock. Everyone appreciates him at the precinct.

Lucifer had intended to roll the wheelchair himself through the bullpen, but he was clinging to Akuma as if his life depended on it now. Dan was pushing him. Before entering the interrogation room, they went to the adjoining observation room to let him calm down.

“They all peek towards here.” He said after a moment. “It will be fun going out of here.”

“I’m taking care of this!” Ella said, leaving the room.

Lucifer petted Akuma for the next minutes, slowly calming down. 

“Let’s do this.” He sighed.

When they arrived in the room, Chloe began to ask a few questions to put Lucifer in context. She waved at him innocently when she felt the moment was right: “Do you have any questions for Mr Crawford?”

“Oh, yes. Mr Crawford, look at me.”

“Whoa! Your eyes man! That’s freakin’”

“Well, tell me, what is it that you truly desire?”

“I-I want to be the most famous one in the world!”

“What?” Chloe said.

“Shhh.” Lucifer interrupted her. He had seen something in the vibes the man was now irradiating and he wanted to push a little further.

“You want to be famous in what, Mr Crawford?”

“Being the greatest serial killer in all of human history. I’m a faithful servant of Satan!” He claimed.

“Certainly not!” Lucifer exclaimed, rolling his wheelchair backward until it bumped into the wall. “I have n-nothing to do with this man, Detective!”

“I know, Lucifer. Calm down.”

“Your name is really Lucifer?” The culprit asked, laughing. “I’m sorry, my King.” He added in a mocking tone.

_“I’m sorry my King.”_

Suddenly, the room faded before him.

_“Did I hurt you, my King? Oh! I’m so sorry again! And that? Did that hurt?”_

_He felt another discharge in his whole body, fighting to stay conscious. They would kill him someday._

Something was pressing into his neck.

“Lucifer, stay with me!”

He blinked and realized he was with Chloe in the observation room. Dan had called some officers to bring the thug into custody.

“I’m sorry.” Lucifer said sheepishly.

“You’re sorry? You just made him confess!”

He shrugged. “Well, I g-guess that’s what's most important.”

“I think we can say it’s a success!”

“Except my little freak out.” He grumbled.

“It was not an ordinary case. You did great, Lucifer.”

She looked at his defeated look.

“What’s bothering you?”

He shook his head and looked away.

“Please, Lucifer, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Will I freak out like this with each suspect I question?”

“You’re eager to come back to work, aren’t you?” She smiled.

He nodded. “It’s strange, don’t you think?”

“Why would it be strange? You always loved working here.”

“Well, there are too many people in here and I feel like somebody will touch me any minute and it’s really stressful but at the same time... doing this... it... feels right.”

Ella entered the room at this moment.

“I fixed everything.” She said. “Nobody will touch you, I promise.”

“What did you tell them?” Chloe asked.

“The truth. Well not the whole truth, but enough so that they understand.”

Lucifer couldn't help but feel that his friend had greatly changed. She seemed in a better mood than the last time he saw her, but she wasn’t the bubbly girl he remembered.

“What about that cocoon you mentioned earlier, Miss Lopez?”

Ella frowned. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Don’t lie to me. You wouldn’t have said that if it was nothing.” 

Ella sight and explained how she ended up in the penthouse one night and discovered the whole truth in a blink.

“I now know that you’re not a method actor!” She said with a little laugh.

“Wait! You said God was there? It’s impossible, Miss Lopez. My Dad doesn’t care about me and He would never have done that!”

“It’s true, Lucifer.” Chloe said. “I saw Him too.”

Suddenly, all the thoughts about his Father shattered. He came to see him?

“B-but why?” He whispered.

“You were not really there at that moment. You were unresponsive, your mind lost somewhere and... your Father said He would bring you back.”

Lucifer shook his head. He would need to think about this later, maybe in a session with Linda, but not now.

“But what about you, Miss Lopez? I thought that knowing the truth would please you.”

“Oh! It does! Of course it does!”

“Why do you regret touching the cocoon then?”

“I-I had access to all your memories. I saw everything they had done to you... I’m sorry.”

Lucifer gasped. She saw _everything?_

He stared at her with horrified eyes.

“I’m really sorry, Lucifer! I didn’t want to invade your privacy! I didn’t know that that would happen!”

“I’m not worried about my privacy, Miss Lopez, but about you. My memories are certainly not something a human should have seen.”

“I know.”

That’s why she was so different, Lucifer thought. 

Maybe Raphael could help? He prayed to his sister, hoping she would hear him. Seconds later, a ruffle of wind filled the room.

“Lucifer!” Chloe almost shouted. “You can’t ask angels to come in here without warning!”

“Why not? We are just the three of us in this room!”

Chloe went to lock the door while Raphael tucked her wings.

“Sam! What happened to you?! Father told us you’ve been tortured but I had no idea it was this bad. Why didn’t you call me earlier?!” The blonde angel demanded, eyes wide.

“I didn’t call you for me, Raphi, but for Miss Lopez.”

“What?! But you...”

“Miss Lopez here had access to my memories,” He cut in, “and I was hoping you could soothe the devastating effects that had on her.”

Raphael turned to face Ella. She held a hand towards her forehead.

“May I?” She asked softly.

“Sure.” Ella said.

The angel pressed her hand on Ella’s forehead and closed her eyes. When she reopened them, tears were beading at the corners of her eyes.

“Oh, Sam!” She whispered.

Lucifer knew his sister would have had access to his memories, but it was the only way to soothe his friend’s pain.

“I can’t erase the memories,” Raphael told Ella “but in a day or two you won’t feel the emotions associated with them anymore. It would be like a report that you will be able to forget eventually.”

“Thank you so much!” Ella answered. She could already feel the difference.

Raphael turned to face Lucifer and kneeled in front of him.

“Give me your hands.”

“No need to worry. Humans are already taking care of this.”

“I won’t leave before I take a look.”

Lucifer sighed but let her take his hands. After a moment she frowned.

“Where are the tendons?!”

“I will have a graft for that soon. This is just the first step.”

“When you have it, give me a call. Now I can’t do anything about it. Let’s take a look at the rest of your body.”

“I’m fine, Raphi. Don’t worry about me.”

She was about to reply when someone knocked on the door.

“Chlo, are you still in there?” They heard Dan ask.

“I guess I have to go.” Raphael said.

Just before leaving, she put her hand on Lucifer’s head.

“Take care of yourself, brother.” And seconds later she was gone.

Lucifer knew she had used her powers to soothe him. 

He could feel it. 

He knew it wouldn’t last forever but for the first time in two centuries, he felt good.

Chloe had already unlocked the door.

“What are you still doing here?” Dan asked. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, Daniel, we’re fine.”

Dan blinked at the use of his name, but he didn't comment on it. It was not often that Lucifer didn’t call him Douche.

They finally went out, Lucifer insisting he didn’t need help. Chloe and Ella looked at him as he greeted some police officers on their way out and they knew Raphael had done something to him.

It was nice to see him relaxed for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you still enjoy this story! Thanks as always for your comments all along!


	12. Your Presence Is Required In The Underworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget while reading this that it's just a fic. This is NOT what I wish for the series!
> 
> A huge thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai who helped me a lot on this chapter! It took a whole week before we arrived to a version we both liked!

Raphael’s soothing lasted a few days. Lucifer even agreed to go to the hospital to have an ultrasound of his hands to check the sheaths' status. They turned out to be perfectly formed almost a month before the scheduled time and were ready to receive the tendons’ graft.

The weeks following the surgery were not the easiest. 

Doctors had forbidden Lucifer from using his thumbs to push the wheelchair, arguing that there was too much risk of damaging the recent grafts. In fact, except for the passive physiotherapy, he was forbidden to use his hands at all. 

He was plastered almost to his elbow leaving only his thumbs and the inner part of the fingers free, the wrist flexed inward. Rubber bands fixed on four of his fingers were used for the passive flexion. Because of these rubber bands, he was unable to pet Akuma as well and it was probably what caused him more stress. He needed the dog so badly.

More often than not, he would lose patience and either yell at everyone, or close in on himself and cradle himself for hours. He didn’t go to the precinct at all during this time. He was definitely not in the mood.

Many times during his convalescence, Chloe proposed that he call his sister instead of suffering through all this but Lucifer refused to do it. Chloe knew why. After being rejected by his family for eons, he was certainly afraid that his sister would change her mind and not come. That would have been worse for him than what he was going through right now.

A month after the surgery, the plaster was finally removed and he got the go-ahead from the doctors. Since his extensors had been severed as well, once his hand was fisted, he was unable to unfold his fingers. He had to use dynamic splints to keep his fingers extended, but at least he could try to use his hands now. Try to. At the moment, that was the best he could do. 

He would need a lot of physiotherapy. When the recovery would be complete for his flexors, he would have to go through the whole process all over again for his extensors.

But now was not the time to think about it. Now, he wanted to go back to work with Chloe. Of course, he would have to overcome the fear he felt each time he was surrounded by many people. But they would find a way.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

The first step in his return was a meeting with the lieutenant. 

A few basic rules had to be put in place and the only way to be sure that the message was well understood by everyone at the precinct was through their boss. To avoid as many problems as possible for them, the Lieutenant would provide a summary of what Lucifer had been through and the problems he was facing, including his blindness and the way he was now ‘seeing’ (without mentioning he was seeing through walls. No needs to freak out anyone!). This way no one would try to show him pictures of their kids – or anything else that was flat – and cause awkward situations since Lucifer was unable to lie.

Everyone loved Lucifer at the precinct and the lieutenant assured them that they would do their best to ensure his well-being. They all needed to understand that it was normal for him to wear earbuds all the time or to rock himself. No comment should be given about it. There still would be a lot of chances that a panic attack or dissociation episode could occur and they would be informed about that too.

The few rules would include: No contact under any circumstances. If they had to touch him, they must warn him before. Of course this also meant no startling. They would also be asked to avoid discussions about what he had been through or his current condition. Akuma would also follow him everywhere and at any time.

Since Maze was still a bounty hunter for the LAPD and they wanted to avoid Lucifer and her having an unexpected face-to-face encounter at any cost, Maze would text or call Chloe before going to the precinct.

His official return had been a little awkward at first. Lucifer was unnaturally shy and his co-workers didn’t know how to approach him now that they knew. Ella asked for a hug that relaxed everyone and brought them closer. Lucifer took a deep breath.

“Not everyone at once.” He begged with a faint smile.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

One week later, he went out on a crime scene for the first time. 

They were not sure how it would work with the wheelchair but they were willing to make a try. 

And it worked great. 

Since he was now a little stronger – the seventeen pounds he had gained in the last three months helped – he was now able to climb the steps to enter the house with some help from Dan. Chloe brought the wheelchair inside. Akuma was always staying close to him or on his lap, but he didn’t disturb the scene or try to wander around.

His particular ‘sight’ allowed Lucifer to see details hidden from the eyes of others and they quickly realized its usefulness. Without even opening it, he discovered a double-bottomed drawer where the murder weapon had been hidden. Who knows if they would have found it without him. It would have taken more time for sure. Only Chloe knew that he could see through walls or objects. She managed to pass this discovery as a stroke of luck.

Lucifer wouldn’t have said he was happy, but that was the closest he could be at the moment. He was still unable to fully open up to Linda, most of the time talking of unimportant things. She had tried to bring him to talk about his eating issues but he just couldn’t. Even if it was far from being the worst thing they had done to him, it was probably the most emotional one. 

Angels’ wings were divine. Connected to their very soul. The most sensitive part of their body. And with all the issues Lucifer had had with them, they were even more emotionally charged than they were supposed to be. Sometimes he was dreaming that they were screaming at him to stop the pain. 

It was obvious that Chloe and Lucifer were in love with each other but Lucifer wasn’t able to go past cuddling and a few little kisses on a physical level. Even a simple caress still made him shiver. 

The only place Chloe was able to caress him was his hair. He especially loved it when she styled his hair in the morning, this task still too complicated for his hands. Since he was sleeping better – even if he still had nightmares – she was often staying at the penthouse on weekdays now when Trixie was not with her.

Lucifer was never staying at work all day long being usually tired after two or three hours. Anyway, he still had a lot of physiotherapy to do so he couldn’t have spent the day there even if he had had the energy. Most of his joints were still stiff and it was taking longer than he thought to regain the mobility of his fingers. Some nerves had been damaged as well, there were parts in his hands he didn’t have much sensations and it didn’t help either.

Surprisingly, he didn’t have any dissociation episodes or panic attacks since his return to work. Nothing that Akuma or Chloe hadn’t managed to ground before he lost control. 

Until now.

He froze in terror the moment he perceived it.

“D-demon!”

Chloe gave her phone a look. Did Maze text or call her without her hearing it? But there was nothing. Maybe she forgot?

But it was not Maze's style to forget. She looked around, searching for either their friend or something out of place. It was almost lunchtime and the place wasn’t as full as usual, many officers already gone.

Dan noticed her worry and Lucifer staring toward the main entrance, eyes-wide.

“Something’s wrong, Chlo?”

She didn’t answer, texting Maze to know if she was somewhere near. Before she could receive an answer, the source of Lucifer’s fright appeared.

The body the demon had possessed was covered in blood, a knife still stuck in the middle of the chest. A first police officer noticed it and went to help the ‘poor man’, screaming to call an ambulance. He barely finished his sentence when the demon removed the knife from his chest and planted it in the officer’s shoulder.

From that point, things began to degenerate. A second demon, soon followed by a third one appeared in the bullpen. Many officers aimed at them but the demons continued walking. Straight towards Lucifer. The latter was still frozen, in shock.

“Your presence is required in the Underworld!” The first demon shouted.

“Lucifer, go lock yourself in one of the interrogation rooms.” Chloe whispered.

But Lucifer didn’t budge. His right forearm was pressed tightly against his chest, his jaw tense.

“Dan, please take him to a room and lock the door.”

“What?!”

“Do it now!” Chloe ordered. She knew about the bonding and the last thing she wanted was Lucifer not being able to resist and going back to Hell.

“I'm not leaving now!” Daniel shouted in return, pulling out his gun.

A first policeman shot the first demon in the leg. It was now only a few feet away from Lucifer and Chloe. The demon barely twitched.

“Now, Dan!” Chloe yelled, shooting the demon's other leg. She knew it was useless, but her co-workers didn’t know it was a demon and shooting to kill could have caused her trouble since the demon seemed unarmed.

Before Dan moved, Ella appeared and rolled the wheelchair backwards toward her nearby lab. Like Chloe, she had fully understood what was going on.  
Chloe backed up but tumbled on a chair and fell to the floor. Dan didn’t wait and shot the demon three times in the chest... with almost no reaction from the demon. Two officers jumped on the ‘man’ and tackled him to the floor, but the demon was just too strong. 

On the other side of the bullpen many officers were trying to ground the two other demons, but they seemed to be inhabited by a supernatural force.

“What the fuck?!” Someone yelled.

Suddenly, Chloe noticed that Maze was there. She hadn't seen her arrive, but Maze had probably understood what was going on with Chloe’s text and came to the rescue. She sliced the throat of the demon closest to her, went to the second one and jabbed her Hell-forged blade into his chest. Before anyone else had time to react, she was already heading for the third one near Chloe. 

Nobody noticed that a fourth demon had arrived and was going straight to the lab until the huge window separating the bullpen from the lab shattered.

“M-Maze?” Lucifer blurted.

She raised her head and noticed Lucifer and Ella, holed up in a corner of the lab. Losing no time, she threw one of her blades to the demon she was heading for and rushed towards Lucifer and Ella instead. She had to protect her tribe. No one dared touch her tribe. She saw Lucifer's face contorting with fear. Her heart tightened, thinking that he was still afraid of her.

“Return to your Kingdom!” The new demon shouted at Lucifer.

She needed to do something before they forced him to return there. She could see he was fighting the order. She reached for the demon, now way too close to Ella who was trying to protect Lucifer. Humans could be idiots sometimes.

In the same movement Maze stabbed the fourth demon and threw his body aside. She gently pushed Ella away, reaching for Lucifer.

“Lucifer! You don’t have to...”

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Seeing his eyes wide with terror she stopped, unsure on what to do. But being unsure in the middle of a battle was not the good thing to do. 

The pain startled her. 

An excruciating pain like she never felt before. Where was this coming from? She thought all demons were dead! Wide-eyed, she tried to reach the blade in the middle of her back. In the middle of her heart. Her hand never reached it and she fell on the floor.

She looked at Lucifer, trying to tell him to leave to safety, but it was too late. She couldn’t talk anymore. She couldn’t breathe anymore. She couldn’t see anymore, her empty gaze staring at the void. 

“Lucifer! Return to Hell now!” The demon who had just killed her yelled.

Seconds later, glowing white wings filled the lab and Lucifer was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you have comments to left! :D I hope you're not too mad at me right now! Don't forget I promised a happy ending!


	13. He’s The Real Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments on the previous chapter! I love when I receive a lot of comments like that! So for this chapter, the first part is the exact same story as the end of chapter 12 but from Lucifer POV. And you will have the aftermath of what happened in the precinct.
> 
> A big thank again to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

“D-demon!”

The very moment he sensed it, he knew how all of this would end. 

He was so close to being happy for once. But of course, happiness was not for him. Each time he had been close to happiness since his Fall, the world had crashed down on him. Maybe it was part of his Father’s punishment? Maybe sending him to Hell was not enough and He had made sure His son could never be happy again. That must be it.

“Your presence is required in the Underworld!”

Immediately, the branding on his forearm began to burn. He felt his soul being called on by Hell, the urge to go there barely containable. He needed to focus on something else.

Forget the pull. Forget the burn. Don’t give in to panic.

He startled when the window of the lab shattered. He hadn’t even realized before that he was now with Miss Lopez. Did he see Mazikeen? Maze was here?

“M-Maze?” He blurted.

He saw her coming towards him and couldn’t help himself when fear rushed through his body. He saw her coming closer but couldn’t do anything about it.

“Return to your Kingdom!”

The pull grew stronger. The burn became more intense. He had to resist. He didn’t want to return there. 

The demon who gave the order was really close now. Only Miss Lopez was standing between them. Don’t give in to panic. Maze was there to protect him. Not the opposite. Maze would never...

Miss Lopez was pushed aside.

“Lucifer! You don’t have to...” Maze began.

He opened his mouth to warn her but nothing came out.

_The demon! Just behind you!_

The words never crossed his lips. He tried, but he was so scared. Too scared. 

He saw the surprise on Maze’s face. Her body fell to the floor. Her gaze fixed on him. He felt the loss the moment she passed out. He didn’t need any confirmation. The link between them was broken. For forever.

Guilt crawled inside his chest. Maze was dead because she had wanted to defend him and his humans. Worst, he saw it coming, but he had been unable to warn her. Too scared. A coward. It was his fault that she was dead. No Hell, no Heaven. Just gone.

“Lucifer! Return to Hell now!”

He deserved Hell. He deserved to be punished. He finally surrendered. He unfurled his wings and let the pull guide him.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe realized the demon near her wasn’t dead the moment he spoke. She was totally focussed on Maze who had just collapsed to the floor. She shot at point-blank range into the demon's head and finally silenced him for good. 

But it was too late. She felt more than she saw the wings unfurl. The familiar rustle of wind. 

Lucifer was gone.

She shook herself. It was not the moment to be in shock. First Maze. Lucifer was gone and there was nothing she could do about it at the moment. She reached to her body, searching for a pulse but there was none. She had been stabbed right in the heart, the kind of wound that was unforgiving. Why did the demon have to be so fast? 

“What the hell was that!?” Someone yelled.

Chloe looked around. Everyone seemed to be in various states of shock, but at least no one seemed to have noticed Lucifer’s disappearance. 

No one but Dan.

He was staring at the corner where Lucifer was earlier, eyes-wide, staring blindly at the empty wheelchair. Ella was talking to him, but he seemed in shock. Lucifer was right. He was not ready for proof of divinity.

Chloe reached for him and helped Ella sit him down in a lab chair away from Lucifer's wheelchair. No need for a reminder when he would come around. Akuma, who had been sneaking around, jumped in the wheelchair and lay there, whining. Ella went to pet him. Poor little dog, she thought. He didn’t understand what was going on.

“Dan, talk to me.” Chloe said softly, kneeling in front of him.

Dan blinked. A few seconds later, he finally talked.

“The guy has fucking wings.” He whispered.

“Yeah! I know!” Chloe laughed. “It’s a little hard to process at first, but don’t worry, you’ll get used to the idea.”

Dan shook his head.

“He’s the _real_ Devil, Chlo'. How could I get used to that?”

“He’s the same Lucifer you've always known. The same eternal child who likes to steal your pudding and play pranks on you.”

“But the Devil is evil, Chlo'! The Prince of Lies! How can you trust him?”

“He’s not evil and he's never lied. It’s a point of pride for him. I don’t know where all this crap comes from, but I can assure you he has a good heart.”

Dan sighed. “I don’t know. At the same time everything makes so much more sense... I don’t know what to think. Is he really gone to Hell?”

“Probably. He wouldn’t have left if not to follow the order the demons gave him. You must know that during his last stay in Hell, the demons created a bond that compels him to comply with their desires. The branding inside his forearm.. you may have noticed it.”

“Had he really been tortured in Hell?”

“Yes. I told you before, but you didn’t believe me. He’s been tortured for two centuries. Time passes differently down there.”

“Two centuries? I don’t want to imagine what it must have been like. The part I don’t understand is why the Devil would be tortured in the first place.”

“It seems that when he retired, the demons began to believe that he was not their King anymore. They plotted to replace him and make him suffer for all the orders he gave them in the past.”

That was one of the few things Lucifer had shared with her. He barely spoke of what happened in Hell, but he was at least willing to explain how this all started.

“I’m sorry, Dan, but I have a phone call to do. I need to inform Amenadiel about what had just happened. Lucifer will need to be rescued.” _Again_ , she thought, trying not to panic.

Amenadiel. 

Daniel suddenly realized that if Lucifer was the Devil, his brother must be an angel. An angel who had said that Charlotte was in Heaven.

“What about Charlotte?” Dan said before Chloe made her call. “Is she really in Heaven?”

“Yes, Dan. Amenadiel brought her there himself.”

It was a relief to hear that. But what about himself? He wondered. With all the mistakes he had made, he was probably destined to go to Hell.

Heaven was real. 

Hell was real. 

What a mess!

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer crashed in Hell, not even trying to stand. He didn’t bother to tuck in his wings, staying limp on the floor, waiting for his punishment. He deserved it. He was craving it.

He didn’t have to wait long before demons took care of him. Of course, the first thing they did was to rip off all his clothes including the orthosis which they destroyed because his wings were passing through it. 

He didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was now unable to open his fingers without the active splints either. He would not need them here.

However, the demons did not touch the chain around his neck and the ring it was holding. They recognized the divine side of the latter and preferred not to approach it.

Maybe his friends would try to rescue him. Chloe would ask Amenadiel to find him for sure. The question was: did he deserve it? Does he still deserve his Detective after what he had caused? What he deserved was to be punished. Maze was dead because of him.

While he was lying on his chest, many demons stepped on his wings and started to poke them with various sharp objects. They broke all the wings’ bones they could, tore apart nerves and tendons and pierced the flesh until the wings didn’t look like wings anymore.

He knew he deserved all this, but it was no less appallingly painful. When they attached his wrists together and hoisted him in the air, something tore apart in his shoulders and he thought he would pass out. They had prepared a rolling stilt in his absence, apparently with the aim of suspending him. His wings hung miserably on either side of him and his feet, not touching the base, swayed with each movement.

Then, the humiliation began. 

The demons rolled the stilt in each of the alleys of Hell in order to present their Fallen King to all the demons. Fallen angel. Fallen Devil. This was his life.

At first, the demons simply stared at him, but soon things got out of hand. They began to insult him and then spit on him. They doused him with various liquids that he did not want to know the origin of. They threw various objects at him.

He didn’t complain. He didn’t even cry despite the suffering. 

He deserved all this. 

How long has he been there? He wondered after what seemed to be weeks of being carried along and humiliated. 

It was hard to guess. When in pain, minutes tended to look like hours. That was an effect of Hell. Amenadiel should have been already there if they had wanted to rescue him.  
But why would they have? It was only risking more humans getting hurt because of him. If he stayed in Hell, no demon would search for him on Earth.

“You’re not fun!” Lilith complained at one point. “React, get angry, cry or do something!”

He shook his head but he didn’t answer and stayed limp. 

Why complain?

He deserved their treatment.

Exasperated, Lilith ordered the demons to drag him towards the lava lake.

“I will make you react!” She shouted.

Once there, they brought the stilt as close to the lava as possible. Still suspended by his wrists, the stilt suddenly began to tip forward. As it swung, the pole to which he was attached descended and soon his feet touched the lava. 

Immediately, the pain became dazzling.

He folded his knees instinctively to try to avoid touching the lava, but they only lowered the pole more. His legs were far too weak for him to hold them that way for long. When he finally gave in and his feet sunk into the lava, he thought he was going to die. 

_Too painful. Please make it stop!_

But he didn’t say it out loud. He resisted for a few minutes before losing consciousness.

He did not know how long he had been unconscious, but it did not matter. He was still hanging from the stilt. Lucifer was surprised to find that he was alone. 

The pain in his legs was excruciating. He thought for a moment that he would pass out again. He couldn't stand it for much longer. He suspected that if they had left him on the shore of the lava lake, they probably intended to plunge him back. He could not resist this treatment twice. 

Yes, he deserved to be punished. However, if he died, he would find himself stuck in a Hell loop for eternity. If this thought had not bothered him before, it did now that Maze had died. How could he bear to see her die over and over again?

He had only one solution: be wiped from existence. Like Uriel. Like Maze too. 

Just vanished.

It was better this way. 

Maybe that was what he really deserved. He knew how to do it. 

He was the Lightbringer.

All he had to do was to make all light vanish from within him. It was not the same as when he and Michael shared their energy back in the Silver City. It would just be allowing himself to be swallowed by the darkness.

He couldn't help but shed a tear thinking of his dear Detective, whom he would never see again. 

Would she miss him?

He closed his eyes and concentrated. A few moments later, a black cocoon appeared around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure you can't wait for the next chapter now! I will try to post it in 2 days instead of 3. Please leave your comments!


	14. Where's Lucifer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, you are amazing with all your comments! So to thank you I decided to post this chapter earlier than what I originally planned!
> 
> A big thanks again to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

After calling Amenadiel – who promised that he would go to Hell as soon as he found a babysitter for Charlie because Linda was working – Chloe returned her attention to the bullpen. 

She needed to stay busy in order to not think too much about Lucifer who was probably already being tortured in Hell right now. There was nothing more she could do about it at the moment. Besides her, Ella and Dan, no one seemed to have noticed Lucifer’s disappearance yet.

Paramedics were already there, an ambulance having been called at the very beginning of this. Many officers had suffered injuries, going from getting knifed in the shoulder to being thrown against a wall or the furniture. Everyone was still trying to understand what happened.

For a moment, Chloe wondered if she should tell them the whole truth, but she finally decided against it. Dan did not yet seem to have completely recovered from the revelation he had just had and he had known Lucifer for almost five years. What would the reaction of someone less close to him be? What would they do if they learned that they were working with the actual Devil?

“It looked like the Mayan massacre.” Someone said, not knowing how right he was.

Beside the corpses the four demons had inhabited, there was Maze. Maze, well-known at precinct since she was their best bounty hunter.

It took more than an hour before the busting bullpen calmed down. Ella was like a bee, going from one body to another to take evidence. She knew that except for Maze, she needed to find the first cause of the death, before the demons inhabited the bodies. Three out of four of them have been killed by Maze afterwards.

Usually, in a case like that, another police department would take care of the investigation but it was the last thing everyone wanted. Chloe called Monroe, their former lieutenant who was now the L.A. chief of police to check if she could do something.

Lucifer must have rubbed off on her, she thought proudly after her phone call. The chief agreed to let them take care of the situation on the condition that they keep it from the press. It was really unusual to go off the rules like that but when _Lucifer Morningstar_ is pronounced and you ask for a service in his name…. it helps, right?

Chloe said she would take care of everything for Maze's funeral. Of course Maze wouldn’t have wanted a ceremony, but Chloe thought they at least needed to do something for her. She was hoping Lucifer would return soon enough to be able to help her decide what they should do. She watched her being carried away in the mortuary bag and finally let her tears fall for her ex-roommate. Trixie would be devastated.

“I will stay at the penthouse tonight.” She told Dan and Ella. “I told Amenadiel to bring Lucifer there when he finds him. Linda said that she will come too with Charlie.”

“Can I come too?” Ella asked.

“Yeah, sure. I’m sure Lucifer will be happy to see us when he’s back.”

“Maybe I should come with Trixie too.” Dan said hesitantly. “You know how much she loves him and Maze. She might be mad at me if she learns that we left her aside.”

When Chloe had told him that Trixie had believed Lucifer was the real Devil since the first time they met, Dan almost lost it. His daughter was fond of the Devil?

“Yes, that’s a good idea. Anyway there are enough guests rooms in the penthouse for everyone. The lieutenant agreed that I leave for the rest of the afternoon. He knows that Maze was my ex-roommate. You can join me for dinner. Maybe buy something on your way there.”

“Yes that’s perfect.” Ella said. “Now you must bring back the wheelchair without everyone noticing it. It will be hard to explain Lucifer’s disappearance. We will walk to the exit with you.”

Akuma was still lying in the wheelchair and Chloe petted the poor dog before heading towards the exit. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

By the time Amenadiel finally found a babysitter for Charlie and left, it had been about a week since Lucifer arrived in Hell. 

This time, Amenadiel lost no time. He grabbed the first demon he saw. Not wanting to be attacked from behind, he lifted him in the air.

“Where’s Lucifer?” 

“I won’t tell you.” The demon tried to defy him.

Amenadiel flew higher and tightened his grip around the demon’s neck.

“I could let you down. I’m pretty sure a fall from this height would hurt...”

“He’s beside the lava lake.” The demon sighed.

“Lead me.”

The demon pointed in the right direction and led Amenadiel towards his brother. When they arrived in sight of the lake, Amenadiel noticed the stilt and the body of his brother hanging there, motionless. His wings seemed in a terrible state. Like the first time he came to rescue him, no demon was around.

“Why is he alone? Don’t you monitor him?”

“No need to. He can’t go anywhere anyway. He’s our slave.”

Infuriated, Amenadiel let the demon down. He crashed on the floor and Amenadiel didn’t look to see if he was dead or not. When he arrived closer to Lucifer, he suddenly noticed a black cocoon surrounding him. Did it just appear or it was there before and he hadn’t noticed it?

No it hadn't been there. He had seen his wings before, but now they were hidden under the cocoon. He had never seen that before on any angel. It seemed to swallow the surrounding light. Amenadiel had a bad feeling about it.

He landed besides his brother and reached for what looked like a black chrysalis. An electric shock sent him violently backwards and he fell a few feet away. He got up, completely stunned by what had just happened. How would he rescue Lucifer if he couldn’t touch him? Did Lucifer create that cocoon to protect himself?

Amenadiel inspected the installment and knew what to do. The chain that was attaching Lucifer to the stilt was not wrapped in the cocoon and was of a size he knew he could break. Taking care of not touching the cocoon, he broke the chain and flew with his brother.

He landed in front of the Gates of the Silver City.

“I request the authorization to enter with Lucifer!” He pleaded.

Seconds later, the Gates opened. Amenadiel soared again, not wanting to drag his brother on the floor, even if it was a heavenly one. He was astonished he didn’t have to plead more to let Lucifer enter. He was supposed to be banned from Heaven after all.

Once at the infirmary, he was surprised to see that Raphael, Michael and God himself were waiting for him. Staying in flight, he tried to lay Lucifer on the bed but it was not easy dragging him only by the chain. Raphael tried to help him. However, like Amenadiel, she got thrown backwards when she touched the cocoon.

“What is that?!” She shouted.

“I don’t know.” Amenadiel answered. “I found him like this.”

God tried to help in turn, but even if he wasn't thrown back, he flinched at the touch of the cocoon. When Lucifer was finally laid on the bed, God recoiled and Amenadiel noticed that he was crying. He didn't remember ever seeing his Father cry. 

“He’s willing himself to die.” God whispered. 

All this time, Michael had stood a little behind, in shock. At his Father’s voice, he seemed to come back to reality and he went closer to the bed. Without a word, he lay down beside his brother and wrapped him in his arms. Seconds later, the cocoon was surrounding them both.

“Why isn’t he pushed back?” Amenadiel asked.

“Samael is the light.” God answered. “He’s trying to fade into nothingness by getting his light absorbed by darkness. Michael is the darkness half of Samael, so he can swallow this energy.”

“Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Not in the way you think. But they now share their energy. If Samael died, Michael will follow him.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Daniel was on his way to pick Trixie at school. He was struggling to keep his attention on the road, a million thoughts invading him. Lucifer was the Devil. The _real_ Devil. The one in the Bible. No, not the one in the Bible, Chloe had said. A lot of things were apparently wrong about him.

Ella was sitting on the passenger’s seat, but she remained silent. She knew it was a shock to discover your co-worker was not a delusional man but the _real deal._

“Since when have you known?” Dan finally asked.

“A few months ago.”

“And what do you think about all this?”

“I think the same as I’ve always thought: the Devil gets a bad rap.”

“Maybe... I mean, to realize that all is real? That Heaven and Hell are real? That we were working with the fucking Devil all this time?!”

Ella smiled. “Yeah, I know. It’s a little freaky at first but you know that he is the same Lucifer we've always known, right? You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“I’m not sure whether I’m afraid of him, or whether my fear is more about learning that Hell is a real place. With all the crap I have done...”

“I’m sure you will be able to talk to Lucifer about it when he gets back. Remember that Charlotte had done bad things too. She even went to Hell the first time she died. But she changed her life and she’s in Heaven now.”

Dan nodded but didn’t answer. It was still a little hard to think about her. He realized they had almost arrived at Beatrice’s school.

“We’ll wait to get to the penthouse before telling her about Maze okay? Trixie loved her and I don’t want to have to deal with a fit of tears in the car.”

“Yeah, sure.”

After having stopped at a take-out and promised Trixie – about ten times – that they would explain to her why Ella was there and why they were going to join her mom at the penthouse, Dan finally parked his car in Lux’ underground parking.

Linda was already at the penthouse with baby Charlie and only Lucifer and Amenadiel were missing.

“Where’s Lucifer?” Trixie asked.

“He will arrive later.” Linda said reassuringly.

But when they settled to eat without waiting for him the girl began to worry.

“Why don’t we wait for him? What’s the point of eating here if Lucifer is not here?”

“We will explain everything after eating, Monkey. Eat while it’s still hot.”

She pouted but began to eat nevertheless. Until she noticed the wheelchair where Akuma was lying.

“How could Lucifer be gone without his wheelchair?” She asked in a panicked tone. “He can’t walk and he needs it!”

She looked at everyone’s sad look, worry surging within her.

“Is he dead?”

“No, Monkey, he’s not. But he’s back in Hell. Amenadiel went to bring him back.” Chloe said gently.

“But why? He hates being there!”

They explained to her everything that happened. As expected, she was devastated. She cried in her mother’s arms, inconsolable.

“It’s so unfair! Why does Lucifer's Dad let things like that happen?” She sobbed.

“No matter what Lucifer says, I don't think his Father interferes in our lives.” Ella said. “He’s there to help us get through it, though.”

The forensic tech added her hug to Chloe’s and they stayed like that until Trixie calmed down a little bit.

“When will Lucifer come back?” She asked in a little voice.

“We don’t know, Monkey, but we’ll all be here when he does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it! Next chapter will be on Friday! Please, leave a comment!


	15. Maybe We Could Pray?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special note for this chapter about suicide. Suicide is NEVER a solution. If you have that kind of idea, please seek help. Friends, family, suicide lines, even a perfect stranger is better than attempt suicide. Please read this chapter with caution. It’s not a funny one. No matter what you are going through, please never surrender and keep hope. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

God had sent Remiel, Gabriel. Camael and Raguel to Hell to take care of the demons. They would make sure they would never attack an angel again. They would only leave a handful of demons in Hell.

Of course, Lilith would give birth to new ones, but God had added a little something to Lilith’s curse. The new demons she would give birth would never be able to inhabit a body other than theirs. They wouldn’t be able to go to Earth with their own bodies either. They would die the moment they passed Hell's threshold.

God should have been satisfied. That was something He should have done a long time ago. At least the possession part. He should have been satisfied, but He was not. 

Samael was willing himself to die. 

For weeks.

He could feel his son's energy weakening a little more every day and He knew that soon there would be nothing left. He didn’t know what to do.

He had been aware that it had been harder and harder for him to return to Hell after each visit to Earth. That’s why He had created the Miracle and made them meet. 

Samael needed a friend. 

He got more than that, but it seemed that it had somehow made his pain worse. Now, He might lose his son forever. He might lose His Lightbringer. Alongside Samael, God might also lose his twin, His Sword.

God was sad and He was upset.

He had to send Raphael and Amenadiel to talk to their siblings. 

There was nothing Raphael could do at the moment anyway and Amenadiel’s pacing was driving Him nuts. He had heard some of His children talk about Samael's presence in the Silver City and had realized with a pinch in the heart that some of them didn’t approve at all. 

They were all horrified by what happened to him, but that didn’t mean they thought he had the right to be in the Silver City. It was His fault in the first place.

After banishing Samael, everyone had thought that He had disowned His son and He had never bothered to correct them. They needed to understand that things had changed and that all He wanted now was reconciliation with Samael.

What had He done so that His son would desire to be erased from existence? He knew He had failed as a father. Was it too late to try to fix things? Would His Lightbringer live so that He could try to redeem Himself?

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“Why does it take so long?” Trixie complained at around 7:30 p.m. “Didn’t you say that time is a lot slower in Hell?”

“Yes, Monkey. I don’t know why it’s taking so long. Maybe the demons hid him and Amenadiel has to search for him. I don’t know.”

“Maybe we could pray?” Ella suggested. “I don’t know if angels or God can hear prayers, but at least we could try.”

“Do we pray to Lucifer or to his Father?” Trixie asked in a small voice.

“Why not both?”

“How do we do that?” 

Ella explained to her and Trixie started to pray.

“Lucifer, please come back!” She begged. “We miss you!”

They all started to pray, even Dan. He was feeling really weird about praying to the Devil, but all the others had already started doing it. It’s not like they had a lot of things to do except wait anyway.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was not in pain anymore. He didn’t feel anything. Why was he there? He tried to remember.

Maze.

Maze was dead and it was his fault. He couldn’t warn her and let her die before his eyes. Her empty eyes looking at him was all he could see now. He had to join her in nothingness. He had to be erased like he did to Uriel.

_“If you die, Sammy, I will follow you in death.”_

Michael? What was he doing here? As if his twin would do that.

_“Really? Like you followed me to Hell?”_

_“You know it’s different.”_

They were all the same. They all told him he had great ideas, but they were never ready to follow if he wanted to take action. Especially when he wanted to do something different than what Father asked them.

_“How so? Instead of breaking my wings and pushing me down you could have rebelled too and followed me!”_

The worst moment of his life.

His twin threw him to Hell.

_“You know I did it because Father asked me to!”_

_“You were not obliged to follow His orders. You could have come with me.”_

But he would never have done that, of course. Daddy’s orders were far too important.

_“Going to Hell? You’re not serious!”_ Michael huffed.

Right.

Michael only took the easy way. He should have known.

_“At least I wouldn’t have been alone.”_

_“I will never allow you to be alone again.”_

It was so easy to say, especially that he was about to disappear forever. Why was he still able to think by the way? Shouldn’t he be dead already?

_“I won’t let you do that!”_

Pffft! 

He could always try. It was too late now. For centuries after his Fall, he had hoped that his twin would miss him the way he missed his twin and that he would come to join him in Hell. He had banished this hope a long time ago. Hope was cruel when you knew what you were hoping for would never happen. 

He let the nothingness wrap him up. It was so good to feel nothing. 

The constant pain was gone. 

The overwhelming guilt was gone.

Everything was gone. 

There was nothing except peace.

Time passed quickly in nothingness, or maybe it passed slowly. Why was he still there?

_“Lucifer, please come back! We missed you!”_

He knew that little voice. He tried to remember it as other voices joined hers.

Who did these voices belong to? 

Who was missing him? 

Could someone really miss him? Nah, it must be some trick the demons came up with to torture him even here. No one would miss him. 

Then, a voice suddenly stood out from the others. 

Her voice. 

_“Lucifer, please, don’t leave me! I love you!”_

The Detective was here? Wasn’t he in Hell? He needed to check. She couldn’t be in Hell.

The moment he erased the cocoon, pain struck him. He quickly scanned his environment, but he was not beside the lava lake anymore. 

Where was he? 

He was confused. He couldn’t recognize his environment. The Detective was not there for sure. He tried to move to have a better look, but the pain was unbearable. Removing the cocoon was a mistake. Hoping to see the Detective beside him was a mistake. There was no hope for him.

He needed to put the cocoon back.

“Don’t!”

Dad? Dad was here? Before he could resolve his attempt, he fell asleep.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

God saw the cocoon flicker and suddenly vanish. Michael’s wings were over Samael and he couldn’t see His Lightbringer. Both were lying still. Seconds later Michael shifted and Samael moaned faintly. 

They were alive!

But then He felt it again. The strong desire for death. The urge to bring the cocoon back. 

“Don’t!” He almost yelled.

God quickly went to the head of the bed and touched His son’s forehead to bring him to sleep. He couldn’t let him do this again. He asked Raphael to come back but He didn’t warn Amenadiel. All His children had to be informed that Samael was welcome back in the Silver City and Amenadiel would probably have been more annoying than useful in the infirmary anyway.

Michael was still lying beside his twin and Raphael had to ask him to leave the bed so she could examine Samael. While Michael was slowly moving away, she noticed that Samael’s wrists were above his head, still bonded together and she hurried to liberate them.

Michael felt weak and went to lie down in another bed. Samael had drained all his energy and he needed to sleep.

When she could finally look at Samael, Raphael gasped. His wings were wrapped around him in an unnatural position and they were covered in dried blood. They were not glowing like they used to be either. They looked dull, Samael’s light too dim to enlighten them. She tried to stretch one wing to evaluate the damage, but the wing was stiff. 

Of course. 

Samael has been here for weeks and the broken bones in his wings must have healed in a wrong position. She would have to break them all over again to put them in the right position so they could heal properly.

“Father, can you keep him asleep? There’s no way I could fix his wings if he woke up.”

“I will. Do what you need to do.”

She worked for hours, just to repair the first wing. She broke the bones again, put them in their correct position, repaired the tendons and the nerves, and removed the damaged feathers. When she finished working on the wing, she put it in a giant splint she had designed eons ago when she had been taking care of her siblings after their fights. 

She finally had a look at the rest of his body. 

Angels didn’t care about nudity. They were usually dressed when wandering in the Silver City but if one of them decided to go around naked, no one would complain.

Angels always look good. _This_ was disturbing. 

First, he was in a state of appalling filth. Disgusting. Second, how could he be so appallingly thin? She could see every single rib protruding beneath his skin! Raphael looked at Michael, sleeping in a bed nearby. Even if the twins had stayed the same amount of time curled up together, Michael hadn't lost weight. Yes, Samael had already lost weight when she had seen him a few weeks ago, but it hadn't been that bad, had it? His cheeks were definitely not that hollow at that time.

And what in the name of her Father had they done to his feet? How could she repair that?!

_“Azrael!”_ She prayed. _“Can you come here please?”_

Waiting for her sister to arrive, she began to clean him. When she finally finished this task, she rolled her brother over to have access to his other wing. She noticed his shoulder had the same problem that his wings. It had healed wrong. They were not broken, only dislocated. However, the muscles, tendons and nerves had healed the wrong way. She also had to treat all the dislocations. What a mess.

When Azrael finally appeared, Raphael asked her if she could recall a human doctor that had died recently and gone to Heaven. She probably needed a surgeon or a doctor specialized in burns. She certainly didn’t need help from someone who died a hundred years ago with the medical knowledge humans had in those times. The most recent the death was, the best it would be. She had no idea how to repair Samael’s feet and needed advice on it.

“Don’t call him Samael in front of him.” Azrael said. “He hates that. But yes, I can bring you someone who died recently.”

Raphael began to repair the second wing. She was tired, but it was not the time to rest. It would be a long night. Half an hour later Azrael was back with a late-fifties man.

“He’s a surgeon who died a few weeks ago only.” She said when she introduced him. “Dr Rodriguez, this is Raphael, my sister.”

The man greeted her and immediately went to Lucifer to examine him. He then told Raphael what he would need for the surgery.

“Azrael, can you gather everything from Earth? I don’t have all this here.” Raphael said.

“Yes, I will. Please, make a list.”

Azrael was one of the rare angels able to hide herself from humans so she was the best for that task.

“Sure. I will give you that. I also noticed he has a feeding tube.” Dr Rodriguez said. “You should bring everything required for feeding too. This man is dangerously underweight.”

“Archangel.” Raphael said.

“Yes, right, sorry!” The doctor said, blushing.

“That’s fine.”

“I never thought that I would still be doing this after my death” 

The surgeon made a detailed list – with drawings in some cases – of what he would need and specified that all instruments needed to still be in their sterilized package. It was not the time to get Lucifer infected on top of everything else.

While Azrael was gone, he helped Raphael fix the wing. He knew nothing about angel wings, but a bone was still a bone and a tendon was still a tendon. All this time, God stayed silent at His son's bedside, stroking his curls. He had noticed that the ring He gave him was in a chain around his neck. Even if he wasn’t able to wear it, he had found a way to keep it on him. He was touched by the fact. Maybe that meant He could still repair their relationship.

When they finished, the surgeon explained to Raphael what he intended to do while they were waiting for Azrael to come back. He would need her help.

“You can't be serious...” Raphael said, paling.

“There’s no other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think?


	16. I Wish I’d Never Been Born At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, you are so awesome with all your comments! From now on, when I will receive many comments on a chapter I will post the next one 2 days later instead of 3 days! Because I know you're eager to know what's coming next!
> 
> This is a hard chapter. Be warned. Same note for this chapter about suicide. Suicide is NEVER a solution. If you have that kind of idea, please seek help. Friends, family, suicide lines, even a perfect stranger is better than attempt suicide. Please read this chapter too with caution. It’s not a funny one either. No matter what you are going through, please never surrender and keep hope. 
> 
> A big thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Pain greeted Lucifer upon waking up. Why was he in pain? Why was he still alive? 

He tried to move, but it only caused him more pain. He couldn’t understand. He should be dead. Even death didn’t want him?

“Don’t even think about it!”

Why was he still hearing his Dad's voice? Even in death, He would never leave him!

“You’re not dead.”

_“Shut up! Get out of my head! I should be dead!”_ But he was so weak that he couldn’t say it out loud.

“I won’t let you.”

Lucifer tried to focus. He needed to focus. Where was he? Why did his Dad keep talking to him?

“You’re in the Silver City.”

He can’t be in the Silver City. He was banned from there.

“Not anymore. I fixed that. Amenadiel brought you here.”

_“Stop listening to my thoughts!”_

Even when he was young, Lucifer hated when his Father was listening to his thoughts. They were his. The bastard had no right to do that. 

Raphael could only hear half of the exchange, but at least she knew her brother was awake.

“You are in the infirmary of the Silver City. You’re going to be okay now.”

Raphael? Raphael was there too?

_“No. I’m not okay. I will never be. Maze is dead because of me.”_ He answered her.

“You have no responsibility in her death. Stop feeling guilty about that!” God said in an angry tone.

_“Please, Dad! Stop listening! You know I hate that!”_

“I won’t stop until I’m sure you don’t have a death wish anymore. I won’t let you die!”

_“Like you care!”_

“I do. I have made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. But I want to try... to make things better. I want to help you.”

_“If you want to help me, then kill me. Wipe me out from existence. I don’t deserve to be alive. I don’t want this life You gave me. I wish I’d never been born at all.”_

God was stunned like He had never been in His whole existence. None of His children had ever told him something like that. What had He done? 

God cried like He had never cried before.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Michael woke up to his Father's angry voice.

What was going on? He was still a little confused from his deep slumber. Samael had really drawn all the energy he had. Well, it was more him who gave his energy rather than the other way around, but the result was the same. He was exhausted. 

He started worrying when he realized that his Father was crying. Had He ever cried before? 

“What happened?” He asked his sister.

“I don’t know. Father told him He wants to help, but I don’t know what Sam told Him in return.”

Michael looked at his Father, but the latter shook his head. He didn’t want to repeat what He just heard.

“He still wants to die, doesn't he?”

God nodded, unable to stop crying.

Michael got closer, taking a look at his twin’s gaunt body for the first time. Raphael had pulled a blanket over him to his mid-chest, but Michael could see enough to understand his brother was desperately underweight.

He could also see all those scars on his arms and the top of his chest. His arms were curled against his chest in a protective way. Michael wished he could have been able to lie down beside him, but that wouldn’t be possible until his wings healed. 

“Let him sleep.” Raphael said. “I know you want to help but he’s in pain right now and really needs to rest.”

“Yeah, I understand. Just seeing how his wings don’t glow anymore speaks for itself. I still need sleep too. He really drained me out. We’ll talk later.”

Michael returned to his bed and fell asleep a few minutes later.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

A little more than an hour later, Lucifer woke up in panic, shaking and crying. Raphael went to soothe him. Amenadiel was still speaking with their siblings, Michael was still sleeping and God had retired to his apartments, still in shock. He had told Raphael He needed to think.

“Shhh, I’m here, Sam. Calm down.” She stroked his hair and he shivered.

“It will never stop!” He said in a faint voice.

“What will never stop?”

“The nightmares. The pain.”

“It’s barely been one day since we finished fixing everything. Give yourself a little more time.”

“We?”

“Yes. A human doctor helped me.”

“Human? But... Aren't I in the Silver City?”

“Yes, you are. But your feet... I couldn’t fix that myself so Azrael found Dr Rodriguez, who had died recently and he helped me.”

“Nice to meet you.” A man said beside the bed. He had stayed in a corner of the room since they had planned to let Lucifer wake up on his own.

His feet.

His nightmare was about that. The lava lake. A pain like he never felt before.

He tried to move them but couldn’t. All he could feel from the middle part of his lower legs was a numb, throbbing pain.

The echolocation didn’t work well in this open area. He tried to push himself up to get a better look but the pain in his shoulders and his legs dissuaded him. He had discovered a long time ago that echolocation worked better when he focused on what he wanted to see as though he was actually looking with his eyes.

And now he was unable to see his feet.

He tried to lift his head again, but he was too weak.

“You want to see?” Raphael asked in a soft voice.

As he nodded, she went to help him but he flinched at her touch.

“S-sorry!” He immediately apologized. “I just... don’t like to be touched.”

“That’s fine. I understand. But I need to touch you if you want me to help you sit up.”

She put a hand beneath his head and the other on his upper back to help him sit up a little. He couldn’t sit because of his splinted wings but he could at least have a better angle. Dr Rodriguez removed the blanket covering him.

Lucifer tried to focus and shook his head.

“I... don’t understand... Echolocation works great usually.”

“What do you mean by echolocation?”

“I’m blind Raphi, but...”

“What?! You’re blind?!”

“Yes, but never mind that, usually I still can see by echolocation. But now... I... just can’t see them. Where are my feet?”

Raphael was unable to answer. It was Dr Rodriguez who did.

“We had to amputate them. Most of the feet had melted and there was no blood circulation either. I’m really sorry, but there was no other choice.”

“But... but why do I still feel pain in them? That’s absurd!”

He had a pillow under his knees to keep his legs raised. Even if he couldn’t see clearly, that was enough to understand that his legs stopped a few inches below his knees. Was he mad? He could still feel pain in them! How could he feel pain if there was nothing? 

“It’s called phantom pain.” The doctor explained, “It’s a real sensation even if the limb is not there anymore. A lot of amputees feel it, especially if you were feeling pain in your limb before the amputation.”

“It’s... disturbing.”

“It should fade with time, but I won’t lie to you. Some people never get rid of it.”

“Of course, I will be one of them. Lucky as I am. Can I lay back down now? I’m tired.”

“That’s it?" Raphael asked while she lay him back down. “No crying? No screaming? No ‘It’s unfair!’?”

“What am I supposed to say? It’s not like I was not already unable to walk anyway. And it’s not my first amputation, even if my wings had always grown back.”

“Oh, Sammy! I’m so sorry!”

Michael had woken up a few minutes ago. He was at the foot of the bed now, staring at him.

“Don’t be, Mi. I deserve to be punished. Can I sleep now? I’m tired.”

“Never think it’s a punishment!” Raphael and the doctor said simultaneously. 

“Maze is dead because I was too cowardly to warn her. I deserve to be punished. I should be dead. Please, pull the blanket back up. I’m freezing. He had brought his arms up to his chest, shivering.

“Don’t ever talk about dying again!” Raphael said in an angry tone. “I had spent more than one entire day fixing you! You're certainly not going to die and ruin all my hard work!”

Lucifer gave her a funny look, but said nothing. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep was good. Well, at least the part without the nightmares.

Raphael sat down and wept silently. Her brother was an amputee. Her brother was blind. Her brother wanted to die. Why has no one paid more attention to him? Why did no one care? Why had they all abandoned him like he was not worth it? 

Dr Rodriguez tried to comfort her, but she was inconsolable.

God returned from His apartments, having sensed Raphael distress. He put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know. I just hope it’s not too late to fix what can be fixed.”

“Will… will his feet grow back?”

“No, they won’t. Self-actualization can do a lot of things, but that’s extreme.”

“But his wings had. Isn't that like having an amputated a limb?”

“Wings are special. An expression of who you are. Not who you are. That’s why your wings represent your true nature. White for the Lightbringer, hawk-liked for the hunter, even yours, golden like the healer you are.”

“I’m not sure that he knows. He didn’t seem to care about it. Same thing for his blindness. That’s not normal. I mean, that’s major stuff!”

“He knows perfectly well. You’re right. It’s not normal. He sees that as a punishment. He’s self-destructive and it’s all my fault. I should have done things differently from the beginning. I will try to fix this. I promise, Raphael, that I will do everything that I can to fix this.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Waiting without knowing what’s going on was killing them. Why weren’t they back? They should have been back hours ago! Knowing that one day was about one year in Hell, it must have already been a few months down there.

“I wish phones could work out there.” Chloe said. “It’s so hard not having news!”

Ella looked at her and slapped her forehead.

“Why didn't I think of that earlier?! I will ask Rae-Rae!”

“Rae-Rae?”

“You remember my ghost friend? Well, she’s not really a ghost, but Lucifer’s sister Azrael. The Angel of Death. I learned that when I had access to Lucifer’s memories. I will contact her!”

“Lucifer’s memories?” Dan asked while Ella was contacting her friend.

“Yes. It’s a long story.” Chloe answered. 

Seconds later Ella smiled and gave someone…? her usual hug except there was no one there. She just seemed to embrace thin air.

“Ella? Are you okay?” Dan asked.

“Oh, sorry! Right! Rae-Rae is invisible to others.”

Ella seemed to listen to something and then answered: “Yes! Sure! They all know anyway!”

Out of nowhere Azrael appeared just in front of Ella. They all startled except Trixie who went to hug her.

“You look cool!” She said excitedly. “You’re Lucifer’s sister?! You look so young!”

The teenager-like angel smiled at her. With her jet black hair and her particular haircut, she looked like Dora the Explorer.

Azrael smiled. “Yes, I’m his youngest sister. Well, among the archangels at least.”

“We are worried about Lucifer.” Ella said before Trixie asked another question. “Amenadiel went to Hell to get him, but it’s been hours and we still have no news!”

“He’s in the Silver City.”

“But... Amenadiel was supposed to bring him here! What happened?” Chloe asked.

“It’s a long story.”

“Everything is a long story with you guys!” Dan huffed.

“But... he will be fine isn’t it? I mean... I figured that demons probably had had time to hurt him but...”

Chloe seemed to be on the verge of tears. She was barely containing herself.

“Yes. He will be fine. Well, he should be. He’s just...”

“He’s just what?”

“I don’t know! He’s been hurt and Father said...” She sobbed and took a deep breath before saying: “He said he was willing himself to die.”

“What?! He can’t do that! Why?!”

“I don’t know! I don’t want him to die either! He’s my favorite brother!” 

They all stayed silent for a few minutes.

“I think I know why...” Chloe suddenly said. “When his brother died, he was feeling guilty and he'd tried to get himself killed... He’s doing the same thing with Maze. He feels guilty.”

“What?!” Azrael said. “But it’s not his fault at all! Maze told me how it happened!”

“She what?!” They all said simultaneously.

“When I brought her to Heaven. She told me what happened. You know it’s the first time I've ever brought a demon up there? I thought they didn’t even have a soul!”

“That’s what she had told me.” Linda said. “She said there was no Heaven or Hell for her. That when she died, she would just be... dead.”

“Well, it seemed that she was wrong, because I led her there myself. I don’t think Father has even noticed it yet. That’s the kind of thing that I’m pretty sure to hear about when He’ll know.”

“So that means Lucifer doesn't know either...”

“I don’t see how he could know.”

“You have to tell him!” Chloe said. “If he learns that Maze is in Heaven, maybe he will feel less guilty! Maybe she can even tell him herself if they are both up there!”

Azrael’s face brightened.

“You’re right! I’m going there right now!”

She unfurled her wings, ready to leave, but then she paused. 

“Please, don’t worry if it takes some time before he comes back. His wings had been broken in several places and he won’t be able to fly back for a while.”

“Oh! I see. Thanks for telling us.” Chloe said.

Once Rae-Rae was gone, Ella couldn’t help herself and prayed: “Please, Big Guy, make sure Lucifer will be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of you found out what would happen and I wish I could have answer all your comments with something better than 'no spoiler'. Sorry about that! Please continue to leave comments. They brighten my days!


	17. Nothing Has Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so much dear readers for all your comments! I really, really appreciate it! I know some of you are angry or disappointed that I took Lucifer's feet away but as I answered to some of you, you should understand more the reason behind this later in the story. I just hope I haven't lost too many readers in the last chapter!
> 
> So, this chapter should be a little easier to read... well at least I hope so! Once again, all this chapter takes place in Heaven.
> 
> Did I told you I have a wonderful beta reader?! :D :D Thank you so much SK_Kasai for all your help!

Lucifer spent the next three days mostly sleeping, waking up with nightmares every two hours or so. Michael tried to talk to him, but Lucifer was not in the mood for talking. Michael was still staying by his twin side in silence, happy that he didn’t push him away. Lucifer didn’t talk again about dying, but God knew he was still thinking about it. 

From time to time, one of his siblings would come by to see him. However, even when he was awake, he acted as if he was still asleep. He didn’t want to talk to them. He didn’t even know what to tell them. They didn’t seem to know what to tell him either anyway. They radiated waves of discomfort from the moment they entered the infirmary. 

God was staying with him most of the time, but they didn’t talk to each other. God had tried once and Lucifer had told Him to leave him alone. He didn’t try again. Now, He was just hoping that His son would talk to Him when he would be ready.

Raphael had fixed all his stiff joints and he could already feel the difference even without moving. He would probably never need the orthosis again. It had been destroyed anyway and he was not sure he would have the courage to do the mold again now that he knew what it implied. He was not going to miss it. His shoulders were still really painful though. When he was awake, he avoided moving as much as possible. The pain in his wings and legs was plenty enough. 

However, Raphael was moving his limbs at least twice a day to avoid having the joints stiffen again and help blood circulation since the only position he could have at the moment was lying on his back. When she was moving his legs, the sensation was so weird that he tried to forget it. The weight of his feet being absent seemed to disturbed the balance of his whole legs.

Even if he had wanted to do these exercises by himself, he wouldn’t have had the energy for moving. In the week or so he had spent in Hell and the weeks that followed, wrapped in the black cocoon, he had lost all the weight he had gained in the last months. Maybe even more. It was probably physically impossible to be thinner than he was actually. Thankfully, the demons had not removed the feeding tube, so he would be able to gain back some weight before returning on the Earth plane. 

He was trying to avoid thinking about that. That thought hurt because he missed his Detective and all of his friends and because he was also afraid of facing them. Mazikeen was dead because of him. She had been their friend too. He let their friend get killed. He would never forget that. He would never be able to forgive himself for not having been able to warn her. 

The only real good news concerned his hands. Raphael had repaired the nerves and helped the new tendons to work properly. Even if he was still unable to open them because of the missing extensors, the sensations he had in them were way better. Almost normal. With the help of Dr Rodriguez, Raphael was trying to create active splints that would allow him to use his hands properly. They could have taken some from Earth, but Raphael had said that she could do better.

On the fifth day after he woke up from the cocoon, Lucifer felt fear for the first time since he entered the Silver City. His Father had excused himself and left a few minutes ago to fix something that needed his immediate attention, but Raphael and Michael were still with him.

Lucifer couldn’t help but shiver. He felt a demonic presence. But it was impossible! He was in the Silver City! He looked at his siblings who didn't seem to have noticed anything. The feeling grew stronger, but it was Azrael who appeared. 

“Lu! I have a surprise for you!” 

She stepped to the side and Maze appeared.

“M-Maze?!”

He was confused. Maze was dead. Maze was a demon and had no soul. How could she be here? Azrael waved at them.

“Smell ya later, guys! I have some work to do!”

“Hey Lucifer! Never thought I’d see you again!”

Lucifer looked at her with wide eyes, unable to speak. 

“Don’t tell me you are still afraid of me! C’mon! Get over it! What do you think I could do to you here?”

“I... it’s not that... I thought...”

He must admit it. He was still a little afraid. But that was not the reason for his shock. How Maze could be there? Was he in another stupid dream?

“That I had no soul? Don’t worry! I'd been surprised when your sister first brought me here! I must admit it’s the last place I thought I would end.”

Does a soul grow just like that? Apparently so.

Maze sat at the end of the bed, grinning. She stretched to touch him and stopped her movement.

“Fuck! What happened?!”

“Maybe you should avoid using that kind of word here.”

“Hey! I didn’t choose to be here! They just have to deal with it!”

“I’m sorry, Maze. I know it’s not what you would have liked.”

“Don't try to change the subject.” She pointed at his legs. “What happened?”

“I returned to Hell after you died.”

“What?! You listened to that scum?”

“It’s not like I really had a choice. You have no idea how hard it is to resist.”

“Oh, yes! I have a pretty good idea how hard it is! I used to be on the other side, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“But really, how did this happen?”

“Lava lake.”

“But you could have swam in that lake!”

“I don’t need a reminder, Maze. I know.”

They both felt silent for a few minutes. 

Vulnerability. 

Only because he dared to love for the first time of his life. Love could be painful. However, he would do it again. And again.

“I want you to know that I’m so sorry, Maze.” Lucifer suddenly said in a low voice and Maze noticed he was crying.

“What for?” She asked, surprised. “Why are you sorry?”

“You’re dead because of me!”

“Not at all, idiot! I’m dead because I was careless!”

“No! You don’t understand! I saw the demon arrive right behind you. I could have warned you. I would have had time. But I’m a coward and I couldn’t speak out!”

“Like I was waiting for a warning to protect me! I told you, I was just careless. Besides, I chose to come to the precinct after Chloe’s text. No one asked me to. I was there because I wanted to. You have nothing to blame yourself about!”

“I could have prevented it!”

“Stop that!” She almost yelled. “You have nothing to feel guilty about! You are not responsible for my death!”

He was about to answer when a roaring voice startled the four people in the room.

“Mazikeen of the Lilim!” 

Maze froze at God's presence, trying to decipher the expression on the face of the Almighty. She was hard to impress, but this time she was. She never had a good thought about Him. She had been convinced He was the bastard Lucifer had always said He was. Will God chase her away? Send her to Hell? Or worse, wipe her from existence?

“Dad! Please!” Lucifer intervened before He could speak again. “She has all the right to be here! If You want to banish someone, banish me. I have no right to be here anyway!”

“I never intended to chase her away.” He went closer to Maze and put His hands on her shoulders. “You need to convince my stubborn son that he has nothing to do in your death.”

He then turned towards Lucifer.

“Will you stop thinking that you are not welcome in the Silver City? You are most welcome here and I hope that once you return to the Earth plane, you will come back to visit from time to time.”

Both Maze and Lucifer were shocked. It was the last thing they thought He would say. Lucifer's already fragile emotional state couldn’t handle more. He burst into tears and he just couldn’t stop. His Father went to the head of the bed and put His hand on Lucifer’s cheek, trying to comfort him. When He saw that nothing He did could calm him down, He kissed his forehead and sent him to sleep.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Even if Maze had told him that he was not responsible for her death, Lucifer couldn’t stop the guilt crawling in his chest. She would have never wanted to be in Heaven.

Maze. Of all demons. In Heaven. Just thinking about the idea was absurd.

Four days after her first visit Maze came back to the infirmary. This time she was not alone though.

“Eve?!”

Was the Silver City now the residence of all the people who were not supposed to be there? Was all of this just a big strange dream? Or maybe a big joke from his Dad?

“Hi, Lu! You didn’t expect to see me here, didn't you?”

“No! I thought that you wouldn’t be allowed to return here since you left. When did you die?”

“Well, hard to compare with Earth time because I have no reference, but here it’s been about three decades.”

Lucifer made a quick calculation. It had been about two months on Earth since time passed in the Silver City about twice as fast as it did in Hell.

“How did you die?”

“A stupid car accident. At first, I was really mad at being back here because Adam just wanted to get back with me, but it all changed when Maze arrived.”

She smiled at Maze. Just with the vibes those two were producing, he knew that their feelings were mutual.

“I told you everything was fine. I know you’re still feeling guilty. I smell the guilt on you miles away. Stop with that. You’re not responsible for my death and even if you were, I’m happy, maybe more than I ever have been. So please stop that guilt.”

“You know it’s easier to say than to do, Maze...”

“Yes I know, and that’s why I will come back annoying you with my presence every now and then to make sure you will stop feeling guilty. I promised your Father after all.”

“You did WHAT?!” Lucifer almost choked.

“I promised Him that I would try to convince you that you are not responsible for my death.”

Lucifer looked at his Father sitting in the corner of the room. His Father shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

“Is it the End of Time and no one told me?” Lucifer asked in bewilderment.

“Not at all. Just people who are at the place they should be.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“You looked neglected, Sammy.” Michael said while entering the infirmary two days later. “I can fix that!”

He went to the head of the bed and sat between Lucifer's head and wing. 

“Don’t move.”

Before Lucifer could answer or react, Michael gripped his chin gently and started an electric razor. Lucifer stared at his brother in horror, trying to back away. He had nowhere to go though.

_“Shaving time, Little Angel!”_

No AirPods.

No Akuma or Chloe to calm him down.

It was already too late to prevent him from drowning in memories. Lucifer's mind was far from the Silver City before the razor even touched his cheek.

_“Oh! I cut you! Sorry, Little Angel!” The demon laughed. “Stop moving! It will be easier!”_

_The blade was gliding down his cheek, irritating his skin since they would never allow him to use shaving cream. At the same time the demon was shaving him, another one was cutting slices in his wing’s flesh._

_Of course he was unable to stay still!_

_The worst was that he knew what was coming after._

_Eating._

_It was an infernal loop and he would never get out of it._

“Samael! Come back, Son!”

Lucifer blinked and regained contact with reality. His chest still felt constricted and his cheek was bathed in tears.

“ ‘m not him anymore.” He mumbled.

Michael was still sitting on the bed beside him, razor in hand, now turned off. He looked shocked at what he provoked. Raphael and God were side by side at the head of the bed, staring at him.

“I’m sorry.” Michael said in a shaky voice. 

Lucifer didn’t answer, trying to even his breathing. 

“You still need to be shaved. Even more now that he started.” Raphael said once Lucifer seemed to be back to normal. “Do you want Father to bring you to sleep while Michael finishes?”

He nodded, still a little shaken. He never thought he could have a panic attack in the Silver City.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

It took Amenadiel two weeks to reach all their siblings to inform them that Father had allowed Samael to be in the Silver City for as long as he wished. He also added that Samael preferred to be called Lucifer now and that they should avoid calling him Samael as much as possible. Half of them just didn’t care, but a few promised that they would go see him at the infirmary... later.

Amenadiel entered the infirmary, happy to see that Lucifer was awake. He sat at the end of the bed and started talking about how he rescued him and was so afraid that he would vanish forever. It took him five minutes of babbling before noticing the change. The two little bumps that were supposed to be there but were not. There was too much empty space in the bed. He stopped talking mid-sentence, eyes-wide, unable to ask what happened.

Lucifer shrugged his shoulders as if it was nothing.

“I’m still the same, brother. Nothing has changed. It’s nothing, really.”

“Nothing has changed?! How can you say that? I mean, it’s not nothing! How did this happen in the first place?”

Lucifer explained it to him in the most detailed way he could.

“Now, when one of our siblings will ask the question, you will answer them. I’m bored of being asked the same question.”

“But...”

“I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm waiting for your comments! :D


	18. It’s Not Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so much for all your comments! I like the kind of comments I received on the last chapter. It helps me know what you like and don't like and I really appreciate that!
> 
> For those who thought the last chapter have a lack of reaction, especially from Lucifer, this chapter should please you!
> 
> Once again thanks to SK_Kasai, my beta reader.

Three weeks after Raphael fixed his wings, she was finally able to remove the splints. Lucifer was not allowed to fly or try tucking them in, but at least he was going to be able to turn around on the bed and sit up. 

Three days earlier, Raphael proudly arrived with the active splints she and Dr Rodriguez had created. The principle was the same as the one he had used on Earth – wires that passed over his hands and part of his fingers to replace the missing tendons – but that was where the similarities seemingly ended.

The silvery wires were so thin that they were almost invisible, only shining slightly when they moved. All the other parts of the splints, including the tensioner pulley that allowed the wire to stretch and un-stretch, were small and elegant, looking almost fragile. Heavenly material was a lot stronger than anything known on Earth though. Even the straps maintaining the splints in place seemed to be made from a silky veil.

Lucifer could only admire its effectiveness. He could use his hands again! It would have been hard to wear his ring with them though as the wires too close to his fingers. Hence, he decided that from now on he would keep wearing it in the chain around his neck.

“You will be able to start eating!” Raphael said cheerfully. “What would you like?”

“Forget that. I’m not eating. Ever. The feeding tube is just fine.”

“No, it’s not! You need to eat!”

“I said no!”

He tried to turn on his side with the intention of curling up to avoid this discussion. However, when he tried to push himself up, his leg slipped on the mattress and he winced at the unexpected movement. 

_What the Hell?_

Not understanding what happened, he tried again with almost the same result. His brain just didn’t understand that part of his legs was missing. He was still instinctively trying to push down with a heel that was not there anymore and the difference in length completely put him off balance.

“Let me help you.” Raphael offered.

“No!” He snapped angrily, “I can do this.”

But it was like his lower body was not his. His legs did not react in the way expected of them and his mind couldn’t connect what was happening with what should have happened. 

Lucifer finally put a hand on his knee to force his leg to stay on the mattress. He grabbed the sheets with his other hand in order to pull himself up. Looking down at his legs and trying to concentrate hard on what he was doing, he managed to turn on his side. It was not done without a lot of scrambling and grumbling though. His siblings were looking at him with pity, but no one dared to intervene.

The world had just collapsed upon him. His body was not his anymore. 

He had _thought_ it was going to be like his wings. 

It was not. At all.

He had _thought_ he would just need his wheelchair more. That was the least of his problems apparently.

He had _thought_ he was fine. He was not. The opposite of fine.

Curled on his side, he began to weep silently. Michael tried to lie beside him. When they were young, he often covered his twin in a protective cocoon with his wings when he was in a bad mood. This time, Lucifer shooed him away.

“Leave me alone!”

Lucifer cocooned himself with his wings, trying to forget what he had just realized. Michael stood there, a little offended to have been shooed. Raphael just didn’t want to make things worse. Amenadiel had stayed in the corner, knowing it wasn’t a good idea to intervene right now.

They all knew that Lucifer was distressed, but they didn’t know the exact reason. God knew. He asked them to leave, staying alone with His Lightbringer.

God let him cry for a few minutes in silence until he calmed down a little. He then lifted his wing slowly and reached for Lucifer’s body. He was afraid to be pushed away, but He still wanted to try nevertheless.

Paying attention to the feeding tube, He gently took the frail body in His arms. A comfy rocking chair appeared out of nowhere just beside Him and God sat in it, still holding Lucifer.

And for the first time in His existence, God cradled one of his children. Lucifer let him do it without protest. Curled up in His lap, crying over everything he had lost in his life, he couldn't get himself to push his Father away.

After a very long moment, he finally talked.

“What do I have left if even my body is no longer mine? Who am I? Not an angel anymore. Not even the Devil. And now my own mind betrayed me.”

“You are and will always remain an angel, even if you don’t think so. You’re my Lightbringer, the most incredible child I've ever made.”

“Was that why You sent me to Hell? Because I was incredible?”

“I’m sorry about all that. I now know that it was a mistake. I should have found another way. But you will never put a foot in Hell again, Son.”

“I will never put a foot anywhere again, Dad.” He huffed, shivering in his Father’s arms.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to...”

Lucifer sighed. “I know, Dad. I know.” He shook his head. “I really thought I was okay with it. I thought that it was just going to give people more to talk about. I just realized that it’s so much more. It screwed up my balance and my coordination, all the knowing I have of my body. I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“You can’t ask your mind to adjust overnight to such a change. I know patience isn’t one of your strong suits, but, please, give yourself some time.”

Time. 

How much time would it take him to adjust?

It had taken a year to adjust to his blindness.

Would he have the patience to wait one whole year to feel like himself again? Exhausted, Lucifer finally fell asleep in his Father's arms.

When he woke up, he was surprised to see his Father was still rocking him.

“I want to return to Earth. I have nothing against you, Dad. I just think that it’s the only place that feels like home at the moment.”

God seemed to think for a moment before answering.

“It’s still night time down there. I think it would be better to wait until sunrise.”

Lucifer sighed. He wanted to return there so badly. God put his hand on His son's forehead and closed His eyes. Seconds later, images of the penthouse filled Lucifer’s brain.

Images.

Real images.

He saw his bedroom, a nightstand light being left on. The Detective was sleeping in his bed, her spawn curled up against her. Ella was on the other side of the bed, asleep too. The image moved toward a guest room where Linda was sleeping, Charlie in a crib placed beside the bed. And in his living room, Dan was lying on the couch. At least he had removed his shoes. The ‘tour’ finished on Robert, sleeping in the guest room he was using since he was at the penthouse, Akuma curled up against him. Akuma, that he was seeing for the first time. Such a beautiful animal. The image faded as Lucifer came back to his ultrasound vision.

“Why are they all at my place?”

“They are waiting for your return.”

“But why?”

“Because they care for you.”

They care? They _all_ care? Even the Douche? That couldn’t be true. 

Not wanting that His son learned that He was still listening to his thoughts, God said nothing. His son would see for himself soon enough.

“I will let you know when the sun will rise.” God said.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

The day after his little existential crisis, Dr Rodriguez came to see Lucifer. The latter was curled up on his side, staring at nothing. The doctor helped him sit up, placing a pillow behind his back. Raphael, Michael, Amenadiel and God had not left the room since the previous day. They were all worried about him.

“Raphael told me that you will leave in a couple of weeks. I will teach you how to put the shrinker socks yourself since I won’t be able to follow you back to Earth. You might need some practice first to be able to do it.”

The surgeon removed the compressive socks that were already in place and lifted one tight closer to Lucifer’s chest so he could have easier access to the stump. Without seeing all the details, the sight of his legs ending the way they were truly disturbed him. 

Since his amputation, he had avoided looking at them after the very first times he saw them. It was pretty easy to do since he was spending all his time lying on his back. Each time the surgeon came to examine his legs, Lucifer did his best to think about something else. It was easy to pretend that everything was fine and forget about the reality of what was going on. Pain was his only reminder.

But now that he understood the true meaning of being amputated, there was no way he could escape the reality. If he wanted to be autonomous, he had to begin by accepting this new body as his own. Learn to use it. Try to connect his mind to it.

“Did you touch your stumps yet?” The surgeon asked, staring at Lucifer who looked disgusted.

Lucifer shook his head, unsure if he wanted to. The whole idea seemed gross.

“I know it’s not easy. The whole perception of your body is different now. It has physical and emotional effects. You need to do it. You need to learn how to take care of yourself. It’s also important to desensitize the stumps by touching them. Often."

Lucifer grumbled. He had no intention of putting his hands on those things.

Raphael went closer and put her hand on Lucifer’s forehead to soothe him. She didn’t like using that because she wouldn’t be always there to soothe him each time he panicked, but Lucifer needed to take the first step. Now he just seemed frozen and unable to take it.

Lucifer took a deep breath. Raphael had soothed him just enough to be able to stretch his arm and finally put a hand on the stump in front of him. 

It was not disgusting as he thought it would be. It was really weird nevertheless. Really, really weird. 

The stump was still swollen of course and it made it a little flaccid. That wasn't what made the feeling weird though. Just like when he was trying to push himself up yesterday, the stump didn't feel like his. Of course he sensed it, but it felt all wrong. This was not supposed to be the end of his leg!

He felt the tears beading in the corner of his eyes but he tried to hold them back. Linda was right. He may not lie to others, but he could lie to himself. How could he have thought that he was okay? That it was _nothing?_

“You were right brother.” He told Amenadiel with a sigh. “It’s not _nothing.”_

Amenadiel put his hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, but said nothing. It was certainly not the time to brag about being right.

Dr Rodriguez didn’t push him, waiting for Lucifer to get ready before starting to show him how to put the shrinker sock on. The only problem was that Lucifer's hands couldn’t grip the elastic fabric enough to pull it in place. After more than five years of no use, his hands lacked the necessary muscular strength required to perform the task.

“Is it really necessary?” He asked.

“Yes, it is. Not only it will help reduce swelling but these are designed to shape the stumps in preparation for prosthetics. You won’t be able to use prosthetics at first because your legs are not strong enough, but eventually you will.”

“I will learn.” Michael said suddenly. “I will do it for you, Sammy, until your hands are strong enough.”

“It won’t be very practical when I'm home.” Lucifer huffed almost with disdain.

“I will go to the Earth plane with you. I told you I won’t leave you alone again. Dad already agreed to it, but he said that I can go if you want me to only.”

Lucifer looked at his twin, frowning.

“It was not a dream? You really talked to me while I was in the cocoon?”

“Of course! I was in the cocoon with you.”

“You mean... you would have really followed me if...”

“Yes. I would have disappeared with you, Sammy. There’s no way I am letting you down again.”

Lucifer looked at the vibes that were surrounding his twin. Vibes of honesty and empathy. Vibes of love. 

“You can teach him.” He told Dr Rodriguez. “Let him be my hands.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, is it the kind of reaction you were more expecting? What do you think of this one? Please let me know!


	19. The Sun Has Risen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello wonderful readers! Thanks again so much for all your comments! This is a short chapter, the last in the Silver City. I hope you'll like it!
> 
> Thanks once again to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

The advantage of having reached the bottom was that one was willing to accept the outstretched hand even if that hand belonged to the person he probably hated the most in all of existence. 

Lucifer was exactly in that place.

The first person to offer that hand had been God himself. The second one had been his twin Michael. He had hated both of them with all the strength he had. He was now trying to get over it. There was no room for hate anymore. Lucifer was just trying to stay afloat and those two people were the ones who would help him avoid drowning at the moment.

Even though he wasn't actively wishing to die anymore, he still thought about it from time to time. It would have been so much easier. 

His Father and his twin wouldn’t let him go though. 

He also had his Detective waiting for him on Earth. He was afraid that she might not accept his new body, but he was hoping that she would still want him to be in her life. Maybe not as a lover or a work partner – would he even be able to get back to work? – but at least as a friend. 

God was really trying his best to make amends for all the wrongs that his son had suffered because of him. Of course this did not erase anything, but He was at least trying to improve. He was not calling him Samael anymore at all. Instead, he used "Son" or "Lucifer".

It was impossible for Lucifer to forget what he had been through, but he was at least willing to give his Father a chance to redeem Himself.

Michael had missed his twin, his other half, and he was trying to do his best so that he could put the broken pieces of their relationship back together. He never stopped calling his twin Sammy. Lucifer usually objected and protested, claiming that that wasn't who he was to anyone else.

With Michael though, Lucifer never said a word.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Three days after being able to sit, Lucifer went back to rock himself. Instead of folding his knees up to his chest – something he was now unable to do – he spread them flat on the bed, his stumps placed one against the other. He kept his hands on the latter in order to keep his balance.

The first time Michael saw him do that, he wanted to stop him but God prevented him from doing so.

“Let him do it, Son.” He said in a low voice. “He just had a nightmare and it’s his way to calm down from it.”

“But I could help him better than this could!”

“Maybe. However, he needs to learn to calm down by himself too. You won’t be beside him all the time.”

Even if the twins were trying to rebuild their relationship, millennia of separation couldn’t be erased in the snap of a finger. For Michael, it was a little easier. Seeing his brother’s body tortured and mutilated helped erase the resentment he held towards him. 

For Lucifer, forgetting that his twin was the very person who had pushed him to Hell was not easy. Yes, God took responsibility for it. Yes, he knew that Michael would have never done that if their Father hadn't demanded it. However, a part of him remained bitter that his brother had listened to Him instead of Lucifer… that he didn't rebel with Lucifer instead.

Hence, sometimes, instead of seeking comfort from his brother, Lucifer preferred to get away from him. Lucifer often pushed him away because he couldn't exactly get away himself. He couldn't fly and he didn't have his wheelchair after all.

He accepted his twin's presence more often than not. It was not rare to see them sleeping next to each other, black and white wings intertwined. Not only was it bringing Lucifer comfort, but it was also helping him regain his energy. His wings were still dull from all the light he had lost. Lucifer was feeling much stronger when his twin was beside him, their wings out and sharing their strength.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

The news had spread within the Heavenly Host. 

Samael was going to leave the Silver City soon and Michael was going to leave with him. In the days that followed, many siblings finally decided to visit him at the infirmary. Most of them were happy to see him and were doing their best to be nice with him, even calling him Lucifer instead of Samael. But some of them were there because of curiosity alone though. Samael had been tortured? They must see with their own eyes the Fallen archangel's wrecked body.

Being allowed in the Silver City didn’t mean that everyone there agreed with the decision. God had sent Amenadiel to talk to them, but it wasn’t enough for some of the angels. When those were visiting, Lucifer felt like a lab rat. They were not there because of empathy or because they cared. They were there for the show.

“If you’re here to have a good laugh only, then just leave!”

When Maze was around, she protected Lucifer from his siblings like she had done in the old times. She sent anyone who disrespected him away. Even if any angel was stronger than a demon – even Maze – no one would have dared challenge her. Not when she was protecting him.

She came to visit Lucifer almost every day, sometimes alone and sometimes with Eve. Talking with her like if she was still alive and seeing her happy were certainly helping his guilt. He couldn’t erase it completely no matter how hard he tried though. There was a part of him that couldn’t forget that if he had spoken out loud, all his friends could still see Maze. Not just him and Amenadiel. Would he ever be able to forgive himself?

Charlotte came once to visit him. Lucifer was really happy to be able to see her. He gave her news about their friends and she made him promise to give them her salutations.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

After almost three week of waiting for the sun to rise on Earth, Lucifer would finally be able to leave today. Amenadiel had asked Ayael to cut Lucifer’s hair, something they hadn’t done since he arrived in the Silver City. 

His hair was so long that the curls on his forehead were dropping to his eyes. After the haircut, God brought him to sleep so they could shave his beard without him having another panic attack.

Two hours after shaving, Michael came back from the apartment he had shared with his twin back in the old times with some clothes.

“You need to get dressed, Sammy! It doesn't matter that you stayed in boxers for your whole stay here, but you can’t arrive at the penthouse like that.”

“Those are my old clothes?”

“Yes. They might be a little large, but we will make sure your pants won’t drop!”

Lucifer took the folded clothes Michael handed him and stared at them. He recognized the pattern embroidered and remembered wearing those. They were among his favorites. A sleeveless white robe with gold little stars at the bottom and along the buttons with matching, mid-calf large pants.

When he put the pants on, he realized his movements were too large for nothing and as a result, his stumps were already back on the mattress when the pants were finally at the new beginning of his legs. Like everything else he was trying that was new, he couldn’t adjust. 

Fortunately, he no longer had pain in his stumps so he could at least try as many times as necessary. The phantom pain was still present most of the time though and this false sensation made his attempts even harder. Why wasn't his brain able to understand that there was nothing to be hurt about?!

Everything he was doing seemed to take forever for him to be able to do it properly. It was a huge patience challenge.

Michael didn’t even try to help him. After a few attempts where he got shooed away or yelled at, he had preferred to leave his brother alone.

The clothes were too large of course, but Michael found a way to keep the pants in place with a long white scarf tied around his twin's waist. The pants were just an inch longer than his stumps so they wouldn’t float behind while flying. Once he was ready, God checked on Earth to see if he could go.

“The sun has risen and they are all awake.” He said.

“Can I ask you a favor before leaving?”

“Sure! What is it?”

“I... I would like to see the Det... Chloe’s eyes one last time.”

“Of course!”

God put his hand on Lucifer’s forehead like He had done before and the penthouse appeared in his head.

His Detective was sipping at a mug of coffee, sitting on the couch. The rising sun was seeping through the large windowed-doors and illuminating her. She looked like an angel. For a moment, he had the impression that those beautiful blue eyes were staring right at him. When she finally looked away, his Father ended the vision.

“Thank you, Dad. It’s a gift that I will cherish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Lucifer will finally be back to the penthouse. Yeah! Please leave a comment!


	20. You're Still Our Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Lucifer return to Earth! This chapter is a little special because you'll have everyone POV. I hope it's not too confusing!
> 
> Thanks again to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai!

Amenadiel landed first on the balcony and he prepared to help Lucifer land. Without his feet, he wouldn’t be able to land properly and he had insisted on flying by himself. Even if he was still weak and even if his wings were not glowing the way they should, Raphael still said that he was well enough to fly. 

Seconds later, Lucifer arrived and Amenadiel received him in his arms and helped him sit in a chair nearby. Michael landed right after him. They all tucked their wings out of view.

Amenadiel went inside to get Lucifer’s wheelchair and brought it to his brother. Michael looked at it with curiosity. He had never seen a wheelchair before. He finally helped Amenadiel sit Lucifer in. But when Lucifer began to push it, he lost balance and Michael narrowly caught him up before he fell forward. As his stumps were not supported anywhere, pushing with his arms had naturally swung them backwards, dragging his torso forward.

“There’s a belt under the cushion.” Lucifer huffed.

While Michael lifted him, Amenadiel fumbled under the seating to pull out the seatbelt Lucifer had never needed before.

So many little frustrating things. 

Lucifer took a deep breath, turned to face the windowed-doors, and followed Amenadiel inside.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe noticed movement on the balcony a moment before Amenadiel came in and asked for Lucifer’s wheelchair. They had left it beside the piano. 

Chloe went to stand, intending to follow Amenadiel to the balcony, but Linda stopped her.

“Let him come inside when he’s ready. Don’t forget what Azrael said.”

Chloe nodded and sat back on the couch. They watched Amenadiel go outside, but they couldn’t see Lucifer because Amenadiel was in the way. When he shifted a little, they saw there was a third angel on the balcony. He was standing there with his back to them, trying to help. But what were they doing around the wheelchair? Why was it taking so long?

Finally, Amenadiel turned around and stepped inside, followed by Lucifer.

As soon as Amenadiel stepped aside, Ella gasped and brought a hand over her mouth to hide her reaction.

_Oh God no! No! That couldn’t be true!_

Lucifer didn’t seem to notice her reaction, having eyes only for Chloe. She knew what Lucifer had been through during his previous stay in Hell but what have those demons done to him this time? This was infinitely worse! He was giving Chloe a small smile, but his eyes looked so sad. She would have liked to hug him. Comfort him. But maybe it was better if he made the first move. Why didn’t Rae-Rae tell them?

Linda was waiting beside Ella in the living room. 

_Wow! Those white clothes!_

She noticed Ella’s reaction beside her and frowned. Why was she reacting like that? Then she gave Lucifer a better look. A little lower. 

Ella’s reaction made perfect sense. As if he didn't already have enough problems... How would he handle that in addition? She had already had a hard time making him talk about his first stay in Hell. Would he open up about this or would he close in on himself like an oyster?

Dan had stayed a little behind. He was there because of Trixie. He didn’t want her to feel left out. If it had not seemed inappropriate, he would have gone home the previous day. He looked at Lucifer with mixed emotions.

_Pffft! All dressed in white like if he needed to impress!_

With this sleeveless... dress? Was he wearing a dress? Well whatever that was, all the scars on his too lean arms were on display as if he wanted to be pitied. He saw her daughter rush to him and his mind took some time to register what she was saying.

Chloe noticed he had eyes only for her. Staring at her with a sheepish smile. _He lost even more weight and his eyes looked so sad!_ The white robe he was wearing was beautiful with those little golden stars embroidered. She took a first step in his direction, but Trixie ran between them and went to hug him. Her daughter began to talk and her world collapsed.

Trixie was so excited to see that Lucifer was back. Like Ella, the little girl had a remarkable sense of observation. _He no longer has feet?_

She froze, not knowing how to react. Miss Ella and Doctor Linda seemed to have noticed too, but everyone seemed frozen on the spot. Poor Lucifer! He definitely needed a hug. She darted towards him and hugged him gently.

“Oh! Lucifer! It's so sad! Does it hurt?”

Lucifer stiffened at her touch but relaxed almost immediately, patting her head awkwardly. Well, he still did have phantom pain pretty often but could that count as pain? It was no use to sadden the Urchin more.

“Not really, Urchin.” 

“At least you already had the wheelchair!”

“Indeed.”

He sounded so sad. But she figured she would be sad too if she had lost her feet. 

Chloe had frozen when she realized what her daughter was referring to. _His feet! He had lost his feet! Both feet! It was a nightmare._

She went to hug him and all she could manage to say was: “How?”

He didn’t answer and she felt him shiver in her embrace.

“I will explain later.” Amenadiel said softly. “You have no idea how many times he heard this question in the last weeks and he asked me to answer for him.”

“Okay.” She simply answered.

Robert, who had been holding Akuma since the beginning, let him go and the latter jumped to Lucifer’s lap. The dog licked him like if he hadn’t seen him in months. Lucifer petted him the same way.

“These are new?” Chloe asked pointing at the active splints over his hands. 

“Yes. My sister Raphael and Dr Rodriguez created them since the other ones had been destroyed.”

“They looked great! Who’s Dr Rodriguez?”

“The human doctor who helped my sister.”

“Human doctor? But were you not in Heaven?”

“Well, dead human, and yes. Let’s say my injuries were not typical among angels. Raphael didn’t know what to do with me and sought help.”

He vaguely gestured towards his feet.

“You mean that with all the fights and battles your siblings had done it never happened...” Chloe trailed off.

“Well, yes, some of them had had severed limbs, most often fingers, but they still had the severed part of it so Raphael had just to put the pieces back together and heal the ‘cut’. My case was... different.” 

Lucifer jaw tensed and shifted in his wheelchair before continuing. He couldn't bring himself to look at her.

“My feet had literally... melted in the lava lake. They let them be soaked in up to a few inches above my ankle until I lost consciousness. There was nothing to be healed or put back together.”

He was saying that without emotion, like he was saying that yesterday had been a rainy day. He kept his focus on Akuma.

“But your wings have grown back many times...”

“Feet are not bloody wings, Detective!” He snapped almost angrily. He took a deep breath, calming himself before continuing. “Wings are special. Divinity runs through them, in each feather. They have healing property within them. I figured that’s why they kept growing back. But feet are just... feet.”

No one was talking. What could they say?

“You know what?” Trixie said suddenly, breaking the silence, “Feet or not, it doesn’t change anything. You’re still our friend.”

Lucifer raised his head and stared at Trixie. He was about to tell her that it changed a lot of things when Linda spoke.

“She’s right! For you it might appear as a big change but not for us. We’re just happy that you’re alive and back here!”

“When Azrael told us that you wanted to die...” Chloe added in a whisper, “I thought that I would lose you forever. I was so afraid!”

For the first time since his arrival at the penthouse, Lucifer let his tears fall.

“I missed you, Chloe.” He told her. “I missed all of you.” He added, turning his head to his friends.

He called her _Chloe_. He almost never called her Chloe. She wondered if it was a good thing or not.

Ella and Linda joined Trixie and Chloe for a group hug while Dan stayed beside Robert.

Dan was in shock. Even if Chloe had told him, even if he had seen the scars, even if he had seen the wings, a part of his brain was screaming that it was all an exaggeration. That it couldn’t be true. That Chloe just wanted him to accept Lucifer and that she was trying to present him as a victim. 

But there was no pretending anymore. He was a victim. Less than eighteen hours after disappearing in front of him, Lucifer was back. Minus his feet. His fucking feet were missing! It was obvious that it hadn’t been eighteen hours for him. 

There was no doubt possible. Hell was a _real_ place. An _awful_ real place. He didn’t want to go there.

The group hug finally parted and Ella noticed the other angel beside Amenadiel.

“There are two of you?!”

Ella was staring between Lucifer and Michael, eyes-wide. Michael was wearing the same kind of sleeveless robe, but his was black instead with silver diagonal lines embroidered. Lucifer smiled. His first real smile since his arrival.

“Yeah. This is my twin Michael.”

“Michael? The archangel Michael is your _twin_?!” Ella blurted.

Michael was the perfect copy of Lucifer when she had first met him, Ella thought. Except the incredible blue eyes, they would have been exactly identical at that time. At that time. 

Because there were a lot of differences now. Lucifer seemed older, thinner, covered in scars… He was an amputee now. An amputee. She still had a hard time to wrap her mind around that fact. It was so unfair!

“Yes indeed. Mi, this is Miss Lopez. Our little genius forensics tech.” Lucifer presented her.

“You can call me Ella. No need for the both of you calling me Miss Lopez.”

“Nice to meet you, Ella.” Michael said with a little smile. He had the same exact voice and British accent as Lucifer. 

Ella couldn’t help herself and gave Michael her typical hug. Michael stiffened, not knowing how to react. Was this the usual human greeting? He kept his arms on each side of him, looking at his twin for some help. 

“Oh yeah, you’re really twins!” Ella laughed at his reaction. 

“Sorry, Mi.” Lucifer added. “Ms Lopez has a special greeting of her own.”

They all greeted Michael who seemed completely lost. It was the first time he was presented to humans and he had no clue on how to react.

“Mi will stay here for a while. We will have a lot of time to catch up.”

After another awkward silence, Lucifer finally asked what had happened in the precinct after Maze’s death and his departure. Chloe and Ella explained to him but Dan stayed silent.

“I saw Maze while I was in the Silver City, by the way. Don’t ask me how but it seemed that she got a soul and got sent to Heaven.”

“Yeah, Rae-Rae told us.” Ella said.

“She seemed happy even if I would have never thought that Heaven would be a place for her. She’s with Eve and both of them are probably happier than they ever have been.”

“Eve is dead?”

“From a car accident, yes.”

“What about Charlotte?” Dan asked, speaking for the first time.

“She’s happy too. She said that her time with you was the happiest time of her life and that she’s really grateful for it. She hopes to see you again when your time here is done.” 

“I’m not sure... with all the mistakes I had made...”

“Stop feeling guilty, Daniel. It’s nothing but your own guilt that drags you in Hell. If you want to see her again, that’s the only thing you need to do. Forgive yourself.”

“It’s easier to say than to do.”

“I know perfectly well, Daniel. I know.”

And Dan was sure Lucifer was speaking about personal experience.

“She says hi to everyone by the way.” Lucifer added.

They continued to talk for a while, but Lucifer was already tired. For his friends the day was just beginning, for him it had been a long one. Moreover, not being used to sitting, his stumps had swelled a little and had started to throb. He excused himself and went to his bedroom. Michael started to follow.

_“No, Mi. Not for now.”_ Lucifer sent him as a prayer. _“If you're going to stay here, it'd be better if you get to know my friends.”_

_“Okay. If you’re sure.”_

_“I am.”_

“Do you still have the feeding tube?” Robert asked before Lucifer left.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay. Give me two minutes, I will join you.”

Lucifer was trying to move from his wheelchair to bed when Robert arrived in the bedroom. Akuma had jumped on the bed. He was waiting for him. 

It was the first time he was doing that. Like everything he was doing for the first time since his amputations, he was struggling to do it. Robert gave him a trick on how to proceed and suddenly it was almost easy.

“How did you know that?" Lucifer asked.

“In the few months before your brother hired me, I was working in the rehabilitation center with amputees mostly. It’s a little ironic but it’s a good thing he chose me. I will be able to help you re-appropriate your body.”

“You know, that’s exactly how I feel right now; Like my body is no longer mine.”

“And that’s perfectly understandable, but with the tricks I will give you, it will be yours again in no time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! As always, I appreciate all your comments!


	21. Two Halves Of A Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So excited about the trailer! Can't wait for season 5 now! I figure I received very few comments on the last chapters because of that! I though I'd have more reaction to Lucifer's return on Earth!
> 
> So, here is the next chapter!
> 
> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai!

When Lucifer left to go to his bedroom, Michael stood in the middle of the living room, not knowing what to do. Amenadiel invited his brother to sit on the couch beside him.

Michael looked around, not surprised by the airy space and the grand piano in the middle of the room. His twin had not changed so much after all.

“How long are you gonna stay?” Ella asked, trying to put him at ease.

“I don’t know yet. It’s going to depend on Sammy I guess.”

“Sammy?”

“Lucifer.” Amenadiel specified. “Michael is the only one allowed to call him that.”

“Unless you borrowed Lucifer’s clothes, you will need to do some shopping if you are going to stay here for a while. You can’t go around dressed like that!”

“Why not?”

“Let’s say those kinds of clothes are not very popular here.”

“I don't advise you to borrow Luci's clothes.” Amenadiel said. “There are more comfortable and more practical options, believe me.”

“We could go shopping!” Ella said excitedly. “I love shopping!”

Michael looked at her, not knowing what to say. He had no idea what shopping was. Unlike his twin, Michael had never stayed on Earth for long. His few visits had been brief and he had contented himself with doing the work his Father had given him and nothing more. 

“It’s a good idea.” Amenadiel answered for him. ”Lucifer will be able to give you money for that when he wakes up.”

Money. 

Another human thing he was not used to. He would need help for sure to do this shopping. He looked at the young energetic women sitting in front of him. 

Ella. 

Well, maybe this could be fun.

Michael looked at his brother’s friends. Ella seemed full of energy while Chloe looked much calmer. The little blonde, Linda, seemed somewhere in between those two. He was unable to read Daniel though. He looked... nervous? 

“Is there any risk for other demons to come here?” Dan asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“No, don’t worry about that. Father sent four of us to get rid of most demons and the ones left won’t be able to cross Hell’s threshold anymore.”

Four of them. How many angels were there?

“Are there a lot of angel twins?” Chloe asked.

“Among archangels, there's only Sammy and I, but there are a few among angels. We’re the first pair ever though. Two halves of a whole.”

“Two halves of a whole? What do you mean?”

“Sammy is the light. I’m the darkness. We complete each other. Together we’re the most powerful archangels in the universe.”

“He has never talked about that...”

Michael suddenly looked sheepish.

“I guess that being thrown in Hell by your twin may have this effect... I listened to our Father instead of following him. It has been hard. For both of us.”

Silence stretched within them.

“Well, you’re here now!” Ella said suddenly. “No need to recall bad moments!”

Michael was beginning to understand why his brother was fond of these humans.

“I guess you’re right. We’re trying to start over. Sammy is so much stronger than me but...”

The angel shook his head. 

“How is he taking it?” Linda asked gently.

“He’s still a little angry at me I think.”

“Angry? But why would he be angry at you?”

“Well, I’m the one who pushed him down. He said I abandoned him.”

It took a few seconds before Linda understood that they were not talking of the same thing.

“That’s not what I meant. I was talking about the amputations.”

“Oh! That! A lot better than I would!” Michael laughed. 

“But Azrael said that he wanted to die!”

“Not because of that. When he realized he had lost his feet he brushed it like if it was nothing. I think he wanted to die because he was feeling guilty about his demon’s death.”

“He brushed it like if it was nothing?!” Chloe jerked.

“Well, he realized three weeks ago that it was more than that.” Amenadiel said. “I don’t say it’s all perfect and he still has a lot of frustrations about it but honestly he’s taking this better than I would have expected.”

“He was a lot more afraid about your reaction.” Michael added. “Afraid to lose you. But I think the little human’s reaction was just perfect. Exactly what he needed.” 

“It’s so unfair!” Ella said. “Don’t tell him but it breaks my heart to see him like that!”

“It has been six weeks for us and it’s still hard to look at him sometimes, especially when he struggles to do something, but doesn't want to be helped. Please don’t tell him. The last thing he’ll want is to see you suffer because of him.”

“Yeah, I know that. I will need to call the precinct to take the day off today. I don’t see how I will be able to pretend that everything is fine.”

“I will do the same, Ella. Dan, do I call you off too or you want to go?” Chloe asked.

“If the lieutenant doesn’t complain, I will take the day off too.”

“He should understand. I will say it’s because of Maze’s death. I won’t talk about Lucifer for now.”

She went to the opposite side of the room to make her phone call. A few moments later, they heard Charlie crying from a guest room. Linda stood up to go to him but Amenadiel stopped her.

“I will go. I haven't seen him in a while.”

He came back a few minutes later with the toddler in his lap.

"That's your son?” Michael asked. "The baby half-angel Remiel was talking about?”

Amenadiel nodded.

“Wow! He’s beautiful! What colors are his wings?”

“We don’t know yet. We figure they will grow later.”

Chloe returned from her call, saying everything was fine for all of them with the lieutenant and that she was going to make breakfast for everyone.

“I will help you.” Linda said.

Ella stayed in the living room with Charlie, Beatrice, Dan, Robert and the two angels.

“Can I miss school today?” Trixie asked her father.

“Yes, it’s a good idea. I will call them.”

Ella had noticed that Dan was on auto-pilot since Lucifer’s return. Even if he was not a close friend, he seemed the most affected somehow. 

In the kitchen, Chloe and Linda started preparing breakfast.

“It’s so many things all together.” Chloe whispered. “The amputations, learning that he has a twin... Even if he was angry at Michael, how could he hide something like that from me?”

“You will need to ask him. You know I’m there for you, right? Maybe you should come for a session or two in the next few weeks. It will be hard for you too, not only for him.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe. I will think about it but anyway thanks for the proposition.”

“If Lucifer wants, you can even do a session together. Especially if you’re unable to talk about it with him. For him it’s been six weeks so maybe he’s ready to move forward, but you will need time to process it.”

“Yeah. Just seeing him like this... It’s like if destiny wants to make sure he can’t be happy. Like Ella said, it’s so unfair!”

“Justice has nothing to do with this, Chloe. I know it looks unfair, but never think it happened because of destiny or as a punishment of some kind. Demons are cruel and it’s nobody fault but theirs. The only thing you can both do is learn to live with the consequences. You can’t change what happened.”

“I know, Linda. I know.”

When breakfast was ready, Chloe and Linda brought everything to the main room. Some of them settled at the bar counter and others on the couches to eat.

“I’ll be back. I will just check if he’s still sleeping.” Chloe said before seating.

“Even if he was awake, you know it’s not a good idea to bring him here while we eat.” Robert said.

“Yeah, I know. You’re right. I will wait until after we finish.”

“Why?” Linda said. “It should be the opposite!”

“The only time we did that, he got sick. I’m not sure I want to try again.”

“He got sick when he tried to eat?”

“Not even tried. We were just eating in the same room as him.”

“Just smelling food made him sick? Oh my God! What did they do to him to provoke a reaction like that?”

“I don’t know, Linda. I thought he had talked to you about it.”

“He doesn’t want to talk about eating. In fact, he doesn’t want to talk about almost anything that happened while he was tortured.”

“I know why.” Ella whispered. “They made him eat his own wings’ flesh.”

“What?!” The two angels in the room jerked.

Ella described what she had learned in Lucifer’s memories. Michael and Amenadiel seemed horrified.

“That’s gruesome.” Linda said. “But I don’t see why he’s not even able to smell food.”

“On the contrary, it makes perfect sense.” Amenadiel said. “It’s not just eating your own flesh, even if that only is awful. It’s like eating... I don’t know... I can’t just find anything as horrible as that!”

“It’s like eating your soul.” Michael answered in a trembling voice. “It must have been as if each bite of it was destroying him. Like eating your own heart while it’s still beating...”

Michael was crying now. He stood up and went into the room where his twin was still sleeping. He lay down by his back, unfurled his wings and wrapped them both in a protective cocoon.

In the main room everyone was silent. Suddenly, no one was hungry anymore.

“Maybe I should give you everything I've written, Linda.” Ella whispered. “I already have a notebook full of his memories.”

“I will need to ask for Lucifer's permission first. Thank you for the offer and thanks for what you just told us though. I understand why he looked so horrified at the prospect of eating now. I just don’t know how he will be able to forget that or to start eating again.”

Lucifer was surprised to find Michael next to him when he woke up.

“Mi! I told you it was preferable to get to know my friends!”

“That’s what I’ve done! But I need your presence.”

And he explained what Ella had told them. Lucifer didn’t reply. He didn’t want to talk about that. He was not ready and knew he would probably never be. They stayed silent for a few minutes, wings still intertwined. Akuma was still curled up against Lucifer’s chest.

“Can you ask Robert to come to disconnect the feeding bag? I’ve stayed in bed long enough in the past weeks.”

“Of course!”

After disconnecting the bag, Robert explained to Lucifer how to proceed to move from the bed to the wheelchair. Lucifer had a little trouble doing it at first, but it was still a lot easier after Robert’s explanation.

“Do it again.”

“What?!”

“Return to the bed and do it again. The best way to learn is to do it many times back-to-back until you find it easy eventually."

Lucifer huffed, but he did as requested. On the third try, he was already better at it.

“Okay. That’s enough for now.” Robert said. “You can join the others.”

Lucifer fastened the wheelchair belt and headed toward the main room.

Lucifer rolled down the ramp, an awkward smile on his face. Why was everyone still in the room? 

“What time is it?” He asked while petting Akuma who was standing just beside him.

“A little past nine thirty a.m.” Chloe answered.

“I’m confused... I thought it was Friday.”

“It is.”

“Why is everyone here then? Don't you have work?”

“We all took a day off. Linda had to go for appointments she couldn’t cancel, but she will be back right after those are done.”

“Your spawn is here too? Doesn’t she have school?”

“And miss the day with you? No way! Daddy agreed that I miss school today too!”

Lucifer was baffled.

“You all took a day off... for me?”

“Of course, silly! We thought you could use some friends today.” Trixie said.

“I...”

“Will you stop that?!” Chloe added. “Stop thinking you're not worth it. You are our friend and friends support each other.”

“I’m fine, Detective. I still have some adjustmenting to do, but that’s all. Please stop worrying.”

“Will you come shopping with us?’ Ella asked.

“Shopping? Bloody Hell, no! Why would I do such a thing?”

“Because your brother needs clothes and I’m not sure that’s a good idea to have both of you dressed the same way!”

Lucifer turned towards his twin.

“You want to go shopping?”

“Well, I don’t know exactly what it is but it sounds fun. Ella proposed to help me with that. She said that those clothes are perceived as strange here.”

“She’s right, but you could shop online instead.”

“Well, I want to try at least. This way I can learn how your humans work. She said I will need money though."

“Yeah, sure. I will give you some.”

Lucifer went to his safe and entered his code. Once open, he realized the safe was too high for him to be able to see inside. He unbuckled the seatbelt and folded his knees to put his stumps under him with the obvious purpose of kneeling on his wheelchair. Robert stopped him.

“It’s not a good idea.” He said.

“No?”

“No. You won’t be able to keep your balance. It’s something you need to practice in a safe area first. Unless you want to end up face first on the floor and give everyone a show, you should avoid it.”

Lucifer sighed. However, he sat back down.

“Give me a few money bundles then.”

Robert handed him two bundles of one-hundred bills that Lucifer threw to his twin.

“Are you serious?” Ella said, looking at the money. “That must be ten thousand dollars in total!”

“Yeah, you’re right. With shoes that might not be enough. Robert gives them one more-”

“No! That’s not what I meant! It’s too much!”

“Well, buy something for yourself if there’s some left. You’re going to deserve it after going shopping with Mi.”

He handed her the third bundle. When she didn’t take it, he gave it to Michael instead.

“Can I go with you?” Trixie asked. “I love shopping too!”

“Of course you can!” Ella said. “You will help me dress this angel properly.”

“Lucifer, you don’t mind if I go with your twin instead of staying here?”

“Of course not, Urchin. I’m sure Miss Lopez will appreciate your help.” 

“Can I borrow one of your cars?” Ella asked. 

“Sure. You can ask Patrick. He will give you the keys. You can choose any car you want except the Aston. I won’t drive any soon anyway.”

Ella felt her heart clench at the mention but Lucifer didn’t seem particularly annoyed about it. 

“If you don’t mind, I will go to the rehabilitation center to get some things that should help you.” Robert said. “I shouldn’t be gone long.”

“I will be fine. Don’t worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What did you think of it?


	22. You’re Too Good To Be The Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all the comments I get! You're incredible dear readers!
> 
> This chapter is an emotional one... be warned!
> 
> Thanks once again to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai who loved that chapter!

Only Chloe, Dan, Amenadiel and Charlie were left in the penthouse. 

“May I talk to you... in private?" Dan asked Lucifer shyly.

“Of course, Daniel. We can go to the balcony.”

Both men went outside and Dan closed the windowed-door behind him.

“I want to apologize.” Dan started. “I haven't been fair to you since you came back. I really behaved like an idiot and I'm sorry.”

“That’s fine, Daniel. That’s already forgotten.”

“No! I mean, that’s the problem! You told me I need to stop feeling guilty, but I won’t be able to do so if everyone keeps saying that all my mistakes are alright.”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m angry at you? I’m not. Everything’s fine.”

“How can you say that? I’ve been mean to you! I treated you like a junkie! I prevented my daughter from seeing you! I had the proof right in my face that you’ve been tortured and I refused to believe it! You can’t say that’s fine!”

“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.” Lucifer shook his head like if he was discouraged. “I'm not saying that it didn’t hurt or that I appreciated it, but it’s already forgotten. Really.”

“You can’t...”

“Daniel, please stop that. This is misplaced guilt. Did you look at me? Did you look at my body? Do you think a few insults are worse than what I’ve been through? I’ve heard every insult that can be heard, suffered all tortures that can be done. Stop worrying about that, please. I would be much more offended if you died and ended up in Hell because of this guilt. Believe me, you don’t want to go there.”

“That’s the point. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I know that is what I deserve... But I don’t want to... I want to see Charlotte again...”

Daniel started to sob gently, unable to continue. He sat in a chair and put his head in his hands. Lucifer came closer to him and put a hand on his knee.

“Listen to me, Daniel. Charlotte made a lot of mistakes too, but she amended herself. She spent the last months of her life trying to be better. You can do the same. It’s not too late for that.”

“How... How can I redeem myself? I’ve done so many bad things!”

“Start by doing good things. You’re a good man, Daniel. You have just made some bad choices. From now on, do good ones.”

“Is there any way for me to help you? Any way that I can pay you back for everything I've done?”

“Stop feeling guilty. That’s the only thing that would really help me. I don’t want to see any of my friends in Hell. Especially now that I’m allowed in the Silver City and that I won’t be able to return to my realm because of the bonding.”

“You’re too good to be the Devil.”

Lucifer laughed bitterly.

“I’m not even sure I can still be considered as the Devil anymore! In fact, I don’t really know who I am right now. It’s been eons since I've considered myself as an angel and the demons fired me as their King. I’m not sure I’m still immortal and I’m not human either. And on top of all of that, my brain has trouble adjusting to my own body.”

“Well, you’re at least our friend. That’s a good start!”

Lucifer nodded pensively, but he didn’t answer. Dan took a deep breath and stood up.

“Thanks, man! I will do my best to not let you down.”

Dan placed his hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, but the latter recoiled with a panic look. Lucifer immediately seemed sheepish about it.

“I’m sorry. I... I still don’t like to be touched without warning.”

“No, it’s my fault. But I saw Michael touch you many times and I thought you were okay with it now.”

“Not really. I’m sorry. Mi is just special to me. My body recognizes him like a part of me.”

“Oh! I see! I will be more careful next time.”

They came back inside but only Chloe was left in the room.

“Everything’s fine?” She asked.

“Yes, Detective. No worries. Where’re my brother and Charlie?”

“Amenadiel went home with him because Charlie needed diapers and I think he needed a nap too. Lucifer, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but...”

She stalled, looking at the floor.

“Talking about what?”

“Maze's funeral. We... we need to do something for her.”

“She wouldn’t have wanted a ceremony or anything like that, believe me.”

“Maybe you can go ask her?”

“She will tell me to forget that.”

“But people at the precinct... they will want to do something. They will ask questions if we do nothing. And I mean... you’ve been able to see her, but we haven't. We need to do something. If not for her, for us!”

“Maybe we can have a big party.” Dan said. “That’s probably the kind of thing she would like.”

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. A ‘Maze night’ at Lux. Maybe next Friday after work.” Lucifer answered thoughtfully. “I could even... mmm... yes, that could work...”

“What could work?”

“I will tell you later. But a party will be perfect.”

“And what do we do with her body? Is it preferable to bury it or incinerate it? What are you supposed to do with a demon body?”

“Usually let it burn in the lava lake. But I don’t want to throw her body in there. Not after...” He looked down and took a deep breath. “Maybe incinerate it and we could spread her ashes in Hell. This way she could be in Heaven and Hell both...”

“Do you want to ask her?”

“No. That’s what we’ll do.” He sighed. “It’s the last decision I will take as her King.” After a moment of silence he added: “I’m so sorry I didn't warn her. I could have saved her from dying.”

“Lucifer, you have nothing to blame yourself for. We were all near her and no one had the time to react. No one is to blame. I’m just glad she got a soul and that she’s not gone forever.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, Lucifer started rocking back and forth. Akuma jumped on his lap and he petted him without stopping his movements. Chloe and Dan said nothing and they sat on the couch to talk quietly.

After ten minutes of rocking, Lucifer finally stopped and went to the piano. It was the first time since his return from Hell that he was even going near the instrument. He tried to push the bench aside, but with his lack of strength he only pushed it by a few inches. Without a word, Dan joined him and pushed the bench away.

“Thanks.” Lucifer whispered.

He asked Akuma to go down and put his hands on the keys. Putting his hands there seemed strange. He hit a first key, and then a second, and then he finally started playing a simple melody. 

He was unable to hit the keys with strength. He was unable to move his fingers fast as well. He wasn’t able to reach the pedals of course. It looked more like a melody played by a child. But he was playing. The song was slow. Sad. But it was filled with emotion. When he ended it, he put back the cover over the keys and put his forearms over the piano, his head resting on them.

Chloe went beside him and stroked his hair. He shivered but he didn’t recoil.

“It was beautiful.” She whispered.

“I wasn’t sure I would still be able to play. I will need practice.”

“It was already a good start. I think the surgery for the extensors could wait a little. Those new splints work great.”

“There won’t be another surgery. I have talked to Dr. Rodriguez about it because it would have been perfect timing when I was stuck in bed up there. It won’t be possible now.”

“Why?”

“The tendons for the grafts. The tendons that could be spared in my wrists have already been used and the other ones are in my legs. Were. There might be enough left to make one hand, but that's not even certain. It's not worth going through the whole process.”

“They can't... I don’t know... use artificial tendons?”

“It wouldn’t be as effective. The actual splints are probably as good as the result I would get from the surgery. It’s not worth it. I just need to gain strength and learn to use them.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I thought I could never use them again. I may never be as good as I was, but it should be enough. Eventually.”

He finally moved away from the piano and went out to the balcony. Akuma followed him and sat beside him. Lucifer stayed, looking at the city in silence for the next fifteen minutes, one hand petting the dog.

Less than one hour after leaving, Robert was back from the rehabilitation center. He had brought a big box full of small exercise devices like elastic bands and balls among other things. When Lucifer came back inside, he brought a strap and kneeled beside the wheelchair.

“I have something that will help you. Can you move your legs to the side just for two minutes?”

Lucifer did as instructed and Robert installed the large strap on the frame, between the two posts leading to the footrest-bar. 

“Okay. You can put your legs in place and unbuckle the seatbelt. I want you to roll forward.”

The new strap he had installed passed just beneath his stumps so when Lucifer pushed the wheelchair forward, his stumps just rested on it instead of swinging backward.

“That’s perfect!” He said, smiling. “Can you just put the seatbelt back under... ow!”

Lucifer was suddenly on the floor, kneeling in front of his wheelchair. He had time to put his hands on the floor to avoid hitting it head first. He winced from pain.

“Bloody Hell! It hurts!”

“What happened?” Chloe asked while Dan and Robert sat him back in his wheelchair.

“I...” He shook his head, ashamed of himself. He put his hands on his stumps which were throbbing furiously.

“Did you have a phantom sensation?" Robert asked.

Lucifer nodded.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think... It confused me...”

“That’s okay. You’re not the first one to make that mistake. Let me take a look at your stumps to make sure there’s no bleeding or anything.”

“What? Did you try to... stand?” Chloe asked in disbelief. 

“It’s not my fault if my crazy brain kept sending me pain information as if I still had my feet!” He shouted angrily. He was furious at himself and the pain – real pain this time – didn’t help him to stay calm.

Robert rolled Lucifer pants’ leg and removed the shrinker socks. 

“You will have big bruises but everything’s fine otherwise. Your surgeon did a great job. The scars do not appear to be six weeks old, but rather a few months old.”

“I heal faster than a human.”

“We need to find a way to control your phantom pain or this could happen again. I will get you a prescription for medication that can really help.”

“Medication never worked great on me.”

“We can try at least.”

Lucifer took a deep breath, still trying to get over the pain and calm himself.

“Can I?” Chloe asked, a hand hovering close to his stumps.

“It doesn’t disgust you?” 

“Why would it? I already told you I love everything about you.”

“I...” He sighed. “Go ahead, Detective.”

Chloe gently touched the first stump, caressing the scar with the tip of her fingers. Lucifer closed his eyes, shivering under her touch.

“It’s better than what I thought. It’s far from disgusting. Just a little strange.”

“It is strange. I mean, I’ve spent what could be considered an eternity with two feet. This kind of thing is not supposed to happen to an immortal. I’m still trying to get used to the idea.”

“We’ll get used to it together, Lucifer. You’re not alone in this.”

“We’re all there to support and help you.” Dan added. “You have many friends here. Never forget that.”

Robert put back the socks but Lucifer winced at the pain.

“I will use larger ones for now.” Robert said. “I’m afraid your stumps might swell too much if we don’t put anything on them though.” 

Lucifer nodded and waited until Robert finished. He was tired.

“I will lie down a little.” He said.

“Can I lie down with you?” Chloe asked.

“Of course Detective. Always.”

Once in bed, Chloe settled in front of him, keeping some distance between them. She started playing with his curls.

“I like it when you do this.” He told her. 

He pressed his hand on her cheek and down her arm, getting a little closer. Without thinking, Chloe closed the distance between them and curled up in his arms.

It was not a good idea.

Lucifer started to shiver under her embrace, but he stayed there nevertheless. It was the first time they were so close since his return. He was not ready for this.

Breathe. Calm down.

“Lucifer, are you alright?”

Chloe tried to get away a little, but Lucifer was holding her tightly. He desperately wanted it to work.

But it was not working. He was now shaking uncontrollably. 

“Lucifer! What’s going on?”

He didn’t answer, still shaking in her arms. She managed to separate her body from his and noticed he was crying. His eyes were closed. His jaw was tense. He brought his arms against his chest, shivering more than ever. 

“Lucifer! Please! Talk to me!”

After a too long moment of silence he finally talked.

“ ‘m sorry. I... I wished... wanted to... but... c-can’t... just can’t...”

“That’s okay Lucifer. I understand.”

“N-no... it’s not... okay! It will... never be! They... they did too many... t-things! They... broke me! I... can’t be repaired... from that!”

“Lucifer, listen to me. I love you and I will take only what you can give me. Don’t put yourself under pressure when it comes to this.”

He didn’t answer, eyes still closed. His cheeks were bathed in tears.

“I know it’s hard, but you should talk to Linda. She can help you.”

He shook his head.

“Won’t be able. Too hard... just to think about it.”

“You know what? Ella said that she wrote a lot of things she saw from your memories. She offered to give the notebook to Linda, but Linda said that we must ask for your permission first. I think you should accept. Maybe I should even read it too.”

He finally looked at her.

“It’s... a good idea. But... not you. I... don’t know what Ella wrote but it might be too much... for you. I... won’t be able to... I don’t want you to... know everything.”

“That’s okay. Just Linda then. She can judge afterward what I should know or not.”

He nodded, still shivering.

“I love you, Chloe.”

And without warning, he unfurled his wings and wrapped them in a white cocoon. It was the first time ever he ever did that with her and the warmth and peace that suddenly surrounded her made her cry.

“I love you too, Lucifer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think? I hope this chapter help those who were wondering what was going on with Dan get their answers!


	23. You’re Not From Here, Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've been awesome with all your comments on the last chapter! Thank you so much!
> 
> This is a much more fun chapter! No angst for once!
> 
> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai!

Ella parked at the shopping center and Michael looked at all the cars in the parking lot.

“There are so many people in here."

Ella laughed.

“That’s nothing! You should see how many people are around on Saturdays! There wouldn’t be a single parking spot available!”

“Why is everyone coming here?”

“For shopping of course! But this is just one of the many shopping centers in L.A.”

“But shopping for what?” Michael insisted.

“Clothes, shoes, jewelry, toys, sports, goods… whatever they want to buy for themselves or to offer.”

“And food!” Trixie added.

“Yes. And a lot of various food offers!”

Michael seemed lost but Ella and Trixie brought him inside the shopping mall. The angel looked around, amazed. A few people stared at him but Michael was too focused on what he was discovering to notice. 

Neon signs, different kinds of music coming out from each store they were crossing, humans walking everywhere, most of them looking at their phone and not even looking in front of them... How come no one was crushing on someone else or one of the many publicity boards everywhere? And what about all those phones in the first place? Was it really essential that every single human had one?

“Nice dress!” Two women laughed when they crossed the trio.

“It’s not a dress, it’s a robe!” Michael said in a low voice to Ella.

“That’s why we need to buy you some clothes. And those thongs don’t fit either. You need a complete makeover. So, what kind of clothes would you like? More formal? More casual?”

“I don’t know. Something comfortable at least. There seems to be so many choices!”

“Of course!” Trixie answered. “That’s why there are so many different stores!”

Ella stopped in front of a store.

“Maybe we can find something for you here. They have a trendy casual style but chic enough to fit in a day to day wear. If you go out with Lucifer, you can’t be dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.”

She went into the store and Michael followed her like a child who didn't want to lose his mother. 

“What do you think of this?” Ella asked, pointing to a dummy wearing a colourful shirt with white long pants.

“I don’t know... Isn’t it a little... flashy?”

“May I help you dress this beauty?” A saleswoman said as she came closer.

The girl was giving the angel an appreciative look.

“You’re not from here, are you?”

Michael stared at her, not knowing how to answer. He was completely lost in this human world but if he knew one thing it was that talking about the Silver City wasn’t a good idea.

“No, he’s on vacation, visiting his brother.” Ella said. 

“A handsome man like you needs to be well dressed.” The woman purred. She looked at Ella for a moment. “Just to make sure, are you his girlfriend or something?”

“No! Nothing of the sort!” Ella blurted, blushing. “He’s my friend’s twin.”

Trixie giggled beside her.

“Oh! A twin! Interesting!” The saleswoman said. She was not even trying to be subtle in her flirting attempts.

“I j-just need clothes.” Michael stuttered, taking a step back.

“A shy handsome twin.” The woman continued. “How sweet!”

“I...”

Michael didn’t know what to say. No angels were flirted in the Silver City. They were all siblings. He didn’t understand what the woman was doing, but he knew he didn’t like that.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Ella said angrily. “We’ll go shop elsewhere.”

She grabbed Michael's hand with the intention of going out of the store.

“No, no! I’m sorry! I thought he could be interested!” The woman said hastily. “I won’t do it again. I promise.” She added. She suddenly looked sheepish at her behavior.

Ella knew she was probably affected by the divine aura angels had. It often affected the weak-minded. She had seen it enough around Lucifer, even before knowing why people were so attracted to him. 

The only difference was in his twin's reaction.

She was beginning to understand what Michael had meant by mentioning that Lucifer was the light while he was the darkness. Where Lucifer – at least the old Lucifer – liked to be in the spotlight, Michael was trying to remain as invisible as possible. A shadow no one would notice.

The poor woman needed a second chance.

“Okay, well, he doesn’t want something too flashy, but we haven't decided on a style yet...” 

“But it must be cool!” Trixie added with a grin.

Recovering her professionalism, the woman began to present them with clothes of different styles that might suit the angel. Michael finally chose three sets that he was willing to try.

He started to unbutton his robe in the middle of the place, ready to try the new clothes right there.

“No!” Ella stopped him. “There are fitting rooms for that!”

Trixie burst out laughing.

“Wait until mommy and daddy hear about this!” 

Michael liked two out of the three sets. Both were short-sleeved shirts with matching pants. A long-sleeved sweater and a casual jacket that could fit with both sets were finally added. The clothes were of high quality and expensive, but Ella knew Lucifer wouldn’t have wanted to see his brother dressed in cheap clothes. However, paying more than two thousand dollars for six pieces of clothing and two pairs of socks seemed exaggerated to her. She would never have paid that amount of money on clothing! They would search for some less expensive clothes too, Ella decided.

Michael kept wearing the last set he had tried on instead of his traditional Silver City robe. They removed all tags and put his old clothes in the shopping bag. The dark grey slim pants with the white and grey shirt suited him well so that even Ella couldn’t help but find the angel attractive.

Trixie noticed the looks Ella was giving Michael. She gently bumped Ella and made a sign with two fingers intertwined, meaning lovers. Ella blushed and shook her head. Trixie laughed.

They continued their shopping because two sets of clothes were obviously not enough. In the next two and half hours, they added more trendy clothes and some athletics too with two pairs of shoes. He had enough clothes to be dressed differently for at least ten days, not counting on the mixing he could do. That should be enough, even if they didn’t touch the last bundle of money Lucifer had given them. Their hands were full of bags and they were all tired.

“I’m hungry!” Trixie claimed before they decided to end their journey. 

“Yeah, eating is a good idea. Let’s go to the food court!”

They eat some Mexican food and Trixie asks for an ice cream cone as dessert.

“The chocolate ice cream here is awesome!” she claimed.

“You know what?” Ella said while they were finishing eating their ice cream, “We should buy you a phone. It will be easier to join you. We have more than enough money left anyway.”

“If you think it’s necessary. But you’ll need to show me how it works.”

“Of course!”

They went to a phone store and Ella picked one of the newest. 

“I think this one will be perfect.”

“Is it the same one Sammy has?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure he uses it much now that he’s blind.”

“Oh! But everything can be vocalized on that phone!” The seller said. “He just has to use Voice Over.”

“Really?” Ella asked. “I’m not sure he knows that.”

“Let me show you.”

The seller showed them how it works in a few minutes. It was so simple! Lucifer would be able to use his phone with that! And without any help! She couldn’t wait to tell him.

“You should go on the lower level.” The seller said. “There’s a blind association who installed a kiosk there and you’ll find a lot of information, games and many other things that could be helpful for your friend.”

“Sure! That’s a good idea! Thank you!”

They bought the phone and went to the kiosk. Trixie became suddenly excited when they arrived there.

“There’s a Monopoly game board for the blind?! We need to buy that!”

The board was on display just at the entrance of the kiosk.

“Everything is in Braille and with regular printing so blind people and non-blind people can play together.” A man in the stand said. He was obviously blind with a guide-dog lying beside him.

“I’m not sure he knows Braille... Is it considered a language?” She asked.

“No. More like a form writing.”

“Mmm, maybe he won’t be able to read it then.”

“But he can learn!” Ella said. “Do you have anything to learn Braille at home for someone already blind?”

“Yes, of course!”

Michael was amazed to see how Sammy’s friends were doing everything they could to help him. He was really surrounded by great people and he understood why his twin wanted to stay on Earth.

They bought the game and a set of flashcards to learn the basics of Braille and went back to the car, eager to show Lucifer their purchases.

“It was fun!” Michael said as they were on their way to the penthouse. “I hope we’ll do that again!”

“Any time you want!” Ella answered with a smile.

“You are so cute!” Trixie giggled from the back of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need your advice! I just finished writing chapter 33 and from that point I have 2 choices. Or I go pretty much straight to the happy ending and finish the story in 4-5 more chapters or I can play on extras side-stories and relashionships. Whatever you decide the story will be all published before season 5 begins (I will post every day in the end if I have too many chapters). So, would you like to see more Ella/Michael, Lucifer/Trixie, Lucifer/Daniel, etc or I go straight to the happy ending? If you want extras, what would you like to see?
> 
> Thanks as always for all your support!


	24. We Brought A Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you so much for all your suggestions! I really appreciated it! You asked for it so there will be more chapters!
> 
> Thanks once again to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Lucifer woke up, still wrapped up in the cocoon of his wings with Chloe. She was sleeping close to him, but she was not touching him. Her breath was even, calm. He wondered how much time she had stayed awake before falling asleep.

He wanted to be able to hug her properly more than anything. He wanted to feel her body against his. Her skin against his. He had never had the chance to experience any real intimacy with her and doubted that he would ever have it now.

He could not see how Linda would be able to undo the reflexes that the demons had implanted in him after all these years. Reflexes conditioned by two centuries of continuous torture. How long could Chloe wait before she got tired of never being able to touch him? And even if she was that patient, would he even have time to heal before her time on Earth was completed?

What kind of life would he give her? Did he have the right to force her to live like this? He knew he would never be able to live without her. It was an endless dilemma. 

Suffer or make her suffer. 

He wondered if he would have been able to hold her if he'd been fully dressed in a suit instead of this sleeveless robe. Not just cuddling. If his skin was not in direct contact with hers, maybe. He would need to try at least. He shivered unintentionally. He, Lucifer Morningstar of all people, unable to bear a simple touch, skin against skin. It was a shame.

He heard the elevator dinge and knew Michael, Ella and Trixie were back. What time could it be? He had the impression that he was sleeping more than he stayed awake. Keeping track of time was so hard when you couldn’t see the ambient lightning. That was one of the downsides of his blindness. Most of the time it didn’t bother him much, but to never know the time was frustrating.

He gently woke Chloe up and tucked his wing back in. Akuma, who had been sleeping on his back, woke up and jumped down the bed.

“Can I ask you something?” Chloe said.

“Sure. Never be afraid to question me Detective!”

“I noticed your wings were not glowing like the first time I saw them. Why?”

“I... lost almost all my light when... when I tried to disappear.” He whispered.

“Why? Why did you try that?”

“Maze had just died and... they had plunged my feet in the lava lake. I felt guilty and I was in pain. So much pain. I knew I couldn’t bear more and for the first time of my life I was afraid of dying. I knew what kind of Hell loop I deserved. Seeing Maze die over and over again. I just... I couldn’t think clearly and took the only solution I saw at the moment.” His voice broke and he sobbed, trying to keep countenance.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Chloe said gently. She stroked his hair, the only thing she was able to do without frightening him.

“No, it’s... if Mi hadn’t been there I... I wouldn’t be here. He saved me, Chloe. He risked his life to save me. Without him I would have never seen you again.”

“Shhh. You’re here now. Don’t think about that.”

Chloe wondered if she was saying that for him or for herself. 

“I’m glad that Michael is here with you and you want to restore your relationship.” She added.

“Yes, me too. And Mi will help me regain my light too. I’m stronger when I’m close to him.”

Chloe wanted to ask why he never talked about his twin in all the years she knew him, but it was not the right moment. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Everyone was back in the penthouse. Lucifer immediately noticed that Michael had changed clothes. He couldn’t see all the details of course, but the cut seemed nice. He went closer and touched the fabric of the shirt.

“Nice fabric, but please tell me it’s not one of those ugly Hawaiian prints.” He said.

“Hawaiian prints?” Michael repeated, not understanding what his twin was talking about.

“No, it’s not!” Ella laughed “It’s only white and grey. Very trendy.”

“I’m the only one dressed in a Silver City robe now. Maybe I should change clothes?”

When Amenadiel went home he had put back his regular clothes.

“No! You can keep them!” Chloe said. “I love those clothes and it’s different. We always see you dressed as if you’re going to an important meeting!”

Lucifer shrugged. He had no intention of arguing about his wardrobe now.

“So, how was shopping?”

“Fun!” Michael, Ella and Trixie said at the same time.

“Fun?”

“Yes! I learned many things and I have many clothes now!” Michael said.

“And he never complained it was boring...” Ella added with a smirk.

“And we ate ice cream!” Trixie added.

“And Ella also bought me a phone.”

“You’re better than me!” Lucifer laughed. “It took years before I got my first!”

“Did you activate VoiceOver on your phone, Lucifer?” Ella asked.

“No. What the Hell is that?”

“You will love it! Give me your phone I will show you.”

Ella took Lucifer's phone, went into the settings and activated it.

“With VoiceOver and Siri, you will be able to do anything you want with your phone. There’s a training mode for VoiceOver and I’m sure you’ll get used to it in no time.”

She explained and showed him everything the seller had told her. Lucifer was baffled.

“This is awesome! Thank you, Miss Lopez! This will be so useful!”

And he would be able to know what time it was anytime he wanted without having to ask.

“And we brought a surprise too!” Trixie said excitedly when Ella finished her explanation.

She took out the game from the box and opened it in front of Lucifer.

“Give me your hand!”

But before even touching it, he already knew what it was. His echolocation was precise enough to let him see all the separations in the molded plastic over the board. He had played often enough in that game to recognize it.

“It’s a Monopoly board?” He said dumbfounded, stretching a hand to touch it.

“Yes! And all the cards and money are in Braille too so you will be able to play!”

“I don’t know Braille, Urchin.”

“That’s why we also bought Braille flashcards so you will be able to learn!” Ella said.

She handed him a few cards where the normal letters were written with embossed dots and the letter in Braille under it. As for the separations on the board, he was able to ‘see’ the dots without touching them.

Lucifer looked totally moved.

“I... well... thank you!”

“Can we play now?” Trixie asked. “We are too many but we can do teams so it will be okay even if you don’t know Braille right now.”

“Yes... Why not!”

“If you don’t mind,” Robert said “I would like to go out to see my parents a little. I will set you for feeding before leaving and Chloe will be able to disconnect it.”

“Yes, sure!” Lucifer answered.

“Oh! I forgot!” Ella said suddenly. “There’s still almost a full bundle of money left from the shopping.”

She went to give it back to Lucifer but the latter refused it.

“I told you you can keep it, Miss Lopez. You deserve it after spending a few hours with him.” He waved at his twin.

“Not at all!” She said, offended. “It was a pleasure! Really!”

The look Lucifer gave her made Ella blush. Even if Lucifer couldn’t see it on her face, the vibes she emitted spoke for themselves.

“Really?” He laughed, looking at Michael and Ella in turns.

“What?” Michael said. “Shopping was fun! What’s the problem?”

“No, nothing!”

Since Lucifer had no table large enough to put the game board on, they decided to play directly on the floor. Michael helped his twin sit on the floor and they made teams. Michael and Amenadiel had never played before so they paired Ella with Michael while Amenadiel was with Linda. Lucifer and Chloe made the third team and Trixie played with her father.

“The Detective and I will take the race car!” Lucifer said while Chloe nodded. “Michael, you’re the shoe!”

“I don’t mind.” Michael answered. “Does the shoe look fine to you Ella?”

“Of course!”

“We take the dog, dad, okay?”

“Fine by me, Monkey. We will win whatever we have!”

“We’ll take the hat.” Amenadiel said.

The game took the rest of the afternoon.

Michael had never played a board game before and was totally baffled on the concept of buying property, chance cards and other rules. Even if Lucifer was only rolling the dice and moving the token at first, he was soon enough able to identify all money bills.

The game was interrupted twice by Charlie, once because he was hungry and again because he needed a diaper change.

Ella and Michael's team finally won the game and they all said it was because of the beginner’s luck. Lucifer was going to hear about it forever.

After the game though, Lucifer was tired and he went to sleep while the others ordered food. Everyone except Chloe was going to sleep at their respective places for the night, but they all said they would come back the next day.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

As Lucifer sessions were usually on Saturday mornings, Linda decided to keep the same schedule. 

“Ella, will give me her notebook this afternoon. Is that still okay with you?”

“Yes, Linda. It’s probably for the best.”

“I promise I won’t tell Chloe anything without your consent. I will consider it like everything else you would tell me in a session.”

Lucifer nodded, not saying anything.

“But today, I’d like to know what happened on your last visit to Hell.”

“There’s not much to talk about. They broke my wings, insulted me and then finished it all off by torturing me in the lava lake. That’s all.”

“They insulted you?”

“They carried me around to show every demon their Fallen King. They threw anything they could find at me and shouted any names or insults they could think of. Demons are not very creative, Doctor, but I’m not a teenager who will cry because I’ve been insulted.”

“And after that?”

“Lilith complained that I was boring and she said she would make me react and I ended up in the lava lake. You know the result.”

“And how do you feel about that _result_ ?”

“It depends on the day. I’m still trying to adapt, but it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone seemed horrified, but compared to what they did before, it’s nothing. I mean, it can look impressive and it’s certainly annoying, but that’s all.”

“I’m still trying to figure out if you’re in denial, or if you've just resigned to your fate or really began to accept it.”

“Well, I can assure you I’m not in denial. I understand very well what it implies ever since I’ve tried to move for the first time. For the rest, I don’t know what to say.”

“When you look at yourself, what do you think?”

“That it’s weird. As I said to Chloe, I’m still trying to get used to the idea, but I can’t say it makes me sad or anything. I already had the wheelchair and was unable to walk before. I’m just eager for my brain to understand where my legs end so that I can move properly. Just like yesterday when I fell because I forgot I had no feet and tried to stand. Is it possible to be more ridiculous?”

“It’s not ridiculous, Lucifer.”

“Well, frustrating? Humiliating?”

“Is that how you felt when you fell?”

“Of course! Everyone was looking at me with pity! How was I supposed to feel?!”

“You didn’t like it when they looked at you with pity?”

“Of course not! I don’t need pity! I hate that! It’s just feet! There’re still a lot of things that I can do! It doesn’t change who I am!”

Lucifer went to roll backward in frustration but he noticed Linda’s smile.

“What?” He huffed.

“You’re right. It doesn’t change who you are and I’m happy to hear you say that. Michael and Amenadiel were right. You are taking this surprisingly well.”

“Thank you, Doctor. For once, you agree with me.”

“I’m glad you were able to talk about it. It was a good session, Lucifer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I love to have your feedback! Thanks to keep reading!


	25. In Memory Of Maze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what could I say? Thank you! Thank you for all your comments and reactions on this story! I love them!
> 
> And just a month to wait for season 5!!!
> 
> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai!

Lucifer had visitors all weekend. Even though he was pleased with that, it was somehow exhausting. They talked a lot and played Monopoly again . Linda and Amenadiel's team won this time.

It took Lucifer only a few hours to master all of Braille's flashcards. Of course, those did not cover all of Braille, but his effort was enough for his celestial brain to be able to read the Monopoly game’s cards. It had been such a good idea!

With his phone now turned into a talking device, Braille, and his echolocation, it was almost like he was not blind at all!

On Sunday, when Lucifer talked about returning to work the next day, wondering how everyone would react, they all stopped him.

“You can’t return to work already, Lucifer!”

“I’m perfectly fine, Detective! And if I have to go to a crime scene, there will be enough people to help with the wheelchair.”

“It’s not that! You can’t arrive at the precinct four days after leaving suddenly with no feet! How do we explain that?”

“Well, I didn’t think about that... You can say... I don’t know... that I had an accident?”

“Yes, a car accident could explain it, but you still can’t be back to work four days after your feet got amputated.” Dan said.

“It’s been six weeks!” Lucifer objected.

“For you, not for them, Lucifer. You should still be in the hospital if you really had an accident that bad!”

“I guess you’re right.” Lucifer grumbled. “How much time will I have to wait then?

“I would say... maybe two weeks?” Robert said. “Besides, I am planning on doing a lot of exercises with you this week and the next few weeks.”

“And what do we say if they want to go see him at the hospital?” Chloe asked.

“We just have to say it happened while he was in Vegas.” Ella answered. “This way, no one will make a four hour trip in the middle of the week to go see him.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Don’t forget I don’t lie when you tell them that story. I don’t want them to ask questions I won’t be able to answer.”

“We just have to say that, like the rest, they must not question you about it.”

“And please tell them I don’t want them to look at me with pity. I’m perfectly fine!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Everyone at the precinct couldn't believe how unlucky Lucifer was. The guy was just starting to get better from all he had suffered before! How could life be so unfair to such a nice man?

When Chloe told them he was going to be at the party for Maze on Friday, some officers began to plan to do something for him too. Chloe stopped them.

“He said he didn’t want pity from anyone and you wouldn’t believe how well he’s taking this. Besides, it's Maze's party. Lucifer wouldn’t want to draw attention to himself on this occasion.”

“Will you see him before the party?” The lieutenant asked.

“Yes, I certainly will.” 

“Okay. I will ask everyone who wants to sign a card that you can give him. That’s the least we can do.”

“It’s up to you, but please remind everyone that he doesn't want to be pitied."

The lieutenant gave the huge ‘Get Well’ card to Chloe on Thursday afternoon. Everyone had signed it. Some had only written a few words, but many had written how much they appreciated Lucifer and that they hoped he would be back soon. Some of those who were often at crime scenes told him not to worry because they would give him all the help he needed to continue working with them.

Chloe gave him the card when she arrived at the penthouse in the evening. She had spent all her evenings and nights there all week while Trixie stayed with Dan. 

Chloe read him what everyone at the station had written. As usual, when people did anything nice for him, Lucifer was moved by the attention. Some words really touched him. He was doing well considering what happened, but his emotions seemed to be all over the place all the time since his return from Hell.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Friday finally arrived – the day for Maze remembrance’s party – Lucifer was exhausted yet more in shape than ever in the last months. Well ‘in shape’ was a bit of an overstatement, but he was certainly a little stronger. Robert had told him he had planned to do a lot of exercises with him. 

He was not joking.

Even if Lucifer was almost certain that each fiber of his body hurt, his balance and coordination were much better than they were the week before. He also tried the medication for phantom pain. Even though it was not perfect, the sensation was now dull enough to forget most of the time.

“Now, you need to gain weight if you want to get stronger and be able to use prosthetics.” Robert said. “It requires more strength than walking with real feet, so you have a lot to do to get there!”

“I don’t know about that. I don’t mind the wheelchair.”

“Believe me, with the prosthetics that we can find these days, you won’t use the wheelchair much after you try them."

Lucifer shrugged. The idea of using ‘fake’ feet seemed weird to him.

“I would like to go to Silver City today. Do you think you can figure out something so that I could go with the wheelchair? There’s no need for Michael to be there and I wish to go alone.”

Even if the relationship with his twin was getting better, he didn’t want Michael following him around like a dog every time he moved. It was already enough to have him living in the penthouse. Thankfully, Michael was spending a lot of time on his new phone. He was discovering videos, games, and other applications in awe.

“Yeah, sure! I already brought straps for that when I went to the rehabilitation center last Friday. Do you want to go now?”

“Yes, but I’ll dress properly first.”

When he was doing exercises, it was easier to be simply dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. Lucifer went to his walk-in closet and chose a suit and a shirt. Now that he had regained all the mobility in his joints, he was able to dress by himself even if it took him a lot of time to do it. 

In the middle of the week, Chloe had bought a little Braille printer so they could print labels in Braille to identify all his clothes. She had also brought a long pole, like the ones in clothing stores, so he would be able to take the suits that were hung up too high for him. 

When he was fully dressed, Robert folded the bottom of his pants behind his stumps and tied them up with a safety pin. Lucifer sat in his wheelchair and Robert took two long Velcro straps, using them to tie Lucifer’s legs to the wheelchair just above and just below his knees. He also fastened the seatbelt.

“Let’s try if it works!”

Robert went behind Lucifer and took him under his arms to lift him. The wheelchair inclined a little, but followed him without any problem.

“I think it will be fine. Thank you!”

Robert helped him prepare a bag with some things Lucifer wanted to bring to the Silver City. He secured the bag around his waist to make sure it wouldn’t fall when he arrived if he needed both of his hands to handle the wheelchair for landing. Since he had never done this before, he didn’t know what to expect when he landed. 

He went to the balcony, unfurled his wings and he took off for the Silver City.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

God was surprised to see His son back so soon. Despite how He was checking on him from time to time, His attention was not constantly on Earth especially after Lucifer seemed to be doing better. God gave the wheelchair an appreciative look. Humans would always surprise Him with their creativity and resourcefulness.

Lucifer wings were folded on his back, but the tips were bent on the floor because of his sitting position. Nevertheless, he had chosen to let them out. God was pleased with that. All angels kept their wings out most of the time in the Silver City. It was a good sign that his son was feeling more like an angel than he thought.

“What can I do for you, Son?”

“We are having a party tonight on Earth in memory of Maze. I don’t know if You can do that, but if it’s possible, I’d like her to be there for it using the same way You showed me the penthouse.”

“What a great idea! Of course I can do that!”

“And if You can give her this, she will somehow be able to celebrate with Eve and all of us. And You of course!”

Lucifer handed his Father the bag. Inside were one bottle of the finest scotch, three bottles of vodka, and everything needed to make appletinis for Eve.

“You are always so thoughtful. Why don’t you give her this yourself? She will be happy to see you.”

“I want it to be a surprise.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“I will send You a prayer when the party's underway.”

“That’s perfect.”

“I will just say hi to Raphi before leaving. Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, Lucifer.”

Lucifer smiled. It always made him happy when his Father called him Lucifer.

Raphael was more than pleased to see her brother.

“Sam!” 

“Lucifer, Raphi.” He huffed. “My name is Lucifer now.”

“Yes! Right! Sorry about that! What can I do for you?”

“Nothing. I came here to give something to Dad and I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me at the same time.”

“You’re welcome, Lucifer. I’m glad to see you in a good mood like this.”

“Well, I have nothing to complain about!”

Raphael laughed and whacked her brother on the shoulder.

“Ow!”

“What? Are you hurt?”

“No! I’ve just done a lot of exercises this week and my muscles ache a bit.”

“Lucifer! I told you a thousand times that I can fix that kind of thing! Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere?” He answered shyly.

Raphael grumbled but began to treat him. A few minutes later, all his pain was gone.

“Next time I want you to come see me!”

“I won’t come here every time I have a little problem!”

“Why not? It’s not like it was going to take a lot of your time! You’ll be back on Earth before anyone notices you’re gone!”

She had a point, Lucifer thought. However, he had no intention of complaining about every ache he had.

“Well, thank you.” He simply answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you can't wait to see this party!


	26. This Song Is For You, Maze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you once again to all of you for all your comments! You make me want to write even more!
> 
> And thanks again to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Lux was open this Friday evening for those who wanted to be there for Maze remembrance’s night only. The bouncers were only allowing those who knew Maze inside.

Maze corpse had been cremated and they put the glossy, black urn on a pedestal behind the bar. Lucifer had asked for an urn without any decorations, knowing that Maze would have hated anything fancy. A large picture of Maze was placed beside it.

After taking a nap, Lucifer changed clothes one more time, choosing a black three-piece suit with a deep red dress-shirt and a matching handkerchief. Robert helped him style his hair the way he liked it. 

Besides him, Michael was dressed in dark grey pants and a light grey casual jacket with a thin black sweater under it. His hair, a little longer than his brother's, was left naturally curly,giving him a much younger look. They both kept the same scruff though.

Akuma was wearing the P.T.S.D. Service Dog vest. He was staying close to Lucifer, but he was not on a leash.

Lucifer was nervous. 

Not only a lot of people would be here tonight, but, for most of them, it was going to be the first time they saw him as an amputee. Even if everyone at the precinct had been informed of his situation, a lot of Maze’s acquaintances didn’t know. 

Lucifer didn’t want to become the center of attention. It was Maze's night. Michael was as nervous as his twin, but not for the same reasons. It was his first party ever. There were no parties like this in the Silver City. He was not sure on what to expect. 

The first ones to arrive were Chloe and Ella. A few minutes later, two police officers came into the club. They looked between Lucifer and his brother alternatively, unsure if he was his twin or his younger brother. Despite the difference in weight, the resemblance was baffling. However, at the same time, Lucifer seemed a few years older.

“This is my twin Michael.” Lucifer said, dissipating the questioning glances.

They greeted him and talked a little about Maze. Lucifer was happy that no one mentioned his ‘accident’. He still took time to thank them personally for what they added to the card.

Dan and Trixie arrived ten minutes later. Since it was a special event night, Trixie was exceptionally admitted to the club even if she was underage. A few minutes later, Amenadiel and Linda appeared. They left Charlie back home with a babysitter.

Forty minutes after Chloe’s arrival, there were enough people at Lux for the party to really start. Lucifer prayed to his Father, informing him that it was time to get Maze. He had told his close friends what they were planning to do and they were all excited about the fact that Maze was going to see the party in her honor.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Maze was surprised when God appeared in front of her. 

“Mazikeen of the Lilim! I’d like you to follow me. Bring Eve along as well, please.”

God preferred to be in his apartments for the little party than in the middle of Heaven with anyone who could see them at any time.

Maze didn’t like to be asked by God to follow Him, but she would have never dared to say no to Him. Not without knowing what it was about at least.

Once in God apartments, the latter showed them what Lucifer had brought.

“It’s a gift from Lucifer. Your friends have organized a party to remember your time on Earth and they want you to celebrate with them.”

He then explained how they would be able to assist the party. God himself served drinks to the two ladies and He then put one hand on their foreheads. Suddenly they were looking at what was happening in Lux.

Maze didn’t even have time to question Him before she was watching the party going on at Lux. She recognized everyone who was there from her work bounty hunter or from Lux. Even the girl who served her often at the coffee shop was present. She didn’t know what to think about all that. She switched her attention to God’s apartments and drank her glass of vodka in one gulp. She poured herself a second one.

“Why?” She asked God. “Why are they doing this?”

“Because it’s a tradition on Earth to have what they call a funeral. Lucifer didn’t want to do that for you, but your friends still needed to do something. Hence, they decided to throw this party.”

“But there’re so many people! Almost everyone from the precinct is there!”

“Because they appreciate you, Mazikeen. Why do you think you got a soul? You’re the first demon ever to have one and will remain the only one since demons won’t be able to leave Hell anymore. And it’s not the place where they will grow one as you know. You’re one of a kind, Mazikeen of the Lilim. Totally unique.”

Maze shook her head and returned her attention to the party. She was glad that they didn’t decide to hold a funeral. She wouldn’t have withstood seeing everyone crying upon her death. She was probably happier now than she ever had been in her millennia of existence. Of course, she missed her friends, but the presence of Eve beside her was more than enough to fill the emptiness she could have felt.

The music stopped suddenly and Lucifer took a microphone and started to speak. 

“I simply want to thank everyone who came for Maze’s remembrance night! I want you to have fun! Remember the good time with Maze! It's an open bar all night and I don’t want to see anyone leave this party driving their car. You can stay here until you sober or Patrick here will call you a ride back home! Don’t forget it’s a party! So have fun!”

When he quit the microphone, someone else took it. Maze recognized the lieutenant. He told them about his first meeting with Maze and everyone laughed at the reminder of the anecdote. And for the next half an hour, many people started to say how great Maze was or told anecdotes about her. 

They were all having a great time. Maze was baffled to see the appreciation from everyone.

“What was he thinking?”

“Do you want to ask him? I can call him if you want.”

“You can do that?”

“Of course! I’m God! There's not so much things I can’t do!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was staying near the bar, not wanting to be in the middle of everyone. One of his friends was always beside him to make sure no one would touch him. Lucifer was talking with Chloe when he received the call. The music had been started back but was not too loud so people were still able to talk without yelling at each other. 

Lucifer froze at first, unsure if it was real or not. His Father had never called him this way since his Fall. Ever.

“Lucifer, are you listening to me?” Chloe said.

He pointed a finger meaning to wait a little. When he came back to her he looked flabbergasted.

“Dad just called me. Maze would like to see me.”

“You will go now?”

“Yes. I will go upstairs. I will be back really soon. Please, make sure Akuma won’t try to follow me.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

He landed just outside his Father’s apartments but didn’t have to knock since the door was already open. He folded his wings on his back and rolled inside. 

“Hi! I hope you have some fun! You wanted to see me Maze?”

“Yes! Thank you for the vodka and everything but what were you thinking about those speeches! You know I hate that fluffy stuff!”

“I... I didn’t... it wasn’t planned... I’m sorry... I thought...”

Maze had called him to tell him that this tribute was ridiculous, but facing Lucifer's disgruntled air she was no longer sure she wanted to yell at him.

“The party was a great idea though.” She scoffed instead.

“It was Daniel’s idea.”

“Well, since you’re here, I want to ask you to give two of my blades to the little human. You could also lend me a phone and I could make her training videos. You will need to bring me blades too.”

“Hell-forged blades in Heaven?”

Lucifer looked at his Father.

“Well, there’s no reason they couldn’t enter here.” God answered. “But, I’d prefer that you make this here, in my apartments. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for those blades to be accessible to anyone.”

“Fine with me.”

“I don’t know if her mother will agree with this...” Lucifer said.

“Granny Panty Decker just has to go away when Trix practices! I want her to have my blades. Give me your phone.”

“What? No! I will buy you one! I just put it in vocalize mode. I won’t give it away!”

“Just for now, silly! I will make her a video to say I am giving her my blades. This way, Decker won’t be able to complain about it.”

Lucifer smiled at the use of the Urchin favorite calling and handed her his phone. Maze did the video and then did a second one to thank all their close friends for the party. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to thank all the others since no one knew she was in Heaven. No one knew Heaven was real in the first place. She gave him his phone back.

“So, I will wait for my blades! And no more of this fluffy stuff!”

“I...”

Maze noticed he was about to cry.

“What?!”

“No... n-nothing!”

“I know you Lucifer! Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Maze didn’t realize it but the way she was talking to him had an effect on the bonding. An order he must follow. Lucifer was too nervous to pay attention to it, but he couldn’t help himself and told her what he was thinking about. 

“Th-there’s one last thing I would have wanted you to see at the party...”

“What again?!”

“W-with Mi... we have prepared something... but... but you won’t like it.”

He had prepared something. Great. She noticed how he was hunched on himself, a defeated look on his face. She still had a hard time seeing him in a wheelchair and with this pitiful look. How can she tell him to forget that?

“So , you want me to keep watching?”

“Only if you want... and if it’s okay with You Dad...”

“Of course it is!” God said.

“Okay then. I will keep watching. Hopefully you brought enough vodka to help forget all that fluff after!” She laughed. “Oh c’mon! The whole idea was not bad and somewhere I’m glad to see they at least have fun!”

“You’re not too mad at me?”

“You brought good vodka! How could I?”

Lucifer looked at her, not knowing what to answer.

“Well, return there so I can see what you prepared. See you soon Lucifer!”

“O-okay.”

Lucifer greeted everyone one last time and returned to the penthouse.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was back downstairs a few minutes after leaving. Almost just the time to go upstairs and come back. He went directly to Michael. He was hoping Maze wouldn’t be too furious, but they had worked so much on that.

“It’s time.” He simply said.

Michael nodded and they both headed towards the grand piano. Michael pulled the bench so that Lucifer would roll his wheelchair beside it and be in front of the key. Michael set a microphone in front of his brother and sat at the end of the bench, just beside Lucifer.

They had practiced that all week. First Michael had to learn the song and then they practiced on variations until they were satisfied. Everyday practices had helped Lucifer gain strength in his hands. Even if he was still unable to play as fluently as he once did, he was still playing better than most people were able to.

“This song is for you, Maze.” Lucifer said, looking toward the ceiling.

And they started playing ‘Stairway to Heaven’.

Michael was playing the main melody while Lucifer was singing and adding an almost dramatic tone with lower notes. It was mesmerizing, magical. This four-handed arrangement was so perfect that everyone in the room got goosebumps.

In Heaven, Maze was flabbergasted. She didn’t like fluffy stuff. She hated fluffy stuff. But _that_ was something else. What was the last time she had cried? Eve and God were crying too. It was so beautiful, so filled with emotions. She hated emotions. She filled her glass of vodka again and emptied it in one gulp.

When Lucifer and Michael ended the song, there was a moment of silence before people started to applaud. They were almost in shock. Michael took his brother in his arms in a tight embrace and the latter closed his eyes and put his head on his twin’s shoulder. Lucifer felt he was on the verge of crying – again – but didn’t want to do it in front of all these people. Michael had sensed it and he was calming his brother.

They stayed like that a few minutes until Lucifer felt better. Lucifer finally went back to Chloe who was standing besides Ella. 

“I think I should go take a little nap.” He said. “Just half an hour. I won’t be able to stay awake until the end of this party otherwise.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Please make sure no one leaves before I wake up. I would feel bad if I missed the end of this party.”

“Of course! I will wake you up if someone talks about leaving.”

“Thank you.”

He went to the elevator, Akuma following him this time.

Forty-five minutes later, Lucifer wasn’t back. No one was talking about leaving, but Michael decided to go check on him. 

Since his twin was upstairs, he was talking to Ella mostly. She was such an interesting human! But she had gone to the restroom a few minutes ago and she hadn't come back. He didn’t want to have many of his brother’s friends coming to talk to him. He didn't know what to tell them. Going upstairs and waiting for his brother seemed a better option than staying alone near the bar.

When Ella came out of the restroom, a few police officers started talking to her. Polite as always, she answered back and they chatted a little. When she could finally return back to Michael more than fifteen minutes after leaving, he was nowhere in sight.

“Have you seen Michael?” She asked Chloe.

“No, but maybe he went upstairs. I will go check.”

“I’m going with you!” Ella said.

The penthouse was all dark and silent. Chloe and Ella went to the bedroom and found both angels, wings out and sleeping together. From the intertwined wings, they could see some light glitch running through Lucifer’s wings from time to time. Like a neon that was trying to light up, but whose ballast would be broken. They both had left their jackets on a chair near the bed.

“Awww! They are so cute curled up together like this!” Ella said in a low voice.

“Yeah, I agree. Even if I’m a little jealous.”

“Jealous? Why?”

“Because I’m unable to cuddle him like that. Michael can touch him and hug him any way he wants and Lucifer never startles or recoiles from him. They have a special relationship that I wish I could have with him.”

Ella put a hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

“Be patient. I strongly suggest that you speak to Linda about this. She has my notebook now, so she will be able to understand. They... the demons... they did a lot to him, Chloe. It’s even surprising that he accepts Michael cuddling with him like that.”

“Thanks for your advice. I will do it. Was it really that bad?”

“Worse than anything you can imagine.”

Chloe shook her head. Her poor devil. She was hoping that Linda could help him.

“So, do we wake them up or we let them sleep?” Ella asked after a few moments of silence.

“Let them sleep. We’ll come back if someone wants to leave but the party might last for a while.”

The party was still going on when Lucifer and Michael went down half an hour later. Lucifer seemed happy that everyone was having fun. 

“Wouldn't you like to try a drink?” Chloe asked Lucifer. “I haven’t seen you drink anything but water since you returned.”

It was strange for Chloe to encourage him to drink, but it seemed abnormal to see everyone drinking except him.

Lucifer shook his head. “I’m barely able to drink plain water. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to try something else. At least not here and now.”

“But... it’s not food...”

“It’s not just food. It’s the fact to have something in my mouth in the first place. But please don’t worry about that. Have fun.”

“But what about you?”

“Seeing everyone happy is enough. I’m happy if you are.”

“This is nonsense! Your happiness can’t only depend on one of the others!”

“On the contrary, this makes perfect sense. Fulfilling the desires of others has always made me happy. Seeing them happy too. For me, that's what happiness is all about.”

Chloe knew it was not the time to have an argument, but she promised herself to not let this subject go. Maybe she should even talk about this to Linda. How could he think that happiness was about making other people happy?

The party went on until the middle of the night. Even with the nap he had taken earlier, Lucifer was exhausted. His stumps had swelled and were throbbing and the only thing he was wishing for at the moment was lying down. He had planned to show Maze's videos to his friends after the party, but it could be done tomorrow. Well technically, later today.

Many people stayed, sleeping at Lux. Lucifer invited all his close friends to sleep in the penthouse and they all accepted except for Linda and Amenadiel. They had to go back for Charlie, but they promised to be back after they woke up.

Lucifer was exhausted but he was happy. It had been a good party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I juggled a lot on the writing of this chapter, especially for Maze's reaction. I hope it was not too 'out of character'! Let me know what you think!


	27. An Eye For An Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many different things in that chapter... and an ending you probably didn't see coming!
> 
> Thanks as always for all your support!
> 
> Beta readed by the wonderful SK_Kasai!

Lucifer woke up with the top of his head pressed against Chloe’s chest. He didn’t remember having nightmares. Not even one. That was a good thing. His wings had unfurled by themselves during the night, covering him and Chloe in a warm cocoon. 

Akuma was in Lucifer’s back, curled up against his wings. It had happened often during the last week because Lucifer had covered them all with his wings during the night and the dog had made a habit of sleeping against the soft feathers.

Chloe was already awake.

She began to stroke Lucifer’s hair and he shivered as usual on the first contact. But this time, it wasn’t just a nice feeling. A real wave of pleasure ran all over his body and took him by surprise. 

Was it because his wings were out?

He took a deep breath. Pleasure waves were problematic. He had learned in the past two hundred years that pleasure brings pain. The former couldn’t come without the latter. He still liked when his Detective stroked his hair.

Chloe stopped her movement, unsure if he was willing to let her do it or not. His shivering and deep breath unsettled her and she didn’t want him to have the same reaction that he had a week ago.

“Please continue.” He whispered.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Detective. It’s just... I desire you so much... I’m not ready for more, but I don’t want to repress this pleasure. Not this time.”

Lucifer shivered again when she put her hand back in his curls. He took her free hand with both of his hands and held it tight against his chest, bringing his knees closer to his chest too. He let the waves of pleasure engulf him. He knew it was a risk, especially since he was dressed only with boxers and a t-shirt. But this time, he was determined not to cede into panic. 

He was safe, he repeated to himself as a mantra. Chloe would never hurt him.

Was it the mantra or the calming effect of his wings? He didn’t know, but it worked. Doctor Linda would be proud of him.

When he ended up being completely relaxed, he let Chloe’s hand go and stroked her hair in turn. He was happy. It was not a real embrace, but he had been able to feel some pleasure and control his reaction to it.

While Chloe continued to stroke his hair with one hand, she brought her other hand to his stumps which were almost in her lap. Lucifer jerked at first, but he brought his stumps back to her seconds later. He didn’t realize he no longer had the compressive socks. Last night his stumps were swollen and Michael had put larger socks before he went to sleep. Now that they had completely swollen down the socks were too large and had fallen while he moved during the night.

“I’m sorry.” Chloe said. “I didn’t mean to...”

“That’s fine, Detective. I’m just not used to this sensation yet but please go ahead. It surprised me a little but I... I must admit that I like that.”

“Really?”

“It’s a new sensation to me. Something the demons had never played with. When someone touches me, when you touch me, it always reminds me what the demons had done. No part of my body had been spared. But that... it’s different. Just like when you stroke my hair. They always shaved my head, so when you stroke my hair it doesn’t bring back horrible memories. It’s the same with my stumps. I never thought it would have that effect.”

He smiled. 

“Does it sound crazy?” He added.

“Why would it?”

“I don’t know... Is it normal to like those... things?”

“They are not things, Lucifer. They are a part of you. A part of who you are now. I think it’s good that you like them.”

Chloe had a session with Linda on Wednesday and it really had helped her put things in perspective.

“Yes but... it’s like this was a good thing... the amputations... Am I crazy?”

“Of course not! You should talk to Linda about it, but I think it’s good that you are accepting it like that.”

He nodded, lost in thoughts.

“And I’m glad you opened up like that, Lucifer. You should do that more often.”

“I... I think I was just in a good mood.”

It was Chloe’s turn to smile. Lucifer tucked in his wings.

“I think it’s time to go join the others. They are all in the main room, even Linda, Amenadiel and Charlie.” Lucifer said.

“I know. You were a big sleeper this morning. It’s almost noon.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”

“Because you were sleeping too well. You seemed in peace and I didn’t want to break that. Besides, I like to be wrapped in your wings like that.”

“Well, maybe it was a good thing. I feel really good this morning. Before we go, do you want to put new shrink socks?”

“Yes, sure.”

He explained the process to her and Lucifer was astonished at how it seemed to be her rather than Robert or his twin that made it almost sensual.

“Detective, you will be the one to do this whenever you are available!”

She laughed. The most beautiful sound to his ears.

“No problem! You just have to ask!”

They both got dressed and went to the main room with Akuma following behind her.

Maze’s videos pleased everyone. 

Trixie was so excited at the idea of continuing her training using videos Maze would make for her. She couldn’t wait to start. Chloe was less excited. However, as Maze had suspected, she would never prevent her daughter from doing Maze ‘last wish'.

They all decided to make a video for Maze. Lucifer would bring it to her. From now on, they would do a video each month at least so that she would be able to see Charlie grow up and be informed of what was going on on Earth. 

“I think I should go to Silver City right now to bring her that. Linda, did you bring Maze’s duffle bag like I asked?”

“Yes, Lucifer. Can’t this wait a little though? I didn’t want to wake you up, but you missed your session this morning.”

“Oh! Right! Sorry about that. I had a good chat with the Detective!”

“Really?” Linda glanced at Chloe.

“Really.” Chloe answered. “Lucifer, do you mind if I tell her about our little discussion while you are away?”

“Of course not! The good doctor will be glad to know I woke up in such a good mood!”

“Well, maybe we can do it later then. I really would like us to talk, Lucifer.” Linda said.

She had time to read Ella’s notebook and now she wanted to discuss some things with him.

“We’ll see that when I'm back. I think we should go to Hell and spread Maze's ashes there after we're done visiting the Silver City.” Lucifer looked at his brothers. “Which one of you wants to come with me to Hell to do it? With the bonding still intact, I don’t think it's a good idea for me to go alone.”

“We’ll both go.” Michael answered. “We want to make sure there won’t be any problems.”

“We’ll go to the Silver City too.” Amenadiel said. “We’re ready to go when you are.”

“If one of you could get Maze’s urn from downstairs, it would be nice. I’ll be ready in two minutes.”

Lucifer tied his legs to the wheelchair while Amenadiel went to the club. All guests of the party were finally gone but they didn’t reopen the Lux yet. The staff was still cleaning up the last traces of the party.

As soon as Amenadiel came back with the urn, the trio left for the Silver City.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Maze never thought that Lucifer would bring her blades so quickly. She was really pleased about the video they made her too. She asked about the urn Amenadiel was holding and they explained what they intended to do.

“I like the idea, but you can’t return down there, Lucifer! Did you forget the bonding?”

“Of course I didn’t. How could I? But Mi and Amenadiel will come with me.”

Maze laughed. “And you think what? That it will stop Lilith? She can ask you to do whatever she wants and those two angels won’t be able to prevent it.”

“That’s why they will stay on each side of me.”

“That won’t be enough.”

“So what? You think that fear will make me change my mind? I thought you know me better than that!”

“Oh! I know nothing will change your mind! I’m just trying to figure out a way that you won’t let another part of you there.”

“Father, can You do something about this?” Amenadiel asked.

“No. I am sorry. I have no control over this bonding. If I had, I would have erased it the moment I saw it.” God answered sadly.

“I don’t know if the bonding will still recognize me as a demon, but I can try. Tell me if you feel something, Lucifer.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“From now on, no demon except me can give you orders. Lilith can’t give you orders either.” Maze declared.

Lucifer felt the twitch on the branding he usually felt when an order was given to him.

“I think it worked.” He said.

“Bark.” Maze ordered.

“W-what?! No!”

The urge to bark was strong, but Lucifer didn’t want to do it. He shook his head, trying to resist. Maze laughed.

“Okay, forget it! I think it works! But you felt the pull, right?”

“Yes. It was not funny!”

“I disagree!” She laughed again. “This won’t be able to stand long though. As soon as Lilith will understand why you’re not listening, she can probably find a way to counter it. So go there, spread my ashes, and get out.”

“Okay. Is there a place you would prefer?”

“At the foot of your throne would be perfect.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Except for some specific Hell loops, it’s my favorite place down there.”

“Okay then.”

“You can come back tomorrow. I will do some training videos for the little human and you will be able to give them to her.”

“I will try.”

Lucifer had given her one of his old phones. Even if it was not the latest version, the quality was high enough to do good videos.

“I will take my sword before going there.” Michael said. “Just in case.”

As soon as Michael came back, his sword in a sheath fixed at a belt around his waist, the three angels left the Silver City to go directly to Hell. Lucifer was flying in the middle, holding Maze’s urn. The moment they crossed Hell’s threshold, Michael gasped. It was the very first time he visited Hell and he didn’t like the oppressive feeling that had taken hold of him.

“How? How could you spend millennia in that place?”

“Did I have a choice?” 

“I... I’m so sorry, Sammy. I didn’t know it was so awful.”

“It’s Hell, Mi. What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know, but not something as oppressing as this. It’s almost as if the ambient air is swallowing every thought of happiness!”

“I’ve gotten used to it, but it’s also why I decided to take vacations.”

“Well, let’s head for the throne and do what we have to do.” Amenadiel said. “I don’t want to spend more time than necessary here either.”

They heard sounds of battle from time to time and Michael reminded them that their Father had sent four of them to kill most of the demons. It seemed that their job wasn’t done yet.

When they finally arrived at the throne, Lucifer fielded around in a circle, spreading Maze’s ashes.

“I’m so sorry, Maze.” He sobbed.

Maze’s ashes fluttered gently, mixing with the constant rain of ash that the hellish sky emitted.

“Little angel! You’re back!” A voice Lucifer knew too well erected.

“We’re done here. Let’s go!” Amenadiel urged.

“Come down to me, Lucifer!” Lilith yelled. “I’m not done with you!”

Lucifer shook his head while staying in flight.

“The bonding doesn’t work anymore, Lilith. Goodbye.”

The moment Lucifer was about to lift up, Lilith brandished a crossbow and shot a quarrel towards him. Michael moved to protect his twin and the quarrel pierced one of his wings and snagged to it. Lilith pulled on the rope fixed to the quarrel. Just then, Michael lost his balance mid-flight. He was flying too low to have time to recover and he crashed to the ground near Lilith.

However, unlike Lucifer, Michael was still immortal. Even before Lilith had time to figure out what was happening to her, Michael was on top of her, holding her to the ground. The primaries of one of his wings were pressed to her throat, as sharp as possible. The Sword of God was in attack mode.

“You can’t kill her!” Amenadiel yelled. “Father said she must stay alive to give birth to new generation of demons!”

Michael grinned savagely.

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. She just needs to stay alive, right?”

Neither Lucifer nor Amenadiel answered. They both knew what their brother was capable of. Being the darkness not only meant that he liked to stay in the shadow. He could be as cruel as demons when he wanted to. He was not the ‘Sword of God’ for nothing. 

At a speed only a celestial could have, Michael got up, unsheathed his sword, and severed both of Lilith's legs just below her knees, in one movement.

“An eye for an eye, even if I should do a lot more to you.” He said angrily. 

And before any of his brothers could say anything, Michael snatched off a few of his feathers, healing the wounds so Lilith wouldn’t bleed out. He then stung both severed legs with his sword, almost like he wanted to make a skewer, and turned around.

“Where’s the lava lake?” 

The coldness with which Michael had uttered his question was bloodcurdling. He was holding his blade in front of him, blood dripping from it and from the severed legs. 

Behind him, Lilith was crying and yelling out of pain and frustration. None of the angels paid attention to her. She deserved it. What Michael had done would be even worse for her than for Lucifer since she couldn’t get a wheelchair in Hell and she had no wings to fly. She was doomed to crawl for the rest of her life.

Without a word, Lucifer led his twin to the lava lake. Michael threw Lilith’s legs in the lake with disdain and cleaned his sword in the sand surrounding the lake.

“Let’s go back to Earth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of you have asked that Lilith be punished/tortured so I hope you like the punishment I chose for her! Let me know what you think! Navaros, Sisterofthedark1897, Helel_archangel and Vck3kids, thanks for the suggestion to punish her!


	28. I’d Like To Be Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? You are amazing! I love all your comments and your interest in this story! Thank you so much!
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful SK_Kasai!

The return to Earth was made in silence. They landed on the balcony and Lucifer handed Maze’s empty urn to Amenadiel.

“I will stay outside a little.” He said quietly.

Michael went to join his twin but Lucifer stopped him.

“I’d like to be alone, Mi.”

Michael looked at him, shook his head and went inside. Without a word to anyone, he rushed towards his room. 

Seeing that Lucifer was still outside and that the windowed-door opened, Akuma went on the balcony and jumped to Lucifer’s lap. Lucifer started petting him while rocking back and forth.

“What happened?” Chloe asked Amenadiel. “Did they fight?”

“No. Nothing of the sort.”

“They seemed angry at each other. What happened?”

“Michael avenged Lucifer. If you don’t mind, I will go take a shower. I hate these ashes. I will come back after.”

“He what? But wait!”

But Amenadiel was already out on the balcony. He unfurled his wings in a cloud of ashes and left. Chloe went to go ask Lucifer what his brother was talking about but Linda intervened.

“Let him calm down a little first. He seems really anxious right now.”

“Maybe you should talk to him?”

“Yes, but not now. He just came back from Hell, Chloe. You know what it means to him.”

“But he was in such a good mood before leaving!”

Linda put her hand on Chloe’s forearm in a soothing gesture, but she said nothing. She was afraid that returning to Hell might be hard for Lucifer.

It took almost fifteen minutes before Lucifer’s rocking slowed down. When he seemed calmer, Linda went outside and sat a few feet away from him. She waited to be sure he had noticed her before speaking.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I... I don’t know...” He said after a few moments of silence. “I should be happy but...” He shook his head, shivering. Linda waited patiently, hoping he would add more. 

“Mi, he... he wanted to protect me when Lilith attacked... he... maybe he was just angry from being hit... but... I never thought he would... I... I don’t understand... I should be glad... an eye for an eye... I should have known...”

Linda was trying to follow Lucifer’s rambling, but he was still too unnerved to be coherent. 

“Calm down, Lucifer. Whatever happened... I won’t judge. What did Michael do?”

“He... he took his sword and... and... he severed Lilith’s legs.” He finished in a whisper. He finally turned his head towards her. “Why?” He added. “Why can't I rejoice from this?”

Thankfully Linda was very professional and used to keep a neutral face despite whatever her patients told her. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to keep an impassive face.

“Because you’re not a vengeful person, Lucifer. You like justice and you approve of a fair punishment, but you’re not the an eye for an eye type.”

“I had been before...”

“But you’re not like that anymore.”

He nodded and remained silent for a moment.

“Did you know that ‘an eye for eye, a tooth for a tooth’ is from him?”

“Really?”

“Yes. From when humanity was more at his beginning and my Father kept sending angels to keep the humans ‘in line’. It was called ‘lex talionis’ or the ‘law of retaliation’. The worst is that at first, it was meant to restrict the compensation or punishment and it was more ‘only an eye for an eye’ because humans tended to be too vengeful.”

“So it was meant to be a good thing at first?”

“Yes. Definitely. It’s humans who removed the ‘only’ and it became only a vengeance thing. You know that humans always understand what they want.”

Lucifer was calmer and had stopped rocking. Linda took the opportunity to ask a new question.

“Are you angry at Michael?”

“No! Why would I be?”

“I don’t know, but the way he went to his room made us think you were angry at him.”

“It’s not that. It’s just... what he did... it surprised me. I thought... that he had changed. I didn’t think he was still... so cold... so vengeful. And... I should be happy... but I’m not. Not really. I probably should... but I just can’t.”

“You’re not happy that he avenged you?”

“I know that she deserves to be punished, but, at the same time, it looked cruel. Lilith… she... she just wanted to avenged herself and her demons for everything I had ordered them to do in those millennia. It was Hell after all.”

“Don’t give her excuses Lucifer. What she had done to you or ordered to be done was awful. Inhuman. Hell or not, you didn’t deserve that.”

“How could you know? Maybe I did?”

“Stop that! They tortured you to the point you’re not even able to bear a simple touch! And I’m not even talking about what they did sexually! You’re not even able to smell food without being sick! They blinded you! How can you think one second you deserve all that?!”

“I am... was... the Devil...”

“No one deserves to be torture to that point, Lucifer. Hell or not. Devil or not. Stop thinking you deserved it. You don’t! And just for your information, I’m really glad that your brother avenged you. I read Ella’s notebook and that bitch certainly deserves a lot more than what Michael did!”

“But Lilith... she has no one to show her how to move down there! No wheelchair! No friend to help her! She will be all alone in this!”

“Who’s fault is that? She had given birth to thousands of children! She wouldn’t be alone if she had cared a little for them!”

“But they are demons!”

“That doesn’t mean they couldn’t be better! Look at Maze!”

They suddenly both fell silent at the evocation of Maze.

“I’m sorry, Lucifer. I didn’t want to upset you. You’re right. Being alone will be hard for her, but don’t take pity on her. She’s not the victim in this. She provoked all this.”

“Why am I so confused about it then?”

“Probably because somewhere, you see yourself in her position. You empathize with her. Empathy is usually a good thing, but not in this case. I know you have accepted the amputations but that doesn’t mean it’s something easy. You feel bad for her but you shouldn’t. Listen to me, Lucifer. Lilith. Deserves. It. She’s bad, she’s mean, she’s cruel. She tortured you. She deserves all of it.”

Lucifer sighed and nodded. Maybe Linda was right.

“I will take a shower.” He finally said. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“You’re welcome, Lucifer.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Ella saw Michael crossing the main room quickly, not talking to anyone. The answer Amenadiel had given to Chloe did nothing to reassure her. He had avenged Lucifer. What did that mean exactly? 

Everyone seemed to worry about Lucifer, but no one said a word about Michael. She understood their concern for Lucifer and it wasn't like she didn’t care. She did, but his twin didn’t seem in a better mood than him either.

She stood up and went to Michael’s room.

The two guest rooms were empty. Where was Michael? She finally discovered a staircase at the end of the corridor. She went down the steps to find another corridor with more guestrooms. 

Michael was in the first one. Crying.

He had covered himself with his wings. His amazing deep black wings filled with ashes. Ella knocked on the wall beside the room's entrance. Of course, there weren’t doors downstairs either. Ella wondered why there were no rooms with doors in Lucifer’s apartments. 

“Are you okay?” She asked gently.

Her question was ridiculous. Of course he was not if he was crying. She stepped in the room and kneeled beside the bed.

“Michael, please, tell me what happened.”

He finally lowered one wing to look at her.

“He... he’s mad at me now! I screwed up everything!”

“Why? Why would he be mad at you?”

Michael didn’t answer and started sobbing even louder. Ella did the only thing that came to her mind. She lay down beside him, slid under the wing that was covering him and hugged him in her typical embrace.

They stayed like this for a while, Michael sobbing gently in her arms. When he calmed down after several minutes, she risked asking a question.

“Why do you think you screw up everything? Amenadiel said you avenged him. It’s a good thing, isn't it?”

“I... I don’t think he saw it like that. He seemed horrified.”

“Did... did you kill Lilith?”

Ella knew Lilith was behind almost everything Lucifer had suffered. It would have been logical that avenging Lucifer meant killing her.

“No! Father needs her alive so that she can give birth to the new generations of demons.”

“So what then? What did you do?”

“I severed her legs. Just below the knee. She will understand what she did to him.”

Ella said nothing, too surprised to speak.

“You think I’m a monster too isn’t it?”

“No! Not at all! I’m just surprised. I didn’t think angels could do that kind of thing.”

“We are soldiers. Warriors. What do you think we were?”

She had a nervous laugh.

“Well, usually, angels are described as peaceful creatures with white wings sitting on a cloud and playing harps.”

He looked at her, stunned. Michael finally burst out laughing.

“You what?!” He almost choked. “Is it really how humans see us?”

“Yes! What’s so funny?”

“How did you come to believe such a thing? It couldn't be more wrong!”

“I don’t know. What are you then?”

“Mostly builders and soldiers. We do like music, but I can tell you that the harp is not our favorite instrument. And Sammy is the only one with white wings. No other angel’s wings are white. Not even close.”

“So maybe humans saw Lucifer's wings in one of his trips to Earth and it all started from that.” Ella said thoughtfully. “The curly haired angels with fluffy white wings might come from him.”

“It would make sense. I’m not sure about the harp though. Sammy hates that instrument.”

“Maybe it’s like the goats. He hates goats too, but he is often associated with it.”

“The goat thing was one of Amenadiel’s pranks. He bragged so much about it in the Silver City. But don’t tell Sammy please.”

Ella laughed.

“Really? I won’t tell him, promise.”

Michael had stopped crying and seemed in a better mood.

“I think I need a shower.” He finally said. “Thank you, Ella. I... I just hope that Sammy won’t stay angry at me for too long.”

“He won’t.” Ella assured him. “I’m sure that if you apologize to him, everything will be fine. After all, he needed to be avenged. Lilith totally deserved it. The punishment you chose was probably just too close to what he suffered for him to appreciate it right now.”

He nodded and parted from her. 

“Oh! I’m sorry! I think you will need a shower too! I got ashes all over you!”

They stood up from the bed and Ella looked at the mess he had left on the white sheets.

“Is that blood? She said suddenly. “Are you hurt?”

Michael turned around and noticed the bloodstain on the bed.

“Sorry about that. Lilith got me with a quarrel, but it’s probably already healed now. Don’t worry about that.”

He stretched his right wing to look at the few twisted feathers. He pulled out a broken one and winced. Ella went on his back and noticed that there were twisted feathers there too.

“Can I help you with that?”

“I would have asked Sammy, but maybe it’s better if you do it right now. You can just realign them with the others. If they are broken, you have to remove them.”

Michael shivered when Ella put her fingers on the feathers. No human had ever touched his feathers like this before. Wings were very sensitive, he knew it, but what he felt at this moment startled him. Suddenly, his whole body seemed to be on fire.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?" Ella asked, noticing his shiver.

“Yes.” He whispered. “I... I just...” He shivered again, not understanding what was going on with him. Was it a wave of... pleasure? He never felt something like this in his whole life. “Go ahead, please.” 

He closed his eyes, trying to even his breathing. His heart was racing in his chest. What was going on with him? He would need to talk to Sammy about this. When she finished, he stammered a thank you and rushed to the shower.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer came back into the main room after his shower, dressed in his Silver City robe, his wings out and leaving a wet trail on the floor.

“Why are you dressed like this?” Chloe asked.

“My wings are soggy and will take forever to dry. I don't want to damage another suit. I hate to keep them inside when they are wet. It’s uncomfortable and they stink afterwards if they dry this way.”

Ella had come back into the room a few minutes earlier. She had brushed most of the ashes Michael had left on her. When she wanted to tell everyone what happened, she realized Linda had already told them. They all agreed Lilith deserved her punishment. However, even though Linda had told them that Lucifer had mixed feelings about it, she had not gone into details so as not to break the patient-doctor confidentiality. She had just told them to avoid the subject unless he talked about it.

Michael finally came back from his shower, his wings tucked in, not wanting to drip everywhere in his twin apartments. 

“I’m sorry for what I’ve done, Sammy. I didn’t want to hurt you.” He apologized as soon as he arrived.

“That’s fine Mi. Doctor Linda helped me understand.”

Michael nodded and glared at Lucifer wet wings.

“Do you mind if I let my wings out too?”

“I don’t even understand how you can keep them inside while still wet. If you want we could go for a flight. It would help them dry.”

“I would love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little word about 'Lex talionis' that seems to have many historical source depending of the country and religion. For my story, I used the Hebrew origin that says that an "eye for eye" was to restrict compensation to the value of the loss. Thus, it might be better read 'only one eye for one eye (source Wikipedia). That's really interesting by the way to read about how all this law of retaliation started! It takes its origin from the early civilizations after all!
> 
> Please leave your comments as always!


	29. You're In Love, Mi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks!!! Can't wait to binge watch season 5! Thank you again for all your comments! Please, read the note at the end because I will need your help on something...
> 
> Thanks to my great beta reader SK_Kasai!

After twenty minutes of flying, Lucifer and Michael went back inside. They seemed happy, close again. Lucifer went directly to Ella.

“Miss Lopez, I have a little favor to ask of you.”

“Sure, Lucifer. What is it?”

“I’d like you to teach Mi how to drive while I’m taking a nap. I will pay you for it of course.”

While flying, the twins had a talk. When Michael told him what happened with Ella, Lucifer laughed. 

_“You’re in love, Mi!”_ He'd stated. 

Michael had no clue what he was talking about, but Lucifer assured him that he would know soon enough. Now, Lucifer was trying to find a way for Ella and Michael to spend as much time together as possible.

“It will be my pleasure, but under one condition; I don’t want to be paid.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally!”

She was not going to tell him that she liked to hang out with his twin. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬ 

Teaching driving to someone who didn’t even know what a car was two weeks ago was more complicated than Ella had thought at first. 

Lucifer had insisted that Michael learned driving using a standard transmission. She was glad that they didn’t take the Corvette because the car they took might need a new transmission when they were done.

Nevertheless, they were having a lot of fun. They were on a paved wasteland beside an abandoned warehouse, alone. They had all the space they needed for Michael to learn safely. 

At first, it was like teaching a child. She showed him the accelerator, brake, clutch pedals, what the gauges were for and many little things even someone who had never driven in their life knew. After that, she focused on teaching him how to engage the first gear, find the friction point and start to move forward without the engine stalling. That took another fifteen minutes. Once this was done through, Ella realized he was a quick learner. 

At the end of the afternoon, Michael knew everything he needed to know. He was able to drive back to Lux – even if he didn’t have a driving licence yet. 

When they arrived, Lucifer, Chloe, Dan and Beatrice were playing Monopoly, sitting on the floor on cushions. Linda and Amenadiel had gone home with Charlie and Robert had left for the day, knowing that there were enough people to take care of Lucifer in his absence.

“So, how did it go?” Lucifer asked.

“Great! I even drove back here!” Michael answered.

“We’re not supposed to hear that!” Dan laughed. 

“Why?”

“Because you need a driver license to drive a car.”

“Really?”

Once again, Michael seemed lost when it came to human rules.

“It was not a long drive and Mikey was doing great! I’ve done worse than that when I was younger.”

“We don’t want to know Ella!” Chloe said, smiling.

“Mikey?” Lucifer pointed out.

“Yeah!” Ella answered joyfully. “Michael sounds too... formal...”

“That’s fine, Sammy! I like that in fact.”

Trixie giggled.

“I’m hungry!” Ella declared suddenly. “Can we order something?”

They all looked at Lucifer.

“That’s fine by me. I will lie down a little when you eat. You can use my credit card. It's in my wallet.”

“There’s no way you will pay for us while you don’t even eat.” Dan said. “We’re taking care of this.”

“Well, I will pay for Mi at least.”

“You don’t have to. I still have money left from the shopping, remember? I will pay his part.”

Lucifer huffed but said nothing.

They ordered Mexican food. Ella and Michael watched the others finish their game while waiting for the order to arrive. 

Maybe it was because the delivery was to Lux from a restaurant Lucifer used to order from a lot or maybe it was a simple coincidence, but, less than twenty minutes later, the food arrived. However, the game was not over.

“You can just split my properties and money. I’m pretty sure I can’t win anyway.” Lucifer said. "I would need some help to get back in my wheelchair though.” He wasn’t yet strong enough to do it himself.

“You don’t want to try staying here?” Chloe asked.

“And risk being sick? No, thank you.” He huffed disdainfully.

“But you’ll need to at least try at some point! Why not do it now? We can leave a bowl beside you just in case."

“I said no. Is someone going to help me or do I need to crawl to my bedroom?”

Without a word, Michael went behind his twin and lifted him to his wheelchair. Since he knew the demons had made him eat his own wings’ flesh, he was uncomfortable to even just talk about food in front of Lucifer. Lucifer thanked him and went to his room, followed by Akuma.

When Chloe finished eating, she went to Lucifer’s room. He was sleeping. His wings were out, but she didn’t know if they had unfurled by themselves or if Lucifer had unfurled them. Waiting for Lucifer to wake up, everyone just sat in the main room and chatted.

Ella and Michael were sitting side by side, often touching or joking with each other. Chloe smiled. Just by the way they looked at each other, she knew something was going on between them. For Ella's sake, she was just hoping that Michael would be quicker than his twin to understand his feelings. 

Lucifer was back in the main room one hour later. He joined the chat and seemed in a good mood. Considering that he had been in Hell earlier that day, it was a good sign. In some of his comments, they could even hear the ‘old Lucifer’ and he even made Chloe roll her eyes a few times. It was good to see him like this, giving innuendos and laughing with them. 

The change in his mood in only a week was incredible. They knew it didn't mean everything was perfect, but they were trying to appreciate every good moment he had. They did not realize that Lucifer’s mood was directly coming from all the support and understanding they were giving him. He felt accepted despite how his body was not perfect anymore. Even if they all knew who he really was. It was not conscious of course, but it still had an impact on him.

Ella and Dan left a little before nine. Trixie was sleeping in the penthouse tonight. Lucifer was planning to transform the second guest room in the penthouse especially for her. Michael was already sleeping on the floor below and there were more rooms there anyway.

After Chloe sent Trixie to bed, she joined Lucifer in his room. He was sitting in bed, dressed only in a t-shirt and boxers. Akuma was lying beside him. Lucifer patted the empty side and smiled. Chloe sat beside him, keeping a small distance between them.

“When you were sleeping this afternoon I talked to Linda.” She began. “She suggested trying something that could help you with your touching issues.”

“She still thinks that it can be fixed? Even after reading Ella’s notebook?”

“It seems so. She said that we must do the opposite of what they had done. You learned that touching means pain. She thinks that it can be undone by gradually teaching you that touch can mean pleasure again. She hopes that you could eventually forget the ‘training’ they induced in you.”

“And how are we supposed to do that?”

“By gradually increasing touches and caresses in stages. Touching or caressing until it feels a little uncomfortable, but not too much to avoid triggering a panic attack. Then, we wait until you feel calm, safe. A little like what we had done this morning. Trying to go a little further each time. You will set the pace.”

“I... I like the idea.” He said after a moment of silence. “I'm not sure how far I can go, but I think it's worth a try.”

“Do you want to try it now?”

“Yes, sure. How do we start this?”

“It’s up to you. Do it in whatever way feels right."

Lucifer stayed silent for a moment. He began by putting his forehead against Chloe’s, thinking of what he would like. He must be cautious, dressed the way he was. 

He finally asked her to lean forward a little so he could unfurl his wings. He knew it would help him. Before Chloe leaned back against his wing, he put an arm around her back over her shoulder. He didn’t fill the gap between them, not yet. He stayed like this for a few minutes, his forehead still against Chloe’s, but he was feeling fine. 

As soon as he decided to get closer to her, his body against hers, he couldn’t help but shiver. He stayed there nevertheless petting Akuma with his free hand. Chloe didn’t move, almost holding her breath. She could feel his body tense, but she wanted this work so badly.

Slowly, gradually, his breathing evened and his body relaxed. After a long moment, he stopped stroking Akuma’s fur to take one of Chloe’s hands.

They stayed like that long enough for Chloe to wonder if he had fallen asleep. A few moments later though, he started caressing her arm with the tips of his fingers. Going up to her shoulder and returning to her hand in a slow motion. It was her turn to shiver. 

“Everything okay, Detective?”

“Yes. It’s wonderful, Lucifer.”

He smiled. He was now completely slumped against her. He knew that if it was the opposite, her holding him and caressing him, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. He finally took her hand and put it on his thigh, as far from his crotch as the length of her arm allowed. 

Since everything seemed to be going well, he lifted his leg and put it on hers. He stayed like that for a few moments, still keeping her hand in his. She traced a few circles near his knee. He was a little nervous. 

“Only close to the knee or on my stump.”

He was wearing the compressive sock, but she didn’t remove it. He let go of her hand and put his hand back on Akuma.

“Are you sure about this?” She asked quietly before moving.

“Yes, but do it slowly and please stop if you feel me tense.”

She began with his stump, knowing it was easier for him than the rest of his body. When she passed his knee, he tensed a little and she immediately stopped. When she felt him calm down again, she restarted her movement, never going higher than a few inches above his knee.

“I... I think Linda may have had a great idea.” He finally said.

“Yes. I think it’s a great victory tonight.”

“Indeed!”

She kept gently caressing him for a while and he finally fell asleep slumped to her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the note at the beginning, I need your help. Really, REALLY need your help! I have written a part with recalls of sexual torture I'm not sure if I should post it or not. It's dark, cruel, explicit, well, no fun there. Of course I will put the appropriate warnings if I post it but I wonder if I should since this story is not an explicit one after all and I don't want anyone feel bad or embarassed. 
> 
> So you have three choices:  
> 1- No recall of sexual torture at all  
> 2- Sexual torture's recall but remains evasive  
> 3- The full deal I have written with the very explicit part.
> 
> So please vote on what you prefer! I really don't know what to do!
> 
> P.S.: Meanwhile I'm writing fun stuff for upcoming chapters (chapter 40 and after!)


	30. Sandcastle Contest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for all your answers to my question! You are truly awesome!
> 
> Since most of readers want to have full details but there're also many who want less or not at all, I will do something that should please everyone (at least I hope so). I will put a clear warning the moment the sexual torture's recall begin. I will also put a clear warning for the explicit part (599 words). The readers who don't want to read some parts will easily be able to skip them. What I had written spread on 4 chapters (36 to 39) but I will make sure that readers who will skip all this part will be able to follow the story without being confused by adding a vague summary at the beginning of chapter 40 of what you missed (don't worry, nothing sexual in it)
> 
> Meanwhile let's spend a day at the beach!
> 
> Beta readed by the wonderful SK_Kasai!

After the night they tried Linda’s suggestion, Chloe and Lucifer experimented with something new every evening. Sometimes, they had less success, but it was still progress. Almost every night Lucifer fell asleep snuggled to Chloe. Just that was a real victory. He kept his wings out every night. Chloe had noticed recently that his wings had started glowing again. It was a really dim glow, but they were not dull anymore.

However, Lucifer was still as jumpy as before. When someone touched him – even Chloe – without a previous warning, he still jumped. Hence, the ‘no touching without warning’ rule still applied around him.

Chloe had decided to let go of her apartment. They had talked about it and since she was spending all her nights now at the penthouse, she was paying rent for nothing. Lucifer had redecorated a guest room for Trixie and she loved it.

The week after his return from the Silver City, Robert had suggested that Lucifer buy some training equipment to help him gain back his strength faster. A few days later, the main room on the floor below the penthouse looked like a gym.

From then, they had settled a new routine. Every morning, Lucifer did some early training with Robert. When he was done, he called Chloe at the precinct to check if they had a case or not. If they did, Michael – who finally got a driver’s license – drove him there. It was not that Michael wanted to help with the investigation. He mostly just wanted to get the chance to see Ella. The two of them hadn’t declared their love to each other yet, but everyone knew what was going on between them.

As requested, no one at the precinct made any allusion to Lucifer’s ‘accident’. They were acting pretty much the same as they did in the weeks he came back to the precinct in the wheelchair. He had received a few glances at first, but nothing more than that. He still wore AirPods as soon as he got out of the penthouse and Akuma followed him everywhere. It was Michael and Dan who carried Lucifer around on uneven terrain or up the steps at crime scenes most of the time. With or without feet, he was still able to do a great job.

Dan's behaviour had improved markedly towards Lucifer. He still teased him from time to time – but nothing mean – and Lucifer knew how to return the favor. In fact, Dan was really trying to get better in every aspect of his life. He was still a douche from time to time, but a lot less than before.

Less than a month after starting training, Lucifer was strong enough to pull himself from the floor to his wheelchair. He had gained almost ten pounds since his return from the Silver City and a lot of it was muscle mass. It was a great thing since he didn’t need anyone to help him get into his wheelchair after a shower or a Monopoly game anymore.

He was in a good mood most of the time, even if he was occasionally frustrated. It was especially when he was being carried around each time he couldn’t have access to somewhere (like the dog park that had a crazy amount of steps leading to it). However, he didn’t complain about it much anymore.

Robert had said he was strong enough now to try prosthetics, but Lucifer was still saying that the idea of walking on ‘fake legs’ seemed too weird to him and that the wheelchair was just fine.

Until that Saturday.

They had planned a day at the beach. Lucifer, Chloe, Trixie, Michael and Ella were going around noon while Dan, Linda, Amenadiel and Charlie were joining them later in the afternoon.

Chloe parked the car and they got Lucifer’s wheelchair from the trunk. The wheels of the wheelchair were easy to remove and it could fit in almost any trunk – except the Corvette of course. Lucifer was eager to go to the beach. It had been a very long time for him – more than two hundred years in fact – since his last time at the beach and he loved it. He rolled his wheelchair happily towards the sand, leading the group at a speed they almost couldn’t follow. Akuma was following his pace in a leash beside him.

The front wheels of the wheelchair hit the sand. 

He had one of the best wheelchairs possible but wheelchairs were built to roll on a hard or pretty hard surface. Not in the sand.

Suddenly, the front wheels had sunk in the sand. With the strength with which he had been propelling himself forward, the wheelchair swung forward and he found himself head-first in the sand.

“Bloody Hell!” 

Lucifer lifted himself on his elbows trying to remove the sand on his face and in his mouth. He was covered in sand. Michael was beside him in a second. Once he was sure his twin wasn’t hurt, he couldn’t help himself from laughing.

“Very funny.” Lucifer grumbled.

Thankfully, Lucifer wasn’t dressed in his usual three piece suit or he would have complained even more. The week before, Michael went shopping with Ella to get Lucifer a ‘beach’ outfit. In fact, it was only Bermudas and a short sleeved shirt. When they had talked about going to the beach, Chloe and Ella had declared that Lucifer needed to get dressed for the occasion.

Since Lucifer and Michael were of the same size, it was easy for Michael to try clothes on for his twin. Of course it would be a little large since Lucifer was still underweight, but Michael took a smaller size for the Bermudas so they wouldn’t be too loose on Lucifer even if he would still need a belt. At least they would still fit him in a few months. Lucifer didn’t mind the fact that his stumps were visible. He was wearing the compressive socks, but, even if he hadn’t been, he didn’t care about what people thought about it. 

The only thing he was hiding on purpose was the bonding. On all the length of his right forearm, he wore a sleeve like the ones basketball players often wore. As it was almost the same color as his skin, it was not noticed at first glance. At least with this sleeve, he wouldn’t have to explain the presence of this very apparent branding hidden under it to people too curious.

Many people were looking at him laying flat on the sand, but Lucifer didn’t pay attention to them. At least, he was trying not to. It was a little humiliating to fall like that and his celestial hearing let him hear a few people muttering ‘poor man’. He hated being pitied. At least no one tried to intervene. Lucifer finally sat and looked at his wheelchair and his friends in turns.

“What do we do? Daniel is not here to help Mi carry the wheelchair.”

“I will carry you while Chloe or Ella bring it.” Michael said.

Michael was more than strong enough to carry him, but that meant that Lucifer was going to be carried all the way like a baby for about a hundred yards passing by many people to get close enough to the sea. Then, Beatrice would be able to build the sandcastle that Lucifer had promised to help her with. But what other choice did he have? He nodded and Michael lifted him as if he weighed nothing. They hadn’t chosen a crowded beach, but it was still Saturday and the temperature was perfect, so a lot of people were there.

Once installed, Chloe insisted that Lucifer put sunscreen on.

“I won’t burn, Detective!” He complained. “I have never put on sunscreen before!”

“Well, since you seem to have a less celestial metabolism and a more human one now, I insist, Lucifer. Believe me, you don’t want to risk a sunburn.”

He finally let her apply it. Thankfully they had practiced a lot of touching in the past weeks. Otherwise, he would never have been able to stand it. 

Lucifer took a deep breath. There were way too many people for him to be comfortable on the beach. At least Akuma was with him. Dogs were usually not allowed on that beach, but service dogs were technically allowed everywhere. No one had complained about it yet and he was hoping it would remain that way all day. 

He was still a little upset from what happened when they arrived. The wheelchair was not the solution everywhere, he thought. He would need to talk to Robert about this crazy idea of fake legs. Could he walk in the sand with those? 

It took Lucifer almost half an hour before he was calm enough to help Trixie build her sandcastle. Trixie had started building her castle about ten feet in front of them and Lucifer crawled on his knees and hands to join her. She had brought several buckets and other accessories and Lucifer instructed her on how to build a sturdy castle.

Ella and Michael decided to build a sandcastle too and a contest started. Which team would have the best one? Trixie shared all her sandcastle building equipment with both teams. Chloe watched them from where she was sitting under an umbrella. Her skin was particularly sensitive to the sun. Even with sunscreen, she burned easily, so she preferred to stay there. Dan, Linda, Amenadiel and Charlie were supposed to arrive within the next hour.

Watching Lucifer going around their castle, sometimes sitting but most of the time kneeling, Chloe couldn’t believe how much he had improved with his balance and strength in the past weeks. He moved with confidence and someone who was not paying attention wouldn’t even have noticed that his feet were missing. Robert had really done a great job with him.

Dan arrived twenty minutes later with two surfboards. Like Chloe, he watched Lucifer moving around with fascination. 

“Daniel!” Lucifer shouted. “You will be a judge for the sandcastle contest!”

Dan looked at both castles.

“Sure! For now it would be a pretty easy choice!”

Ella and Michael had a lot of trouble at first with their castle. They had tried to build it too high and they did not use enough water. It had collapsed. They had started it again, but they were far behind the other team at the moment.

When Linda, Amenadiel and Charlie finally arrived, Linda sat with Charlie beside Chloe, but Dan and Amenadiel went to surf. Daniel was determined to teach Amenadiel surfing.

The afternoon passed too quickly. Lucifer really knew how to build a sandcastle. Not only they had made a castle with many details, but it was surrounded by a moat and outer walls. When Lucifer felt that their castle could no longer be improved, he returned to Chloe and Linda and lay down on the beach mat, exhausted. Two minutes later, he was asleep. 

Linda smiled watching her favorite patient sleeping and totally relaxed. She couldn't remember seeing him so calm before. He still had many issues to fix, especially concerning eating, but his progress in the last three weeks was phenomenal.

When he had told her in one of his sessions that he thought the amputations had been a good thing, she had wondered if it was because he was having a reaction formation. An opposite reaction to what he actually felt. She had realized since that that was not the case. His amputation was something that appeared to be so drastic that everyone had suddenly wanted to help him. It brought the reconciliation with his Father. It brought his twin back to him. It gave him a part of his body that could be touched without triggering bad memories. Compared to that, being unable to walk seemed insignificant.

Ella and Michael were still working on their castle, but it was obvious that whatever they would do in the next hour, Lucifer and Trixie would win. However, they had so much fun that they kept going anyway. It was less about winning and more about having fun after all.

When Dan and Amenadiel came back from surfing, Lucifer was still sleeping. Dan was impressed at how fast Amenadiel learned to surf.

“It seems fun!” Michael commented.

“It is fun!” Both Dan and Amenadiel answered.

“Next time I can teach you.” Dan added.

“Yes. Maybe I could try.”

Fifteen minutes later they woke Lucifer up. Everyone was hungry and ready to leave. Those who were not participating in the sandcastle contest all said that Lucifer and Trixie won. Lucifer bragged a little about it, saying that he was the best in many things. Chloe and Linda looked at each other. Lucifer was definitely on the right track towards recovery.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

The first thing Lucifer did when Robert came back to the penthouse was asking him for more information about prosthetics.

On Monday morning, Robert made the call to get an appointment with a prosthetist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think as always!
> 
> Btw, if you don't agree with what I decided for the sexual torture's recall, please let me know!


	31. It's all about prosthetics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeat myself but thank you again dear readers for all your comments! This chapter is all about prosthetics. There're many details but I thought it was important for you to be able to visualize everything. I hope it's not too boring!
> 
> Thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

The appointment was at the prosthetist office instead of the rehabilitation center. Robert knew Shawn Nelson because he had worked a few times with him. When he had called to ask for an appointment, he had explained Lucifer's particular situation – without mentioning the celestial part of course – and both men had agreed that it was preferable to do it at the office. 

The bustling rehabilitation center was not the best place to help Lucifer to accept the idea of using prosthetics. Without the beach incident, he would never have wanted it in the first place.

Lucifer was a little nervous, but, all things considered, it could have been worse. Robert had explained to him that Shawn was going to talk to him to see his needs and do the molds for the prostheses’ sockets. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt only for that reason. Robert told him that unless he wanted to remove his pants there, he should wear shorts. Being dressed in shorts to do exercises was one thing, but going out dressed like that was another. 

Chloe, Michael, Robert and Akuma accompanied Lucifer to the appointment. Chloe got the afternoon off easily when she said what it was for. At first Lucifer had said that there was no need for Michael to be there, but Robert had said he would be useful so the prosthetist would know his exact size to adjust the length of the legs.

Shawn greeted them jovially. He was not the exuberance type like Ella. His joy was quieter. He was the kind of man to inspire confidence at first sight. 

“I never saw this kind of active splints before.” He said, looking at Lucifer’s hands. “They look amazing! Where did you get them?”

Lucifer looked at Robert, seeking help. Thankfully, Robert knew Lucifer wasn’t lying. Usually people did not comment on the splints, but it was perfectly normal for a prosthetist to be interested in that kind of thing.

“A doctor created them for him. Unfortunately, he’s dead now, so it would probably remain the only pair.”

“I hope you won’t break them then. They look fragile.”

“They should be sturdy enough.” Lucifer said, grinning. He was not going to give details on Heavenly material.

Shawn sat in front of Lucifer and asked him to tell him what he used to do at his job, what he was doing before the amputations, and what he was expecting from the prostheses.

“I only want to be able to go to the beach without being carried like a baby.” Lucifer answered the last question, “The wheelchair is just fine most of the time but not in the sand.”

Shawn smiled but said nothing. Robert already told him that Lucifer hadn’t wanted to hear about ‘fake legs’ until the precedent weekend. When Shawn had asked him about money – after all spending several thousand dollars on prosthetics he didn’t even want in the first place sounds weird – Robert had told him that it wasn’t a problem. To give him the best for his needs.

“Okay, so today I will do the mold for the sockets. First, you need to put this polyurethane liner on. You will always wear this under the prostheses. I will help you because it's pretty hard to put on the first time.”

Shawn removed the shrinker socks and looked at the stumps. 

“How long have you been amputated for?”

“Almost three months.”

“Your residual limbs look really good for only three months. There’s almost no swelling left and even the scars looked older.”

“I heal fast.”

Shawn nodded and started putting the liner on. He pressed the inside out bottom of the liner on the stump and started rolling it upward. It didn’t look easy.

“It’s always a little tight at first.”

The liner was up to Lucifer's knee now and the prosthetist kept rolling it up Lucifer's thigh. The more it went up, the more Lucifer looked at it with dread. 

_Too tight! No! Please!_

_He was back in his cell._

Chloe heard Lucifer breath hitch. She put her hand on Shawn’s to stop his movement.

Akuma barked once.

Lucifer blinked, coming back to reality. His breathing was fast and he was sweating.

“We are just trying to put the liner on, remember?” Chloe said in a soft voice.

Lucifer nodded, but said nothing. This prosthetics thing was such a bad idea.

“Relax, Lucifer. Breathe slowly. We will stop for a while, okay?” She pulled slightly on the liner so it rolled down to his knee. “We’ll wait until you’re ready to continue.”

He nodded again, petting Akuma who was sitting right beside him now. After a few minutes, he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry. It’s just so tight. I didn’t expect this. I just don’t like to feel compressed.”

“I know, Honey, but do you want to be able to walk in the sand or not?”

Honey. 

Lucifer smiled at that. It was the first time Chloe gave him a nickname like that.

“Yes I want that. Maybe if you're the one to do it, it will be better.” 

“You just have to continue rolling.” Shawn said, moving to the side so Chloe could take his place.

Chloe finished rolling the first liner slowly, watching Lucifer's reaction. The liner ended at mid-thigh.

“Is it necessary for it to be that long?” Lucifer asked.

“Yes. It ensures a good fit and that the prostheses won’t move.”

“I guess I will get used to it. Anyway, I will probably use those things on specific occasions only.”

“You will find them useful on many occasions, believe me! I bet that once used, you won’t want to remove them all day long!”

Lucifer didn’t answer. He wasn’t in the mood to argue right now.

“Are you ready for the other?” Chloe asked.

“Yes.”

Shawn helped her start it. Chloe rolled it slowly, inch by inch. It was harder than what she thought and she wouldn’t have been able to do it faster. 

“Are you alright?” She asked Lucifer when she finished.

“Yes, Detective.” He bent his knees and straightened it. “It’s tight but not so much once on finally. It’s really just the time to put it on.”

“Yes, and it will only get easier over time. So I will do the molds now. If you want me to stop at any moment, please let me know.”

“Okay, but it should be fine now.”

After putting clear film and some kind of loose socks over the liners, the prosthetist started rolling plaster bandages over the stumps to make a plaster cast. 

As they waited for the plaster to dry while chatting. Lucifer calmed down. Shawn also measured Michael to know the exact size Lucifer was before and took his shoes size.

“It’s useful to have an identical twin on hand like that!” He laughed. “I wish it would always be like that!”

The test sockets would be ready in a week. Meanwhile, Shawn suggested that Lucifer get used to the liner in the week.

“It’s pretty hot when you’re not used to it so just learn how to put it and wear it until you sweat too much. Don’t try to wear it all day. In a few weeks, the break in should be done and you should stop sweating wearing them. Oh! And bring shoes next week!”

It was hot. Lucifer hadn’t removed the liners at the office and he was not yet home that he was already complaining.

“You’re such a whiner when you want to be!” Chloe grinned.

“But, Detective, it is really hot! I have never sweat like this before! I feel it all wet inside!”

“We’ll fix that home.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was surprised when he realized that he would do a first try of the legs when he went at the next appointment. He thought it was only to check if the sockets fitted right.

“Why do you think I asked you to bring shoes?” Shawn laughed.

He didn’t bring the Louboutins. Instead, he brought the more sporty ones he had bought when he had the splints. That seemed ages ago. Robert had said it would be easier to learn to walk with more stable shoes first. 

Learn to walk. The idea seemed so weird. He was millennia old and had to learn back to walk.

Chloe helped him put the liners on. Shawn was right. After a week of putting them on and off, he was already sweating less and they were easier to put on. They put nylon socks over the liner and he tried the sockets on for the first time. They were not the definitive ones yet, just clear plastic ones to see what fit and what didn't. 

Shawn made Lucifer stand on a special low ‘table’. Bars were placed on each side so he could keep his balance. Standing on his stumps like that felt a little weird. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought it would be though. All his weight was distributed into the sockets, so it wasn’t really like standing on his stumps.

After a few minutes of checking various things and drawing with a sharpie on the sockets, Shawn asked Lucifer to sit back in his wheelchair and he removed the sockets to put the feet on. The feet had shock-absorption and a multi-axial ankle to help him to walk on uneven terrain on crime scenes.

Lucifer looked at the prostheses not knowing what to think about them. A foot fixed to a pole fixed to a socket. Weird, weird, weird. How many times had that word crossed his mind since his amputations? 

He finally put his stumps back in the sockets. A black ‘sleeve’ on the leg was going over the liner. Shawn put some gel on Lucifer thigh above the liner and rolled the sleeve over it. Lucifer’s legs were almost all covered with the sleeve. A pump at the base of the sockets would help get a perfect fit and maintain the prostheses by vacuum. 

“Will I need to do all this each time I put them on?”

“Yes, but except for the first few weeks you will usually do this only once a day.”

“It makes me want to wear them daily even less.”

“I chose a vacuum system for you since you and Robert told me you want the best fit possible but it’s a little longer to put on. These are mechanical pumps since you want to go to the beach with it. Electrical ones can’t get wet. The other advantage is that you don’t need to charge them at night, but when you put the socket on at first and each time you stay seated for a long time, you will have to pump it to adjust pressure.”

All of this seemed so complicated, Lucifer thought. All that for what? Go a dozen times a year at the beach?

Robert rolled Lucifer's wheelchair to parallel bars and Shawn helped him to stand.

Standing. For the first time in what? A century? It has been so long he was not strong enough to really stand straight by himself. The last half of his incarceration, it was the chains that kept him from falling when he was standing.

He felt dizzy at first and had to sit back. Taking his time, he made a second try.

And suddenly he was tall again. He looked at his brother beside him. He had forgotten what it was like to be tall. Emotions submerged him, but he brushed them away. That was not the time to cry, certainly not for something he didn’t even want to try in the first place. Shawn asked him to balance from one side to the other to activate the pump systems. 

And he finally asked him to walk.

Holding himself firmly on the bars, Lucifer took a first step. It was totally crazy, but he was a little afraid. Afraid of falling? He wasn’t even sure if it was that. It was probably more the fear to trigger some bad memories. After all, the last times he had walked, it was a really painful experience, the chains ripping the flesh in his shoulders. He shivered unintentionally. The Devil wasn’t afraid isn’t it? As each time this kind of thought occurred since his return he wondered if he could still think of himself as the Devil.

He took a deep breath and started walking slowly, with small steps as Shawn had instructed him to do. He felt a little like he was walking on stilts but after a few rounds trip along the bars, he already felt better. 

“They seem heavier than normal feet.” He said.

“Yes, but not by much. You will get used to it, don’t worry.” Shawn answered.

“And don’t forget you’re still underweight and you also still have muscles to build.” Robert added.

“Yes, I know.”

Shawn made him stop a few times, made some adjustments and each round trip seemed a little easier. He even made a full length not touching the bars, his hands just hovering over it.

“So? How does it feel?” Shawn asked.

“Better than what I thought.” Lucifer answered, smiling. 

Finally, he might use them outside the beach.

It’s two appointments later that Lucifer finally got his prostheses, after many little adjustments on the sockets and the position of each part to each other. The more he tried them, the more he thought it was a good idea.

“The dark grey carbon fiber sockets just look awesome!” Chloe told him. “It’s almost sad that you will hide them with your suits’ pants!”

Since then, he always went to his appointments in shorts. It was a lot easier for Shawn to do all adjustments. 

“Well, you’ll still see them when we go to the beach.” He answered. 

“We will go there often then!” She laughed.

“I will give you a schedule for the first few weeks because you can’t wear them all day long right on the first day.” Shawn said. “Your residual limbs have to get used to it.”

Lucifer nodded.

“Also, I strongly suggest that you use crutches or at least a cane when walking until you will really be stable. You don’t want to fall. You can also use a handy walker or a walking stick. Whatever will help you to keep your balance. After, it’s up to you but don’t try to rush anything. You don’t have just one but two prostheses. It might take some time to fully adjust to it.”

“Do you have something I can try now? A cane maybe?” Lucifer asked.

Shawn smiled. For a man who had planned to use them only on certain occasions, Lucifer was eager to walk. It was not a surprise for him though. The perfect adjustment he obtained and with the quality of the prostheses he was pretty sure that it would be the result he would get. At least, that was what he was hoping for.

“Of course!”

“So you want to walk, now? There is no sand here though!” Chloe teased him.

“One can change his mind!” Lucifer argued.

Shawn came back two minutes later with two canes. 

“I will lend them to you for the moment. When you decide on what to use and have bought, just bring them back. Anyway I want to see you back in two weeks to see how it goes and if there’re more adjustments to do. Meanwhile, if you feel any pain or discomfort, please talk to Robert about it. He will know if he needs to call me or not.”

“Okay, thank you. Anyway I’m not planning to walk with canes outside my apartments. It’s just to try to go to the car.”

Chloe watched him as he stood up and walked to the door, Michael beside him, both the exact same size. Lucifer was barely leaning on the two canes. Smiling. Proud. Her Devil was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate your comments as always! 17 days before season 5! :D


	32. You’re Not Mad At Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15 days left before season 5! I hope I will be able to finish writing and publishing this story before it! Still writing chapter 41 right now and there will be a few more... 
> 
> Thanks again to my beta writer SK_Kasai!

Two days after Lucifer received his prostheses, Trixie finally saw them. She had been with her father all week and Chloe just brought her back to the penthouse from school.

“They look so cool!” She exclaimed. 

“Don’t they? You’d never thought the Devil would turn bionic do you?”

“Nope!” She laughed.

Chloe smiled. Hearing him talk like that, no one could have suspected he didn’t even want to hear about prosthetics one month ago.

Lucifer was in his gym, practicing walking with Robert. In addition to the parallel bars he already had, new equipment had been added for him to practice walking on various angle slopes or in steps with. He was already surprisingly good with walking on flat surfaces. Going down slopes or steps was still hard, but he was determined to master that too. 

The hardest thing of all though was getting up from the floor. Robert had said that there was a huge chance for Lucifer to fall at any moment or another and that he must learn to get up from various positions sitting or lying on the floor.

Ever since he got the prostheses, he's been wearing them and practicing walking the maximum amount of time he was allowed to. Not a minute less. He was like a boy with a new toy, not wanting to let it go.

“But I’m fine! My stumps are fine! Everything is fine!” He complained to Robert each time he had to stop.

Robert always laughed at that. For a man who had been opposed to getting prosthetics, he was strangely eager to wear them now.

“I know. However, it’s important to respect the schedule if you don’t want to create problems you don’t have for now.”

Lucifer didn’t wear the prostheses outside of the penthouse yet. The limited amount of time he could wear them at the moment rendered this too complicated. Moreover, he was determined to wear them outside the penthouse only when he wouldn’t need any walking aids anymore. Nevertheless, Robert had suggested that he purchase a walking stick.

On Sunday morning, Lucifer went to put his prostheses on and stopped. What the hell was that?

“Spawn!” He yelled from his room.

A few seconds later Trixie appeared in the bedroom threshold.

“Yes, Lucifer?” She said in a small voice.

“What’s that?!”

“You’re mad at me?” She whispered.

“Is it what I think it is?” He asked instead of answering.

“Maybe?”

Even if he couldn’t see them, it was obvious enough that stickers had been applied on his prosthesis' sockets. Two on each one, on the front and exterior side of the prostheses. He could ‘see’ the contours with the thickness of the stickers and thought he knew who those stickers were. Disney characters. With his long ears, Stitch was pretty easy to identify.

“I’m sorry, Lucifer.” The girl said. “I know you love Stitch and I thought it could be fun. I wasn’t even sure if you would notice them. I will remove them if you don’t want them.”

“That’s fine, Urchin. At least it’s not silly princesses!”

“There’s Stitch and Angel on one and Lilo and Pleakley on the other! It’s like you, mom, me and dad.”

“I’m most obviously Stitch and Angel should be Chloe. So, you’re Lilo and your father is... Pleakley?!”

“Well, Pleakley is funnier than Jumba!”

“Daniel is supposed to be funny?”

“Sometimes! But you’re funnier.”

“Wait for your father to learn that you compared him to Pleakley… Just for that I won’t remove them!”

“You’re not mad at me?” 

“I would have preferred that you ask permission first but that’s fine, Urchin. I forgive you.”

Of course he would forgive her. He would do anything to see that little human happy. Besides, he wouldn’t forget to tell Daniel that his daughter compared him to Pleakley!

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Lucifer went to his two weeks appointment, it was without any walking aid. 

His gait was almost natural and if he had not worn short pants, it would have been difficult to know he had prostheses. Only Robert and Akuma were accompanying him. There were no needs for Chloe to take an afternoon off, especially now since they were working on a case right now.

Shawn looked at him and smiled. It was always great for him to see someone gain back his freedom like that. 

“So, how did it go?”

“Great! Sometimes, I almost have the impression that they are my real feet. It’s really strange.”

“You probably have a very good sense of proprioception; the ability to know where your body is in space. Some amputees say that their prostheses are really an extension of their own body. I am glad to see that this is your case. As soon as rehabilitation is quite rare I must admit.”

“Robert talked to me about that. He said that the fact that I use echolocation helps me because I can see more around me and it helps me to know where my feet are.”

Shawn nodded. Robert had told him that Lucifer was blind when they had talked the first time and he had almost forgotten about it. The way he was going around, he didn’t seem blind at all. Only his completely black irises betrayed that something could be wrong with his eyes.

Shawn asked Lucifer to follow him into the adjoining room. He wanted to see how he was doing in various situations. He made him go up and down slopes and stairs, watching the way he was walking closely. Even if Lucifer was still taking his time to go down on stairs, he was already incredibly good for only two weeks of practice. The only place where he had some trouble was on a path made of uneven floor with bumps placed in different places. 

“I need to get one of those to practice!” He told Robert.

Robert smiled and nodded. Of course he wanted to have that too.

“Did you really respect the wearing and walking time?” Shawn asked. “Watching you, I highly doubt it.”

“Yes I did, but not because I wanted to. Robert didn’t let me practice more, even if everything was going alright!”

“I know it can be frustrating when everything is doing alright.” Shawn laughed. “Let me see your residual limbs and I might give you all good to go.”

They returned to the little office and Lucifer removed his prostheses. Shawn took a close look at his stumps.

“Well, everything seems fine! Do you have any sore spots when you remove them after a few hours?”

“No. Nothing at all. It’s a little like removing shoes. I’m somehow glad to remove them because it’s still a little hot, but nothing hurts or gives me the wish to remove them.”

“Okay then. Since it seems to really go well you don’t have to follow any schedule anymore. However, I strongly suggest that you take a break for an hour or so in the middle of the day for the next week if you plan to wear them all day long, especially if it’s becoming too hot. If you sweat too much, it can create blisters and you would be forced to stop wearing them for a few days then. I’m sure you don’t want that!”

“Certainly not!”

“By the way, you know that instead of applying stickers, we can print whatever you want on the sockets. You can even have printed sleeves.”

“The stickers are not my idea, but Beatrice's. I just didn’t want to sadden her by removing them. And at least this way I know where they are since I can’t really see prints anyway.”

“Yes, right.” Once again, Shawn had already forgotten the blindness aspect.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Today was a special day and Lucifer was going to the precinct with Chloe instead of joining her later. First, they were already working on a case so there was no need for Lucifer to check if there was one. Besides, Lucifer was going to the precinct without his wheelchair for the first time and Chloe wanted to be with him to see everyone’s reaction. He had the ‘good to go’ the previous day and there was no way he would wait any longer to go to the precinct while he was walking. 

It was also going to be the first time Lucifer would be wearing long pants with his prostheses. 

He put his prostheses on, took his suit’s trousers and quickly realized there would be a problem. The ankle movement of the prostheses was limited and with his skinny pants, the bottom just couldn’t pass the ankle.

He huffed, put the pants aside and decided that it would be better to put the pants first. He removed his prostheses and put the trousers on. Rolling the pants up to the thigh to put his prostheses on was impossible though. The pants were stuck just above the knees so he wouldn’t be able to roll the sleeve on his thigh.

He didn’t expect that problem.

He took a deep breath, removed the pants and put his prostheses back on, went into his wardrobe and found a larger pair of trousers. The only large ones he had. The only ones he doesn’t like. He didn’t even know why he still had that suit. He put them on nevertheless, but it wasn’t going well. 

Still underweight and with the poles replacing half of his lower legs, the pants looked even more baggy than they should. There was no way he was going to the precinct dressed like that.

He sat on his bed, his head in his hands, discouraged. Why couldn’t things be simple for once? Why did something have to go wrong every single time? It was so frustrating! Now that he was able to walk again, he didn’t want to put his prostheses aside, but he still had his pride and the way he was dressed was important for him.

“What’s taking so long?” Chloe shouted from the main room. Lucifer heard footsteps getting closer and Chloe popped her head through the entrance. “Everything is alright?”

“No! Everything is _not_ alright!” He snapped.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, getting closer.

“The only trousers I can put on are those, but I can’t go to the precinct dressed like that!”

“Why not?”

He stood up.

“Look at me! It’s like if I’ve borrowed someone else's clothes!”

“So what do you want to do? Wear shorts?”

“I won’t go to the precinct in bloody shorts!”

“Calm down, Lucifer. I know that you’re discouraged, but let's see how we can fix this.”

“There’s nothing we can fix! Except those, there are no other trousers that can pass the ankle of the prostheses. It means I won’t be able to wear my suits again if I want to wear my bionic legs!”

Most often than not he referred to his prostheses as his bionic legs. He and Trixie had agreed that it sounded cooler.

“We’ll fix that problem later. I’m sure a tailor can do something about it. For now, you have three choices. You can keep those, or you wear one of the Bermudas Michael bought for you, or you come with the wheelchair.”

After a long moment of silence, Lucifer finally talked.

“The pants Michael bought, are they chic enough to go to the precinct dressed in?”

“Of course. That was part of the reason he bought them.”

Lucifer didn’t pay much attention to the clothes his twin had bought for him. It was Chloe who had asked for them anyway. Chloe came back with a shirt and Bermudas.

“Try that.”

Lucifer undressed and tried the clothes she handed him. The pants stopped just below his knees.

“I don’t know! It’s better than the baggy pants, but going to the precinct in Bermudas seems weird."

“You’re a consultant, Lucifer. You don’t have to follow a dress code. Besides, it’s Friday and people usually get dressed more casually on Fridays.”

_“Michael!”_ Lucifer called his brother, who was still downstairs in his room. _“How are you dressed?”_ Michael was going with them and Lucifer didn’t want him dressed in long pants while he was dressed in Bermudas.

_“I’m wearing shorts and a shirt. Why?”_

_“Because the only pants I can wear at the moment are the one you bought me.”_

_“And? What’s the problem?”_

_“Never mind.”_

He should have known that his twin knew nothing about fashion.

“Okay then.” Lucifer finally said to Chloe. “I will go dressed that way. At least I won’t have to lift my pants legs for everyone who will want to see my bionic legs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave your comment!


	33. Happy Birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there was a problem when I published the last chapter yesterday and my story didn't came back on first page, I decided to post the next chapter now so those who missed it should see it now (hoping this problem won't happen again).
> 
> Are you ready for a double birthday?
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful SK_Kasai

“Happy birthday!”

As soon as they saw Michael, who was walking at the front, everyone in the precinct shouted their ‘happy birthday’. 

Chloe had known what they were planning and she had stayed a little behind for that reason. Michael stopped, not understanding what was going on. Lucifer was confused too and it took him a few seconds to remember that he had once told them that today was his birthday. The day of his ‘rebirth’. It was ironic that he was really wearing his prostheses for the first time today. Somehow another rebirth.

Ella arrived in the middle of the bullpen, a huge smile on her face. When Michael turned, asking his twin what was going on, she noticed that Lucifer was standing.

“Oh wow!” 

Remembering that it was Lucifer’s birthday, they had decided that they needed to celebrate. Ella knew that it was not his real birthday – calendars didn’t even exist when the twins were born – but since Lucifer had once said it was, there was no point in trying to change it. They have been celebrating Lucifer’s birthday every year since they met him.

Except that now, those who had planned the surprise were probably more astonished than the twins were. Well, at least more than Lucifer was. Michael seemed completely lost.

Everyone came closer to see Lucifer and the latter took a step back. Thankfully, they all noticed his hesitation and they didn’t go any further. Lucifer went to pet Akuma on a leash beside him but realized that now that he was standing, he could no longer just stretch his arm and touch him. He just dropped the idea.

“I didn’t know you were planning to wear them today! That’s so awesome, Lucifer!” 

“Well, I didn’t plan it either, Miss Lopez. I got the authorization yesterday afternoon.”

Of course Ella had seen his prostheses when she went to the penthouse on the weekend. Michael had talked about it too. The latter seemed very impressed on how humans were ingenious. Nevertheless, it was something else to see him arrive at the precinct walking. 

Lucifer looked at everyone surrounding him and smiled. Despite how his first reaction had been to back up, he realized he didn’t feel any threat from them. He didn’t feel the oppressive sensation he usually felt when he was surrounded by many people since his return. Was it the fact to stand? To be taller than everyone else? Surrounded by a few friends only when he was standing in the past two weeks, he hadn’t realized the effect it would have on him. The gain in confidence was amazing.

“I know you’re all curious!” He said jovially. “I’m sorry I’ve ruined your birthday surprise! I will satisfy your curiosity and we’ll celebrate after!”

He went to the middle of the bullpen, took a chair and sat so it would be easier to show everyone his prostheses. Of course some asked questions about the stickers and he did not hesitate to tell them who they were referring to.

“Dan is Pleakley?” Those who know the character said, laughing. 

Lucifer was pretty sure Daniel would hear about it forever. The spawn had such a good idea at last!

“I never asked you, but who is Pleakley?” Michael asked his twin.

“You don’t know him?” Lucifer frowned. “Of course you don’t… Well, we’ll fix that tonight."

When everyone satisfied their curiosity, Michael asked the question he had been saving since his arrival at the precinct.

“So, what’s this birthday thing?”

“I will explain it later.” Lucifer answered in a low voice. His twin would look like a total idiot if he explained to him what a birthday was in front of everyone. 

So for the next fifteen minutes, Michael answered ‘thank you’ to people wishing him a ‘happy birthday’ not even knowing what it was referring to. A birthday? There was no such a thing in the Silver City. 

When the wishes were finally done, they went into Ella's lab where they could patiently explain to Michael what a birthday was.

“But, Sammy, even if you choose this day as your birthday because you said it was your rebirth, this doesn’t apply to me! Maybe the day I arrived on Earth should be my Earth birthday.”

“Mi, we are twins. We must share the same birthday!”

“That’s nonsense since we don’t even know which day we were born! Why can’t I choose mine?”

Chloe, Ella and Dan all laughed at that. Michael could be so clueless at times!

“Humans wouldn’t understand how we can be twins and not have the same birthday!”

“Human rules are so complicated! Okay then. Since I don’t really have the choice, today will be my birthday.”

The door of the lab suddenly opened and the lieutenant appeared at the threshold.

“We received new information. The victim had been spotted on security camera footage a few hours before his death at an office building. The problem is if we have images from the outside of the building, we don’t know which office he went to and who he met there. Can you go check that?”

“Of course!”

“We got a warrant to ask for all camera footage of each office but it will take forever to watch all this. The best is to ask around to see if anyone has seen him to be able to focus our research.”

“Okay. Thank you, Lieutenant.” 

“I will stay here if you don’t mind.” Ella said. “I still have some evidence to work on here but if you need me just call.”

“Yeah, sure, Ella.”

Michael looked between Ella and his twin as if he was wondering if he should go with him or stay with Ella.

“Mikey, you still want to learn forensic stuff?” Ella asked him.

“Yes, sure!” Michael answered with a smile. “Sammy, you wouldn't mind me staying here?”

“No problem, Mi. I won’t need to be carried around today!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe, Lucifer and Dan arrived at the old office building located in the financial district. Twelve floors mostly filled with small offices. A lot of offices. It would take forever.

They took the elevator for the first storey and started showing people the victim’s picture at each office on the floor to see if anyone had seen him. When they finished every single office of the first floor, they were pretty far from the elevator but a majestic staircase was just beside them.

“Do the stairs look fine to you, Lucifer?” Dan asked.

“Yes.”

Lucifer started climbing the staircase, Akuma just beside him. Chloe and Dan followed. Lucifer's pace was just slightly slower than a normal one. 

They were no more successful in their search on the second floor. They were close to the elevator this time and took it for the third floor.

On the sixth storey and after climbing three staircases, Lucifer was beginning to feel tired. When he practiced with Robert, he often took pauses, but it wasn’t really possible now. After almost two hours of standing, even if his stumps didn’t cause him aches, his legs’ muscles did. He was not used to walking that much and he was realizing that even if he got the ‘good to go’ and if it was wonderful to walk, he was not ready for a full day of standing.

He didn’t complain about it though, being too proud for it, but he was secretly hoping that they would find what they were looking for soon. It’s when they went up to the eighth floor and he started having a hard time to follow Chloe and Dan pace that Chloe started to worry.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Lucifer?”

“Yes, Detective. I’m fine. Just tired a bit.”

“We should take a pause. It’s lunch time anyway.” Dan said.

“Let’s finish this floor at least since we’re already here.” Lucifer answered. 

It was a good decision. In the fourth office they went in, the receptionist clearly remembered the man. He had had a verbal confrontation with one of the employees just before leaving their offices. The exchange went pretty bad apparently with death threats from both sides.

The employee being out for lunch, Dan decided to wait for him while Chloe and Lucifer returned to the precinct. Lucifer was clearly exhausted even if he was saying he was fine. 

“I’ll request a patrol car. I’ll bring back the suspect when he’ll get here.”

“Okay, Dan. Thank you.” Chloe said.

Lucifer, who had sat for a few minutes while the receptionist checked the employee's schedule and made sure he was going to be back in the afternoon, had difficulty getting up. The receptionist looked at him with pity and Lucifer hurried as much as he could to get out of the office. He definitely needed to wear long pants at work.

All along the corridor towards the elevator, Lucifer walked slowly, keeping a hand on the wall, the other holding Akuma’s leash. Even if he didn’t regret his decision to go to work with his prostheses, he was missing his wheelchair right now.

“Do you want to stop at the penthouse to get your wheelchair?” Chloe asked.

“What now? Are you reading my mind?”

“No, but it’s obvious you’re tired, Lucifer. That’s okay, you know. You don’t have to try to be a superhero and ruin everything on the first day. Maybe you can even take the afternoon off.”

“And miss the chance to question our suspect? I would certainly not! I will be fine after a nap in Miss Lopez’s lab.”

Since his return to work, he often took a nap on the cot in Ella’s lab when he stayed more than a few hours at the precinct. He always kept a pouch for feeding in the break room fridge too so he would be able to ‘eat’ there.

When they finally arrived at the car, Chloe had to help him get in. Lucifer was so tired he could barely lift his legs.

“I think I should remove them. Shawn suggested that I take a break in the middle of the day.”

“Yes, it’s a good idea. Anyway, we won’t be at the precinct before another forty-five minutes.”

“I thought walking would be easier.” He sighed.

“Lucifer, you’re still underweight and this is new for your legs muscles. Shawn had told you that it would take many months to fully adapt.”

“Yes, I know. It’s just... I don’t know... sometimes it’s discouraging how everything can be so complicated. Can take so long.”

“You’re doing great, Lucifer. You may not realize it, but the progress you’ve made in the last few months is amazing.”

“If you say so.” He said lazily.

Chloe looked at him and realized he was already half asleep.

With the traffic, it took almost half an hour to go to the penthouse. Lucifer slept all the way there but woke up when she parked the car.

“Please bring a few of my trousers. If we have time after work I would like to stop at my tailor's to see what they can do about that.”

“Yes, of course.”

When she came back in the car, Lucifer was asleep again.

Once at the precinct, he put his prostheses back on but sat in the wheelchair. The nap had helped him gain back some of his energy, but he still had the impression that his legs were weighing a ton.

When Michael saw him in the wheelchair he immediately asked what happened.

“Nothing happened, Mi. I’m just tired. Well, my legs are tired. I’ve walked a lot this morning.”

“Hey! You’re back!” One of the officers said suddenly. “It’s time for the cake!”

Before Lucifer could answer, someone arrived with a cake and everyone in the precinct started singing the traditional happy birthday song. Michael, once again, seemed to wonder what was going on.

It was hard for Lucifer to get away, so he stayed there with the cake in front of him and Michael. With the food’s smell already filling the bullpen – they were at the end of lunch time after all – and the sight of the cake, Lucifer wasn’t feeling well. He smiled, trying to hide his discomfort. Usually, if he was still at the precinct at lunch time, he stayed in Ella’s lab. 

Bad memories threatened to invade his mind and he held Michael's hand in search of comfort. At the end of the song Lucifer informed Michael mentally that they had to blow out the candles. Not knowing their age, they had put only two candles on the cake. After five years they should have known, but Lucifer had always been evasive about his age. An officer gave Lucifer a knife so he could cut the cake. Lucifer handed the knife to his brother.

“You can have my share. If you’ll excuse me, I had an exhausting morning. Please don’t wait for me.”

Michael didn’t protest, knowing how everything related to eating was hard for his twin. Lucifer went to the lab, Akuma following him. Chloe joined him less than a minute later. Lucifer was in a corner of the room, petting Akuma and rocking back and forth.

“I’m sorry.” Chloe said. “They were so excited about the birthday that they forgot the ‘no food in front of you’ rule.” When he didn’t answer she added: “I will get the feeding bag while we wait for Dan to come back.”

“I won’t eat.” Lucifer finally answered.

“But Lucifer, you can’t skip a meal like that. You’re already underweight! You must be hungry anyway.”

“It’s been a very long time since I've felt hungry. Don’t worry about me. One meal wouldn't change my weight. ”

“But...”

“I feel more like I’m going to throw up right now. I prefer to avoid filling my stomach. Please let me know when Daniel will be back.”

“Of course.”

Chloe retained from saying that he really needed to fix that eating issue. That was becoming more and more complicated. She left the lab and went to get a sandwich from the vending machine. Lucifer wasn’t hungry, but she was starving.

When Dan came back half an hour later with their suspect, he immediately brought him to an interrogation room. The suspect admitted that he had argued with the victim and that they had exchanged death threats, but that it was nothing serious. However, after long minutes of questioning, it appeared he had an alibi. They still have to check the validity of it, but Lucifer was sure that their suspect was telling the truth.

“Why didn't Carole tell you that I had a friend who came to see me all afternoon?”

“Carole?”

“Carole Dunn, the receptionist. She was still there when he arrived. Of course she couldn’t know we spent all afternoon together because of her family emergency, but Jonathan will confirm what I said.”

“We will need all the information about your friend.” Chloe said.

“Sure. No problem.”

“What family emergency?” Lucifer asked.

“I don’t know. About half an hour after Jonathan arrived, she called me to say she had to leave because of a family emergency. I didn’t ask for more details.”

Lucifer looked at Dan and Chloe.

“What do you think?”

“We need to check this out.” Dan said. “That could explain why she was so eager to talk about the death threats. I think we should return there.”

“I agree. Lucifer, do you want to come?”

“I wouldn't want to miss this!”

Now that he was sitting in his wheelchair, he didn’t care about the long corridors of the building. He had hated the pitiful look the woman had given him as if the only important thing about him was his legs. He would love to be able to make her talk if she was the culprit.

This time, they went with two cars so Dan would be able to bring the receptionist back to the precinct if necessary. 

At first, they just asked Carole for the camera footage she was supposed to get, not letting her know the employee was not a suspect anymore. When she came back with it, Lucifer stood up and leaned nonchalantly on the counter. He almost looked as if he was flirting with her. 

“So, Carole, tell me more about this altercation. It was so convenient isn’t it?” He asked innocently.

“Sure!” She laughed, not realizing she was under the influence of Lucifer’s mojo, “It gave me the idea to get rid of this nuisance.”

“Oh! So tell me, what was this deepest desire of yours?” 

“To kill him so I could get my revenge!”

“Revenge?! Revenge for what?”

“Saying I was unattractive and not worth him. Before dying, he told me he was sorry.” She grinned.

She stopped, suddenly realizing what she just said. Lucifer smiled and sat back in his wheelchair, satisfied.

“Carole Dunn, you’re under arrest.” Dan started before reading her rights.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

It was almost four p.m. when they finally returned to the precinct with the culprit. After ensuring that Carole Dunn was in custody, they went to Ella’s lab where she and Michael were.

“We have to introduce Mikey to our tradition before you go!” Ella said, putting a hand on the half-filled jar on the table with a strange green juice in it.

“What tradition?” Michael asked, frowning.

“Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser!” They all answered.

Michael looked at the jar, unsure what to think. Just beside it were a whiskey bottle and shooter's glasses.

“I will try it, but only if you drink with me, Sammy.”

“You know I don’t...”

“It’s not food! C’mon, Sammy, do it for me!”

Ella was serving the little glasses for everyone. She looked at Lucifer.

“Do I serve you?”

He took a deep breath, nodded and stood up.

_It’s just liquid,_ he thought. _Everything will be fine._

“To another trip around the sun!” Chloe said.

“To solve another great case!” Dan added.

“To friendships!” Ella smiled.

“To human birthdays!” Michael said.

"To rebirth!” Lucifer finished. 

Lifting his whiskey glass, he quickly drank it, took the pickle juice glass and swallowed it the same way. For a moment, he thought he would throw up, but the sensation passed quickly after another deep breath. Just as some unwanted memories were about to emerge, his twin spoke. What he said sent the memories away.

“You know what? I've made a decision. I won’t return to live in Silver City. I will stay here on Earth with you. I like life here. I like you all. Sammy, you decided years ago that this day was your rebirth. It will become mine too.”

Ella looked at him and smiled. This birthday was definitely great!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please leave your comment!


	34. Hello, Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again dear readers for all your comments! This is a chapter with many little things happening after the birthday's party and the following weekend.
> 
> A big thanks as always to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Lucifer woke up with a scream, heart pounding. He looked around and wondered for a moment why he was sitting on the couch between Chloe and Michael. He then remembered that they were watching Stitch so Michael could know what his stickers were all about. Even with the video description, Lucifer had ended up falling asleep pretty fast after the beginning of the film and he had missed all of it. The day had been exhausting. Except for a nap in the car, he hadn’t slept for the whole day.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve had a nightmare.” Chloe pointed out.

“Yes, I know. It seems that the cake brought back memories that I would have rather forgotten.”

“You know you should try to fix that. At least to be able to see or smell food.”

Lucifer didn’t answer. He moved to get up, but Chloe stopped him.

“Woah! Did you forget you removed your prostheses and put your wheelchair aside? Where do you think you will end up?”

Still half asleep, Lucifer realized that she was right. Most of the time he wasn’t an amputee in his dreams so he was often confused when he woke up. After some mishaps, he ended up making a habit of waiting in bed to avoid falling from the bed in the morning or after a nap.

“I think I should go to sleep. I’m sorry everyone, but this day has been exhausting.”

All his friends were also there to watch the film. After dinner, they all decided to come to finish this birthday at the penthouse. They all assured him that they understood.

“Mi, you should go celebrate with Miss Lopez at Lux downstairs. Except for Maze remembrance’s party, you've never spent time there!”

“Yes! That’s a good idea!” Ella approved. 

“Why not!” Michael said enthusiastically.

While Ella and Michael went downstairs, the others left for their respective houses. Only Chloe and Trixie stayed with Lucifer. Like every weekend for the past few weeks, Robert would be back on Monday morning. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

After a first drink, Ella brought Michael to the dance floor, but she quickly realized that he couldn’t dance.

“You don’t dance in the Silver City?” She asked him in his ear, trying to cover the loud music.

“We do have music, but no, we don’t dance.”

Even if he was able to follow the musical rhythm, he didn’t know what to do with his arms and just kept his hands in his pants’ pockets.

“Just look at what people do and do the same thing!” She shouted.

She removed his hands from his pocket and forced him to move his arms. After a few minutes, he began to understand how to move. However, he was still shy and he didn’t seem at ease.

“It’s time for another drink!” Ella said, towing him to the bar.

Even if Michael had a celestial metabolism and could drink a lot without getting drunk, he was not used to drinking. It had more effect on him than what he had expected. After a few more drinks, he was less shy. It was him who dragged Ella, who was passably drunk now, to the dance floor.

A few minutes later, a woman came near them and grabbed Michael by his shirt.

“Lucifer! It’s been a long time! Will you play for me?”

“I’m not...”

“Oh! C’mon! I want to hear Stairway to Heaven!”

Michael sighed. At least he knew this song. The song he had learned for Maze. He looked towards the bar where Maze’s urn had been placed. He never had the chance to meet her while she was on Earth, but all the times he had seen her in the Silver City, she seemed to have been close to Sammy.

His only companion for eons, Lucifer had said. The woman was still pulling on his shirt, dragging him toward the grand piano.

“Just one song.” Michael sighed. 

Ella looked at him as he sat at the piano and asked the D-J to stop the music. How could this bitch confuse him with Lucifer? Even if she hadn’t seen the latter in the last year, how could she not have noticed the electrifying blue eyes? She asked for another drink.

Michael played the song at the piano, but he didn’t sing. He didn’t know the lyrics anyway. When he ended it, the woman went closer to thank him. Michael hurried to get away after a brief nod. He spotted Ella sitting at the bar and went to join her.

She didn’t welcome him back the way he expected. She grabbed him by his forearm and dragged him to a quiet corner. There, she removed one of her shoes and started hitting him on the arm and shoulder with it.

“What?! Why are you doing that?!” He asked in confusion.

“You played for her but you've never done that for me!” She cried.

“But... I didn’t play for her! She thought I was Sammy and it happened that I knew this song! What was I supposed to do?!”

“Say no!”

She seemed furious. Even if Michael didn’t understand why, it was clear he had upset her. He decided to do what she had done for him when he was upset. He took her in his arms in a hug, preventing her from hitting him.

“How can you use my hugs...” She started but never finished her sentence.

Michael seemed sincerely lost and sad that he had upset her.

“I will play a song for you if you want. Just tell me what it is and I will learn it.” He said quietly. “Please, don’t be mad at me!”

“I’m sorry. I... I think I’m a little drunk!” She suddenly laughed.

She dropped her shoe on the floor and couldn’t stop laughing.

“What now? Ella, I don’t understand. What’s so funny?”

And he thought he was beginning to understand humans!

“Your face when I hit you!”

“My face?”

He was more and more lost.

“You don’t understand what you did wrong do you?”

“I... I...” He wanted to tell her that he did nothing wrong but maybe it was better to say nothing he decided. “No.” He said instead.

She put a hand on his forearm.

“You will learn. I think I drank enough for tonight. I will call an Uber.”

“I will wait here if it’s okay with you.”

“I hope you will wait with me.”

At least she didn’t seem mad anymore. He would need to talk to Sammy.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

At least Lucifer didn’t have more nightmares during the night. He cuddled Chloe until Trixie popped her head in the room claiming that she was hungry. Chloe laughed and got up.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back with the feeding bag.”

_“Can I talk to you?”_

The call startled him.

_“Sure, Mi. I’m in bed, but you can come up if you want.”_

_“I don’t want to disturb you, but I have one question.”_

_“Go ahead!”_

Michael explained to him what had happened the previous evening after he played a song for a woman he had never met before. Ella had called earlier to apologize, but Michael was still disturbed by what happened.

_“Human emotions are so complicated and I’m not the best at those. You should talk to Doctor Linda about that.”_

_“Do you think I can call her?”_

_“Sure! I will send you his contact info.”_

Lucifer took his phone, found what he was searching for, and sent it to his twin. Since he had discovered VoiceOver it was so fun to be able to do anything he wanted with his phone.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“Hello, Doctor Linda, may I talk to you for a few minutes?”

“Lucifer?”

Even if Linda recognized the British accent, the call was coming from an unknown number.

“No! It’s Michael!” The latter laughed. “I’m sorry. I should have known you would get confused on the phone.”

“Michael! What a nice surprise! How can I help you?”

“Well, something strange happened with Ella yesterday. I’ve told Lucifer but he said I should call you.”

“Of course!”

Of course she would have to help another celestial to figure out how the human world works and understand emotions. Why not? She sighed inwardly.

“Can you come to my office on Monday? I’m available at 4 p.m.”

“Yes, I can be there. Just send me the address.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer realized his leg muscles were still hurting when he put his prostheses on and went to walk.

“You should go see Raphael.” Chloe said. “Trixie made a training video last weekend and you haven't given it to Maze yet. She can't wait to have Maze’s feedback on it.”

“Yes, that’s a good idea.” 

He removed his prostheses and changed clothes. He wanted to go to the Silver City with them when he would be able to wear his suits only. He knew he shouldn’t have to wait too long. When they had stopped at the tailor's after work, he'd said he would bring one pair before the end of the day to see if it suited Lucifer. Then, he would do the same to all the other pairs accordingly. 

He had the idea of putting a long zipper in the inner seam of each pants’ leg so Lucifer would be able to pass the ankle through them and remove his prostheses during the day without having to remove his pants. This way, the pants would stay slim and be practical all together.

Chloe was surprised that Lucifer had accepted to see his sister so easily. It was the first time Lucifer was openly agreeing to be helped by Raphael. Perhaps he was in a really good mood or his legs were hurting more than he was admitting to.

“See you later!” Lucifer said when he left the penthouse.

Chloe laughed. Later for her would be in a few minutes. She was always amazed when he came back relating what happened while he was up there when it was almost a blink for her.

“So? Your sister must have been happy when she saw you!” She asked when he returned two minutes later.

“Yes! She was so pleased I asked her that I thought she would never stop babbling about it! She’s apparently proud of me!” He said with a grin.

Definitely in a good mood, Chloe thought.

Good mood or not, he refused to talk about eating with Linda again. Even with what had happened the previous day, he deliberately avoided her questions about it and they ended up talking about many things except it.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was eager to go to the beach with his prostheses. After all, he had bought them for that reason. However, he realized that walking in the sand was not the same thing as walking on a hard surface. Even if the feet had multi-axis ankles, it was not easy to keep his balance when the sand kept moving under his feet. He had to hold on to Michael to stop himself from falling.

“Next time I will bring the walking sticks.” He said. “I understand better why Robert had insisted that I buy them!”

Only Ella was accompanying Chloe, Lucifer, Trixie and Michael. All the others were not available today. Instead of doing teams, they made a sandcastle all together. Despite the fact that walking at the beach was harder than he thought, Lucifer was happy. This afternoon was perfect. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

On Sunday morning, Lucifer looked at Trixie, trying to figure out why she kept grimacing and pulling her tongue.

“What are you doing, Urchin?”

“I’m trying to make bubbles! Everyone in my class is able to except for me!”

“What?! But that’s not the way to do it! Your tongue is not in the right position and you must do this with your mouth.” He added, showing her.

“Like if you know something about gum bubbles!”

“Pardon me! I am excellent at making gum bubbles! I can make a bubble the size of your head with the right gum!”

“Oh really? Show me then!”

She handed him a square of gum and he took it. Wanting to impress her, he unwrapped the gum and put it in his mouth.

He should have thought twice about it. 

The moment he started chewing, nausea struck him and he put his hand over his mouth. He just finished the feeding bag. He went as fast as he could to the restroom and all his ‘breakfast’ ended up in the toilet.

Trixie realized what she had done and didn’t stop apologizing as soon as Lucifer got out of the bathroom, pale as a sheet.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you sick!” 

“I forgive you, Urchin. It’s my fault. I should have thought about what would happen. I’m sorry I can’t show you how to make bubbles.”

“That’s okay, Lucifer. Don’t be sorry.”

But he was. He went to the balcony and took his phone.

“Hello, Doctor. I need your help.”

“Hi, Lucifer. You're Lucifer, aren't you?”

“What?! Of course. Oh... Michael called you?”

“Yes. So what can I do for you?”

“I want to fix this eating thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably post a chapter every day from now on! I have only a few more chapters to write! Have a good day everyone and don't forget that I love to receive your comments!


	35. You Won’t Do This Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, one chapter a day! I have 42 chapters (almost 43 in fact) already written on a story that should have 45. However, I'm sorry dear readers but I'm in a really bad mood today and I don't think I will be able to write. I woke up angry from a really bad dream, with a migraine and I have a swollen foot that hurts for 2 days and I don't even know why so I hope I will be able to keep once a day posting and finish this story before season 5 start as promised. I have a lot of work to do in the rest of the week and today was supposed to be my writing day.

Linda was so happy that Lucifer finally wanted to talk about eating that she proposed to go to the penthouse right away before he changed his mind. Lucifer accepted. Forty-five minutes later, the two of them were sitting on the balcony, talking.

“What makes you change your mind?”

She knew something _must_ have happened to warrant this sudden change of mind. He told her about his mishap with the Spawn and how sad he was to be unable to show her how to make bubbles from gum.

“I’m glad that you decided to work on that issue, Lucifer, but I don’t think you will be able to show her how to make bubbles in the next week. Probably not in the next month either. You will need to be patient. We’ll work on this slowly. Step by step.”

“I know.” He huffed.

“We will start this with what you’re already able to do. Drinking water.”

“How is this supposed to help me eat?”

“You told me that even drinking water is hard for you.”

“It’s not like I ever liked water.”

“If you prefer whiskey, it’s not a problem. Whatever you want to drink can work. Just don’t forget that your metabolism is not so celestial right now.”

“I almost got sick when I drank two shots on my birthday. The only reason I didn’t is because my stomach was empty.”

“So water will do the job for now. You don’t need to drink a full glass at each time. Just a few sips are enough. The idea is to do it like you did with touching. You do it until you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m already uncomfortable taking one sip only.”

“So take just one. Just try to do it often.”

“I already know I will hate your idea.”

“Listen, I could tell you to start eating right away, but if chewing gum made you sick, I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re still underweight and it’s not time to be sick often and lose weight.”

“I hate being sick.”

“No one like being sick, Lucifer. You can also try smelling food if it’s easier for you.”

“Smelling food gives me nausea.”

“That’s why you need to do it gradually and preferably on an empty stomach.”

“It will never work.”

“How is touching going?”

“What?”

“Didn’t you tell me that even if touch from strangers is still hard, you’re seeking Chloe's touch now?”

“Yes, sure, but what’s the connection with food?”

“You were barely able to stand Chloe’s touch when you started and look how it is now. You can arrive at the same result with eating.”

“I barely doubt that.”

“Give it a try at least!”

“How many times will I be sick before it works? Have flashbacks? Panic attacks? They made me eat my own flesh, Doctor! How am I supposed to forget that?! How can I forget this taste in my mouth? When I see or smell food, that’s the only thought that fills my mind! Anything that goes in my mouth reminds me of the taste of my wings, my own divine essence!”

Lucifer was crying and shaking now. Linda put her hand on his knee.

“You won’t do this alone. I will talk to Chloe about it. She will help you stay grounded and Akuma will too.”

Lucifer shook his head.

“It was a bad idea. Forget that.”

He suddenly got up, ready to leave.

“Lucifer, please. I didn’t insist on this session. You did because you want to please Trixie. Give it a try.”

“I’ll see.”

Even if Linda was deceived by the way the session ended, she talked to Chloe about what she was hoping Lucifer tries. Maybe Chloe would have more success than her. At least the door was open now.

Lucifer didn’t talk back about eating the whole day. However, Chloe saw him take a few sips of water. That was new. Except for when he had woken up, and not even that often, she had never seen him drink in the day. Maybe he was willing to try Linda’s suggestion after all. She decided it was better not to talk about it though. She knew that if he felt pushed, he would retreat and stop trying.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“Michael! I would like to propose something to you!” Lucifer told his twin at the end of the afternoon.

“What is it?”

“Well, since you want to stay on Earth, I think you should have your own place to stay. Not that I don’t like having you here, but you would have more privacy.”

“I don’t need privacy.”

“Maybe when you’ll finally understand what’s going between you and Miss Lopez, you would like to have some.”

“What do you mean by ‘what’s going on between me and Miss Lopez’?”

“I told you, Mi! You’re in love and I’m pretty sure it's mutual.”

“I don’t even know what that means!”

“Did you call Doctor Linda?”

“Yes. I will see her tomorrow.”

“Well, ask her!”

“And what do you want to propose to me?”

“I own many properties here in L.A. I will give you the addresses and you can choose one to stay. It could become your official residence on Earth.”

“You mean that I would live alone there?”

“And eventually invite someone to stay with you...”

“Like who?”

Lucifer shook his head. His twin could be such an idiot sometimes.

“Like Miss Lopez!”

“But she already has her own apartment!”

“Tiny apartment. Okay, listen. I will give you the addresses and go visit them. I don’t ask you to leave. Just to tell me which one you prefer. If, one day, you want to have your own place, it will be yours.”

“O-kay... but I can still stay here if I want?”

“Of course, Mi! And even if you go live in one of my houses, there will always be a room here for you. I just want you to feel more like home on Earth. Have your own place. I don’t want to impose anything. You know how important Free Will is to me!”

“Yes, of course. Okay. I will go visit them then and let you know.”

“Great!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

On Monday morning, Lucifer decided to go to the precinct with Chloe even if he didn’t know if they were going to have a case or not. He was just too happy to be able to wear a suit with his prostheses. To make sure the same thing as Friday wouldn’t happen, they left Lucifer’s wheelchair in Chloe’s car so it would be easy to get it if Lucifer became tired.

They got a case soon after their arrival. It was a good thing Lucifer had his prosthesis because the crime scene was in a wooded area and the sloping terrain was particularly rugged.

“Will you be alright?” Chloe asked when she saw where they had to go.

“Yes, the ground seems to be hard. I will be fine, Detective.”

Chloe looked at him while he carefully went down. She must admit he was incredibly good. Except that fifteen seconds later, he was sitting on his butt. 

“Bloody Hell! And it’s the only pair of pants that have been corrected!”

“Are you alright?” Chloe asked.

“Yes. I’m fine, but not my suit! I should have brought the walking sticks. I will need to bring those bloody things everywhere!”

Chloe smiled. Of course he was worried for his suit.

“We’ll leave the sticks in the trunk of the car with your wheelchair next time. And besides, your tailor said there will be more pants ready today so don’t worry about that.”

“Let me help you.” Michael said as he pulled his twin back on his feet.

When he finally arrived down the slope an officer greeted him.

“Don’t worry, Lucifer! I fell too!” He said, showing him his dirty knees and his scratched hands. “At least you didn’t hurt yourself like I did!”

“Just my ego.” Lucifer huffed.

The rest of the morning went well, but Lucifer was tired and needed Michael’s help to climb up the slope again. He was satisfied though. This terrain was the worst he had ever gone on in a crime scene and he had been able to go. Even if he clearly needed to practice and build up muscles, those bionic legs were awesome!

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Michael arrived at Linda’s office and wondered for a moment what to do. He finally sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Five minutes later, Linda went out of her office and invited him inside.

“How can I help you, Michael?”

He related his little mishap on Friday evening.

“What did I do wrong?” He concluded.

Linda smiled. Even if the twins were pretty much identical physically, their reactions were opposite. Of course it was difficult to compare him to the actual Lucifer, but when she had first met him, Lucifer would have never asked what he had done wrong. He would have blamed everyone but himself.

“You went downstairs to celebrate with her and suddenly, without even asking her, you go play with another woman. She might have felt jealous.”

“Jealous? Why?”

“Because she probably has a romantic interest in you. Besides, you said she had drank a lot and that she was acting strangely. When people drink too much, inhibitions fall down and that lets them do what they would have never done while sober.”

“What does 'inhibition' mean?”

“Simply, it’s the embarrassment that prevents you from doing what you want.” 

The kind of thing Lucifer never had, Linda thought.

“But if their inhibitions fall down as you said, that means that hitting me was what Ella really wanted!”

“That’s not so simple. If I understood well, she didn’t do that to hurt you, but only to make you react.”

“She could never hurt me anyway. Sammy also said that I was in love, but I’m not sure I understand what he means.”

“What do you feel when you’re with Ella?”

“I... I don’t understand your question.”

“When you’re with her, do you feel the same way that you feel when you're with Chloe or your brothers or me?”

“No. I don’t know how I feel when I’m with her, but it’s different. I think I’m happier. She’s so joyful! And sometimes I have this strange sensation inside me, like heat that suddenly builds up in me.”

For the next fifteen minutes, Linda tried to explain what ‘being in love’ meant.

“You've never had sex, have you?” She asked at one point, seeing how confused he was.

“Had sex? I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, for that question you should ask your brother.” Linda laughed.

“Okay. I will talk to Sammy about this.”

“It would be better if you talk to Amenadiel about that subject.”

“But I don’t speak much with him! It’s always easier to talk with Sammy.”

“Don’t. Not for this subject. I can’t tell you more, but it can bring back bad memories for him.”

“Oh! I see! Well, I guess it will be a good reason to talk to Amenadiel then. I will call him. Thank you, Doctor.”

“You’re welcome, Michael. Would you like to come eat dinner at home? I’m done here anyway and this way you could talk to Amenadiel.”

“Sure!”

Waiting for dinner to be ready, Michael and Amenadiel talked for almost an hour. Michael went from curious to embarrassed and finally he was blushing up to his ears.

“Maze initiated you?!” Michael laughed.

“Yes! I was just like you at first, not understanding what was going on! Ella is certainly not like Maze, but I’m sure she can teach you.”

“ I wouldn’t know what to do anyway!”

“The first step will be to tell her how you feel. For that I suggest that you invite her over for dinner. You can go to a restaurant or order something at the penthouse. Maybe Lucifer can leave for a night so you can be alone with her.”

“Sammy said that he owned many houses in L.A. and that I can choose one for myself. Maybe I should go visit them finally.”

“Did he give you the addresses? We can go after dinner if you want. It’s better to wait until it’s dark outside to fly around but we should have time to see them all tonight.”

“Yes I have them. That’s a good idea.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

All week, Chloe caught Lucifer taking sips of water. It was usually only one or two sips at the time but he was clearly trying to do Linda's suggestion. On Thursday and Friday, she noticed he stayed for some time in the bullpen at lunch time. He was clearly making an effort.

On Friday evening, he showed her an empty water bottle, smiling.

“I drank all of this today!” He said proudly.

It was a small bottle, but it was probably more than what he usually drank in a whole week.

“That’s awesome, Lucifer!”

“I’m not sure if it’s awesome, but it’s better than nothing. I don’t like that though. I’m far from being able to eat, I can tell you.”

“At least you’re making progress. As I already told you, don’t pressure yourself. If you’re never able to eat, we’ll deal with it. The most important thing is that you are trying.”

Chloe was alone with Lucifer since Trixie was with Dan and Robert had left for all weekend and the next week for a little vacation. Except for exercises, Lucifer didn’t need much help anymore. Dan had told him that he could help him train if necessary.

In fact, Robert wasn’t going to stay with them anymore at night. He would still come in weekdays to help Lucifer do some exercises but it was only for a few hours a day. Lucifer had said he would pay him six months of full wages but that he was free to go work elsewhere too if he wanted. They would set Lucifer’s training schedule in consequence.

Lucifer and Chloe were watching a movie and Lucifer had removed his prostheses. Even if he loved them, he always removed them when he was relaxing in the evening. Besides, he liked it when Chloe massaged his stumps.

“I will go shower.” Lucifer said when the movie ended. “Since we’re alone...if you want... you... you can join me...” He added hesitantly.

“Are you sure? You seem hesitant. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I won’t know what I’m ready for if I don’t try, Detective!”

“Yes, you’re right.”

“But just a shower okay? Nothing more... well... you know...”

“That’s okay, Lucifer. Just a shower.”

“I will put my bionic legs back on and I’ll be right back.”

He sat back in his wheelchair and rolled to the bedroom. Chloe knew that his prosthesis could get wet, but she had never thought he would take a shower with them. She smiled. Since they had started Linda’s suggestion two months ago, Lucifer had gone from hesitating when it came to being touched to seeking her caresses. They never slept together naked though. This shower would be a big leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave your comment as always! Can't wait for season 5!


	36. It’s Called Love, Idiot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I didn't answered your messages yet but I'm just beginning feeling okay. I will do it later today.
> 
> The sexual torture recall I asked your advice about starts at the end of this chapter. I put a clear warning where it starts, so readers who don’t want to read any of this should continue the story at chapter 40 after this warning. What you will read in this chapter (36) is really evasive. You can understand that something is wrong, but there is nothing explicit in this chapter. I will make sure you can continue the story without being too confused if you choose to continue reading chapter 40.

Michael had chosen the house on the hills. The emplacement was just awesome. He could have invited Ella to a restaurant, but he was already shy and he thought it would be easier to be alone with her.

He had ordered food from a restaurant. Mexican. He knew she loved Mexican food.

Waiting for the food to arrive, they chatted about their siblings. 

Living with four brothers hadn’t always been easy for Ella, but she would never have wanted to live with a different family. The way they protected or scolded each other depending on the situation was priceless. The only thing she didn’t like about her brothers was that they often used her kindness for their own benefit. She had realized that really late though, only a few years ago. Since then, she had stopped putting her life on hold for them each time they asked for her help. Azrael had really helped her realize that.

Even though Michael had grown up surrounded by hundreds of siblings, he had never been close to any of them except Lucifer. ‘Sammy’ as he kept calling him was his everything and it had been reciprocal. They were each other's playmate, only confidant, pranks accomplice and even coworkers when their Father had given them tasks.  
Before Lucifer’s Fall. Before both of them lost everything.

While Lucifer was literally in Hell, his twin had lived his own hell, ignored by most of his siblings, when they didn’t simply reject him. Both of them suffered alone while surrounded by others. Michael by his own siblings, Lucifer by hordes of demons.

Even if everything that happened to his twin was absolutely horrific, Michael was glad that it had brought him back to him. He often felt guilty about it. Seeing his brother’s suffering was hard and saddening, but at least they were back together.

“Don’t feel guilty about this.” Ella said. “I’m sure Lucifer feels the same way.”

“But he doesn’t have to feel guilty!”

“Not guilty but happy that everything he's been through brought you together. Brought him to Chloe. Even though this whole situation is not easy for him, I’m pretty sure that if you asked him, he'd tell you that he’s happier than he's been in a very long time.”

“Yes. You’re probably right.”

As if on cue, the food arrived at that moment. They ate sitting on the couch, chatting about lighter subjects all throughout dinner. Michael was trying to find the right moment to tell Ella his feelings about her but it was harder than what he thought. When Amenadiel talked about this, it had looked so simple!

“You know, I’m really sorry for last week.” He began. “I never meant to upset you. You were right. I should have said no or at least asked your permission.”

“It’s okay, Mikey. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did in the first place. I was drunk and I acted like an idiot.”

“I promise I will never do that again.”

“Neither do I, but next time please don’t let me drink that much!” She laughed.

Michael laughed before getting serious again.

“I really like being with you. Really, really like it.” He said awkwardly.

“Me too.” Ella answered, smiling. 

“You make me feel good. Better. I... I have never felt something like this before.”

Ella caressed the side of his cheek with one finger.

“I... I...” He stuttered.

“Oh crap!” Ella said before she kissed him.

Michael froze at first, not expecting that, but finally responded to her kiss. His first kiss ever. His wings went out suddenly with a whoosh, knocking down a glass on the table beside him. Ella startled and parted away from him. Michael blushed. He looked at her wide-eyed and apologized.

“Sorry! I didn’t expect them to come out like that!”

He folded his wings back inside and bent to pick up the pieces of the broken glass.

“We’ll fix that later. Let your wings out!” Ella begged.

Michael complied, paying attention not knocking anything this time. Ella stretched a hand to graze the black feathers.

“They are so soft.” 

The wings rustled and Michael's whole body shivered. Like the first time she had touched them, Michael felt fire rushed through his veins.

“Oh Dad!” He whispered.

Ella smiled and glared at the ceiling.

“Sorry Big Guy!” She said before kissing Michael again.

The kiss lasted longer this time. Michael didn’t understand what was going on with his body but he didn’t want it to stop.

“What did you do to me?” He asked, breathless, when they finally parted.

“It’s called love, idiot!” Ella laughed.

Love? _That_ was love? Neither Doctor Linda nor Amenadiel told him about what he had just felt.

“I’m not an idiot!” He complained.

“Whatever! I love you!”

“I... I love you too.”

They kissed again. Even longer.

“I don’t think my Father minded this by the way.”

“What?!”

“You said ‘sorry Big Guy’ earlier but I don’t think He would dislike even if He sees us.”

“Your Father is watching us?!” She said slightly panicked.

“No! At least I don’t think so!”

“But He could if He wanted to?”

“Of course!”

“So God is a stalker?!”

“No! That’s not what I said! He has this ability if He wanted to but He doesn’t spend His days watching us!” _At least I hope so,_ he thought.

He looked away, noticing the sunset stretching his last rays on the hills.

“Are you afraid of heights?” He asked.

“No, why?”

“Would you like to go out for a flight?” 

“You can do that?”

“Of course! Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe!”

“I would love to go for a flight with you.”

They went on the terrace and Michael took Ella in her arms. The latter snaked an arm around his neck and put his other hand over Michael’s. He took off towards the hills with a powerful flap of his wings.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer arrived in his bathroom wearing his silky dressing gown only. Chloe was sitting on the bench beside the shower, still dressed.

“Detective! You won’t take a shower all dressed up do you?”

She stood up.

“Well, I thought you could help me.” She said lasciviously.

He smiled.

“That’s interesting!”

He started to unbutton her blouse slowly with shaky fingers. Chloe cupped his cheeks in her hands, smiling in return.

“You’re not helping, Detective!” 

She laughed and started helping him get rid of her blouse. She removed her pants and socks and stood in front of him in her underwear. They were both shy, like teenagers on their first date. 

Lucifer put his hands on her shoulder and slowly turned her around so he could unclasp her bra. Once that was done, he kissed her back softly before removing her bra completely. Still back to him, Chloe slides her panties down, letting them drop on the floor.

Lucifer started caressing her shoulders and her back, keeping a safe distance between them to prevent their bodies from touching each other. There was no point in rushing and ruining everything. He gently pushed her into the shower and finally removed his nightgown to throw it away.

He turned the knobs of the multi-jet shower and hot water poured from everywhere. Lucifer took a step to get under the water but his prosthesis foot slipped on the wet floor and he barely managed to hold on to Chloe to avoid falling.

“Oh! Those feet are slippery!”

“Mmm, maybe you should put the socks back on. That would help I think.”

“Taking a shower with socks? You are not bloody serious?”

“Well, I prefer to see you with socks then falling.”

Still dry, Chloe went out of the shower to get a pair of socks. While Lucifer kept a hand on the wall and the other on her shoulder, she helped him put the sock on. Still holding to Chloe, he made a tentative step, but the socks seemed to work. It wasn’t slippery anymore.

“I will need to talk to Robert about this. There’s no way I'm taking a shower with socks at each time!”

“I’m pretty sure something exists to prevent that but even if that’s not the case, it’s not the end of the world.” Chloe laughed.

Lucifer sighed.

“Well, I think we should resume that shower, shall we?”

He took one of the bottles on the floor and filled his cupped hand with the smelly liquid. All his shampoo and soaps bottles were on the floor since he had always taken his shower sitting or kneeling on the floor since his return. Even before being amputated, his legs were too weak to let him stand the time of a shower. This was his first shower while standing in months. Well, in centuries it would have been more exact.

“Turn around Detective. I will start with your back.”

Caressing her back and shoulders, he lathered the soap and gently pushed her under the jets of water. He kissed her neck and she shivered under the slight pressure and the rain shower above their heads. For a moment, he leaned his cheek against her shoulder, closing the distance between them. With the tips of her fingers, she stroked his arm from his shoulder down and she felt his desire bulging in her back. It was the first time since his return that his desire was manifesting like this. Like if it had suddenly woken up after a very long sleep.

And the world crumpled.

***/*/*/*/*/*** IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY TORTURE RECALL STOP READING NOW AND CONTINUE THE STORY ONLY AT CHAPTER 40 ***/*/*/*/*/***

She felt him tensed seconds before he let out a heartbreaking scream from the top of his lungs. He suddenly bent forward and collapsed on the floor. He tried visibly to contain his cries of pain, but without any success. His ragged breaths looked like someone had kicked him in the balls.

“Lucifer! Oh my God! Did I provoke that? Are you alright?”

Now lying in a ball on his side, he writhed in pain, moaning and unable to answer. Chloe turned down the water and kneeled beside him, not knowing what to do.

“Lucifer, please talk to me!” She begged, crying.

“N-not your fault.” He finally managed to whisper under his clenched teeth.

“How can I help you? Should I bring you to the hospital?”

“No!” He almost yelled. “It... it will pass.” He added more gently.

He tried to even his breathing, still in a lot of pain. How could he forget that?! He scolded himself. He should have known what would happen. Should have remembered. How could he have been foolish enough to think everything would be alright? He would never have a normal life. This possibility had been taken from him more than a century ago.

“Are you hurt? Let me take a look.”

“No! T-there's nothing you can do!”

Ashamed, he shivered on the floor, unable to tell her what the problem was, much less show her. How could he explain what they had done to him? It was so demeaning, degrading. And he had completely forgotten it until now. One of the worst things they did and he had forgotten! 

He let out a hoarse, primal scream. Chloe startled and took a step back at the distress contained in this cry of despair. One unlike any other she had heard before. 

“I...I’m sorry! Please forgive me” He said sheepishly seconds later when he realized he had frightened her.

“Lucifer, don’t blame yourself. Please, tell me what’s wrong!”

“I-I can’t! J-just can’t”

“Then call Linda. It’s not too late, she should still be awake.”

“N-not tonight. I-I have a session t-tomorrow anyway.”

Chloe wrapped him in a bath towel and helped him get up. He still seems in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally. She managed to bring him to bed, Lucifer barely able to walk. When she wanted to help him remove his prostheses he stopped her.

“I will do it. I-I need to be alone. T-thanks for your help.”

She nodded, went to get him boxers and a t-shirt and left them on the pillow beside him. She left the room to get dressed in leggings and a comfy jersey and went to the balcony. She needed to talk to Linda. Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for the next chapters there will be some rough parts but with all the warnings I put everyone should be fine. Have a nice day and let me know what you think of it!


	37. Now That I Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we continue the sexual torture recall, but there is nothing explicit in this chapter either.
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful SK_Kasai

“Linda, I’m sorry to call you at this hour, but I need to talk to someone.”

At the sound of Chloe’s voice, Linda knew something was wrong. She didn’t expect what she learned though.

“I feel so bad! I should have known it was too soon! I shouldn’t have accepted!”

“Chloe, I’m pretty sure I know what the problem is. If it is what I think, no matter how long you would have waited, the result would have been the same. You’re not responsible for what happened. The demons are.”

“What did they do?”

“I can’t tell you, Chloe, but the good news is that I’m pretty sure that it can be fixed.”

“I hope so! He seemed in so much pain!”

“He must be.”

Chloe heard Linda sighed at the other end of the line.

“Listen, Chloe, I will talk to him about it tomorrow. I think you should know, but it will be incredibly hard for him to talk about this, even to me. Thankfully I have Ella’s notebook to help me understand. Please be patient.”

“Thank you Linda. I will be.”

“And one last thing. It may sound weird, but avoid touching him for the moment, at least until I’ve figured this out.”

“Why? For a couple of weeks he has been seeking my caresses and it really seemed to soothe him.”

“But for now, it might make things worse. Keep your distance tonight.”

“But he might think I’m mad at him!”

“No, Chloe. He will only appreciate it, believe me.”

When Chloe came back to the room, Lucifer was sleeping in a cocoon of feathers. She didn’t know how he could manage to do this but his wings were one on each other, wrapping him so tightly that she couldn’t see any opening. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t have slept close to him. She wondered if it was voluntary or if it happened just because he was in pain and was seeking comfort. Akuma was curled up near his back as usual.

The blankets seemed to have been pulled up to his chin, but the boxers and t-shirt she had given him were still on her pillow, untouched. She put them away and lay down on the empty side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

A new scream awakened her, the fifth or sixth one since she went to bed. Lucifer had nightmares all night and both of them had barely slept. She wanted to comfort him but he just cocooned himself each time, without a word. She knew he spent part of the night crying. She didn’t know if he was still in physical pain or if it was emotional though. 

The sun was barely showing its first rays, but Chloe decided to get up. She wouldn’t be able to sleep more anyway and staying beside him, unable to help him when he seemed in distress like that was not only saddening but somehow frustrating.

She made herself a coffee and sat on the couch. She was happy that Trixie was with Dan because she wouldn’t have wanted to see him like that. On the other hand, she would have appreciated company right now. Not wanting to tell everyone what was going on – she was sure Lucifer wouldn’t have appreciated it – she was alone with her thoughts.

At eight o’clock, she finally texted Linda to see if she could arrive a little early for Lucifer’s session. She would like to talk to her too.

An hour later, Linda was at the penthouse. They both sat on the balcony to make sure Lucifer wouldn’t hear.

“I just can’t stand seeing him like this.” Chloe started. “It’s like if we’re back to the time right after he got rescued for the first time!”

“We’ll fix that, Chloe. I promise. While I will be in session with him, I want you to leave the penthouse, not just wait in another room. It will be easier to bring him to talk if he knows that we are alone. Besides, I anticipate some anger and yelling at what I will propose to him so it will be better if you’re away.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I can’t tell you, but it’s the only way to help him. I just hope that he will accept and that I won’t be forced to impose on him something he doesn't want to do.”

“You can do that? Impose something?”

“Yes I can, but I don’t want to do that. Especially with him considering how important free will is for him.”

“But how? I mean, you can’t force him to talk!”

“I won’t say more, I’m sorry.”

Once Chloe left, Linda went into the bedroom and sat beside the bed. It was earlier than their usual session but there was no use in waiting more. She stayed there in silence for a few minutes and finally spoke.

“I know you’re not sleeping, Lucifer. We need to talk.”

He stayed silent, but she knew he heard her in the way he had held his breath.

“Chloe told me what happened. She’s worried about you.” She continued. “I asked her to leave by the way. We’re alone in the penthouse.”

Still no answer.

“I want you to tell me just one thing. Is it still there?”

“What?” He asked from under his wings where he was still hiding.

“The little... add-on.” She said hesitantly.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

He finally popped his head out of his wings, staring at her.

“You didn’t tell the Detective, did you?!” He said in a panicked tone.

“No, Lucifer. I didn’t. I promised you that I won’t tell anyone what’s in Ella’s notebook without your permission and I will keep my promise.”

“So Miss Lopez knows.” He sighed.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s a vivid memory. With your sister’s soothing and the fact that she had written it, she probably doesn’t even remember it actively.” When she saw he remained silent she asked her question again. “Is it still there?”

“Yes.” He finally whispered after another long silence. “I don’t understand how I could forget _that_! I had completely forgotten, Doctor! How could it be possible?!" He almost yelled.

“It’s called repression. When something is too traumatic, the brain can decide to bury some memories in the subconscious to be able to continue operating.”

“No, no, no! This kind of thing can’t happen to me! I have a perfect eidetic memory and can recall memories from the beginning of time! I will never forget anything! Ever!”

“These are two totally different concepts. Repression is done without the conscious awareness.” 

“How could Miss Lopez have seen that if I had forgotten it by the way?”

“The repressed memories are still there. It’s not forgetting the memory, it’s burying it. The proof is that now your memories of it are back.”

“I would have preferred that it stay that way.”

“So what? You don’t want to be closer to Chloe?”

“Yes! Of course! I just... now that I remember... I’m afraid! I may have been able to repress all desires and completely forgot, but now that I know what will happen each time I won’t be able to repress these desires.... I... I just don’t know what to do! I spent the night thinking about that! If I stay here I will suffer every time I desire her and if I leave for the Silver City I will still suffer from being away!”

“There’s a third solution Lucifer. Remove it.”

“It’s impossible! It’s under the skin! How am I supposed to...”

“Not you Lucifer, a surgeon.”

“I won’t show that to a stranger!”

“You prefer to ask your sister?”

“Bloody Hell! Even less!”

“Or Doctor Rodriguez?”

“No! That would mean all my siblings would probably learn what happened!”

“Lucifer, it must be removed. You’re already lucky it never caused you an infection or even more problems. I don’t even understand how you never woke up in pain because of a ‘morning glory’!”

“I’m not a human, Doctor! I don’t have those pesky problems!”

Lucifer was now agitated, his wings puffed in frustration. 

“Calm down, Lucifer. I know it’s not easy to talk about this, but whether you like it or not, it has to be removed.”

“What do you mean by ‘whether I like it or not’? You don't intend to force me?”

“I don’t want to, but it must be removed. I have a friend that can help you. If you let me call him, I can get you an appointment.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Please don’t do that. It’s not in your interest anyway. I can assure you that my friend will understand. He works a lot with sexual abuse victims and he knows very well what that entails, both physically and psychologically.”

“I don’t know… It’s embarrassing!”

“I know that’s how you feel, but you shouldn’t. You’re not responsible for this.”

Lucifer remained silent. His feathers looked like the fur of an angry cat ready to attack. Linda knew how difficult it must be for him. After Chloe’s call the previous evening, she had read all notebook entries involving sexual torture again. 

When the demons saw that after years of awful sexual torture, he still had some pleasure in it, they decided to make sure he wouldn’t anymore. That the moment he would start to have pleasure, it would become so painful that he would repress all of it to make sure this pain would never occur again. They knew he was able to force his body to do that. The problem was that it had taken months for him to be able to completely repress all senses of pleasure. All reactions. 

Linda imagined Ella who was writing those memories, unprepared for all this suffering. No doubt the poor girl went to see her to seek help. The page where this last part was written was all warped, a sign that she had cried a lot while writing it. There were no doubts either why Lucifer’s brain had chosen to repress those memories.

“You can call him.” Lucifer said suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Good! That’s a good decision. If you don’t mind, I will call him now to see when he can see you. I will come back.”

When Linda came back almost twenty minutes later, Lucifer was still curled up in bed, wrapped up in his wings.

“I got you an appointment at eight o’clock on Monday morning.”

“How will I be able to hide that from the Detective? You know I don’t lie and I don’t want her to know... at least not now.”

“I thought about that too and it would be best for you to come live with us for a few days, maybe for the whole week, until we fix all this.”

“But she will ask questions! She will think I don’t love her anymore!”

“She will never think that and I will just tell her that it’s for the best of both of you. It must be hard to have her around actually.”

“Yes. It is.”

“You know you should tell her Lucifer. Not now of course, but when everything will be fixed I think that would be important. I don’t say it will be easy – for either of you – but strong relationships are based on trust and I’m sure you can trust her to give you the understanding and support that you need.”

“ You really think she won’t be mad if I go with you?”

“She won’t. She’s worried, not mad. Get dressed and I will call her.”

Lucifer got dressed in loose shorts and a t-shirt and put his prostheses on. He was still sensitive from what happened the night before and even walking was somehow painful. He considered using the wheelchair instead, but finally decided against it. However, he would bring it to Linda’s house because he did not wear his prostheses twenty-four hours a day.

Linda helped him prepare a bag with everything he would need to spend a few days away. All he needed for his prostheses and for feeding beside everything else, it was a lot of things to think of. At least he had stopped medication for phantom pain two weeks ago so he didn’t have to bring that in addition. Since he had his prostheses it seemed that the pain was almost gone and the tickling sensation that was left was not enough to need medication.

He had agreed to meet Chloe before leaving. They stood awkwardly in front of each other, both embarrassed and not sure on what to say.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t be mad at me!” Lucifer said nervously.

“I could never be mad at you, Lucifer. Not for something like that. Linda said that it’s better for both of us.”

“I... I also think so.”

“Take the time you need to fix this. I will wait for you. I love you, Lucifer.”

“I love you too, Chloe.”

He followed Linda to the elevator, Akuma on his heels. Linda was pushing the wheelchair where the duffle bag was laying. He waved at Chloe one last time before the doors closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the hardest one with the explicit part. Your comments are highly appreciated as always!


	38. Please Hold My Hand Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is THE chapter!
> 
> This chapter has a flashback of sexual torture (indicated) and an explicit part (also clearly indicated). I don’t want to change the rating of the story for just a part in one chapter, but you can easily skip this part if you want. The explicit part is indicated (start and end). You can’t miss the warnings.
> 
> Thanks to my awesome beta reader SK_Kasai!

Michael arrived at the penthouse about half an hour after Lucifer’s departure, all excited.

“Sammy! Sammy, where are you?”

“Lucifer is not here.”

Michael stopped, looking at Chloe sitting on the couch. 

“Where is he?”

“At Linda’s house.”

Something was wrong. Was it the tone of her voice? The way she said it? He crept closer.

“Is everything alright?”

Instead of answering, Chloe started crying.

“Did you... did you fight?”

“No! It’s not that! It’s... complicated.”

“What happened?”

“I... I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

He was so happy to announce to his twin that he officially had a ‘girlfriend’ as Ella said. He didn’t expect his announcement to turn that way.

_“What happened, Sammy?_

No answer.

_“Sammy! I know you hear me! Why are you gone? Why is Chloe crying?”_

_“Leave me alone, Mi.”_

_“But you can’t...”_

_“Please.”_

Michael looked at Chloe, stunned.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me!”

“It’s not against you. He just needs to be alone right now.”

“But why?”

“The only thing I know is that it has something to do with what happened to him in Hell.”

Michael sat heavily on the couch beside Chloe.

“I should have rebelled with him. I should have never left him alone.”

“No, Michael. Don’t blame yourself. Linda said that only the demons are to blame.”

“I will kill them all!” He suddenly screamed, standing up and unfurling his wings, ready to go.

Chloe retained him by the arm.

“Don’t do that. Lucifer wouldn’t want that. You already avenged him, remember?”

Chloe noticed that his wings puffed in frustration before Michael brought them out of sight. She had seen a lot of Lucifer's wings in the past weeks and she was beginning to be able to decipher emotions just by the way the wings or the feathers were placed.

“What was the reason you came in here so joyful?” She asked, trying to make him focus on something else.

He had a little smile.

“I’m officially Ella’s boyfriend.” He said, but Chloe could see that his mind was elsewhere.

“Congratulations!” She said, trying to sound as joyful as she could. “I knew there was something going on between you two!”

He nodded but didn’t answer.

“So the dinner went well?”

Chloe had heard him talk to Lucifer about it. He was so nervous. If she was still trying to make him think about something else than his twin, she needed some distraction too.

“Yes. Very well.”

“Please, tell me more about it! 

For the next twenty minutes, Michael related how his first date went.

***/*/*/*/*/*** READERS WHO WANT TO AVOID ALL SEXUAL TORTURE RECALL MUST STOP READING HERE AND START BACK ONLY AT CHAPTER 40 - THE EXPLICIT PART STARTS LATER (CLEARLY INDICATED) ***/*/*/*/*/***

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Amenadiel looked at his brother, curled up in the bed of the guest room, Akuma nested against his chest. He had tried to figure why Lucifer was going to stay with them for a few days, but Linda remained evasive on the subject. Lucifer had stayed like that since his arrival except when he had to 'eat'.

At the end of the afternoon, Lucifer asked Linda to talk in private.

“I want you to tell Amenadiel why I’m here. The real reason. Everything.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I won’t be able to do it myself, but I think that he should know. Besides, depending on how I will feel about him knowing and the ways things will go after, it might help me decide if I will tell the Detective or not.”

“So how much do you want him to know?”

“Everything. Maybe he should even read Miss Lopez's notebook if he wants. I’m tired of trying to keep secrets from everyone. I want at least one person beside you who knows. Of course Miss Lopez knows but I will never feel at ease talking about this with her. Mi is too close to me and I think it would be too hard for him, but I think Amenadiel can handle it.”

“When you say everything, you mean _all_ sexual stuff?”

“No. The entire notebook. Everything.”

Linda was surprised but pleased.

“I think it’s a wonderful decision, Lucifer. A decision that will help you.”

“I hope so. Just tell him that unless I talk about it, I don’t want him to ask questions or anything. I don’t do that in search of chat subjects. I just want him to know.”

“Yes, of course.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“I talked with Linda.” Amenadiel said to Lucifer when he came with the feeding bag on Sunday morning. “I think I should go to the appointment with you instead of Linda. What do you think?”

“It’s a good idea.” Lucifer answered after a few seconds of thinking. “Thanks for the offer.”

“You’re welcome.”

Amenadiel had spent the previous evening reading Ella’s notebook. Even if he was horrified by what he had read, as requested he hadn’t talked to Lucifer about it. Just as Amenadiel was going to leave the room, Lucifer stopped him.

“Brother, wait.”

“Yes, Luci?”

“Have you... read it?”

“Yes I did.”

“And?”

“And I think you’re even stronger than what I thought.”

Surprised by his brother’s answer, Lucifer remained silent. Even if he wanted Amenadiel to know everything, he was afraid that it would make him look at him with pity. Reading it had the exact opposite effect. To see how Lucifer was handling all his issues despite how horrific his life had been in the past two centuries, Amenadiel suddenly had a newfound respect for his brother. Just the fact that he didn’t become insane after all of this was incredible. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to survive half of it himself.

When he saw that Lucifer wasn’t going to add anything, Amenadiel left the room.

Lucifer called Chloe in the middle of the afternoon to apologize once again and tell her he was hoping to be back soon. He didn’t talk about the appointment that was planned for the next morning. The less she knew, the less she might figure out what was going on. He was not ready to tell her even if the way Amenadiel had reacted had surprised and pleased him. Maybe when all this would be over he would be able to do it, he told himself.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer was so nervous when he arrived at the hospital for his appointment that he almost decided to forget the whole idea. Only Amenadiel's constant reassurance that everything would be fine made him go inside.

Linda had suggested that Lucifer wear loose shorts to go there. She didn’t want to tell him but Doctor Howards had told her that if it was possible, he would do the removal today. Lucifer was already stressed enough and she was afraid that if she had told him that, he wouldn’t have wanted to go at all. Once there, Nick would deal with his reaction.

The doctor presented himself and invited the two brothers to sit. They didn’t talk long. The doctor already knew why Lucifer was there and he knew that in his case, talking might only stress him more. He handed him a hospital gown.

“Please, put this on and remove your pants and underwear. Just tell me when you're done.” He showed him the examination table and closed the curtain for his privacy. “Do you prefer that your brother stay in the room or wait outside?”

Lucifer and Amenadiel had already talked about this because Lucifer wanted him to stay beside him. As embarrassing as it was, he didn’t want to be alone with the doctor and needed his brother's presence.

“He will stay beside me.”

The doctor nodded and let him change.

“I’m ready.” Lucifer whispered a few minutes later. Just at the sound of his voice, Amenadiel knew Lucifer was frightened. Akuma was not really helpful at the moment as the dog was too big to sit beside Lucifer on the examination table.

Doctor Howards asked Lucifer to lie down on the table and the latter looked at his brother in terror. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“Everything will be fine, Luci.”

Lucifer lay down on the table and stretched his hand.

“Please hold my hand brother.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Lucifer held his hand so tightly that if Amenadiel hadn’t been an angel, he probably would have hurt him. One thing was for sure, he had gained back a lot of strength in his hands.

***/*/*/*/*/*** EXPLICIT START *** /*/*/*/*/***

***/*/*/*/*/*** EXPLICIT START *** /*/*/*/*/***

***/*/*/*/*/*** EXPLICIT START *** /*/*/*/*/***

“Okay. Let me take a look at this.” The doctor said.

Even if he had prevented him, the moment he put his hand on Lucifer’s penis, the latter panicked. His breath hitched and he tried to recoil but the small examination table didn’t offer much place to go. The doctor removed his hand and looked at Amenadiel.

“Calm down, Luci. Everything will be fine.”

Lucifer shook his head completely terrorized.

_“Oh Little Angel! You have too much pleasure with this! Let’s fix that!”_

“You know you can’t leave that there.” Amenadiel continued, trying to calm his brother down.

Lucifer didn’t hear him though. He was far away in his memories.

_“Look what I have here! We made it especially for you, you know? The perfect size for you!”_

_Lucifer looked at the helical wire with dread. The swirls were at about a quarter of an inch from each other. The demon was swinging the spiraled wire like a Slinky, grinning. They were not going to..._

_But they were, of course. Seconds later, he was screaming in agony. They were pushing the wire under his skin, the sharp tip making its way up, spiraling around his penis. He lost consciousness three times before the demon finished inserting it._

_When he thought it was over, he realized it was not._

Lucifer’s breathing was way too fast, way too shallow. His body was too tense. They tried to talk to him. Akuma barked. Amenadiel even slapped him, but nothing they did made him react. This dissociative episode was by far the worst he had since his rescue.

The doctor finally took a syringe and injected something into Lucifer’s shoulder. Seconds later, Lucifer’s body relaxed. 

“Wow! Linda told me he could react this way, but I never thought it could be that bad. Does this happen often?”

“It’s been a while since he had one and usually we are able to calm him down. However, I’m not surprised. I know what he’s been through and I can assure you that what you’re aware of is the tip of the iceberg.”

“With what I just saw and what you told me, I don’t think you will be able to bring him back here so we’ll remove it now. He’s out of it anyway so it will be fine with local anesthesia. Let me take X-Rays to see the device's exact position."

A few minutes later, a surprise awaited him.

“Oh God! He has those on his testicles too?!” The doctor shook his head in disbelief. “Do you know if he ate this morning?”

“No. Linda told him it was better not to.”

“Okay, perfect. I won’t have time to remove all this before he wakes up, so we’ll need general anesthesia. Let me check if I have an operating room available and an anesthetist.”

Things were going way too fast for Amenadiel. He helped the doctor to transfer Lucifer to a stretcher and the doctor rolled him away.

Amenadiel stayed in the waiting room for two hours before the doctor came back.

“He’s in the wake up room. I’ve been able to remove everything. He should be fine from now.”

“Should be?”

“Well, he has some scar tissue on his penis from all the times the wire had cut him, but I don’t think it should cause him much pain or major problems. I think the problem will be more emotional, but I will talk to Linda about it. I don’t even want to imagine how much pain he has been in and he will need a lot of therapy for sure.”

“Yeah. We already know that.”

***/*/*/*/*/*** EXPLICIT END *** /*/*/*/*/***

Lucifer woke up confused, not understanding what he was doing in a hospital bed.

“Why am I here? What happened?” He asked Amenadiel beside him.

“You had a really bad dissociative episode and the doctor had to inject you with a sedative. The good news is he took the opportunity to bring you in for surgery since you were already out of it and everything had been removed.”

“R-really? I... I didn’t expect that.”

“Me neither!” Amenadiel laughed. “You’re gonna be fine, Luci.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have read everything, I hope you still like it and that it wasn't 'too much'. Please let me know what you thought of it! Have a nice day everyone!


	39. Make Me Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are in the aftermath of the recall of sexual torture, but there’s still some evasive talk about it. Nothing explicit. Should be fine for most readers, but if you haven’t read anything about the sexual torture yet, you will be confused at first. In that case, maybe wait for the summary in chapter 40 before coming back to this one.
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful SK_Kasai

Lucifer was discharged from the hospital in the evening. Throughout the time that he’d been there, he had been on intravenous morphine to keep the pain under control. Even if everything had been removed, the fact that they had pulled them out had created irritation and swelling that were painful. 

Now that he was home, the medicine would be given to him in solution form directly in the feeding tube every four hours. The same way he had taken medicine for phantom pain. The problem was that, being a solution, it was not released gradually like the IV or a pill would have been. When Linda gave him the pain killer, Lucifer slept for an hour or two, until a nightmare woke him up. After that, he was fine for about an hour until the pain came back. When that began, the real nightmare began.

As the pain gradually built up, Lucifer became more and more tense and anxious. It wasn't even the physical pain that caused the majority of the problem – he was so used to pain that he didn’t feel it the same way anybody else did. The problem was mainly psychological. It triggered bad memories and the most insignificant thing could send him to a panic attack or a dissociative episode. 

Nothing except pain had triggered the last one. By keeping his snout pressed to his neck, Akuma managed to bring him back, but Lucifer was clearly exhausted both physically and emotionally. They were all exhausted. Between Lucifer screaming and Charlie crying each time he was woken up, no one had really slept in the last twenty-four hours.

“I’m sorry. I’m a burden to you.” Lucifer said while he was still trying to even his breathing. “I don’t understand why I’m not healing faster. I should. Even down there, I heal faster than that.”

Just as Lucifer finished talking, they heard someone knock at the door.

“As if it is time to have visitors!” Amenadiel complained.

Who could decide to visit on a Tuesday evening? He went to the door while Linda stayed with Lucifer. He was ready to send back the unwanted visitor when he froze at his sight.

“Father! What are You doing here?” He asked.

“I came for Lucifer.”

“He called You?”

“No, but I was checking on him like I do from time to time and saw he was not well. I can help him.”

Amenadiel nodded and led his Father to the room where Lucifer was. Linda looked at Amenadiel and the tall man behind him.

“Who is this?” She asked.

“My Father.”

“Oh! God!” Linda whispered.

“Yes. I’m sorry to arrive unannounced like this, but my son needs some help.”

Linda was petrified. It was the _real_ God this time. Not who she thought was God when she had helped Lucifer at the Westridge Canyon Hospital.

“Dad? I... I didn’t ask for help.” Lucifer mumbled.

He certainly didn’t want his Father to start telling everyone what happened to him. He didn’t want Him to see him in pain like this either. If the pain hadn’t been that bad he would have curled up on his side in a tight ball covered himself with his wings instead of staying lying on his back, his wings on each side of him.

“I know Son, but you need it. As you said, you should heal, but you obviously aren’t.”

“Since when are you able to heal? I thought only Raphael could!”

“It’s still the same, but I came to propose to you the option of making you sleep so that your celestial metabolism kicks in and heals you.”

“I... I must admit it’s tempting.” Lucifer said after a few seconds. “But please, don’t tell anyone what happened.”

“I won’t. No one even knows I’m here.”

“How much time will you make me sleep?”

"For as long as your body needs to heal. You won’t wake up before that.”

“You mean that if I take a week to heal, I won’t wake up before?!”

“That’s what it means, yes.”

“Can You... I don’t know... put a maximum time on this? I certainly don’t want to wake up in one week! The Detective will be worried!”

“Sure I can. How much time do you want?”

Lucifer looked at Linda, not knowing what to expect if his celestial metabolism never kicked in.

“If I was human, how much time would I need for the worst to be gone?” He asked her.

“It really depends because each individual is different, but I think forty-eight hours should be safe enough.”

“The Detective will be worried. I would have been away for more than five days!”

“I will explain to her, don’t worry about that. It’s more important that you heal and rest right now.”

Lucifer sighed. He wanted to be with Chloe so badly, but he knew it was impossible until the pain faded away.

“Okay, Dad. Go ahead. Make me sleep.”

God sat at the head of the bed and put His hands on His son’s forehead. Seconds later, Lucifer was asleep. However, instead of standing up and getting away, God closed His eyes and stayed like that for a while, His hands still on Lucifer. After almost a full minute, Lucifer’s wings suddenly glowed almost brightly. It lasted for a second only, but it was intense.

God smiled.

“Here you go, Son. Please heal now.” He said, stroking his messy curls gently.

“What have you done?” Amenadiel asked. He had never seen something like this before.

“I gave him some of my strength. I hope it will be enough for his celestial metabolism to kick in.”

“He’s stronger than what You think, Father.”

“No, he’s not. He might appear as he is, show everyone a brave facade but deep down, he’s not.”

“I think he was strong, but recalling this part of torture has made him spiral down.” Linda intervened.

“If he was, he would already have healed from all this. All the scars that weren't caused by Hell forged blades would have disappeared.” He said, tracing the scar crossing Lucifer’s cheek. “He should heal a lot better than this despite his vulnerability because of his love for Chloe. The demons destroyed him. They broke my Lightbringer and it’s my fault. I should have never sent him to Hell.”

God wept silently while stroking Lucifer’s hair.

“What’s done is done, Father. Please, don’t blame Yourself for everything. You know the demons and Lilith are responsible for most of it.”

“I think what You are doing now for him is more important than what has been done in the past.” Linda added. “It’s never too late to redeem yourself and what You are doing right now is admirable.”

“I wish I could take all his pain. He suffered so much.”

“Humans say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Amenadiel said.

“That is bullshit!” Linda retorted. “Yes, in some cases that can be true, but certainly not with that kind of torture. Your Father is right when He says that they broke him, but he’s slowly putting the pieces back together. He will never be the same man he was, that’s impossible both physically and psychologically, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. The fact that he’s not healing doesn’t necessarily means he’s weak. Maybe he’s just finally accepting himself. He hated himself for so long, but maybe this time is over.”

God looked at his son and back at Linda.

“You really think so?”

“I can’t be sure. I don’t even know how this self-actualization worked exactly. What I do know is that he handled everything that happened to him admirably. He’s been through a lot, but he’s still sane. If someone can overcome this, it’s him.”

“I hope so.” God sighed. “I will never be able to forgive myself if he never does.”

“Please, come drink a cup of tea.” Linda offered. “Or maybe a whiskey?”

“I think I need whiskey right now.”

Linda smiled. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

They all settled on the couch, God and Amenadiel sipping their whiskey. 

“I have a question.” Linda said. “Lucifer said that You were unable to heal. I always thought God could do anything, especially healing.”

God smiled.

“Humans have it all wrong for me and for Lucifer. Yes, I can do a lot. Create from nothing, see what happened in the past, be at many places at the same time in the present and even see glimpses of the future… I can create life, but not heal. That’s why each of my children can heal themselves. That’s why Raphael has this ability for when their wounds are more serious.”

“So what about the miracles? People saying they have been healed by God?”

“All done by Raphael. I can give back life, start back a heart, but I can’t heal a wound or an illness. People gave me too much credit just like they put all their evil doing on Lucifer’s shoulders. None of this is true.”

“Wow! I would have never expected that!”

While they were talking, they heard Charlie babbling from his room.

“Would You like to meet Your grandson?” Amenadiel asked his father.

“Of course! I would love to!”

Even if the boy had celebrated his first birthday a few weeks ago, Amenadiel had never brought him to the Silver City yet. Before Lucifer’s return, Amenadiel was not talking to his father and so many things happened after that that he didn’t think about it. For Charlie's first birthday, they had a small celebration with their close friends only. It never crossed Amenadiel’s mind to invite his Father even if their relationship was better.

Amenadiel came back to the room, Charlie in his arms even if the boy was walking now.

“He’s so beautiful!” God whispered. “You know he’s the first half-angel baby ever?”

“Yes, we know!” Amenadiel smiled.

Amenadiel gave the small boy to his Father. Charlie was looking at God with interest. 

“Charlie, this is your grandfather, God.” Linda said. “How should he call You by the way? It will sound a little weird if he says his grandfather is God all the time!”

“Humans gave me a lot of names over the years, but my favorite beside God is Elohim. He can also just call me grandpa if he wants.”

“Pa.” Charlie babbled.

God smiled. He’s grandson was a smart boy. He put His hand on Charlie’s back and a small pair of fluffy wings suddenly popped out.

“Oh wow!” Linda gasped. Beside her, Amenadiel was in shock too.

Charlie’s wings were very special. The outside part of the wings were dark grey and black but the inner part – the side that could be seen facing the boy – was mostly white with only the primaries’ feathers black. 

“He should like wide space and water.” God said.

“Why do You say so?” Linda asked.

“They are albatross’ wings. Those are seabirds and like to fly in large areas. The best in gliding flight. One of my greatest creations, I must admit.”

“I never saw that kind of wings before on any angel.” Amenadiel remarked.

“You’re right. They are unique like Lucifer’s wings are.”

Charlie was flapping his little wings, but they weren’t strong or big enough to make him fly. Linda smiled and looked at her ceiling fan, covered with wrapping bubbles. They might not need it after all.

“I wish Luci could see them.”

“Oh! He will, don’t worry, but if you don’t want an unexpected pop out in the middle of humans, I will bring them back in and make sure they will stay that way until he’s old enough to understand and control them. Anytime you want, you can bring him to the Silver City and I’ll get them out.”

“You can also come here anytime You want.” Linda said. “My house will always be open for You.”

“That’s kind of you, thanks, but I don’t intend to come here uninvited too often!”

“Don’t worry about that, Father. I must admit your visit surprised me and it didn’t seem to be a good moment at first, but I’m glad you’re here and that You could have helped Luci.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Lucifer woke up, he was alone in his room. He had no idea how much time he had slept. He found his phone on the nightstand and checked for the time and date. He was pleased to discover he slept less than twenty-four hours.

He didn’t feel any pain at the moment, but he couldn’t tell if Linda had given him painkillers or not. He searched for his prostheses but they had been placed in a corner of the room, too far from him. His wheelchair was beside him though so he sat in it and went out of the room. Sitting, he realized he still felt some pain, but it was barely noticeable.

“Lucifer! I didn’t expect you to wake up this early!” Linda said when she saw him.

“Neither did I. Did you give me painkillers or something?”

“Nothing since your Father brought you to sleep. Are you feeling any pain at the moment?”

“Barely.”

“That’s great! That means you finally healed faster because a human would still have pain from this.”

Lucifer nodded.

“I’d like to return home. It’s not too late and the Detective should be there.”

“Yes, I agree. She understood you need time to rest, but she will be pleased to see you coming back earlier. I will set you up for feeding so it will already be done for tonight and after I’ll drive you home.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I told you I almost feel no pain.

“I mean emotionally."

“It’s hard to tell honestly. I prefer not to think about it at the moment.”

“I want to see you for a session tomorrow. To see how it will go after seeing Chloe.”

“We can wait until my regular session on Saturday.”

“No, Lucifer. Tomorrow. I already canceled all my appointments anyway.”

“As you wish, Doctor.” Lucifer huffed.

While Lucifer was waiting for the feeding bag to emptied, Amenadiel arrived in the room with a brown paper bag.

“The doctor told me I should give you that.” He said, handing it to Lucifer.

The bag weighed nothing. Lucifer frowned and opened it, turning it upside down to empty the content on the bed. He froze as three spiral wires rolled on the bed. Two looking like beehives and one Slinky.

“I...I don’t want them.” He whispered, looking away.

Breathe, calm down, he thought, his heart racing in his chest. He stroked Akuma’s fur, focusing on the dog.

“The doctor and Linda said...”

“I don’t care about what they said!" He snapped. “I don’t need a reminder of what they did! I don’t intend to keep them like a trophy! I won’t forget this twice, believe me!”  
Amenadiel put the wires back in the bag.

“I will keep them. If you change your mind...”

“I won’t. Leave, please.”

Lucifer sighed. Now he was in a bad mood. Only the thought that he would be home soon and that he would see Chloe finally calmed him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like Charlie's wings! I wanted some fluff in this sad chapter!   
> Just one week before season 5 drop! :D :D :D  
> As always, please leave your comment! :D


	40. Pledge Of Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who haven’t read any of the recall of sexual torture or skipped a part, welcome back! Here is a small and very evasive summary of what happened in previous chapters:
> 
> In the shower, Lucifer was suddenly in pain. Following that, he went to Linda's house for a few days to fix the problem because he didn’t want to tell Chloe. The problem being physical, he had to go to the hospital to remove something. Not healing, God decided to intervene and finally saw his grandson. Charlie got his wings (middle of chapter 39 if you missed it). Ella and Michael are officially dating. This chapter (40) begins at the moment Lucifer returned to the penthouse after 4 days away. You will have the psychological effects of the sexual torture, but no more recalls or explicit parts.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Linda had texted Chloe to inform her that Lucifer was coming back tonight. She smiled when she saw him and he smiled back. He was sitting in the wheelchair, the duffle bag in his lap, having said that there was no point in putting his prostheses on only to go home. Amenadiel had brought him to the car because of the stairs in Linda’s house but once at Lux, he would have access everywhere with the wheelchair.

He left the duffle bag on the floor beside the bar and Chloe joined him, stopping a few feet from him. They both seemed shy, Lucifer still shaken from what happened and Chloe not knowing what to say without risking hurting him.

These four days had been hard for Lucifer of course, but they have been hard for Chloe too. Being alone in the penthouse, not knowing how Lucifer was going, had reminded her of the time they were all waiting for him to come back from the Silver City. Michael didn’t come all week, probably staying at the house on the hills and not knowing what to say to her anyway. He was probably more frustrated than her that Lucifer didn’t tell him anything. 

Linda kept her informed everyday, but it was always evasive so she never really knew how he was. When she had learned that God himself had brought him to sleep, she thought the worst even if Linda assured her that it was in his best interest.

“I will leave your bionic legs in your room.” Linda said, breaking the awkward silence.

“That’s perfect, Doctor. Thank you.”

Lucifer went closer to Chloe and stretched his hand to touch her cheek.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. How... how are you?”

“Better. The... problem had been... fixed but I might still need some time to... adjust.”

“That’s okay. I understand. I’m just glad you’re back.”

Linda was back in the main room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lucifer.”

“Yes, Doctor. Have a good night and thanks for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Have a good night.”

Once Linda left, Lucifer and Chloe stayed silent, looking at each other. Lucifer had hoped that when he would see Chloe, he would be able to tell her everything but he was frozen, unable to do it. The more he thought about it, trying to find a way to explain what happened, the more tense he felt.

Chloe noticed he was breathing too fast even if he was petting Akuma. She put a hand on his shoulder.

“That’s okay, Lucifer. You don’t have to explain anything.”

“But I want to! It’s just so hard!”

“I know, Honey, but it can wait. I won’t love you any less even if you are never able to talk about it. If you’re ready one day, I will be there to listen.”

Lucifer shook his head and looked away. He felt bad keeping a secret like this from her, but he was unable to talk about it. Maybe he should ask Linda to tell her or let her read Ella’s notebook. He leaned his head against Chloe’s arm, one of his arms pressed against his chest in a protective way, the other still on Akuma. Chloe kneeled in front of him.

“Can I hug you?” She asked gently.

“Yes, sure.”

Chloe put her arms around him and Lucifer rested his chin on her shoulder. It was a strange hug, but Lucifer gradually relaxed in her arms.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“You don’t have to be sorry. None of this is your fault.”

“But you suffer because of me. I always make the people I love suffer.”

“That’s not true. Please stop blaming yourself for everything. I would suffer a lot moret being away from you.”

Lucifer didn’t answer. They finally parted and Chloe talked about their current case to fill the awkward silence.

“I don’t think I will join you tomorrow. I wouldn’t be able to stand questions from everyone about my absence and I have a session with Linda anyway.”

“I told them that you have a cold and you need to rest so it's fine if you don’t come. We are just waiting for them to find the culprit anyway because we already have all the evidence we need to accuse him.”

“Miss Lopez did a great job as always!”

“Sure! By the way, Michael and her... it’s official now.”

“Really? I’m happy for them. They both deserve it.”

“Yes. They were made for each other!”

After another silence, Chloe said she was tired and needed to go to sleep if she wanted to be in shape tomorrow.

“Will you join me?”

“Later. I slept for the last twenty-three hours and I’m not tired right now.”

“Yes, I understand. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Lucifer went on the balcony and spent the next hour there, lost in his thoughts.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Chloe woke up, she was covered with one of Lucifer’s wings. Lucifer had kept almost two feet between them, but he had cocooned them both at least. She let him sleep, not knowing at what time he went to bed.

One hour later, when she was ready to leave for work, she returned to the bedroom and kissed her sleepy Devil on the forehead.

“Have a good day, Lucifer.”

“Mmm, ‘good day.” He answered in a sleepy voice. The moment she went to leave, he grabbed her wrist. “I promise I will try to fix this.”

“You know you’re not alone. We’ll fix this together, Honey. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer sighed. He had been talking to Linda for the last twenty minutes, but he was still not seeing how he could open up to Chloe.

When he suggested that Linda should be the one to tell her or even let her read Ella’s notebook, Linda had refused.

She could still tell Chloe, but it wouldn’t be the same. Letting her read the notebook was out of the question. For Amenadiel it was fine because they were not so close, but there were too many things in Ella’s notebook to let Chloe read it. 

“It might change the way she sees you permanently and neither of you want this. There are way too many awful things in that book to let her read it.”

“So what? I just have to hope that one day everything will magically be fine? It’s like a wall between us Doctor. A wall neither of us might be able to break.”

Linda nodded, but remained silent. She smiled inwardly when she saw Lucifer drinking from a water bottle. Even if he had said it was a bad idea, he was trying her idea nevertheless. She said nothing about it though. She was not here for that today. She bent down and took her purse from the floor beside the couch. Opening it, she got the brown paper bag out. When Lucifer noticed it, he looked away.

“I already told Amenadiel I don’t want it.” He huffed.

“I know, but if you’re unable to tell her, maybe you can just show her. She will understand.”

“I... I won’t be able to look at her while she opens it. I don’t know how she will react and I don’t really want to see that again. Just now, I’m trying to avoid looking at this bloody bag because I can see through it. I can barely stop my mind from drowning in my memories right now.”

“You’re doing great, Lucifer. Just being conscious of this and being able to control your reaction is great.”

“But it won’t be great in front of her. I know it won’t!” He said, obviously on the edge of panic.

“Relax, Lucifer. Take a deep breath. Everything will be fine. If you want, I can write a note on it and leave it in a place she will see it when she’ll come back from work. Even text her to make sure she won’t miss it. You just have to stay in the balcony or in your room at the time she will come back so you won’t see her open it.”

“You... you think it could work?”

“Yes, I think so. She doesn’t need to know everything. Just knowing that she’s not responsible for what happened in the shower will make a huge difference. Since she doesn’t know why you reacted this way, she’s probably still afraid to hurt you.”

“But what will she think of... this?”

“Probably the same thing as Amenadiel and I thought. That the demons are awful creatures and Lilith wasn’t punished enough.”

Lucifer sighed and gave a last quick look to the bag.

“Okay. Do as you said. I really hope it won’t screw up everything and that it will be enough.”

“I’m pretty sure it will help a lot.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

When Chloe came back from work, Lucifer was in their bedroom. Linda had texted her to say there was a bag waiting for her in the penthouse that Lucifer wanted to show her, but he didn’t want to be there to see her open it. Linda said nothing more, she had no clue what it could be. The bag was in the middle of the coffee table in the living room.

She took it and sat on a couch, curious. The first look she took inside confused her. It made more sense when she emptied the bag on her lap, finally understanding what it was. She gasped, tears in her eyes. Why had he never talked of that?! He must have been in so much pain! There was no doubt he had reacted this way in the shower! Before going to join him in the bedroom, she took the time to dry her tears. 

Lucifer was lying on his side, cocooned in his wings. Akuma was nowhere in sight so she figured he was curled against his chest. She lay down beside him, two feet away from his back. She knew he wasn’t sleeping by the way he was breathing and the tension she perceived in all his body. She stretched her hand to stroke his hair gently.

“Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you for this pledge of trust.”

He remained silent at first while she kept stroking his curls. After several long minutes, he tucked his wings away and turned around to face her. Chloe cupped his cheek.

“I love you.” She said gently as he was still silent.

“Oh Chloe, I love you too!”

He filled the distance between them and took her in his arms tightly. He started crying, softly at first. However, he soon let out all the tension he'd built up in the last days. All the insecurity and the fear. 

She was still there. 

She was not going to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still writing chapter 43 that will be very long (but fun). I hope I will be able to write the ending of the story in the next two days and publish everything before season 5 drops. 6 days to go!
> 
> Please leave your comment as always!


	41. Pudding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to normal chapters! I hope you'll enjoy this more fluffy time! 5 days to go! Can't wait!
> 
> Thanks once again to my beta reader SK_Kasai. She's doing an amazing job!

Lucifer woke up half an hour after falling asleep. Chloe didn't sleep, staying in his arms, not daring to move in case she woke him up accidentally. When she tried to stir because one of her arms was numb, Lucifer woke up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“That’s fine, Detective.” He said with a bright smile.

“What? Why are you smiling like that?”

“You’re still there. You didn’t leave.”

“Of course I’m still there! Stop thinking I will leave. I won’t. You’re stuck with me, Lucifer Morningstar.”

“That’s a problem I can live with.” He slurred.

Chloe laughed. However, when she wanted to caress him on his arm, he shivered despite how he was wearing a long sleeved shirt.

“Sorry. I... I might need some time to forget what happened. I know I have no reason to be afraid anymore, but it’s like my body doesn't know it yet.”

“Maybe we listen to Linda's advice and go slowly again for a little while.”

“Yes, probably.”

“Is there something you would like to do tonight?”

“I think I’d like to go take a walk on the beach." 

“I love the idea. We can go after dinner if you want. I can set you for feeding now and we’ll go after.”

“Yes, that’s perfect. If... if you don’t eat something too smelly, maybe you can try eating with me.”

“Sure!”

The dinner together went surprisingly well. Lucifer didn't feel any nausea. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to eat himself, but at least he was now able to see someone eat without feeling sick.

To be more secure, Lucifer used the walking sticks at the beach. 

“The sunset is amazing tonight.” Chloe said at one point during their walk.

“I wish I could see it.” Lucifer sighed.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to...”

“That’s fine, Detective. Just because I can’t see it doesn't mean that other people can’t enjoy it. I can still remember what it looks like. Maybe you can describe it to me?”

“Sure! There Are some low clouds fraying and they have taken on pink and orange hues almost as if they were on fire. The sky itself is a gradient of blue finishing with a stripe of orange on the horizon. There’s just a really small part of the sun left.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It is.”

They walked for about an hour, until Lucifer began to feel tired. Walking in the sand took more effort, but Lucifer said it was a good way to get stronger quicker.

They spent the rest of the evening cuddling in bed in Lucifer’s wings. Chloe felt that Lucifer was more tense than he has been in the last few weeks but she managed to make him relax.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“If you don’t mind, I will stay here and do some exercises.” Lucifer told her on Friday morning. “I haven’t trained in almost a week. But if you have a new case, you can call me and I’ll join you.”

“Yes sure. That’s a good idea.”

Chloe finally called at the end of lunch time. A murder occured behind a warehouse near the port. She texted Lucifer the address so he would be able to join them when he’ll be ready.

Half an hour later, they heard a car parked at the crime scene.

“No way! He didn’t do that?!” Chloe said suddenly.

Dan, Ella and Michael looked in the direction Chloe was heading and they saw Lucifer who was getting out of his Corvette... from the driver’s seat.

“What do you think you are doing?!” Chloe said to Lucifer when she got close enough.

“What? But you called me Detective and told me to join you here!”

“Yes, but not driving your own car! You should have called an Uber!”

“Why? I already told you those bionic legs are awesome! It’s perfectly safe!”

“I’m not talking about your legs, even if that alone should probably prevent you from driving.” She hushed, not wanting that all other officers present hear her. “You’re blind Lucifer, how can you drive?”

“But you know I see by echolocation! It’s not a problem I assure you!”

“And what about the traffic lights?”

“Well, I just follow the traffic! For once that’s a good thing there’s so much traffic in L.A.!”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“I know!” He grinned.

“It was not a compliment!”

“Ah... no?”

“No.”

“Well, can we focus on the case now since I’m here anyway?”

“I didn’t know you were back. Why didn’t you tell me?” Michael said when he had a chance to be alone with his twin.

“I’m sorry, Mi. I had a lot on my mind. Congratulations by the way! I heard the great news about you and Miss Lopez.”

“Thank you. Love is such a beautiful emotion and I’m sad that most of our siblings will never experience that.”

“Why bother them? They don’t care about us so I don’t see why you would care about them.”

“I know but some of them, like Raphael, are worth it.”

“Yes, you’re right. Anyway she’s too busy in the Silver City for that. At least she doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

“Yes, right. By the way, you never told me why you went to your therapist's for a few days.”

“I prefer not to discuss that now if you don’t mind. Everything had been fixed anyway.”

“As you wish. I’m there to listen any time you want.”

“Thanks, but, please, don’t worry about that.”

After two hours spent at the crime scene checking for evidence and questioning witnesses, they all went to the precinct with a detour by Lux to leave the Corvette there. Ella drove the Corvette because Chloe did not want Lucifer driving again despite his reassurance that it was safe.

Twenty minutes later, while Lucifer and Chloe were at her desk, Dan suddenly barged in from the break room.

“Lucifer Morningstar!” He yelled.

“What?” Lucifer asked, surprised by the angry tone.

What was the problem today with everyone being angry at him?

“Did you start eating my pudding again?”

“What? No! I haven't begun to eat yet! Just drink. I didn’t touch your pudding.”

“You were the only one who ever did that!”

“Daniel, I swear to my Dad that I didn’t eat your pudding.”

“But you stole it!” Dan insisted.

“No, I didn’t steal it either. I haven't touched food in months.”

“Who did it then?”

“How am I supposed to know that?”

“You should ask Ella to help you solve that mystery.” Chloe chuckled.

Dan didn’t seem to understand she was kidding him and he went to Ella’s lab. Chloe and Lucifer followed.

“I need your help, Ella.”

“Yes, sure! What can I do for you?”

“My pudding began to disappear again and Lucifer swears it’s not him.”

“That pudding?” She said, pointing at Michael who was leaning against the counter, eating a chocolate pudding.

“You must be kidding me!” Dan yelped.

Everybody laughed except Michael who, as usual, didn’t understand what was going on.

“What?” He said, noticing everyone was looking at him.

“You are eating my pudding.” Dan said.

“Oh! Sorry about that! I didn’t know. Half of it is still left.” He said, handing him the cup and the spoon.

“No, that’s fine. You can keep it.” Dan sighed. “Next time, ask before stealing from the break room’s fridge.”

“I thought this food was for everyone, like donuts and coffee. I’m really sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

To everyone's surprise, Lucifer suddenly grabbed the spoon that was in the pudding cup his twin was holding. He watched it for a moment before licking it with the tip of his tongue. 

They all held their breath, knowing how much eating has been an issue for him since his return. After long seconds where he seemed pensive, Lucifer nodded and licked the rest of the spoon. He didn’t put it in his mouth though, only licking it from both sides. He put back the spoon in the cup and smiled.

“I had forgotten how good this pudding is.”

“So what? You will really go back to stealing them now?” Dan said with a grin.

“Maybe? You should bring a few extras next time. Just in case.”

“So, no nausea?” Chloe asked.

“No, but I’m not sure it wouldn't have worked if I had put the spoon in my mouth.”

“Well, that’s already better than anything you have tried so far.”

“Yes and now, I’m hungry.”

Michael handed the pudding to his twin.

“You can take the rest if you want.”

“No. Even if I’m hungry, I’m not sure it would be a good idea. Being hungry is weird though. It’s been so long since I've had this sensation. It’s almost painful.”

“I don’t think there’s a feeding bag left in the fridge, but I can check.” Chloe said.

“Would you like a protein shake?” Ella asked. “I always keep a few here for when I work longer than what was planned.”

“I sincerely don’t know if it can work. I don’t want to throw up in your lab.”

Ella took the trash can on the floor and put it on the counter.

“Use this if you feel sick.”

“What’s the flavor of your shake?” He asked hesitantly.

“I have chocolate or vanilla.”

“Mmm, I can try chocolate.”

When Lucifer took the protein shake in his hand, they were all looking at him in expectation.

“Bloody Hell! I don’t need an audience!”

He took the trash can and put it on the counter along the wall. He turned away from his friends. He took his first sip and waited. It was not as good as the pudding, but still tasty. No nausea at the moment. After the fourth sip he stopped drinking. His stomach was still growling, but he felt that it would be risky to drink more. There was more than half of the bottle left but he decided it was enough for now.

“Put the rest in the fridge so you’ll be able to finish it later if you’re still hungry.” Ella said.

Lucifer nodded, smiling.

“Thank you, Miss Lopez. Detective, we should buy some of these.”

“And some pudding.” Dan added.

“Your pudding is tastier than any others, Daniel. Don’t you know that?” Lucifer grinned.

Everyone laughed at the comment. Some things would never change and it was somehow a good thing, no matter how Dan would complain about it. Or maybe precisely because of that.

At the end of the afternoon, Dan went to pick up Trixie at school and brought her back to the precinct. Since everyone else was busy, Michael decided to entertain her. Well, in fact, it was more the opposite. The girl showed him how to play a game on her phone and they ended up playing online against each other on their phones.

They ordered some pizza to be able to work while eating and Lucifer finished the protein shake. 

It was past seven p.m. when Lucifer, Chloe and Trixie finally left for the penthouse. After a week with Dan, Trixie was going to spend the next one with her mother and Lucifer.

“Lucifer, you asked me what I want for my birthday in two weeks and I found it!” Trixie said while they were on their way to the penthouse. “I’d like to go to Disneyland on that occasion! Please say yes!” 

Lucifer huffed. Watching Disney movies and having Disney stickers on his prostheses was a thing. Going to a crowded amusement park was another. At the same time, he was better at being surrounded by people since he had his prostheses and it would be a good test.

“I will think about it, Urchin.”

“Okay.”

Trixie knew that he would say yes. Lucifer was unable to refuse her anything.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Chloe wondered where Lucifer was when she went to their bedroom, ready to go to sleep. She finally found him kneeling beside the toilet, throwing up. 

“You seemed fine earlier! What happened? Did you eat too much?”

Lucifer shook his head, but didn’t answer, throwing up again.

“I tried chewing gum. I thought I would be fine.” He said when he felt better.

“You know chewing is very different from drinking.”

“Yes. I realize it now.”

“I hope it won’t screw up all your progress.”

“I don’t think so, but it seems chewing will be a lot more problematic than drinking.”

“We will start with baby steps as Linda would say. She will be surprised when you’ll tell her what you’ve done today.”

“Yes, I also think so.”

“I’m proud of what you did today. You know that Trixie’s idea to go to Disneyland wouldn't have worked if you wouldn’t have been able to drink protein shakes like that. It would have been too complicated.”

“Yes, you’re right. I’m so not sure about this though.”

“Disneyland is fun. I went when I was a kid and I really enjoyed it!”

“You can be sure that I will do this only to please your spawn.”

“You may enjoy it more than what you think.”

“Well,lI highly doubt that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the writing of chapter 43, a 6k words monster at Disneyland (mostly just for fun!) and I'm half throuh chapter 44 writing. I should be able to finish the story on time!
> 
> I think about writing a sequel to this and I'd like to know if it's something that could interest you. The main plot would be to fix the fact that many people are in Hell because they are feeling unjustified guilt and Lucifer want to fix that. I'd like to have your opininion on this as soon as possible because there're a lot of little things I wanted to talked about or play with in the story I'm writing right now and instead of trying to rush as much as possible in this story, I could keep those for the sequel. This sequel wouldn't go out before december or even january though because september to december is a crazy time for me at work! So let me know what you think! Have a good day everyone!


	42. God As A Grandfather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since everyone seems to want a sequel I will work on one. I strongly suggest that you suscribe on my pseudo (not only the story) because I have no idea when I will publish it though. It might be only in 2021!
> 
> Only 4 chapters left in this story (including this one) and 4 days to go for season 5!
> 
> Thanks as always to my beta reader SK_Kasai!

Chloe was looking at Lucifer while he was rubbing his eyes and blinking for a few minutes. They were still in bed even if they had woken up fifteen minutes ago.

“Are you alright?” She asked, not knowing why he was doing that. He didn’t seem sad or anything like that.

“Yes, Detective, I’m fine. My eyes have just been itchy the last two days. Maybe I got sand in them when we went for the walk on the beach.”

“Let me take a look.”

“There's no need for that.” He said, blinking quickly a few more times. “It’s already better anyway and if it’s sand you won’t see anything. I’m hungry by the way.”

Chloe smiled. Since his return from Hell, he had never talked about being hungry. It was the first morning he said so.

“I will get the feeding bag.”

“No, wait! I will go with you. Let me just put my bionic legs on. The Urchin is probably already awake and hungry too. Even if I won’t eat the same way you will, I can at least be with you since it appears I’m able to look at you eating without any problems now.”

“I will prepare breakfast meanwhile then.”

“I think that soon, I will be able to cook again.” He said pensively.

“Talking of food, I will go to the grocery store to buy some shakes for you while you will be with Linda. Are there any flavors other than chocolate that you would like?”  
“You can buy anything you want. I will try them and see what I prefer, but buy more chocolate.”

Trixie talked about Disneyland again while eating. 

“You knew I couldn’t refuse, didn’t you?”

Trixie laughed.

“Yes I know! Can dad come with us?”

“Of course! Your father loves rides!”

“Really? He never talked about it.”

“Well, ask him how the last time we went together was!”

“I will!”

Maybe that would be fun finally, Lucifer thought.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

After his therapy session – Linda was proud of his progress of course – Lucifer decided to go to the Silver City while Chloe was still away. This way he would be able to thank his Father again for what he had done for him earlier in the week and see if Maze had done a new training video for the Urchin. Besides, he was eager to go there for the first time with his prostheses.

It was a little strange for Lucifer to land in the Silver City on his feet. Well, on his bionic legs would have been more exact, but, for him, it was his feet. When was the last time he had done that? Eons ago for sure. As he always did, he walked to his Father’s apartments first.

Due to having watched His son from time to time, God knew he had prostheses. However, seeing him arrive as he walked naturally in front of him caused him quite a surprise. He never thought prostheses could be so effective. For a moment, he wondered if He could have been wrong and Lucifer’s feet had grown back.

“Hi, Dad!” Lucifer said joyfully.

“Hi, Son! I can’t believe it! How is this possible?”

Lucifer pulled on his pants legs.

“I turned bionic!”

“This is awesome! I’m so glad to see you walk again!”

“Yes, that’s great!”

“For a moment, I thought that the strength I gave you had an unexpected effect and that your feet had grown back!”

“What strength?”

“Don’t be mad at me, but when I brought you to sleep, I gave you some of my strength too, hoping that your celestial metabolism would finally kick in and heal you. Despite Chloe’s presence, your scars should heal better than that.”

“I’m not mad at You, but you know that blades forged in Hell create wounds that can’t be healed completely.”

“Yes I know, but it’s not all of your scars that have been done with those but none of them healed.”

“That doesn’t bother me. First I can’t really see them and second, I think there are still less scars on my body than how they messed up my mind. I’m not sure it would be a good thing to have all of them gone even if it was possible. At least I don’t have to explain to everyone why I react strangely sometimes."

“I’m so sorry about all this, son. I wish I could take away everything they had done to you. Don’t worry by the way. Your celestial metabolism will never do something that you’re not ready for deep down.”

“That’s fine, Dad. As Doctor Linda would say, we must look forward. There’s no point in staying in the past.”

They both felt silent for a moment.

“Can I see those bionic legs?” God asked, trying to talk about a lighter subject.

“Of course!”

Lucifer sat and unzipped his pants’ legs so his Father could see his prostheses. He even removed one so He could see how it was built.

“What do these stickers refer to?” God asked.

“It’s the Detective’s spawn who put them there. They are from the Stitch movie. They represent me, Chloe, the spawn and her father.”

“Oh! Maybe I should watch that movie!”

“Definitely!”

God examined how the prostheses were made while Lucifer explained to him how it worked.

“Humans are incredibly resourceful. Despite all their weaknesses, they always find a way to overcome them.”

“I think that’s why they are so creative. Without any problems, they wouldn’t search to find ways to improve.”

“You’re probably right. You should go see Raphael and let her believe your feet had grown back for a few minutes!” God giggled. “I would love to see her face!”

“I didn’t know you liked pranks, Dad, but it’s a great idea!”

Lucifer put his foot back on and he went to see his sister, his Father following right behind him.

“Hi, Raphi!”

Raphael turned around and stopped, jaw slacked. She studied him from head to toes.

“As you can see, I’m back on my feet!” Lucifer smiled, spreading his arms on each side of him.

“H-how?! I... I thought it was impossible!” She stuttered.

“Lucifer!” A voice from behind Raphael said and he saw Gabriel who was coming towards him. “It’s good to see you, brother! I just can’t believe your feet had grown back! If Lilith learned that, she will be even more furious!”

Gabriel had just returned from Hell and was there to heal some bad cuts.

Lucifer heard his Father laugh behind him.

“Why are you laughing, Father?” Raphael asked.

“Dad! You’re so bad at this! You spoiled the fun!” Lucifer complained.

“What?” Gabriel asked in turns. “What fun?”

“Bugger!” Lucifer huffed.

He then lifted his pants’ legs to show them his prostheses. Like their Father had done before them, his siblings were amazed by the bionic legs.

“I really thought your feet had grown back!” Raphael laughed. “You really got me!”

“It was Dad’s idea to let you believe that.”

“Really?” Raphael asked, surprised. Their Father wasn’t known to like pranks.

“I thought that myself!” God said. “So I thought it would be fun to see your reaction.”

“Is it weird to walk with that?” Gabriel asked.

“At first it was, but it’s been a month and I’m used to them now.”

“Gabriel, you said that Lilith would have been even more furious if she knew Lucifer’s feet had grown back. Why?” God asked suddenly.

“You... You don’t know?” Gabriel asked looking in turns between his Father and Lucifer.

“Know what? You know I can’t see what’s going on in Hell.”

Gabriel looked at Lucifer, not knowing if he should tell their Father what happened or not.

“Michael severed Lilith’s legs.” Lucifer said flatly. 

He then explained to his Father the situation that led to that.

“He just wanted to avenge me.” He concluded.

“I’m glad to see Michael is still as effective as he was.” God said.

“You’re not mad about this?” Lucifer asked in disbelief.

“Of course not! She almost destroyed you! If I didn’t need her to give birth to a new generation of demons, I would have ended her life myself. I think Michael’s punishment is even better than anything I could have done.”

Lucifer smiled. Seeing that his Father approved her punishment released a weight from his shoulders. Somehow, he was still wondering if what Michael had done was right or not. Even if he would never admit it, Lucifer was still seeking for his Father approval. 

“So, how did it go in Hell?” Lucifer asked.

“It took a lot of time, but it went well.” Gabriel answered. “We kept only a few demons alive for the souls who felt no guilt, but we killed all the others. Lilith has already begun to give birth to the new generation.”

“How... how is she doing?”

“Infuriated and angry... as always. I didn’t see a big difference from before in that regard. She made some demons build her a kind of small chariot and she’s going around in it.”

“Like a queen.” Lucifer sighed.

“Far from a queen. No demons accepted to carry her even if she was yelling at them so she is using her hands or sticks to move it forward. She looks more like a mendicant.”

“Great. If she could learn humility, it would be good for everyone.”

“I agree, even if I doubt she can learn that.”

“Well, I have no intention to return there so I’ll never know. If you don’t mind I will go see Maze.”

“I will call her.” God said.

“No, Dad. I prefer to go by myself if You don’t mind.”

“Sure. You want your siblings to see you walk, don’t you?”

Lucifer nodded and smiled. God put a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder.

“Don’t tell them unless they ask. There’s a lack of distraction here these days and I would love to hear them argue about that for some time.”

“As You wish, Dad.”

Lucifer saw a few of his siblings while walking to see Maze but only two of them – that were together – came to talk to him. They exchanged some polite words, but neither of them asked questions about his feet even if they all knew he had been amputated. His Father would be pleased with the gossip that would go around in the Silver City in the next few days.

“Show me!” Was the first thing Maze said when she saw Lucifer.

He did as requested, not even trying to fight the pull to obey her. Maze knew the bonding was still working for her and if she was never mean, she used it from time to time. Lucifer never complained because she had freed him for all the other demons and Lilith after all.

“This was the Little Human’s idea, wasn’t it?” She asked, pointing the stickers.

“Of course it is! I kept them because she said her father was Pleakley.”

“The Douche is Pleakley?! I would have paid to see his face when he learned that!”

“Yes, it was funny but I think that whatever he had said about it, he was glad to see she had put a sticker for him. By the way, you can stop calling him the Douche. He’s not so douchey anymore.”

“You know he will always stay a Douche to me so I won’t change it. I’m not even sure I will ever see him again. The last time I did, he smelled like guilt from miles away.”

“He’s getting better with that too. I just hope that he will have time to overcome enough before he dies. I would hate to see any of my friends down there.”

“So you consider him a friend now?”

“Yes of course! I always have been despite how mean he was to me, but he’s really nice to me now.”

“If you say so.”

Eve was more curious about the prostheses than Maze and Lucifer answered all her questions for fifteen minutes.

Maze transferred the video she made to Lucifer’s phone and the latter returned to Earth. He was hungry. Again. It seems that now that his stomach had been reminded what it was like to be hungry, he was constantly starving.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

On Sunday evening, after watching – or listening in Lucifer's case – a film, Lucifer’s eyes were itching more than ever. 

“Let me take a look.” Chloe said. “Maybe it’s an eyelash or something I can see.”

She took a flashlight and pointed it to one of his eyes to try to see what the problem was. Lucifer recoiled and stopped her, blinking furiously.

“What? Did I hurt you?” Chloe asked, frowning.

“I... I’m not sure but... it’s like if I’ve been dazzled. Just a flash but... do it again.”

Chloe did and the same thing happened. Lucifer was sure this time. Even if he couldn’t call it seeing, he definitely perceived the light. Both eyes reacted in the same way.

“What does it mean?” Chloe asked.

“I think...” He hesitated. “Oh Dad! Could it be possible?”

“What?!”

“My Dad, when he brought me to sleep at Linda’s house, he gave me some of His strength too. He said that my celestial metabolism should heal me better than it was. That many of my scars should have disappeared.”

“I don’t see any difference in your scars.” Chloe said.

“I mean... he said that it would heal me only if deep down I wanted it but... I don’t know if... could it go that far?”

“What do you mean?”

“He talked about scars but maybe... maybe it could do more. When I met him yesterday, He thought at first that my feet had grown back even if He said it was not possible but... but my eyes are still there. They don’t have to grow back, just to heal the burnt retinas...”

“You mean that your eyes would heal? That you could see again?!”

“I... I must ask Him.”

Lucifer thought for a moment to put his prostheses back on and go to the Silver City but he suddenly remembered that he could pray to his Father. He had never answered before because the Hell realm was blocking all transmissions, but if he was trying from Earth maybe... maybe He would answer. 

He took a deep breath and joined his hands together. It would be horrible if He didn’t answer.

_“Dad, can You hear me?”_

_“Of course, Lucifer. How can I help you?”_

_“Something strange happened and I was wondering... could my celestial metabolism heal blindness?”_

_“If it didn’t occur because of a Hell forged blade, it surely could. Why?”_

_“I... I think that maybe...”_

Lucifer was crying now, unable to continue his train of thoughts. Yes, he was seeing by echolocation and didn’t really consider himself blind, but the possibility of seeing for real, being able to see a sunset again, see Chloe’s eyes, was too much at the moment. He didn’t want to have false hope, but he was overwhelmed by the possibility.

Chloe couldn’t hear the discussion but when she saw Lucifer crying, she wrapped her arms around him. She thought that God didn’t answer.

“Shhh, that’s okay. Everything will be fine.” She said reassuringly.

As Lucifer had stopped talking, God was suddenly worried and He appeared in the middle of the living room, just in front of Lucifer and Chloe. Trixie, who was just coming back to wish them good night after getting ready to go to bed, immediately noticed Him.

“Cool! Are You God?” She asked, getting closer.

God smiled.

“Yes I am. Nice to meet you, Beatrice.”

“Nice to meet You too, Sir.”

God laughed.

“Sir is a little serious don’t you think so? You can call me Elohim or Grandpa if you want. After all, I’m a little your grandfather now.”

“Sure, Grandpa! It’s so cool to have God as a grandfather!”

“Don’t say that to your friends at school, Monkey.”

“No one would believe me anyway! Why are You here, Grandpa?”

“Because my son has some questions for me. Are you okay, Lucifer?”

Lucifer nodded, still unable to talk. God sat beside him and put a hand on his knee.

“Tell me what happened.” God said softly.

When Lucifer finished explaining his Father how the demons blinded him and what happened earlier with the flashlight, God smiled.

“Your own star shouldn’t have been able to blind you, Son. How much you heal is not up to me and I don’t want to give you false hope, but in a normal situation you should be able to recover totally from this. Now, we both know this is not a normal situation, but please, have faith in yourself.”

Lucifer laid his head on his Father’s shoulder.

“Thank You, Dad. Thank You for giving me the strength that could make this possible.”

“You lost so much because of me. It’s the least I could do.”

“No, Dad. Sending me to Hell was a harsh punishment for what I did but it might have been the only way for me to change. I think I earned more than I lost in all this.” 

Lucifer remains silent for a few seconds before speaking again.

“Detective, do you remember when you told me that being a parent doesn’t necessarily mean doing what your child wants, but doing what is best for them? Well, I think I understand what it means now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Many of you have asked for this in their comments! I couldn't plan a visit at Disneyland otherwise anyway or it would have been sad.
> 
> Your comments are always highly appreciated!


	43. Disneyland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments on the previous chapter! :D
> 
> This is a very long chapter (for nothing!) but I’m such a big fan of Disney that I couldn’t help myself! I hope it’s not too boring for you!
> 
> Thanks once again to my wonderful beta reader SK_Kasai who loved that chapter!

Lucifer’s sight came back gradually. At first, he was only able to perceive lightning differences, but soon he began to see the contours of what surrounded him. His eyes kept itching and Chloe told him that it was probably because of the healing process.

When he began to see more, it started confusing him though. His vision was not precise. It was more like diffuse spots at the moment and mixed with the perfect echolocation it gave him a weird feeling. 

Worse, since echolocation was all around him but his sight was limited to where he was looking only, it was even more disturbing and it made him feel dizzy. He was gaining a little more of his sight everyday and becoming more dizzy and confused.

On Friday morning, he stumbled on the stairs at the precinct. Thankfully, Michael was beside him and he prevented him from falling all the way down with the help of his celestial reflexes.

“Maybe I should take the rest of the day off. There’s not so much I can do at the moment anyway. All this different information from echolocation and sight is making me dizzy.”

“I’m not sure whether or not it’s safe to leave you alone at the moment.” Chloe said.

“I will drive him home and stay with him.” Michael said. “Is that okay with you, Sammy?”

“Yes, that’s fine. I’m totally useless for now anyway. I would need to keep my eyes closed at all times to not feel dizzy, but opening them is a reflex. Besides, if I want to get used to this new vision and learn to deal with all of this information, I must keep them open.”

Once at the penthouse, the twins sat at the piano to play together. They hadn’t done that since Maze remembrance’s party. They played songs they had sung when they were young and Lucifer taught his brother a few new songs.

Lucifer felt so dizzy when he stood up after playing that he had to keep his eyes closed to go to his bedroom. He needed a nap. Michael joined him and they slept next to each other, wings out. A human might have found it weird that the twins slept like that but for the angels, it was perfectly normal.

Sharing their energy had a positive effect on Lucifer. When he woke up, his vision was suddenly better than it was when he had gone to bed. Maybe it was just the fact that he was now able to sort all information better.

Lucifer started to see colors on Saturday morning. Before, it was more shades of grey, sometimes slightly tainted. All colors didn’t have their actual brightness, but they were still colors. 

By the time Monday arrived, he did not feel dizzy anymore and went to the precinct as usual. His new sight was blending with echolocation and that brought a depth he never had before. Now that he was getting used to it, it was like an immersive experience and he realized it was giving him an incredibly enhanced vision.

On Wednesday evening, he looked at himself in a mirror for the first time since his return from Hell. He had removed his jacket and shirt. The sight surprised him. He never realized he had so many scars. Chloe appeared behind him while he was tracing the one going from the corner of his eye to his chin. He couldn’t avoid the memory of the demon tearing his skin with his nail. He shivered and Chloe wrapped her arms around him.

“You know I don’t care about those.” She said softly.

“I don’t either. It just reminded me of how they did it. Those...” He touched the round depression beneath his collarbones. “are the ones that remind me of the worst of it, how I was their prisoner. Celestial healing or not, they will never disappear because they have been done with tools forged in Hell.. I just hope that one day I will be able to look at them with some detachment.”

He took a deep breath and turned around to face her.

“You have such beautiful eyes, Detective... Chloe. I think I could look at them forever.”

Chloe smiled.

“And I’m glad you're getting your deep brown eyes back, even if they seem darker than they were.”

On Friday late afternoon, when they got Trixie from school, Lucifer got back all his lost vision.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

They got up really early on this Saturday morning because they were going to Disneyland today for Trixie’s birthday. Everyone had decided to join too and they were all at the penthouse at six a.m. to eat breakfast together. Lucifer was still drinking protein shakes only (besides stealing Dan’s pudding, of course) 

They were going with three different cars. Lucifer, Chloe, Trixie and Dan in one, Michael and Ella in the second and Amenadiel, Linda and Charlie in the third. The last five could have gone together, but Linda argued they would certainly leave earlier with Charlie.

Lucifer didn’t want to bring the wheelchair at first, arguing he was barely using it in the day, but both Chloe and Trixie had insisted. 

“If there is one thing that I remember from going there is that it’s a lot of walking and standing waiting in lines.” Chloe said.

“And going with the wheelchair will make us skip most of the lines!” Trixie said excitedly.

“Why so?”

“Because of the way most lines are designed, wheelchairs can’t go through it so we will enter by the Fastpass entrance or the exit. One of my friends’ father is in a wheelchair and she told me that we can ask for a special card at the guest service and we will enter most attractions without waiting in line! Cool, uh?”

“So what? You invited me to serve as a fast pass?” Lucifer said with a strange grin.

“No! Not at all!” Trixie answered, indignant. “But since it is better that you bring the wheelchair anyway, why not ask for it!”

“I was kidding, Urchin. I know you can’t live without me.”

Trixie laughed and hugged him. Lucifer tensed at first but relaxed almost immediately and hugged her back to everyone’s surprise.

“Well, we should leave if we want to be there at the opening as you requested, Urchin.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

They were still in the parking lot and Lucifer was already pleased to have listened to Chloe and Trixie and had brought the wheelchair. Just to get to the transportation that would bring them to the park was a long walk. They never asked for a handicapped special permit so they had to park at the same place everyone else does. Even before opening time, there were already a lot of people there.

Lucifer decided to buy Park Hopper tickets for everyone because Trixie has rides she wanted to try in both parks – Disneyland and California Adventure – and since they would be able to skip many waiting lines, they should have time to go to both. They were face-to-face anyway. 

Despite how he had used the wheelchair in the parking lot, he decided to stand up once in the crowd. He felt oppressed when sitting surrounded by so many people, but the discomfort faded away when he stood up. Akuma was on a leash beside him, but being taller than almost everyone else had more effect than the presence of the dog. Michael pushed the empty wheelchair.

Lucifer reluctantly sat back in the wheelchair before they stopped at the first guess service kiosk they saw to get the card that would allow them to skip many waiting lines. It was not supposed to be for a group of nine people but when Trixie said it was her birthday they allowed it. They even gave her a button she put on her t-shirt that had ‘It’s my birthday!’ written on it. They also gave buttons ‘1st visit!’ to everyone, even if Chloe already went when she was young. Lucifer didn’t complain when Trixie fixed it to his shirt. He had agreed to be dressed casually today with a blue and white shirt and assorted Bermudas.

“So, Monkey, it’s your birthday. What do you want to do?” Chloe asked.

“We will start with Buzz because even Charlie can go and after we’ll go to Star Tour and then Space Mountain! They are the closest!”

“How do you know that?”

“I have an internet, mommy! I already downloaded the app!”

At first, Lucifer and Dan said they didn’t want to do all the rides, but Trixie insisted that everyone must do everything she was doing. Trixie was juggling the Fastpass and the places where they could skip lines like a pro. In addition, they used Rider Switch since Charlie was too young to go in the last two rides so they split in two groups to do both attractions. Akuma too wasn’t allowed on those rides. 

Before each ride, Lucifer sat back in the wheelchair, but he was standing in between. He was doing incredibly well in the crowd. However, he was making sure that he was in the middle of his friends so strangers were not constantly touching him. 

Lucifer must admit the rides were exciting. He was happy to have recovered a normal vision because all three rides highly depended on sight. Everyone was pleased and Michael especially was ecstatic. Not only had he never gone to an attraction park before, but he hadn't even had an idea of what it was before entering the park. In fact, for all three angels those sensations were something totally new and they surprisingly liked it.

“I’m starving.” Lucifer complained when they got off Space Mountain.

“It’s too early for lunch time, but there are many protein shakes in the backpack.” Chloe said. They had brought a backpack with sunscreen, water bottles and protein shakes for the day. Everyone was carrying it in turns.

“No, I want this.” Lucifer pointed and he went toward a woman who was holding a cup with ice cream. 

“Excuse me, where did you get this?” He asked her.

“The Dole Whip? Just in front of the Tiki Room!”

“Thank you! Urchin, lead us there.”

“Are you sure you will be okay with this?” Chloe asked.

“Well, it’s a little like a pudding so I’m sure it will be fine.”

Finally, everyone bought a treat. They decided to go to Tiki Room while eating since the presentation was about to begin. Lucifer didn’t say a word while the Animatronic’s birds show, eating his Dole Whip slowly – it was almost as good as Dan’s puddings – but as soon as they got out, he let everyone know what he was thinking.

“What the Hell was that?!” He exclaimed. “At least I was eating… It was bloody boring!”

They all laughed. In fact, only Michael and Charlie seemed to really appreciate the show, all the others, even Trixie, were hoping for something more exciting.

Trixie wanted to do Splash Mountain next but Charlie was not allowed. They decided to split the group and while Amenadiel, Linda and Charlie were going to do Jungle Cruise, the others would go to Splash Mountain. Lucifer left Akuma with Amenadiel since the dog was allowed in their ride. They were going to meet in the Star Wars area after that. 

“Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki room...” Michael hummed while waiting at their next attraction.

“Oh! Shut up!” Lucifer said.

They decided to visit the Star Wars area, but they didn’t do any of the attractions there since Charlie and Akuma were not allowed anywhere, They ate in the same area while Lucifer drank a shake. When he finished, he decided to wander around while the others were still eating. He had seen something that looked like a blue milkshake and he wanted one.

When he came back, he had eight drinks in two trays in his hands. Four blue and four green.

“It looks good so I thought you might want one too!”

“But we just ate!” Chloe complained.

“And? It’s just a kind of milkshake! C’mon, take one, Detective!”

Finally they all took one and agreed it was really tasty.

“I think we should go to the other park now.” Trixie said. “There’re still a few more things I’d like to do here, but I think the Haunted Mansion will be more fun in the evening!”

Once in the other park, Trixie wanted to do Grizzly River Run but there was a huge waiting time and they had to enter in the regular line without a Fastpass so Trixie took one for everyone. She did the same for The Little Mermaid and they went to Pixar Pier, a place where they could play games of skills to win stuffed animals and other various prizes.

The advantage of being a large group like that is that you can almost fill all spaces available in the game and be sure to win, especially with three celestials in the group. They end up with two Toy Story plushies, one for Trixie and one for Charlie. 

Lucifer couldn’t help himself and bought cotton candy from a cart that he shared with Trixie.

“But we just finished eating! You will both have a sugar rush!” Chloe whined.

“It’s my birthday!” Trixie retorted. “I can have whatever I want today!”

“That’s fine, Chlo.” Dan said. “Besides, I will help them.” And he took a handful of cotton candy.

“Hey! No touch!” Lucifer said to pull it away, but he handed it to him again as soon as Dan finished eating what he had taken.

Waiting for the first Fastpass right time, they went to the Ferris Wheel all together. Chloe was pretty sure that Lucifer was going to say it was boring, but he seemed to really enjoy the view of the park.

They finally went to Grizzly River Run in two groups since Charlie and Akuma couldn’t go. There was a warning at the entrance saying to be aware that you will be wet in that attraction and might be soaked. They thought it was going to be like Splash Mountain or maybe a little worse. 

It was not at all like that.

The way the round boat was designed, only a few people were really wet in the boat. Lucifer was riding with Chloe, Dan and Trixie. Michael, Ella, Amenadiel and Linda were together. In Michael’s group, none of them had been really wet but in Lucifer’s... 

Thankfully, Lucifer's prostheses could get wet. When he got out of the boat, Lucifer was not wet, he was soaked. Trixie was pretty much wet too, but Chloe who had been sitting on the other side of Lucifer, was wet only on one side.

“Bloody Hell! What was that?!” He said while he was wringing his Bermudas and his shirt.

“I’m sorry, Lucifer, are you alright?” Chloe asked.

“Of course I am! It was bloody fantastic!”

“What?”

“Well, that was the fun part of the ride isn’t it? Besides, it’s bloody hot outside so it's just refreshing. However, I’m not sure I want to keep those wet clothes on. I will get the wheelchair cushion wet if I sit back in like this. Is there a place where I can buy something to replace this?”

“Sure! Let me check this!” Trixie said.

While Lucifer, Chloe, Trixie and Dan went shopping, the other ones stayed in the Pixar Pier area since there were many little rides Charlie could do. Akuma stayed with Lucifer. 

Trixie found a perfect t-shirt for Lucifer. It was dark blue and represented Stitch upside-down and pulling his tongue with all his ‘qualities’ enumerated around him. It says among other things: Super Strength, Cute & Fluffy and Extreme Intelligence. Pants were a little more problematic to find but Lucifer finally bought light blue Bermudas with small Mickey’s head shapes embroidered all over. It was not the perfect match with the t-Shirt, but the best he could do at the moment. 

Lucifer transferred the ‘1st visit’ button to his new t-shirt and put his wet clothes in the bag and finally sat in the wheelchair to return to Pixar Pier. They were almost there when suddenly Trixie began jumping like a kangaroo, all excited.

“Do you have a problem, Monkey?” Dan asked.

“There’s Stitch! We can go meet Stitch!”

Without warning, Trixie went behind Lucifer’s wheelchair and started pushing him toward the line for the meet and greet with Stitch.

“Are you serious, Urchin? You don’t want to wait in line for that!”

“Of course! There aren't too many people in line anyway and we still have almost half an hour to wait for our next Fastpass! You absolutely need to come with me! You must show him the stickers and your new T-shirt!”

“What?! No! There’s no point in doing such a thing!”

“Of course! And besides, it’s my birthday! I’m the one in charge today!”

“You’re a real devil, Urchin!”

Trixie laughed but kept pushing Lucifer until they were in the line. Chloe texted Ella to inform her that there would be a little more delay before they joined them. Five minutes later, they saw Michael and Ella arrive. They didn’t want to miss this meeting. Amenadiel, Linda and Charlie were in line, about to board for an attraction but they would join them after if they finished soon enough.

When their turn arrived, Trixie immediately went to hug Stitch while Lucifer stayed behind, not intending to make a fool of himself by hugging this giant plush. He was still sitting in his wheelchair, not making a move to stand up.

When Trixie finished her hug, she turned toward Lucifer and presented him to Stitch. She of course showed him the stickers explaining who they were referring to to the mascot.

“He doesn’t care about that, Urchin.” Lucifer huffed.

To Lucifer surprise, Stitch seemed to step in Trixie’s babbling and looked at Lucifer with his head slightly tilted on the side as if he was considering him and when Trixie finished, Stitch pointed at himself, then at Lucifer and back at himself. He suddenly seemed all excited like he was meeting a huge fan and without warning, he closed the distance between them, bent and hugged Lucifer in a tight embrace.

Lucifer stiffened at first, not expecting that. This was bloody embarrassing. How dare he... but the plush was so soft, the embrace so comforting.

Something snapped inside Lucifer. Not in a bad way.

For the first time in... forever, Lucifer let his walls down in public. Completely down. He had done that a few times in private, but not like this.

He hugged Stitch back as if he was a three years old kid meeting his idol for the first time. He didn’t care about all the people that were surrounding them, looking at them. He didn’t care about what a grown man sitting in a wheelchair and hugging a mascot looked like if his life was depending on it. They were alone in the world. Lucifer felt his eyes become watery, but he didn’t care. He needed this. The last three weeks had been very emotional and even if he received all the love, help and understanding that he needed, this was something else.

He closed his eyes, enjoying this hug way too much. He felt incredibly well. 

It was Trixie who pulled on his arm so that he finally let go of the mascot.

“You can let him go now.” She whispered to his ear.

At any moment Stitch had made a move to disentangle. He kept hugging him back as if he knew that Lucifer needed it.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Lucifer mumbled, finally letting him go. He had no idea how much time he had spent hugging him. He probably should have been embarrassed, but he was not. He looked at his friends who were staring at him and smiled tightly.

“Can I ask him to sign my backpack?" Trixie asked her mom.

“Yes, why not!” Chloe answered. 

Dan handed her the backpack and Stitch autographed it with a Sharpie. When he finished, he made a movement as if he was slurping his autograph. Everybody laughed. To their surprise, Lucifer asked Stitch to autograph the sleeve he always wore over his right forearm to hide the branding mark. He didn’t even present him the inner side of his arm where the branding was, but he showed him the outer side where everyone would see it. Stitch executed himself and slurped his autograph as he did with Trixie’s backpack. 

Ella had taken a lot of pictures of all the meeting time with her phone.

“You were so cute, guys!” She said.

Amenadiel, Linda and Charlie had arrived when Trixie was babbling about Lucifer, but the latter didn’t even notice they were there. No one talked back about what had just happened. Lucifer looked happy and it was all that mattered.

Amenadiel had bought some fudge and he offered it to the four who hadn't tasted it yet. He cut a big chunk for Trixie and Dan who really wanted it and a smaller part for Chloe who only wanted to taste it.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” Lucifer said. “It’s not soft like pudding or ice cream.”

“It melted in the mouth.” Amenadiel said. "You must taste this. It’s the best thing I've ever eaten!”

He cut the thinnest possible slice he could with his plastic knife and Lucifer took it. He put it in his mouth and let it melt.

“You’re right, brother. It is even better than Daniel's pudding!”

“For once I agree with you, Lucifer!” Dan laughed.

Amenadiel cut a bigger slice for Lucifer. However when Lucifer bit into it, unwanted memories rushed in his mind. The little square reminded him of another kind or square forced into his mouth. A square made of flesh. _No please! Not now!_ He thought before his surroundings went black. 

Most of his friends didn’t notice that he suddenly tensed, but Akuma did instantly. The dog licked the hand that was holding his leash. Trixie and Michael had noticed his discomfort too.

Trixie, who was the closest to Lucifer, reacted promptly. She shook Lucifer’s shoulder.

“Hey, Lucifer! LUCIFER!” She yelled when he didn’t react the first time. “Think about Stitch! Think about how soft his fur was!”

_“Sammy, come back to us.”_ Michael sent his twin. 

Lucifer blinked and looked around him, breathing heavily. The fudge square was still in his mouth. For a moment, he thought to spit it out, but it was so good.

“Think about Stitch’s fur.” Trixie repeated. She was crouched in front of Lucifer, her hands on his knees.

Stitch’s fur. Lucifer looked toward the mascot who was still teasing and hugging kids and adults. _I can do this._

He closed his eyes, tasting the fudge in his mouth. It was still more or less a square on his tongue. A square. _Think of Stitch’s fur,_ he reminded himself. The square finally melted enough to no longer be a square. Lucifer relaxed visibly.

“No nausea?” Chloe asked, visibly surprised.

“No. Just bad memories. I think it was way too tasty to make me nauseous.”

Lucifer looked at the fudge chunk still in his hand. He put one hand on Akuma’s fur, took a deep breath and took another small bite. He knew his friends wouldn’t let him drown too far.

How he hated this sensation! Feeling this square on his tongue. At the same time, he knew that if he chewed it, it would be worse. Each time he had tried to chew something in the past two weeks, he had gotten sick.

He managed to avoid losing contact with reality this time. Stroking Akuma’s fur, he concentrated on his friends surrounding him, thinking of Stitch’s soft fur, tasting the delicious fudge on his tongue. He continued eating his slice of fudge bite by bite, each time being easier than the precedent one.

“I did it!” He finally said with a large smile when he finished it. 

“I’m so proud of you!” Chloe said.

“Before leaving the park, I must buy some of this fudge. Brother, you need to show me where you bought this.”

They all congratulated him. Even if it was not real food, it was still something more solid than everything he had eaten so far. 

“I love your t-shirt by the way.” Michael said to his twin. 

“You should buy the same one!” Ella said excitedly. “It would be cool for you both to wear it!”

“That’s a great idea!”Michael said “Where did you buy it, Sammy?”

“At the store over there.” Lucifer pointed. “But what’s the point in being dressed the same? We already look the same, don't we?”

The twins never dressed the same in the Silver City.

“A lot of parents like to dress their twins the same way.” Ella said.

“Preposterous! Why would they do such a thing?!” Lucifer huffed.

“Because it’s cute and fun!” Ella retorted. "Besides, with identical twins it’s harder to know who’s who!”

“Well, can you do it quickly because the Fastpass time just began and we have one hour left to use it only.” Trixie said. 

They returned to the store and Michael bought the same shirt. Lucifer decided to buy a giant plush of Stitch he had seen earlier at the same time.

“But we will have to carry it all the rest of the day!” Chloe complained. “Why not wait until the end?”

“Because I want it now!” Lucifer answered. “He will sit in the wheelchair when I will stand and be on me when I’ll sit so there’s no problem!”

They finally returned to the attraction sites, Lucifer and Michael walking side-by-side. They were able to do it all together, even Akuma was allowed. They left the huge Stitch in the wheelchair during the ride. The cast crew assured them it would still be there at their return.

“Now, I want to do Soarin’ and after we will return to the other park.” Trixie said.

“It will be our last attraction.” Linda said. “Charlie is tired and it’s better to leave before he starts crying.”

The first group to do Soarin’ included Trixie, Lucifer, Chloe and Dan. The moment the chairs lifted up to face the giant screen Lucifer felt a twitch in his back and he barely stopped his wings from popping out. He tensed and Chloe felt his hand tighten over hers.

“Everything alright?” She asked him.

“Yes. I will tell you later.”

Being in the air with the sensation to fly made his wing naturally want to come out. For the first half of the ride, he was more concentrated on keeping his wings inside than admiring the view, but he managed to control them to enjoy the attraction. The wind, the smells, the movements of the chairs, everything was made to inspire a real flight sensation. It was really weird for Lucifer to experience these with his wings still inside.

When the ride ended and they joined the other group, Lucifer quietly warned his brothers about the possible wing issue.

They all laughed when the three angels discussed their experience when everyone had done the ride.

“It was the weirdest sensation ever!” Amenadiel said.

“Thanks for warning us, Sammy!”

As soon as Amenadiel, Linda and Charlie had left the park, Lucifer started to complain again that he was hungry.

“I’m hungry too!” Trixie said. "We should eat and continue attractions later.”

“Where do you want to go eat, Monkey?”

“Anywhere but in a real restaurant. I mean, not a kind of cafeteria like earlier.”

They decided to return to Disneyland park for dinner. Lucifer sat back in his wheelchair, the Stitch plush on him. They end up in the New Orleans Square in a Cajun and Creole restaurant. Since it was still a little early for dinner time, they had space available without waiting. 

The waiter took their orders. When he arrived at Lucifer, the latter declined, showing him the protein shake he was already drinking.

“I’m sorry, I have food restrictions. I will just drink this. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, but we can do something that’s not on the menu for you if it’s an allergy.”

“No, it’s not allergies. It’s only that I can’t eat anything that I need to chew.”

“Would you like to try our mashed potatoes? They are really delicious.”

“Well, I can try them.”

Lucifer ordered a Mint Julep too. He finished the mashed potatoes in no time and ordered a second bowl. While the others were still eating, Lucifer took Stitch which was on a chair beside him and put it on his lap, between the table and him. He then leaned his head on the plush’s head, trying to rest a little. He fell asleep in no time.

Ella, who was sitting across the table, took a picture of him, sleeping and cuddling the giant plush. When the waiter came back to take the orders for dessert, Lucifer was still sleeping. The waiter proposed a ‘crème brûlée’ for Lucifer and Chloe ordered one for him. They woke him up when the dessert arrived and he ate it like it was the best thing in the world.

“I’m so glad to see you eating like this!” Chloe said. “You have done so much progress today!”

“Everything smells so good here. I think that this festive atmosphere helped me to stay grounded too. Honestly, I never thought I would like this park so much. I was going only because your spawn asked, but I must admit I really enjoyed it. Everything is so well done, so clean here.”

“And it’s not finished yet!” Trixie said. “After we can go to Pirates of the Caribbean that is just beside here and I want to do the Haunted Mansion too. Akuma can ride both.”  
If they were able to skip the line with the wheelchair at the first attraction, they had to wait at the Haunted Mansion. It was already dark outside when they got out of the latter.

“I’m hungry!” Lucifer said.

“What?! Again?! You’re unbelievable!”

“What I ate didn’t sustain me like a steak would have done Detective!”

“Thankfully you still have weight to gain. What do you want to eat this time? Because I figure you must have seen something that tempted you.”

“You know me too well, Detective. I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea to try that.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know the name, but all people I’ve seen with it were coming from that direction.” 

Lucifer pointed toward Splash Mountain so they all headed in this direction until Lucifer saw again what he had seen earlier.

“It’s a funnel cake.” The man who was carrying it answered. “You can have one just over there.”

“Lucifer, you realize you won’t be able to eat that without chewing, don't you?”

“I want to try.” He said stubbornly. “At worst I will just eat the whipped cream.”

He bought one and they went in a quieter area so he could try it. They all look at him while he cuts a small piece of the ‘cake’. Trixie was holding Stitch just in case Lucifer would get sick.

“I need you to help me stay grounded, okay?”

“Of course!” They all answered.

Lucifer took a deep breath and put the small bite in his mouth and started chewing it slowly. The treat was pretty soft so there was no need to chew a lot. Trixie started to talk back about their meeting with Stitch so Lucifer could focus on something other than the food... and it worked.

To his surprise, Lucifer felt no nausea and was able to swallow his bite without any flashbacks either. After the third bite, he knew he was going to be fine. He smiled at his friends.

“This is so good! You should try one too!”

They bought two more that they share all together, Lucifer eating his own.

“There is just one more ride I would like to do, but it’s at the other park.” Trixie said. “And we will probably wait for an hour because there’s no skipping the line with the wheelchair there.”

“That’s fine Monkey.” Dan said. “It’s your birthday.”

“I have a special request.” Chloe said. “We still have time to do both attractions before the park closes.”

“What is it, mommy?”

“I would like to go to ‘It’s a small world’. I remembered it from when I was young and I’d like to return.”

Trixie checked on her app and saw that there was only a fifteen minutes wait.

“Okay. Let’s go!”

They went there slowly, eating their funnel cakes. It was at the other side of the park so they had finished eating when they arrived there.

“Bloody Hell! It was beautiful, but now I will have this bloody song in my head forever!” Lucifer complained when they got out.

Trixie was beginning to get tired and she asked Lucifer if she could sit with him to go to the other park.

“On the condition that someone pushes the wheelchair.” He said and Michael agreed to do it.

When Michael started to hum the ‘It’s a small world’ song along the way, they all stopped him.

Almost half an hour later Trixie made them stop in front of the Incredicoaster. She stood up and Lucifer sighed in relief. She was not a small kid anymore.

“No way I’m doing that!” Dan said. 

“Me neither!” Lucifer added.

“You need to come with me! It’s my birthday!” Trixie said.

“Well, Akuma can’t go so I will stay here. It will be simpler than using Rider Switch and making two groups.”

“I will stay with Akuma.” Dan said. “The last time we went to an attraction park, you sent me on a huge ride and laughed at me after that. It’s your turn to suffer, Lucifer Morningstar, even if this ride is not as scary as the other was.”

“Dan is right.” Chloe said. “I wasn’t there, but I saw the picture. You come with us and Dan will keep Akuma and Stitch.”

“What?! But wait, no!” Lucifer said, but Michael was already pushing him toward the line. 

Even if he whined a lot, he let Michael bring him to the waiting line. They would have one hour to wait.

Dan hurried to buy the picture of them when they got out. Even if Lucifer didn’t seem as terrified as Dan had been in the other ride, he didn’t look at ease either. The most hilarious thing was that both twins had the exact same expression, midway between fear and happiness.

Lucifer didn’t forget to buy a box of fudge before leaving. They also spent some time in a store because Lucifer wanted to buy Trixie a gift of her choice. She chose a Lilo & Stitch hoodie and some Stitch stickers.

Trixie sat back on Lucifer's legs to return to the parking lot. She fell asleep in Lucifer's arms and a few minutes later it was Lucifer’s turn to fall asleep. Ella took many pictures of them sleeping. She had taken hundreds of pictures during the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I had written is based on personal experience at Disney parks. However, what I wrote on Disneyland/California Adventure is based on my experience of Walt Disney World (3 times). Besides, I fixed things to fit my story so there are surely parts of it that are not accurate. It was just for fun!
> 
> A little anecdote about Grizzly River Run. I went to the same attraction with all my family a few years ago (we were 10) in Walt Disney World (the attraction is named Kali River Rapid there). Well, let’s say that I was Trixie and my brother was Lucifer. Lucifer getting soaked isn’t exaggerated, believe me!
> 
> Meet & greet Disney characters are such a great experience, even for an adult. I’m a big fan of Winnie the Pooh and when I met him, I hugged him as if I was a kid. It was my children who told me to let him go! Stitch is probably the funniest character to meet in Disney parks. He became my daughter’s favorite after our first meeting. A few years later when she met him again, she was like Trixie. Probably one of her best memories.
> 
> Going to a Disney park with food restriction isn’t a problem at all by the way! Both my children have multiple food allergies and a few times they had lunch or dinner made especially for them!
> 
> Link to see the Stitch T-shirt Lucifer bought: https://www.shopdisney.com/stitch-experiment-626-t-shirt-for-adults-6720057111553M.html?isProductSearch=0&plpPosition=1&searchType=redirect


	44. Turning A Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! Two days to go for season 5!
> 
> Did you checked the Stitch t-shirt? XD
> 
> I'm sorry if I didn't answer to all your comments on the previous chapter yet but I had a crazy day yesterday! I will do it right after posting this. I finished writing the story so you will have the ending of this tomorrow before season 5 drops as promised!
> 
> Thanks once again to my beta reader SK_Kasai that I put in a rush for the last 2 chapters!

When Chloe woke up on Sunday morning, Lucifer wasn’t in bed. A little worried – after all, he always stays in bed until she wakes up – she got dressed and sought him out.

Lucifer was in the kitchen, cooking scrambled eggs.

“Good morning, Detective!” He said joyfully. “I made eggs for everyone. I hope you want some!”

“Yes of course! Do you intend to eat eggs too or is it just for me and Trix?”

“I will eat too. Scrambled should be fine.”

Chloe looked at Lucifer’s damp hair and knew he had just taken a shower. 

“Did you try the new prostheses?” She asked.

“Yes and they are perfect. I left them in the bathroom to dry.”

On Friday he had received the prostheses that could be used in the shower. In fact, it was almost the same ones as the other pair except they had non-slip feet and the newest ankle system the prosthetist had received only two weeks ago. He could have just changed the feet on the other pair but his Louboutins were not fitting well with the slightly thicker feet so he preferred to have a whole new pair. There was no way he would change the feet at every shower he took.

“Can you go wake up your spawn? Eggs are ready.”

Lucifer ate eggs and drank coffee as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He didn’t want to try toast though.

“I decided I would try only the food that I really want to eat at the moment. Yesterday, it worked for the funnel cake so I will try this with other foods too. I will avoid everything that takes more chewing like meat or things I don’t desire though.”

“It’s a good idea. I still can't believe how much progress you have made in eating in just one day!”

“I barely can believe it myself!”

“All this is because of Stitch!” Trixie said.

“You may be right, Urchin. It helped me focus on something else. Something definitely happened out there. I will never thank you enough for deciding to go spend your birthday there. I thought the whole idea of meeting a character was preposterous at first but I never expected how I felt. I just can’t describe it. It’s like nothing else mattered for the moment. Two minutes earlier I was afraid of making a fool of myself and suddenly, I didn’t care anymore. Why I felt like this is a mystery to me, but I can’t deny its effects.”

Lucifer looked towards the couch where he had placed the giant Stitch plush. He was strangely happy to have bought it.

“By the way, I might skip work for a day this week. I will call tomorrow to have an appointment to have the feeding tube removed. There’s no need to keep it anymore.”

“Maybe you should wait until you gain back all your lost weight.”

“I don’t intend to use it anyway. I’m able to have pleasure again in eating and I really want to get rid of it. It’s like turning a page for me.”

“Yes, I understand.”

Chloe figured that the doctor would refuse to remove it if he thought he shouldn’t. Unless Lucifer uses his mojo of course. He always finds a way to get what he wants.

“So, have you thought about what you would like to do today?” She asked him to change the subject. “I figured that with all the walking we did yesterday you will want to do something to relax.”

“In fact, no. I didn’t push myself too much yesterday and I sat each time I felt tired so my legs are in perfect shape this morning.”

“Not even a little tired?”

“No, really! I feel great in fact!”

“So what would you like to do?”

“Well, I will have to ask Daniel first but I’d like to learn surfing.”

Chloe almost choked on her coffee.

“You’d like to?”

“Learn surfing. Shawn told me it was possible. That I wouldn’t be the first amputee to surf.”

“Yes, but I mean surfing? You?”

“Amenadiel and Mi both said it was fun so maybe I will like it too.”

Okay. Something definitely happened yesterday. Prostheses or not, brothers or not, Chloe would never have thought Lucifer would want to try surfing.

“By the way, Urchin, I’d like you to put some stickers on my new bionic legs. You’re the one in charge of their decoration. I will use those for surfing.”

“Sure! I can do that!”

“Just make sure that the stickers can handle being wet.”

“Of course!”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Since they were at Disneyland the previous day, Lucifer’s session with Linda had been rescheduled to this morning. They sat on the balcony as they often did, but Lucifer had brought the giant Stitch plush with him and sat it on his thighs, facing him. He laid Stitch’s head on his shoulder and held it like a giant baby.

“You really like this plush, don’t you?”

“Yes. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel great. It’s weird isn’t it?”

“Why would it be? It’s okay even as an adult to find comfort in simple things. You’ve been through so much. Everything that makes you feel better is fine, even if it’s a plush.”

“The strangest thing is that I don’t care what people might think about it. I don’t care if I look like a fool. I don’t say I will go out carrying it, but even if someone would come in here uninvited and see me like this, I wouldn’t care.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that. What people think of you has always been so important to you. I think it’s great that you can finally allow yourself to only be you instead of living for others and aiming to please everyone so that everyone loves you. I don’t mean that you must stop thinking about others but thinking about yourself – not in the superior way you were used to but in the way you do it now – is a good thing. Pushing away those narcissistic tendencies and allowing yourself to just be a normal being is good.”

“You know I’m not a normal being, Doctor.”

“Not normal in the sense of a human, Lucifer. Normal as in normal. Not narcissistic. Not being full of yourself. Caring about others and finding your own happiness. A well-balanced being.”

“I’m not full of myself!” Lucifer retorted.

“Probably not anymore, but you were. You can’t deny this.”

“Well, maybe a little, but in my defense, I was superior! I was the Devil! A king!”

Linda laughed.

“Yes, you’re right that we must have seemed inferior to you. In fact, it’s the flat truth. Celestials are superior to humans in many ways. All celestials I met seem to have this problem. Except your twin maybe. But when it comes to emotions, you are all equally clueless. In that aspect too, you matured a lot.”

They end the session by talking about eating. Lucifer told Linda about the funnel cake and the scrambled eggs he had eaten and they discussed the emotional part of it.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer, Chloe and Trixie arrived at the beach in the beginning of the afternoon. Only Dan was joining them today. The others were too tired or busy. Lucifer quickly realized that the new ankles on the prostheses were definitely better on an uneven surface. Walking in the sand was almost easy with them. Trixie had just put a Stitch surfing sticker on one leg and a wave sticker on the other. She said she had an idea but she would need to have custom stickers made. Lucifer assured her he would help.

Even if Lucifer was not wearing the Stitch t-shirt, he was wearing the sleeve Stitch had signed on. Chloe had thought he would just keep it as a souvenir, but she was surprised to see that he was actually wearing it.

“Sharpies can resist almost anything, even salt water.” He told her.

Before going in the water, Dan told Lucifer that he must practice getting up on the board from a position where he was lying on his chest. He put the board on the sand and showed him how to do it. It took almost ten minutes for Lucifer to be able to do it properly.

Chloe looked at him, patiently trying to stand and keep his balance on the board with his knees bent and smiled. She didn’t know how, but something had definitely changed in him. How could a day in an amusement park change someone so much? Was it that or something else?

When Dan said it was time to try in the water, Lucifer removed his t-shirt and took the board. A woman in her thirties who was passing beside him just at that moment, gasped loudly. Lucifer turned his head toward her, frowning.

“Oh my God!” She said. “You are so courageous to go out like this!”

Dan went to retort but Lucifer beat him to it.

“I hadn’t really thought about it until you pointed out how much of a freak I must look like.” he answered blatantly. “So, what should I do? Hide in a basement? Cry? Kill myself? Before or after surfing?”

The woman stared at him, completely frozen.

“Oh! You’re stumped!” Lucifer added with a grin. “Well, reverse roles for once! Honestly I don’t give a damn about what you think of me. If you do the same yourself you will be so much happier, believe me!”

The woman mumbled an apology and hurried to get away.

“Wow, man!” Dan said. “You really nailed her. I’m impressed!”

“It’s true, Daniel. The only people whose opinions I care about are my friends. It’s pretty clear for me now that you all accept me as I am. I can’t say that I know exactly what or who I am right now, but I know I’m right where I should be.”

Chloe, who had stood up and came closer when she had heard the woman, smiled at him.

“I’m so proud of you!”

Lucifer smiled back, but didn’t answer. He kissed her instead.

“Ahem.” Both Dan and Trixie said.

Chloe and Lucifer laughed and the latter finally followed Dan to the water.

Dan fixed the leg rope to one of Lucifer's sockets because he didn’t want it to move constantly along the pole and risk damage to the pump or the ankle. It was the first time Lucifer was going into the sea with his prostheses. It was so weird to feel the resistance of the water because of the effort he had to make to walk but not feeling the water on his feet. Even with water up to his knees, he didn’t have the wet sensation because of the polyurethane liner.

Dan asked him to lie on the board on his chest and they paddled to go deeper into the sea. Lucifer had to paddle hard with his arms. The position of his feet made them almost useless to swim since he couldn’t point them, but his arms alone were strong enough to move him forward.

When Dan said they were far enough, they waited for the next wave, each one on their board. When the first wave arrived, Lucifer pushed himself up like Dan showed him to do but he was able to put only one foot on the board before being thrown into the water.

It took half-an-hour just to be able to stand on it for the first time. Both Dan and Chloe – who was looking at them from under an umbrella – thought he would quit before being able to do it. Trixie was more optimistic.

After many, many failed attempts, Lucifer finally managed to take advantage of a first wave and stay on the board for a long what... three seconds?

“Okay. I’m hungry and I need a break.” He said.

After drinking a shake and a twenty minutes nap, Lucifer was back in the water. He didn’t stop trying until he was able to take a wave and stand on the board until he reached the sand.

“That’s enough for today!” He said, sitting heavily beside Chloe.

“You know that I doubt you were ever going to make it.” Dan said. “You really impressed me today.”

“Thank you, Daniel. I must admit that at some point I thought the same thing myself, but I remembered that Shawn had told me it was possible so I decided to keep trying.”

“You know that I love this new mix between the old and the new Lucifer?” Chloe said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you are able to use puns like you used to be like with the woman earlier but you are much more patient than you were in the past.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. I think I like this new me better too.”

“For my part I definitely like you better than the old Lucifer.

“Same for you, Daniel.” Lucifer retorted with a smile.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

After a lot of arguing on Monday morning, Chloe finally agreed to let Lucifer drive his Corvette. She was going to drop Trixie at school and go earlier to the precinct while Lucifer would try to get an appointment for the feeding tube removal and join her after.

“If I can surf I don’t see why I can’t drive! Besides, I already did it without any problem, remember?”

“Of course I remember. That doesn’t mean it’s legal!”

“I never passed a driving test to have my driver’s license, Detective! I only had the paper made! Why should I care now about being legal?”

“Because you work with the police department maybe?”

“You know that if I get arrested, I can get out of almost any situation. Besides, if I wear long pants, it’s not so obvious that I’m amputated.”

“You forget that almost everyone at the precinct knows you!”

“And you think that one of them would give me a ticket because I didn’t have some mention on my driver’s licence that I can drive with prostheses? It won’t happen.”

“The worst thing is that you’re probably right!” Chloe huffed. “Okay then, you can drive it, but if you have the tiniest accident or problem, you will go pass a driving test or get your car modified.”

“A standard transmission can’t be modified, Detective. But don’t worry, everything will be fine.”

Lucifer had the appointment to remove the feeding tube on Wednesday morning. Meanwhile, he helped Trixie find a place where she could make the stickers she had designed. Lucifer absolutely loved them. Beside two stickers of Stitch surfing – one for him and one for Michael, she has designed a surfing Pleakley and a surfing Cobra Bubbles to represent Daniel and Amenadiel. The four surfing buddies. 

With Dan's help, Lucifer was going to buy his own surfboard. Because of the metal and fiber carbon of the prostheses, Dan had noticed some scratches on the board. They found a shop specialized in custom surfboards to have one with a special coating that would not only be anti-slip but also protective.

It was Amenadiel who came to the appointment with Lucifer on Wednesday because Lucifer wouldn’t be allowed to drive right after. The doctor was not eager to do it when he learned that Lucifer was still using it less than one week ago – he was supposed to wait at least three weeks – but finally agreed to remove it when Lucifer told him that if he wasn’t doing it, he was just going to pull it out himself. 

Lucifer was really sad to learn he wouldn’t be able to try surfing again the next weekend though since he was not allowed to go in the water for the next five days at least. The only positive point was that he should have his own surfboard by then.

Lucifer was back to work on Thursday morning. His celestial metabolism was definitely working because the hole left from the feeding tube removal was already almost all healed. Of course if it had been fully functional, it wouldn’t have even taken a few hours.

Even if he was able to eat almost anything soft, his two attempts at chewing something harder failed. His diet was mostly scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, ice cream and a lot of pudding and protein shakes at the moment. 

The only other thing that he'd been able to eat was sole fillet, but it was not his favorite meal so he ate it just once. However, Chloe put some chicken in the blender and mixed it with mashed potatoes a few times and it worked. It was not fun to eat though and Lucifer was dreaming of the moment he would be able to eat a large steak with crunchy vegetables.

Chloe, Ella and Dan decided that they should have a party with Lucifer and all their friends to celebrate all Lucifer's little victories in the last week. That was how they all ended up at Lux on Friday evening.

Lucifer hadn’t drank alcohol since his return from Hell except for the shooter on his birthday. He remembered why he loved whiskey so much, but it seemed to burn more in his throat than what he remembered.

After the first glass – that he drank pretty fast – he joyfully brought Chloe to the dance floor. His friends looked at him dancing, almost as if he wasn’t an amputee. They could see it wasn’t always perfectly natural with his ankle staying at a square angle if one his feet was completely off the floor but he did not step on Chloe’s feet.

They came back to the bar, drank more, talked, drank again and returned to the dance floor. After a few times of doing this, Lucifer was, for the first time of his life, visibly drunk. It was surprising that he was still able to walk. His prostheses were enough of a part of him now that he was not even stumbling.

“I think you had enough for tonight.” Chloe said when he wanted to take one more drink.

“ ‘m fine Detective’.” He slurred. “Just a little’ dizzy.”

Ella, and Linda, who were not in a better state, laughed at that, but Michael, Amenadiel and Dan prevented him from drinking more.

“Why'd You want to kill my fun?! First time I've been able’ to get drunk a little’.” 

“Because tomorrow morning you won’t have fun believe me!” Dan said.

They finally forced him back into the penthouse despite all his protests. Since he tried to pour himself a tumbler from the bar at the penthouse, Michael ended up taking him to bed and Chloe removed his prostheses. She put them in the living room with the wheelchair so Lucifer wouldn’t be able to leave the bed. Drunk as he was he might try to crawl, but Chloe didn’t think he would go that far. 

When she came back to the room, Lucifer was already asleep. She put a bowl on the nightstand beside him. Since he never been really drunk in his life, she didn’t know if he would be sick or not or how he would react.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer opened his eyes and closed them again quickly. 

Light hurts.

He opened them again and realized he was in his bed. He didn’t remember going to bed. His head was hurting like Hell. He tried to remember, but couldn’t concentrate. Why was his head hurting so much?

He turned around to see that the other side of the bed was empty. Looking back at the light entering the room, he guessed it was probably the middle of morning, maybe even a little later. He found his phone on the nightstand beside an empty bowl. 

10:37 a.m. 

The party at Lux.

He remembered drinking with his brothers and his friends and dancing with Chloe. Oh! How his head hurt! He suddenly remembered Chloe telling him that he was drunk. Was this the result of getting drunk? It was not so fun apparently.

He went to get up and realized neither his prostheses nor his wheelchair were near the bed. Looking around, he didn’t see them at all in the room in fact. He closed his eyes to use his echolocation better and saw his wheelchair in the main room, besides his prostheses. What had he done for Chloe to put them away?

“Chloe?” He called, but talking brought back his headache.

Thirty seconds later, she appeared on the threshold with a tray on which an espresso cup, an empty tumbler and an opened bottle of whiskey were. She looked at his face and smiled indulgently.

“Triple espresso or hair of the dog?” 

“Mph. No.” He shook his head and leaned back in the pillows.

“Oh! Both!” She answered ironically and she put the tray on the nightstand on her side of the bed and put some whiskey in the espresso.

“Very funny.” He mumbled, remembering the time they had the same exact exchange.

She handed him the espresso cup while he was sitting up in bed.

“No kidding, how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts like Hell and I feel like shit.”

“Nausea?”

“More or less. I don't feel like throwing up at least.”

“You have tried to get drunk so many times in the past. Now you know what a hangover really is.”

“Well, it’s not fun.”

He took a small sip of the spiked espresso.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, but yesterday was still fun.”

“What have I done to get you to put my wheelchair and prostheses away from me?”

“Nothing special. Just that you tried to serve yourself another drink when we brought you here and I wanted to be sure you wouldn’t. I will get them back.”

She came back a few minutes later pushing the wheelchair. She had put the prostheses on it. He handed her back the empty espresso cup.

“I’m not sure I will eat breakfast. Maybe a little later.”

“Take your time. We have nothing planned today anyway and Trix is with Dan.”

He finally got up fifteen minutes later to go to the restroom but he didn’t put his prostheses on. Once in the restroom he decided to take a shower. Sitting in the bottom of the shower, he let the water revive him. When he got out, he was feeling a little better even if his head was still hurting. His stomach was growling, but he didn’t feel hungry.

He dressed casually and pushed the wheelchair down the ramp toward the kitchen. He took a vanilla protein shake from the fridge and he joined Chloe who was reading on the couch.

“Feeling better?”

“A little. I don’t think I will try to get drunk again.”

Chloe laughed.

“Do you remember last night?”

“Yes, except the part where you brought me here. I remembered we danced a lot, drank a lot and talked and you told me I was drunk but I don’t remember going to the penthouse.”

“It’s Michael who brought you here.”

Lucifer tried to focus but couldn’t remember. He did remember Dan warning him that he wouldn’t have fun tomorrow, but after that everything was blurry. He finished drinking the shake. Chloe gave him two pills for his headache and he went back to bed. When he woke up an hour and a half later, he was feeling a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 more chapter to go! :D I hope you like how things are going for Lucifer right now!


	45. Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you dear readers for following me in this crazy journey. I'm so grateful for all your kudos and comments (nearly 1k comments!!!). It was sometimes a hard story to write (and certainly to read) but I think it worth it. Honestly, I never thought I would be able to write a story of more than 100k words in a few months, even less in English. A special thanks to my beta reader SK_Kasai who did an incredible job on this! 
> 
> I hope you will like the ending of this!

“Close your eyes.”

It was Sunday evening, two days after Lucifer’s drunken experience.

“Detective! You know it’s useless. I still see by echolocation even if my sight is back!”

“It’s still different since you don’t have as much details and colors. Close your eyes and keep them closed until I come back.”

Fifteen seconds later, Chloe was back from the kitchen.

“Open your mouth.”

Lucifer frowned but he trusted Chloe so he opened his mouth as requested. Chloe brought the fork to his mouth and slipped the food in.

“Taste this.”

Like every time he ate something new, Chloe put an empty bowl in front of him.

“It’s really good.” Lucifer said after tasting it. Even if he needed to chew a little, it was still soft and easy to eat. “It tastes like salmon.” He added when he finished swallowing.

“It is salmon. I didn’t want to tell you because you said the sight of it reminded you of too many bad memories. However at the same time, you seemed to want to eat some of it. I thought it was a good way to try.”

“That was a great idea! You did this?”

“Well, it was already seasoned and I just had to cook it. I also made asparagus that I overcooked slightly so they are smooth enough and mashed potatoes.”

“Sounds delicious!”

After dinner, they watched a movie cuddled on the couch. Lucifer had removed his prostheses as usual when they were relaxing in the evening. They went to bed early. They were not really tired, but both of them were in need of more cuddling.

Ever since the horrible experience in the shower, they never tried the same kind of contact again. They hadn’t been completely naked together since then, Lucifer usually sleeping with boxers on and Chloe with panties and a tank top.

“You know what I’d like tonight?” Lucifer said softly.

“Tell me.”

“I’d like to give you pleasure but only me, not the other way around. I don’t even want you to caress me. I know I have no reason to be afraid anymore, but I can’t help it, I am.”

“Oh, Lucifer! You know I...”

“Shhh. I need to do this. I want to do it for you of course, but I need this... for me too. I am afraid. Dad only knows how afraid I am. Afraid to have one of these awful dissociative episodes. Afraid to feel pain. Afraid, period. But I really need to go over it. Just let me do it. Please.”

“Sure. Please go ahead.”

He asked Akuma to get out of the bed. He didn’t need the dog staring at them. He undressed her, but kept his boxers on. The next forty minutes seemed to be in slow motion. A lascivious slow motion. How could a man give so much pleasure with his hands and his mouth only? Small kisses and slow touches, that’s all he needed to bring her on top of the world. It was the most powerful pleasure she ever had and they didn’t even make love!

“Thank you.” He told her when he finished, bringing his forehead to hers.

“Thank _you_. It was incredible.”

He didn’t answer, but he pressed his body against hers and she could feel he was excited. After a few long minutes, he turned on his back, removed his boxers, and returned to her lap. A swish later they were covered with white wings.

“Just hold me.” He whispered.

They fall asleep cuddled and naked for the first time ever.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“Okay Urchin. Watch carefully.”

Trixie watched the bubble slowly grow to reach the size of a softball. Lucifer imploded it by bringing it inside.

Since his return from Disneyland, he had been making progress in eating almost daily. Three weeks later, he was finally able to chew gum and show the urchin how to make bubbles.

They had a lot of fun for fifteen minutes, until Lucifer proclaimed that the size of Trixie’s bubble was decent enough to stop.

“You can practice alone if you want. I’m bored of chewing gum.”

“Thanks for showing me, Lucifer! I’m glad you’re able to do it now.”

“Well, I’m glad that I'm able to show you.” He said with a smile. “If I hadn’t tried to show you weeks ago, I wouldn’t be where I am right now! Thanks to _you_ , Urchin.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer, Chloe, Dan, Ella and Michael were in Ella’s lab this Monday, a week later. They were working on a new case they had received a few hours earlier. Michael was staring at his twin for a few minutes when he finally spoke.

“Is it me or are some of your scars fading, Sammy?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t pay attention.” Lucifer answered, shrugging. Even though he took some time in the morning to style his hair, he didn’t pay much attention to his scars.

Chloe looked at him closely.

“He may be right. I didn’t notice earlier because the change must have been really gradual.”

“Wait! Let’s compare the pictures I took at Disneyland.” Ella said.

She took her phone to search in her pictures.

“Don’t bother with that.” Lucifer said. “I don’t care if they are fading or not. If they are gone one day, they will be. That’s all.”

“I’m just curious.” Ella said. “I don’t care if they fade or not either, but this self-actualization intrigues me.”

She finally found a close-up picture with Stitch where the scar on his cheek was clear and compared it with the actual scar. 

“It has faded. No doubt about that!” She said.

“It’s so obvious that I wonder why we didn’t notice that earlier.” Chloe added.

“Well, either it’s because it happened really slowly, or because it started last night.” Lucifer answered. “Honestly, I don’t care. Can we focus on the case now?”

“Sure!” Ella said.

Dan couldn’t believe how much Lucifer had changed. In the past, he would have been pleased that they were all talking about him. 

Half an hour later, Ella received the results from ballistics and went to compare them with the previous week's case that they still hadn’t solved.

“Booya!” She said with a victory sign. “It’s the same weapon as our last case. Both victims died early Monday morning.”

“So, it could be a serial killer.” Chloe said.

“There's no way it’s a coincidence! Okay, let’s review what we have on both scenes.”

They spent the rest of the morning working on both cases, trying to find evidence and connections between them.

At lunch time, they ordered Mexican food. Even if Lucifer was still unable to eat sliced meat, he was fine with almost anything else now even if he had to chew. He ordered three enchiladas.

“You seem in great shape, Lucifer.” Ella said, looking at him devouring his enchiladas.

“I am. I feel almost powerful to be honest.”

“When I saw you surf yesterday, I couldn’t believe it. Soon you will be as good as Mikey.”

“Hey!” Michael protested but he smiled at his twin.

“Michael is not the best when it comes to surfing!” Dan laughed. “Even Amenadiel is better than him!”

“I feel insulted.” Michael pouted.

He looked so much like his twin when he was doing that.

“Amenadiel began surfing before us so he doesn't count. We’ll talk about that in a year.” Lucifer said with a grin. “We might even be better than you, Daniel!”

“I highly doubt that! You have a long way to get there!”

Neither Lucifer nor Michael answered back. It would have been pretentious, but being celestial beings, there was a good chance that they would all beat him within the next year, even Lucifer.

They finished eating less than half-an-hour earlier before new information arrived on their case.

“I need to go back there.” Ella said. “Who’s coming with me?”

They all said they were going to.

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer heard the click of the gun being loaded before everyone else did. He turned around and threw himself between the source of the sound and Chloe to protect her.

The bullet hit him in the middle of the chest. He gasped under the shock, bringing his hands to the wound.

“Lucifer!” Dan yelled before pointing his gun to the shooter. The latter turned around to run away and Dan ran after him. Ella and Michael, who had been beside Dan, ran toward Lucifer and Chloe who were at the opposite side of the area.

Chloe, who had been behind Lucifer, ran to him the moment he fell on his knees.

“Lucifer, oh God! No! NO!” She yelled, crouching in front of him. “Let me see.”

Lucifer removed his hands, but there was no blood on them. In fact, after the initial shock, he couldn’t say it was painful. Chloe pulled on his shirt, ripping off the buttons.

There was nothing. No blood, no hole, nothing. She took a closer look at his shirt, finding the bullet hole in it.

“How?” She whispered.

Lucifer looked at himself and back at Chloe.

“It seems like... my immortality is back...”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

After Dan arrested the suspect, they all went back to the precinct. Lucifer seemed lost in his thoughts all the way there. Chloe had tried to know more about how his immortality could be back and if it was also self-actualization, but Lucifer didn’t know how to answer. Michael couldn’t provide an answer either.

After questioning the man who had shot him and getting a confession out of him – the bastard came back to the site because he thought he had dropped his lucky charm there – Lucifer excused himself and went out, leaving Akuma with Chloe. 

“I have to ask my Father.” He said.

As soon as he was alone, he unfurled his wings and went to the Silver City. 

“Dad! I thought that I was vulnerable around Chloe because of my love for her! How could I be immortal again?!

“Self-actualization works on its own, Son. You must feel invulnerable again. That’s all.”

“But why?! I still love her!”

“I don’t know. Maybe your therapist can help you with that.”

Without any salutation, Lucifer returned to Earth. Once off the balcony of the penthouse, he texted Linda to see if he could have a special session with her. Now.

_“Just come to my office. I have some paperwork to do for the rest of the day only.”_ She answered.

It was the first time he asked for a special session. Usually he just barged into her office. She was a little worried though. He has been doing so well in the past few weeks. What happened for him to want this session?

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

“I don’t understand, Doctor! I still love her! I still love her with all my heart! What does it mean?!”

Lucifer was visibly agitated. It’s been a while since she last saw him like that.

“Vulnerability and love are two different things, Lucifer.”

Lucifer stopped his pacing and looked at her.

“Really?”

“Yes. Please sit down.”

He did as requested, sitting on the edge of the couch, rocking back and forth. Linda smiled indulgently. 

“Calm down and let me explain. Vulnerability, when we refer it to love, is willing to love and be loved. Accept the risks that love brings emotionally. Feeling vulnerable is being open.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You never loved before. I mean real love, not only having sex. You never felt loved either or really cared about. When you met Chloe, for the first time you let the barriers that you built around yourself down. You have built these walls to protect yourself from the hurt that starving for love had caused you. Now, you know that Chloe loves you without any condition and that you love her the same way. You don’t need to feel open to love. You are loved. You love.”

“So, I can love without being vulnerable?”

“Of course! You can love, be loved and feel secure. Is that how you feel when you are with Chloe? Secure?”

“Yes, of course!”

“So you have your answer.”

“But I felt secure before today, before this week or even this month.”

“Maybe not enough. A lot have happened in the last few weeks. Disney. Your new proximity with Chloe. You told me how you were afraid when you gave her pleasure for the first time. How you were afraid just to sleep naked with her. How do you feel about that now?”

“Everything is fine. We haven't made out yet, but mostly because the Urchin was with us almost all the time in the past two weeks.”

“Trust your feelings. You know deep down that you still love her. That she still loves you. Accept that you are finally secure. There’s nothing wrong in not feeling vulnerable.”

“So it’s all okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. It’s more than okay! No one will be able to hurt you again.”

¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬°¬

Lucifer felt good. No, he felt great. After dinner, he lay on the couch, his stumps on Chloe’s thigh. She was caressing him while he explained what his Father and Linda had told him.

“I never had any doubt that you still loved me! Why did you think otherwise?”

“I thought that being in love means being vulnerable. When I saw that my immortality was back, I was afraid that it meant that I had stopped loving you. I knew in my heart I still do, but I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t vulnerable anymore.”

“I’m glad that Linda helped you see all of this clearly.”

“Yes, me too.”

They remained silent for a moment until Lucifer decided to sit back in his wheelchair.

“I’m ready for a second attempt. Would you like to join me in the shower, Detective?”

This time, everything went fine. No pain, no bad memories, just good times. They went to bed right after, Lucifer ready for the last step in his healing process.

“Is it really what you desire?

“Absolutely.”

With his immortality back, Lucifer gained his stamina back. Chloe finally understood the real meaning of ‘the best night of my life’. She called in sick on Tuesday morning.

Lucifer was unable to sleep. He looked at Chloe asleep beside him. How could he have doubted he no longer loved her? 

_“I’m sorry I left so quickly yesterday, Dad. I needed to understand.”_

_“That’s okay, Lucifer.”_

_“Thank You for putting Chloe in my path. I love You, Dad.”_

_“I love you too, Lucifer.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it was the last chapter! This is so weird to think it's over! I've spent the last months thinking almost daily to that story and hopefully season 5 drops tomorrow! Tomorrow!!! :D It will fill the hole created by having finished this writing. Maybe the hardest part will be not reading all your comments and answering to them anymore (after this chapter of course!). In a few months I will work on a sequel. I have many ideas that I left aside and will use in the next story!
> 
> Please let me know what you think of my ending!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like the start of this. Please let me know what you think about it! I love comments (and kudos of course)! It's my motivation to keep writing!


End file.
